memories don't die
It's the start of National Suicide Prevention Week. I'm seeing it all over the internet, which is an amazingly good sign. It means the resources are out there and accessible.
I'm feeling nostalgic. That's the closest word I can come up with to describe my mood, so I thought I'd talk about the moments that lead to the path I'm currently on.
I was 23, on my own at school. I had been going through a rough time, I'll spare you the reasons why. One day I found myself at my wits end. I tried to kill myself by overdose. As I lay there crying, I remember being frustrated that nothing was happening. The next hour or so is a fog. As my mind cleared, all I wanted to do was talk to someone. Anyone. I knew the counseling center existed, and luckily my dorm was a five minute walk away. I managed to pull myself together and started walking. I was doing everything in my power to pretend everything was normal. Even stopped for coffee. When I finally got to the center, I broke down and just started babbling and sobbing. The receptionist looked alarmed. Everyone had an appointment at the moment, but someone could talk to me in 10 minutes. I sat there crying until someone could see me and recommenced babbling. At one point I was saying I should leave, that this whole thing was stupid, but by that point she had heard enough that she couldn't let me leave. She called my mom, who immediately left work and drove to pick me up. we drove back to Nashville and headed to the hospital.
That was when I started treatment in earnest. Medication changes galore, countless mood swings, and multiple hospital stays later: here I am! I'm not going to lie, I've been suicidal since that failed attempt. But I am alive today, and I am stronger because of the steps I took to get help.
If you or anyone you know is in crisis, please get help: http://www.IMAlive.org
I'm feeling nostalgic. That's the closest word I can come up with to describe my mood, so I thought I'd talk about the moments that lead to the path I'm currently on.
I was 23, on my own at school. I had been going through a rough time, I'll spare you the reasons why. One day I found myself at my wits end. I tried to kill myself by overdose. As I lay there crying, I remember being frustrated that nothing was happening. The next hour or so is a fog. As my mind cleared, all I wanted to do was talk to someone. Anyone. I knew the counseling center existed, and luckily my dorm was a five minute walk away. I managed to pull myself together and started walking. I was doing everything in my power to pretend everything was normal. Even stopped for coffee. When I finally got to the center, I broke down and just started babbling and sobbing. The receptionist looked alarmed. Everyone had an appointment at the moment, but someone could talk to me in 10 minutes. I sat there crying until someone could see me and recommenced babbling. At one point I was saying I should leave, that this whole thing was stupid, but by that point she had heard enough that she couldn't let me leave. She called my mom, who immediately left work and drove to pick me up. we drove back to Nashville and headed to the hospital.
That was when I started treatment in earnest. Medication changes galore, countless mood swings, and multiple hospital stays later: here I am! I'm not going to lie, I've been suicidal since that failed attempt. But I am alive today, and I am stronger because of the steps I took to get help.
If you or anyone you know is in crisis, please get help: http://www.IMAlive.org