You have a problem. - oneshot
Title: You have a problem.
Genre: Humor, fluff?
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairing: JongKey
Author: twinklespink
Summary: Jonghyun has a problem and the members have a plan, but can they follow it?
A/N: This fic is made for the loyal t3h_alm1ghty_i oppa. Thanks for thinking about your kiddie dongsaeng so much, I love you! Chu~
It wasn’t the bills that piled up, or the dished that never got washed, or how Roo and Coco never got fed on time. It was how every second Jonghyun wasn’t told to do something he was collecting dinosaur novelties. It started out as a hobby, then a little more, and now it was pure addiction. The members blame the fans for sending all the dinosaur gifts, but really it was their fault for not stopping him when he was sane. Every second he was off he was with dinosaurs, be it the dressing room, right before he ate, in the bathroom when taking a number two, heck even doing a number one. They knew it was a problem, but who knew it would get this serious. He lived and breathed dinosaurs, with those nostrils of course he could, wait, we aren’t here to discriminate. Well anyways, this is the day that the SHINee members thought it was time to pull the plug on this drug.
Kibum was slaving over a pan of japchae, and another pot of ramen. He spotted Jonghyun coming out to eat, he had two dinosaur figurines and a hideous hat over his brunette bangs. Onew shot Kibum a glare, it was go time. Kibum threw the ladle on the floor,” Jonghyun can you pick that up for me?” Jonghyun looked at the floor and back at Kibum, he wasn’t even a foot away from it,” You’re closer, plus I’m busy.” Kibum groaned and picked the utensil up, holding it up viciously behind the lead vocal’s head, he didn’t want to kill Jonghyun . . . at least not yet. He ripped off the hat and thrusted it into the living room, making sure it fell next to the leader. Jonghyun scowled and slammed the chair into the table, taking his two kids with him.
He reached for the accessory and Onew took it, rubbing it in his crotch area,” Ahh, ok now I finally got that itch out. Oh, Hyun . . . this yours?” Jonghyun looked at the cap, which now looked more revolting than the face of Onew when he was scratching. He left the dinosaur and went back into the kitchen. One dinosaur wouldn’t kill him. He looked around the kitchen for his bowl of ramen, but absolutely no success, he looked at his boyfriend which was inhaling his own bowl. He looked for his once again and seated himself next to him, leaning in his face so he could feel the heat. Kibum swatted at him and flailed his arms in the air, the fresh ramen still not quite down his throat,” What are you doing so close to my face when I’m eating? Who do you think you are? The queen of Sheba? Jeez why don’t you go get one of your reptiles to play with?” Jonghyun pouted and escaped key’s PMS bubble,” I’m hungry too, didn’t you make like ten bowls of ramen in that pot?” Kibum slurped down some more, making sure that he was looking,” No, I made four. Enough for me, Taemin, Minho, and Onew. I would think you’d be in the room playing with your dolls.” Jonghyun shook his head, his eyes laid fixed on the lavish bowl of steaming noodles,” N-no . . . I don’t want to play with them now. I want to eat something, I’m really hungry Kibum. P-p-please?!” Kibum looked back at Onew for help, he couldn’t resist Jong’s puppy eyes, they were too irresistible, they were jailbait for him. Well, not jailbait for him but, if he were to attack him then Jong would be in jail, since he is a minor . . . wait he’s not a minor anymore. Never mind, disregard the whole two sentences before this one.
Kibum pointed to the pan full of food,” Eat that.” Jonghyun eyed the pan of japchae and went back to the table, he pulled up his legs and buried his face in his knees,” I. Don’t. Like. Japchae!” Kibum grinned at the sight of this whining boy, his glory was coming soon,” Dinosaurs love to eat vegetables, carrots, spinach, mushrooms, sounds yummy!” Jonghyun whined and kicked his feet drastically, until it hit Kibum by accident, oh crap. Kibum looked straight into his eyes, everyone saw that part. Taemin stood up from the couch and slowly made his way out of the room, grabbing Minho with him. Onew was still there, dazing upon the couple, wondering what would happen next. If that uncomfortable gaze wasn’t killing the dinosaur and every other intestine in Jonghyun’s body he would dub him his hero. Kibum gripped his collar, pulling him up from his seat and thrusting him up on the wall. Jonghyun held his hands up to protect his face, but with little effort his arms were pushed away. Kibum leaned in closer; he nibbled on the scared one’s lip until it bled from the middle. He successfully smirked and gripped his hair, tugging it to the computer room. He opened the door and the smell of mint condition filled the air, all those stupid scaled things needed to go . . . NOW. Kibum pushed Jonghyun into a chair and tied him up using one the plush dinosaur tails on the floor. He took out five big trash bags and started loading them up with the crap his boyfriend loved so much.
He loved watching his loved one cry over the useless things he called a hobby, these toys were probably loved more than Kibum ever since they met in junior high. Kibum felt a wave of accomplishment after filling the last bag, he clapped his hands and sat in a chair. He rolled it up to Jonghyun and hit him upside the head,” When I let you go you will lug all five bags downstairs and throw them in the trash. Don’t you even think of making a hole in the building and storing it, you and you’re fetishes. This is worse than your ear fetish. I did this for you, not me. I love you.” Jonghyun nodded, wiping up his tears which were already dry. Kibum untied the snake-like thing and pushed it to his stomach,” You can keep this one, only this one. Give me a kiss.” Jonghyun kissed him lightly, his mouth was sore from what he did earlier. Even though Kibum was younger he knew how to control these things, he admired him for that, but he could get a little over the top. Why did he have to bite him in the lip for? That, that my friend was something freaky. Jonghyun took the bags and headed out the door, he left it open until he got his shoes on. He heard a scream and a shriek,” WHO USED MY BODY WASH!? I bought this for myself not for all of you to use! Now look, there’s not even enough for my nip- . . . arm!” Oh no . . . Jonghyun used the body wash earlier, he thought it was a gift for all of them. Time to go hide in the hole . . .
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For t3h_alm1ghty_i oppa.
I really liked this, i hope you guys do too!!
kekekek! ^.^