FIC: 'Til Death Do Us Part

[twilights_blue]

Title: 'Til Death Do Us Part
Author: twilights_blue
Rating: PG
Warnings: Descriptions of death
Word Count: 2.326
Summary: “I wish to court your eldest daughter,” Matthew said once more. “I wish to court Catherine, with the hopes of having her become my wife.”
Author's notes: Second entry for brigits_flame. Written over the course of three days, though the ending was a rushed

Comments

[leticiae]

WOW! That was a creepy story.

The build up and suspense was incredible. I was immediately sucked into it and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. I loved how you gave hints of something happening, some foreboding and then the shocking ending.

Well done.

[silverflight8]

Hello! I am an editor who has spare time and is coming along for a visit. (I'm can't actually say I'm your editor, cuz I wasn't assigned to you :P)

And on to the edit:

*It says that he presses his ear against the door and can't hear anything but snippets, but there's an entire, intact conversation here. Perhaps try removing some of it, missing some chunks, to make it sound more like he's only able to hear bits?

*Where Matthew talks to the cobbler, I think it would be more effectiv e to simply cut it off where he says I was only trying to be a good man by giving you fair warning. That was it reinforces the foreboding bit, since the formal courtesy of the following dialogue softens it.

*The wedding was extravagant, from the elegant place settings to the exquisite gown the bride wore. The ceremony was flawless, the vows and rings exchanged without a single hitch. The traditional kiss on the lips was replaced with a kiss on Catherine’s hand, in recognition to the thick veil she still wore over her face. It would be removed that night

[twilights_blue]

Ah, thanks for the drive-by edit! I'm always happy to have stuff that needs improvement pointed out to me. I'll definitely take a look at the stuff you mentioned and try to fix it.

I've always been weak with mixing dialog with action, and it's something I'm always looking for pointers on, so thanks. :]

[keppiehed]

OMG, this was FANTASTIC! Wow, what a tale. And not an adverb in sight! ;) You are a masterful storyteller to pull off such a thing, and I bid you the best of luck in the polls--though it is quite clear that you don't need luck when you are working with skill.

[twilights_blue]

Haha, I didn't even notice that I didn't use any adverbs. Thanks so much for the comment! I'm nervous about the polls, since this is my first time ever competing, but I'm staying optimistic. :]

[keppiehed]

Hey, no need to be nervous. Look at you, way out in first! That's the way to do it!

[subieko]

This was SO GOOD. You maintained an amazing tension through the whole piece, and by the end I was dying to know what was under that veil. You also made Matthew into a really likeable character, which offset the creepy very nicely. Awesome job!

[esme_amelia]

Creepy and great. I think this could be expanded into a full-length story if you wanted to go that route.