Student Seminar: Increasing the Awesome

[twilightu]

Spottings of Robert Pattinson, aka the guy who got tricked into playing Edward Cullen with no knowledge of the insanity that awaited him, seem to have escalated recently. Or maybe people are just losing it around him more. (If these fangirls gain any more intensity, we are all going to go deaf. And blind.) Of course, with the semi-mauling that took place at the Mexico City airport this week, the LEAVE ROB ALOOOONNNNNEE!!!1! He is MIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! movement is in full swing. We, however, are not part of that movement. Oh, no. More paparazzi, crazy stalking fan action is welcome as long as Mr. Pattinson can step up the awesome.

It is clear that many (most?) fangirls have a little problem with differentiating the actors and real life from the fictional world of the Cullens. And by little problem, I mean that they are batshit crazy. I am sure that this fact is painfully clear to Pattinson, as it is to all of us who have not gone (completely) to the dark side. So, to mess with the minds of pre-teen and teen (and middle-aged) TwiHards, we propose that he step up the creepiness and give them what they want:

Ways That Robert Pattinson Could Be More Awesome
(And Increase the Lulz)

• Go to Denali when any major Twilight thing is happening
• Wear a cape sometimes
• Try to crawl into somebody's window. (It would totally be worth the jail time.) Bonus awesome if he uses the following justifications when he gets arrested: "No, it's okay, I'm just protecting them."  OR "Girls like it when you climb in their windows."
• Dress up in his Edward clothes and go get into his piano playing in a random bar.
• Start every song when he is playing at a bar with "And this is a song I wrote for Bella."
• Carry around a sippy cup full of V8.
• Wear his golden contacts and stare at people in the street all intense.
• Run into people in Goat Rocks with his clothes all torn up.
• Be seen carrying a dead cougar into his house.
• Start telling everybody they shouldn't have said that. {Grocery checkout lady: "Your total is $4.83." Pattinson: "You really shouldn't have said that."}
• Join a tour group in Forks and take over while pretending to be Edward...take them to the hardware store where he bought the oil, the place were he threw up the piece of pizza. "And this is the bathroom of Newton's Outfitters. I threw up here."
• Hang out at the spider monkey cage at a zoo all day. Bonus awesome: He just keeps screaming, "You really shouldn't have said that, spider monkey! Hang on, spider monkey!"
• Go hang out on First Beach all day. Bonus awesome: If anyone talks to him, he asks them if they have seen Jacob. Or just stares over a cliff.
• Just stand in the forest by the side of the road watching cars go by.
• Be seen driving a grey Volvo, but an old one. Bonus awesome: Have a decal of the Cullen crest across the back window and the letters PACNORWES.
• Just go sit on the front steps of Forks HS.
• Go find the biology class at Forks HS and take a seat.
• Be photographed at a hairpiece store buying a toupee.
• Be photographed buying massive supplies from a scrapbooking store. Bonus awesome: He is with the guy that plays Emmett.
• Be photographed buying posters and tshirts with himself on them. From Hot Topic. Bonus awesome: He wears this shirt.
• Hang out in a tree in the PACNORWES.
• Wear an ivory turtleneck, beige leather jacket and faded jeans. (I am beginning to feel obsessed with this outfit. I think it imprinted on me.)
• Always carry around one of the following books: Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer's Nights Dream, the Book of Mormon. Bonus awesome: Also carry the bootlegged Midnight Sun or a well-read copy of Twilight.