[008] - Only a Breath or Two
Title: Only a Breath or Two
Group: Arashi
Pairing/Genre: Shoguri; FLUFFFFFFFF, angst, romance, PR0N
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5000
Summary: Shun's doubting his relationship. Is he in too deep? Or not deep enough?
Notes: Another Twitter RP fic. Because Twitter RP owns my brain (and I'm pretty sure part of my soul and at least one ovary). This is a bit all over the place, but I hope you enjoy it. :3 Sexytiems at the end! >:D Beta'd and additional writing/commentary/editing/encouragement/etc. by the ever fantabulous lyricalidol! 8D
•••••
It was late. One a.m., maybe closer to one-thirty. Shun didn't particularly care. All he knew was that his brain was abuzz with activity and he couldn't sleep. His favorite CD had done nothing to calm him. And he wasn't even sure what was keeping him awake.
Well, he had an idea, but he was loathe to admit it immediately.
So he wandered the streets of Tokyo past midnight, avoiding the truths he knew but had trouble facing. Shun tightened the long black scarf around his neck before digging his hands a bit deeper in the pockets of his long coat. The cold snap of fall hit harder than anyone expected, making the nights almost freezing. He was sure he'd get sick wandering around out here like this, but he didn't care. He needed to think, and the walls of his apartment seemed to steadily close in, inch by inch.
Shun walked slowly, meandering with no real destination in mind. Coming to a park, Shun sat down on a swing and slowly pushed himself back and forth. It had been years since he'd last been on a swing. He sat there for a while, just swinging, enjoying the crisp coolness of the fall night. He knew what was bothering him. He knew it. Or rather, who. He'd tried so hard to take it slow with Sho. They'd been semi-dating for about about two weeks, maybe two and a half? Dinner here, a movie on the couch there. Lots of kissing in between. One rather embarrassing night earlier in the week that started with an innocent foot massage and ended with both of them scrambling for their pants as the smoke alarm blared from the hallway. Shun was secretly kind of glad they hadn't made it further than that, but was ready to burst at the same time. He'd never been with a man, and from what he knew of Sho, well...what did he know about Sho's sexual history? He, like everyone else on the planet, assumed things about the whole of Arashi. And knowing most of them on a rather personal level, it wouldn't surprise him a bit to learn that they'd all hooked up with each other at one point or another. He was fairly sure something happened with Ohno a few months ago, but didn't want to press. Tonight's conversation hadn't helped his doubts. He knew it wasn't just Arashi - JE itself was a bunch of horny kids. How many of them had he....been with?
Shun wasn't even sure how that worked until his conversation with Toma last night. He understood the physical aspect, thanks to a rather horrifying fetish film Nino had lent him as a prank. But the dynamic....the dynamic was different with a guy, he knew. He didn't want to think about it. Shaking his head, he stood up from the swing and started walking again.
Toma's eyes had practically bugged out of his head when Shun shyly brought up the subject of sex with Sho. Shun felt it would be best to be blunt, get it right out there in the open. Toma had laughed, patted him on the hand, and patiently explained the differences, trying not to freak his best friend out, but kind of wanting to just for giggles. Shun's face steadily became redder as Toma talked, bringing up Nagase, but he listened intently, genuinely interested in what his friend had to say. Toma had to admit he was impressed at Shun's tenacity. He obviously liked Sho a lot to ask something like this. Maybe even loved him. Toma smiled at his friend, glad he was the one Shun came to and not Jun. Shun had purposely asked his calmer, gentler friend for advice. Asking Jun was like throwing yourself in the lion's den. He knew he'd get the answers, but not without everyone else knowing he'd asked the question. And the doubt about Jun's relationship with Sho in the past still lingered. He knew something happened between them, but didn't want to know that, either. How awkward would that conversation be? "Hey, I want to have sex with a guy you used to have sex with, but I don't know what I'm doing. Help me please." Yeah, right. Like that was gonna happen.
Shun and Sho had wanted to go slow. They'd talked about it. With as crazy as their lives were, getting too serious too fast was like a death sentence for relationships. Shun sighed. They didn't have the history that Jun and Nino had. They could get away with jumping right in without any worries. They'd known each other for what, 15 years? Shun had known of Sho for 7 or 8, but they'd only become real friends in the last few months. Before Shun had gone and mucked it up by falling for him. Guilt overwhelmed him as he plodded along, barely noticing where he was going or who he was passing.
He hadn't realized at the time how hard going slow was going to be. He burned for Sho. He wanted to be with him all the time - wanted to kiss him and hold his hand and cuddle him. He'd even let Sho be the outside spoon, just as long as he could be near! All Shun had wanted since that day at Kokuritsu was to touch Sho. The desire to run his fingers through Sho's hair scared him. He chuckled once. This was scary. Relationships, dating - it always was. The insecurity was almost overwhelming. He knew Sho liked him - at least, he damn well hoped so with all the making out they'd been doing. But did Sho like him as much as he liked Sho? He was fairly sure he'd completely fallen in love with the man. Shun had done a lot of head shaking and sighing lately.
A cold wind cut through Shun's coat as he crossed a street. He reached up to pull his muffler even tighter around his neck. He could be at home in his warm, extremely comfy bed right now. But that bed was lonely. Had been since he'd spoiled himself the first day. Shun had gotten very used to sleeping next to someone else very quickly. It only took about eight hours or so. It wasn't so much the fact that it was someone, but who that someone was. Shun sighed again. It always came back to him, didn't it? Shun was kind of annoyed with how much he thought of Sho. He was a grown man! He should have some kind of control over his thoughts and feelings, right? Right?? 'Apparently not', he shrugged.
Shun looked up when he realized he'd stopped walking. He was at an apartment. A fairly strange apartment, but he knew whose it was.
"What the hell am I doing?" He cursed himself.
Turning to walk away, he hesitated. There was no harm in just saying hi. But it was past midnight. What the hell was wrong with him? Who shows up at someone's apartment at bloody one am just to say hi? Not him. Shun had more dignity than that. Or at least he hoped he did. He knew himself better, unfortunately, and raised his hand to knock.
The door opened before Shun's knuckles could make contact. He stood there with one hand still deep in his coat pocket, the other raised to knock, staring into the rather surprised face of Sho. Shun opened his hand into a lame little wave. "Uh. Hi."
Sho just stared unblinking for a moment, taking in the scene before him. Shun stared back before realizing something. "Uh...going somewhere?"
Sho blushed and looked down. His black pea coat and matching gloves kind of made that obvious. "Yeah," he replied, a smile starting to spread across his face. "Uh. I was coming to see if you wanted some company. Or something. You weren't answering my tweets and....I was worried." Shun ducked his head with a nervous laugh.
"I missed you," Sho said quietly, looking down. "And...I'm sorry. I was just joking about that whole Hiro thing."
Shun smiled at Sho reassuringly and awkwardly stuck his free hand into his coat pocket. "I missed you, too." The smile faded into a soft grin as Shun realized he wasn't alone in this.
"Do you want to come in?" Sho stepped back into the apartment, opening the door widely.
"Um, sure." Shun stepped inside, toed off his shoes and removed his coat and scarf, hanging them up in the hall closet Sho directed him to.
Sho busied himself with organizing the shoes. "Uh," he stood up, looking at his hands. "Can I get you something to drink?"
When had this become so awkward? They'd plodded steadily along for over two solid weeks and yet....something had changed the other night in hot kisses and roving hands.
Shun looked around inquisitively. "S-sure. That would be fine. Uh. Where is everyone?"
Sho stopped on his way to the kitchen. "Oh, my dad had some kind of conference in Osaka this week, so my whole family went up with him. Free hotel and all that. It's nice to have a quiet house for once!" Sho smiled despite himself. His family was loud and busy, but tight knit. They looked out for each other and had tried in vain to get Sho to come with them to Osaka. Sho begged off, claiming work responsibilities, but he'd secretly hoped that maybe, just maybe, he'd get some Shun time. 'Wishes do come true', he thought, heading once again in the direction of the kitchen.
"Make yourself comfortable," he called over his shoulder to Shun, who was already eying the comfy-looking couch before sitting firmly in the middle.
"OH MY GOD, SHO. I thought MY couch was comfortable!"
Sho chuckled and leaned out the kitchen door. "It IS comfy. But that was one of the first big things I bought after Arashi started. I wanted to make it count."
Shun wiggled a bit, nestling his butt just that much deeper in the cushion. "It counts all right! I'm taking this home with me!"
Sho laughed, a real laugh that time. Shun's heart shot to his throat at the sound and he smiled. That's what he wanted tonight. Sho's laugh - clear and bright and real.
Shun looked down at his long fingers. He really hoped he hadn't screwed everything up tonight. He didn't think so. Sho was heading over to his place, too, right? That's got to mean something. Shun closed his eyes tight against the doubt that was building there. The thought escaped before he could stop it - what if Sho was just looking for something physical? That didn't seem like his personality, but they did end up making out an awful lot the last couple days. Not to mention that whole pantsless thing the other day. And Sho's hand in his pants last week. Crap. 'What if he thinks I'm only here for the same thing?' Shun panicked. "Will not kiss Sho. Will not kiss Sho. Will not kiss Sho." He muttered under his breath. It would only make this more difficult.
"What?" Sho looked down at him inquisitively and held out a glass with a mysterious blue liquid.
"Oh, nothing," Shun replied, hastily taking the drink and slamming it back.
Sho just watched as Shun coughed and sputtered on the alcohol. "Yeah, that probably wasn't a good idea," he said, a tiny smirk playing across his lips.
Shun's eyes teared up at the burn in the back of his throat. "Hey, thanks for the warning." He coughed a few more times before taking a sip of the water Sho handed him next.
Sho sat down in an overstuffed chair next to the couch and sipped his own blue drink.
"What is that, anyway?" Shun asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's another inappropriately named Ninomiya original." Sho smiled at the memory. "He got me really drunk on these once and dared me to streak down the hall at the hotel we were at. I only made it about two steps before I fell down and they had to drag me back into the room."
Shun tried to laugh, but it came out slightly strangled. Sho. He was naked. Not right at that moment. But then. He was naked then. Shun was kind of surprised at how turned on that thought made him. "WILL NOT KISS SHO," he screamed in his head.
Shun shifted on the couch a bit uncomfortably. 'What the hell am I doing here?' He asked himself for about the tenth time since he got there. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Sho sipped his drink and watched Shun avoid his gaze, looking everywhere but at Sho lounging in the big chair.
"Are you okay?" Sho asked, eyebrows drawn in concern. He had sensed that something had been bothering Shun from the moment he opened the door.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." Shun stood up suddenly. "Hey are those your wisdom teeth? I'd heard you'd kept them." He walked swiftly to the bookcase and pulled down one of the jars to peer inside. Shun was actually legitimately interested in the teeth, having retained all of his own. "That's pretty awesome that they let you keep all of them," he said, oblivious to the fact that Sho had moved to stand directly behind him.
Leaning against Shun to put his chin on the taller man's shoulder (and nearly scaring the crap out of him in the process), Sho smiled widely. "I know, right? It kind of freaked me out that they'd just throw them away, so I asked if I could keep them." Shun cocked his head slightly, just enough to get a side-view of Sho's smile. Turning back, he put the tooth back on the shelf. Sho wrapped his arms around Shun's waist as he reached up.
"Uh. Sho. Look." He tried turning, but Sho held him fast.
"Please," he whispered. "Please just let me hold you for a moment. I missed you. An embarrassingly large amount, actually. Especially considering I did see you yesterday morning."
Shun's hands came down from the shelf and covered Sho's. He smiled lightly and leaned back into Sho's embrace. "I missed you, too. How pathetic are we??" He chuckled at his own ridiculousness, bowing his head just slightly.
Sho leaned forward just enough to kiss the sensitive skin at the back of Shun's neck. Shun shuddered at the sensation and tightened his grip on Sho's hands. "Want me to stop?" Sho whispered, breath brushing the hair at Shun's nape.
Shun slowly shook his head. "No," he whispered, conflict raging in his head. "Please don't." Sho trailed a line of soft, slow kisses across the back of Shun's back, from shoulder to shoulder, each one burning the shape of his lips into Shun's skin through his shirt.
Just when Shun thought couldn't handle it any more, he pulled Sho around to the front of him, pushed him roughly against the tall bookcase, and kissed him hard. Sho gasped, not expecting to be manhandled, the action forcing his mouth just open enough to allow Shun's tongue to slide in and make contact. They both groaned into the kiss. Sho's arms snaked their way up Shun's body to wrap around his neck, pulling him down slightly and pushing deeper into the kiss. Shun's hands found their way to Sho's waist and gripped hard enough to leave marks. This...this was different from the making out they'd done before. This had more fire behind it - more desire, more heat. They both felt it, they both knew it. This was something new. And it was fabulous.
They kissed furiously for a few minutes before Shun pulled back, gasping for air. He looked down into Sho's hungry eyes and frowned slightly. He reached up and stroked a strand of Sho's impossibly soft hair back in place.
"What's wrong?" Sho asked, brow furrowed.
"I...this isn't...I just..." Shun's brain couldn't process all the thoughts flying through it at that moment. He knew what he wanted to say, what had been bothering him for days. Ever since Sho brought up his education. It had been such a passing comment, he was sure Sho wouldn't even remember it. But Shun did. And it broke his heart to think what he was going to do next. "I...don't think this is going to work out," he said, hanging his head and stepping back.
Sho's entire body froze, eyes wide with something akin to terror. "What? Why? Why wouldn't this work? It's been...perfection," he stammered, totally not expecting that response out of Shun.
"I'm..." Shun hesitated. "I'm not good enough for you." Sho's jaw hit the floor. "No, really. You're....you're brilliant and beautiful and entirely too intelligent for your own good. You've got so much to look forward to and I don't want to hold you back." The words came out in a rush. Shun blinked, twice, trying vain to fight the tears building there. "You deserve someone you can...walk down the street with, someone you can hold hands with in public, someone you can...kiss under the stars." Shun's voice broke on the last word, tears leaking out slowly. He hung his head in shame. "I don't want to hold you back. I don't. I want you to be Prime Minister or whatever you want to be. And I don't know if you can do that if I'm here."
Shun stared at the floor, unable to look Sho in the eye. Sho paused for a second. He suspected that something had been bothering Shun for a few days, but he had no clue the other man felt this way. The thought that Shun wasn't anything other than perfect for him was incomprehensible. He slowly brought up a hand to rest on Shun's cheek, pulling the other man to look back at him. There was something unreadable in Sho's eyes as he looked into Shun's tear-streaked face. "Don't say that. Don't even think that. You are more than good enough for me."
Shun opened his mouth to speak, but Sho silenced him by pressing a finger to Shun's mouth. If he didn't say this now, he didn't know when he'd get another chance. "You could never hold me back. When I'm with you, I-I feel like anything is possible." Sho took a deep breath, glanced down at the floor then back up at his boyfriend before continuing, "You are perfect for me. I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect." Sho paused again, looking deep into Shun's pained eyes, hoping it wasn't too soon for his next words. "I-I love you. More than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone." Without waiting for a reply, Sho wrapped a hand around Shun's neck, pulling the other into a deep kiss, their tongues dancing an intricate ballet.
Shun was the first to break the kiss, leaning back just far enough to gaze in Sho's deep brown eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered, touching their foreheads together. "God, I love you so fucking much." Sho closed his eyes slowly and savored the moment. This was his Shun. He loved him and was loved in return. Happiness welled up within him for the thousandth time in the last few weeks. Opening his eyes, he stared back at the man he loved and knew it was...time.
He slowly slid his hand down Shun's arm, taking in every curve until he threaded their fingers together. "Come on," he said, turning down the hall.
The hallway was dark and Shun had only been here once before to pick Sho up for a date, but he had a pretty good idea where they were going, and he was guessing it wasn't the bathroom or laundry room. Sho stopped at a door and looked up at Shun.
"Is this okay?" he whispered.
Insecurity clouded Sho's eyes for the moment the question hung in the air. Shun nodded slowly and reached down to open the door, lingering on his way up to lightly graze Sho's cheek with his lips. Sho led him in to the darkened room, moonlight cascading in the windows almost bright enough to read by. Shun nudged the door closed behind him as Sho hurried here and there in a vain effort to clean up the mess that was his room. Sho's head snapped up at the click of the handle, but Shun just shrugged innocently.
Sho tossed the things he was holding on to the already messy floor and closed the gap between them slowly, painfully, and deliberately. They stood there, inches apart, not touching. Just looking at each other. Being in the other's presence. Shun brought one of Sho's hands to his lips, pressing slow sweet kisses into the palm. Their eyes never left each other. Sho moved forward slightly and ran his free hand through Shun's short bristly hair, stopping at the nape of his neck. He pulled Shun down just enough for their lips to touch briefly.
They made slow work of removing each other's clothing. Sho carefully lifted Shun's t-shirt, fingers trailing along his ribs and arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Shun was sure his skin was the only thing keeping him from going in a billion different directions. Sho's hands were on his belt buckle, the slight clicking sound drawing Shun's attention downward. Sho slid his palms around the back of Shun's pants and squeezed slightly. Shun tried to suppress a nervous giggle and failed horribly. Sho laughed, that laugh he saved just for Shun. He pushed Shun's pants down to pool at his ankles. He stood back for a moment and marveled at Shun's body. It was just as perfect as the rest of him. He'd seen bits and pieces of it, but all of it, here, naked and only for him...it filled him with animal desire.
Shun wanted to look away, embarrassed by his nudity, but this was his Sho. He'd do just about anything for his Sho. Sho took a step back as if to say, "your turn." His eyes darkened with pleasure as Shun moved forward to toy with the hem of his shirt. "This...is a pesky shirt," he said, pulling it slowly off. He licked his lips at the sight of Sho's bare chest. He'd seen it plenty of times before, but it never got old. Sho was just hot. Shun leaned down slightly to join their mouths yet again, hands at Sho's belt buckle and then suddenly not. He pulled Sho close as he heard the soft thump of his jeans hitting the floor. Sho's hip met his steadily growing erection and Shun gasped. Sho chuckled and kissed his boyfriend fiercely before leading him to the bed.
They lay side by side, just looking at each other for what felt like hours. The moonlight shone through Sho's window. It made everything softer, more ethereal. Shun ran a hand down his lover's side, marveling at the velvety texture that matched the appearance. He couldn't believe he'd even considered breaking up with Sho tonight. Sho shivered and stared into Shun's eyes with something akin to apprehension.
"Have you ever done this before?" he whispered. Shun stopped his tour of Sho's side to look at him with that goofy smile that made Sho's stomach drop.
"No," Shun whispered back. "Not with a guy, at least." Placing his hand on Sho's cheek, he kissed him gently. "And you have," he said frankly. Even though the topic came up earlier, he was still a bit shocked at the dusting of pink on Sho's cheeks and the way he ducked his head in embarrassment. "Yeah," Sho nodded slightly. "But it's...been a while."
"Oh." Shun said, pulling back slightly. He couldn't help but wonder who had been the one to give Sho that blush. He wanted to ask, but refrained. Sho had visibly cringed and Shun felt awful. Now was not the time. Now was their time. They could always discuss or completely ignore the question later. Shun lifted Sho's chin with one finger, staring deep into his eyes. He knew that for this moment Sho was his and only his. Sho ran a hand through Shun's hair before resting it on the back of his neck. Their mouths met again, this time with more heat and force. Sho nipped along the line of Shun's lower lip before submitting completely. The moment their tongues met and it was like they could taste the electricity - every time. Neither of them had ever had anything quite like this.
Shun was no stranger to sex, but this wasn't just...sex. The moment Sho touched and pulled and twisted ever so slightly on his cock, Shun knew it was something more than just fucking. His head fell back against the pillows while Sho continued his work. Sho dropped light kisses all over Shun's face as he writhed beneath his touch. "Hold on," he whispered teasingly, releasing Shun's member and leaning over him to dig through a side drawer. He laid back on his side, a triumphant look on his face and supplies in his hand.
"I know you haven't...so I'll just..." Sho blushed again in embarrassment. This was always the worst part - the preparation. Not because of the pain, the pain passed, but the voyeurism of it all. Sho kept Shun's eye contact as he slowly pushed a finger in, wincing slightly at the burning pain. Shun leaned forward to capture Sho's lower lip with his teeth, whispering apologies against his mouth. Reaching down, he lightly stroked Sho's cock, trying to take his boyfriend's mind off the pain. Sho groaned low and deep in appreciation, nearly growling with pleasure. Finally, FINALLY convinced he was ready, he pulled back from Shun and wiped his fingers on the sheets. "Sit up against the headboard," he instructed, tearing open the condom package with his teeth. Shun quickly complied, eager to finally have Sho naked and demanding.
Sho slowly slid the condom down over Shun, making the latter moan loudly at the touch. "Ready?" He asked, positioning himself over Shun's erection. Not waiting for an answer, he carefully lowered himself, hissing slightly at the pain of entry. Shun gasped loudly, then cried out. This was completely different from the sex he'd had in the past. Sho settled, wrapping his legs around Shun's waist, arms around his neck. He kissed Shun without moving. He wanted them both to get used to this for a second.
Shun practically trembled in anticipation. So far, this was the best sex he'd ever had and they'd only just started. His arms wrapped around Sho's waist, holding him steady; protecting him. Sho moved and Shun's world imploded.
Their love making was slow and sweet and beautiful. Whispered "I love you's" and guttural groans punctuated the air as they moved against each other carefully. Sho's head fell back in ecstasy, giving Shun full access to his neck. Shun licked a slow line up and across it, pausing just for a second to suckle at his Adam's apple before continuing his lavishing. Sho's breath came in little gasps as their hips matched rhythm. Shun was proving a better pupil than he could have ever asked for.
"Oh god," Shun breathed, eyes closed tight, fingers digging into Sho's hips. "Not yet," Sho said, not ready to end this beautiful moment. Shun opened his eyes and concentrated on Sho's face. "Okay," he whispered, slowing his hip movements and begging his body not to end this too quickly.
Sho leaned forward to catch Shun's mouth in another hot kiss. He felt one of Shun's hands leave his hips and start pumping his erection. Sho gasped into the kiss, making Shun chuckle just slightly. "Like that?" he asked mischievously. Sho nodded, unable to verbalize anything with all the delicious sensations assaulting him. Their rhythm picked back up for a few moments before Sho cried out in pleasure, orgasming all over their stomachs and Shun's hand.
Shun returned his hand to Sho's hip and moved quickly for a few seconds before crying out his own pleasure. They slumped together, breathing hard.
"I love you," Shun whispered. "And not just for the sex."
Sho chuckled and looked up to kiss the smirk right off Shun's face. "But the sex helps?" he asked coyly.
"It certainly doesn't hurt," Shun replied, eyes dancing.
They disengaged themselves, falling in a pile on the bed. Sho grabbed a few tissues from his bedside and cleaned them both off. Legs a bit wobbly, he walked to the trash can to discard the tissues and condom before coming back to lie beside his love. Shun took Sho's hand in his and kissed each knuckle.
"I really do love you. Sex or not," Shun said seriously.
Sho smiled and snuggled into Shun's arms. "I love you, too," he said. "Forever and for always."
Shun fell asleep with Sho in his arms yet again, a mirror of their first night together. He'd known since the first day that he loved Sho. Now he was certain, without a doubt, Sho loved him, too. They might not last forever, but in this moment they had each other. And that was enough for now.
Group: Arashi
Pairing/Genre: Shoguri; FLUFFFFFFFF, angst, romance, PR0N
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5000
Summary: Shun's doubting his relationship. Is he in too deep? Or not deep enough?
Notes: Another Twitter RP fic. Because Twitter RP owns my brain (and I'm pretty sure part of my soul and at least one ovary). This is a bit all over the place, but I hope you enjoy it. :3 Sexytiems at the end! >:D Beta'd and additional writing/commentary/editing/encouragement/etc. by the ever fantabulous lyricalidol! 8D
•••••
It was late. One a.m., maybe closer to one-thirty. Shun didn't particularly care. All he knew was that his brain was abuzz with activity and he couldn't sleep. His favorite CD had done nothing to calm him. And he wasn't even sure what was keeping him awake.
Well, he had an idea, but he was loathe to admit it immediately.
So he wandered the streets of Tokyo past midnight, avoiding the truths he knew but had trouble facing. Shun tightened the long black scarf around his neck before digging his hands a bit deeper in the pockets of his long coat. The cold snap of fall hit harder than anyone expected, making the nights almost freezing. He was sure he'd get sick wandering around out here like this, but he didn't care. He needed to think, and the walls of his apartment seemed to steadily close in, inch by inch.
Shun walked slowly, meandering with no real destination in mind. Coming to a park, Shun sat down on a swing and slowly pushed himself back and forth. It had been years since he'd last been on a swing. He sat there for a while, just swinging, enjoying the crisp coolness of the fall night. He knew what was bothering him. He knew it. Or rather, who. He'd tried so hard to take it slow with Sho. They'd been semi-dating for about about two weeks, maybe two and a half? Dinner here, a movie on the couch there. Lots of kissing in between. One rather embarrassing night earlier in the week that started with an innocent foot massage and ended with both of them scrambling for their pants as the smoke alarm blared from the hallway. Shun was secretly kind of glad they hadn't made it further than that, but was ready to burst at the same time. He'd never been with a man, and from what he knew of Sho, well...what did he know about Sho's sexual history? He, like everyone else on the planet, assumed things about the whole of Arashi. And knowing most of them on a rather personal level, it wouldn't surprise him a bit to learn that they'd all hooked up with each other at one point or another. He was fairly sure something happened with Ohno a few months ago, but didn't want to press. Tonight's conversation hadn't helped his doubts. He knew it wasn't just Arashi - JE itself was a bunch of horny kids. How many of them had he....been with?
Shun wasn't even sure how that worked until his conversation with Toma last night. He understood the physical aspect, thanks to a rather horrifying fetish film Nino had lent him as a prank. But the dynamic....the dynamic was different with a guy, he knew. He didn't want to think about it. Shaking his head, he stood up from the swing and started walking again.
Toma's eyes had practically bugged out of his head when Shun shyly brought up the subject of sex with Sho. Shun felt it would be best to be blunt, get it right out there in the open. Toma had laughed, patted him on the hand, and patiently explained the differences, trying not to freak his best friend out, but kind of wanting to just for giggles. Shun's face steadily became redder as Toma talked, bringing up Nagase, but he listened intently, genuinely interested in what his friend had to say. Toma had to admit he was impressed at Shun's tenacity. He obviously liked Sho a lot to ask something like this. Maybe even loved him. Toma smiled at his friend, glad he was the one Shun came to and not Jun. Shun had purposely asked his calmer, gentler friend for advice. Asking Jun was like throwing yourself in the lion's den. He knew he'd get the answers, but not without everyone else knowing he'd asked the question. And the doubt about Jun's relationship with Sho in the past still lingered. He knew something happened between them, but didn't want to know that, either. How awkward would that conversation be? "Hey, I want to have sex with a guy you used to have sex with, but I don't know what I'm doing. Help me please." Yeah, right. Like that was gonna happen.
Shun and Sho had wanted to go slow. They'd talked about it. With as crazy as their lives were, getting too serious too fast was like a death sentence for relationships. Shun sighed. They didn't have the history that Jun and Nino had. They could get away with jumping right in without any worries. They'd known each other for what, 15 years? Shun had known of Sho for 7 or 8, but they'd only become real friends in the last few months. Before Shun had gone and mucked it up by falling for him. Guilt overwhelmed him as he plodded along, barely noticing where he was going or who he was passing.
He hadn't realized at the time how hard going slow was going to be. He burned for Sho. He wanted to be with him all the time - wanted to kiss him and hold his hand and cuddle him. He'd even let Sho be the outside spoon, just as long as he could be near! All Shun had wanted since that day at Kokuritsu was to touch Sho. The desire to run his fingers through Sho's hair scared him. He chuckled once. This was scary. Relationships, dating - it always was. The insecurity was almost overwhelming. He knew Sho liked him - at least, he damn well hoped so with all the making out they'd been doing. But did Sho like him as much as he liked Sho? He was fairly sure he'd completely fallen in love with the man. Shun had done a lot of head shaking and sighing lately.
A cold wind cut through Shun's coat as he crossed a street. He reached up to pull his muffler even tighter around his neck. He could be at home in his warm, extremely comfy bed right now. But that bed was lonely. Had been since he'd spoiled himself the first day. Shun had gotten very used to sleeping next to someone else very quickly. It only took about eight hours or so. It wasn't so much the fact that it was someone, but who that someone was. Shun sighed again. It always came back to him, didn't it? Shun was kind of annoyed with how much he thought of Sho. He was a grown man! He should have some kind of control over his thoughts and feelings, right? Right?? 'Apparently not', he shrugged.
Shun looked up when he realized he'd stopped walking. He was at an apartment. A fairly strange apartment, but he knew whose it was.
"What the hell am I doing?" He cursed himself.
Turning to walk away, he hesitated. There was no harm in just saying hi. But it was past midnight. What the hell was wrong with him? Who shows up at someone's apartment at bloody one am just to say hi? Not him. Shun had more dignity than that. Or at least he hoped he did. He knew himself better, unfortunately, and raised his hand to knock.
The door opened before Shun's knuckles could make contact. He stood there with one hand still deep in his coat pocket, the other raised to knock, staring into the rather surprised face of Sho. Shun opened his hand into a lame little wave. "Uh. Hi."
Sho just stared unblinking for a moment, taking in the scene before him. Shun stared back before realizing something. "Uh...going somewhere?"
Sho blushed and looked down. His black pea coat and matching gloves kind of made that obvious. "Yeah," he replied, a smile starting to spread across his face. "Uh. I was coming to see if you wanted some company. Or something. You weren't answering my tweets and....I was worried." Shun ducked his head with a nervous laugh.
"I missed you," Sho said quietly, looking down. "And...I'm sorry. I was just joking about that whole Hiro thing."
Shun smiled at Sho reassuringly and awkwardly stuck his free hand into his coat pocket. "I missed you, too." The smile faded into a soft grin as Shun realized he wasn't alone in this.
"Do you want to come in?" Sho stepped back into the apartment, opening the door widely.
"Um, sure." Shun stepped inside, toed off his shoes and removed his coat and scarf, hanging them up in the hall closet Sho directed him to.
Sho busied himself with organizing the shoes. "Uh," he stood up, looking at his hands. "Can I get you something to drink?"
When had this become so awkward? They'd plodded steadily along for over two solid weeks and yet....something had changed the other night in hot kisses and roving hands.
Shun looked around inquisitively. "S-sure. That would be fine. Uh. Where is everyone?"
Sho stopped on his way to the kitchen. "Oh, my dad had some kind of conference in Osaka this week, so my whole family went up with him. Free hotel and all that. It's nice to have a quiet house for once!" Sho smiled despite himself. His family was loud and busy, but tight knit. They looked out for each other and had tried in vain to get Sho to come with them to Osaka. Sho begged off, claiming work responsibilities, but he'd secretly hoped that maybe, just maybe, he'd get some Shun time. 'Wishes do come true', he thought, heading once again in the direction of the kitchen.
"Make yourself comfortable," he called over his shoulder to Shun, who was already eying the comfy-looking couch before sitting firmly in the middle.
"OH MY GOD, SHO. I thought MY couch was comfortable!"
Sho chuckled and leaned out the kitchen door. "It IS comfy. But that was one of the first big things I bought after Arashi started. I wanted to make it count."
Shun wiggled a bit, nestling his butt just that much deeper in the cushion. "It counts all right! I'm taking this home with me!"
Sho laughed, a real laugh that time. Shun's heart shot to his throat at the sound and he smiled. That's what he wanted tonight. Sho's laugh - clear and bright and real.
Shun looked down at his long fingers. He really hoped he hadn't screwed everything up tonight. He didn't think so. Sho was heading over to his place, too, right? That's got to mean something. Shun closed his eyes tight against the doubt that was building there. The thought escaped before he could stop it - what if Sho was just looking for something physical? That didn't seem like his personality, but they did end up making out an awful lot the last couple days. Not to mention that whole pantsless thing the other day. And Sho's hand in his pants last week. Crap. 'What if he thinks I'm only here for the same thing?' Shun panicked. "Will not kiss Sho. Will not kiss Sho. Will not kiss Sho." He muttered under his breath. It would only make this more difficult.
"What?" Sho looked down at him inquisitively and held out a glass with a mysterious blue liquid.
"Oh, nothing," Shun replied, hastily taking the drink and slamming it back.
Sho just watched as Shun coughed and sputtered on the alcohol. "Yeah, that probably wasn't a good idea," he said, a tiny smirk playing across his lips.
Shun's eyes teared up at the burn in the back of his throat. "Hey, thanks for the warning." He coughed a few more times before taking a sip of the water Sho handed him next.
Sho sat down in an overstuffed chair next to the couch and sipped his own blue drink.
"What is that, anyway?" Shun asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's another inappropriately named Ninomiya original." Sho smiled at the memory. "He got me really drunk on these once and dared me to streak down the hall at the hotel we were at. I only made it about two steps before I fell down and they had to drag me back into the room."
Shun tried to laugh, but it came out slightly strangled. Sho. He was naked. Not right at that moment. But then. He was naked then. Shun was kind of surprised at how turned on that thought made him. "WILL NOT KISS SHO," he screamed in his head.
Shun shifted on the couch a bit uncomfortably. 'What the hell am I doing here?' He asked himself for about the tenth time since he got there. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Sho sipped his drink and watched Shun avoid his gaze, looking everywhere but at Sho lounging in the big chair.
"Are you okay?" Sho asked, eyebrows drawn in concern. He had sensed that something had been bothering Shun from the moment he opened the door.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." Shun stood up suddenly. "Hey are those your wisdom teeth? I'd heard you'd kept them." He walked swiftly to the bookcase and pulled down one of the jars to peer inside. Shun was actually legitimately interested in the teeth, having retained all of his own. "That's pretty awesome that they let you keep all of them," he said, oblivious to the fact that Sho had moved to stand directly behind him.
Leaning against Shun to put his chin on the taller man's shoulder (and nearly scaring the crap out of him in the process), Sho smiled widely. "I know, right? It kind of freaked me out that they'd just throw them away, so I asked if I could keep them." Shun cocked his head slightly, just enough to get a side-view of Sho's smile. Turning back, he put the tooth back on the shelf. Sho wrapped his arms around Shun's waist as he reached up.
"Uh. Sho. Look." He tried turning, but Sho held him fast.
"Please," he whispered. "Please just let me hold you for a moment. I missed you. An embarrassingly large amount, actually. Especially considering I did see you yesterday morning."
Shun's hands came down from the shelf and covered Sho's. He smiled lightly and leaned back into Sho's embrace. "I missed you, too. How pathetic are we??" He chuckled at his own ridiculousness, bowing his head just slightly.
Sho leaned forward just enough to kiss the sensitive skin at the back of Shun's neck. Shun shuddered at the sensation and tightened his grip on Sho's hands. "Want me to stop?" Sho whispered, breath brushing the hair at Shun's nape.
Shun slowly shook his head. "No," he whispered, conflict raging in his head. "Please don't." Sho trailed a line of soft, slow kisses across the back of Shun's back, from shoulder to shoulder, each one burning the shape of his lips into Shun's skin through his shirt.
Just when Shun thought couldn't handle it any more, he pulled Sho around to the front of him, pushed him roughly against the tall bookcase, and kissed him hard. Sho gasped, not expecting to be manhandled, the action forcing his mouth just open enough to allow Shun's tongue to slide in and make contact. They both groaned into the kiss. Sho's arms snaked their way up Shun's body to wrap around his neck, pulling him down slightly and pushing deeper into the kiss. Shun's hands found their way to Sho's waist and gripped hard enough to leave marks. This...this was different from the making out they'd done before. This had more fire behind it - more desire, more heat. They both felt it, they both knew it. This was something new. And it was fabulous.
They kissed furiously for a few minutes before Shun pulled back, gasping for air. He looked down into Sho's hungry eyes and frowned slightly. He reached up and stroked a strand of Sho's impossibly soft hair back in place.
"What's wrong?" Sho asked, brow furrowed.
"I...this isn't...I just..." Shun's brain couldn't process all the thoughts flying through it at that moment. He knew what he wanted to say, what had been bothering him for days. Ever since Sho brought up his education. It had been such a passing comment, he was sure Sho wouldn't even remember it. But Shun did. And it broke his heart to think what he was going to do next. "I...don't think this is going to work out," he said, hanging his head and stepping back.
Sho's entire body froze, eyes wide with something akin to terror. "What? Why? Why wouldn't this work? It's been...perfection," he stammered, totally not expecting that response out of Shun.
"I'm..." Shun hesitated. "I'm not good enough for you." Sho's jaw hit the floor. "No, really. You're....you're brilliant and beautiful and entirely too intelligent for your own good. You've got so much to look forward to and I don't want to hold you back." The words came out in a rush. Shun blinked, twice, trying vain to fight the tears building there. "You deserve someone you can...walk down the street with, someone you can hold hands with in public, someone you can...kiss under the stars." Shun's voice broke on the last word, tears leaking out slowly. He hung his head in shame. "I don't want to hold you back. I don't. I want you to be Prime Minister or whatever you want to be. And I don't know if you can do that if I'm here."
Shun stared at the floor, unable to look Sho in the eye. Sho paused for a second. He suspected that something had been bothering Shun for a few days, but he had no clue the other man felt this way. The thought that Shun wasn't anything other than perfect for him was incomprehensible. He slowly brought up a hand to rest on Shun's cheek, pulling the other man to look back at him. There was something unreadable in Sho's eyes as he looked into Shun's tear-streaked face. "Don't say that. Don't even think that. You are more than good enough for me."
Shun opened his mouth to speak, but Sho silenced him by pressing a finger to Shun's mouth. If he didn't say this now, he didn't know when he'd get another chance. "You could never hold me back. When I'm with you, I-I feel like anything is possible." Sho took a deep breath, glanced down at the floor then back up at his boyfriend before continuing, "You are perfect for me. I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect." Sho paused again, looking deep into Shun's pained eyes, hoping it wasn't too soon for his next words. "I-I love you. More than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone." Without waiting for a reply, Sho wrapped a hand around Shun's neck, pulling the other into a deep kiss, their tongues dancing an intricate ballet.
Shun was the first to break the kiss, leaning back just far enough to gaze in Sho's deep brown eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered, touching their foreheads together. "God, I love you so fucking much." Sho closed his eyes slowly and savored the moment. This was his Shun. He loved him and was loved in return. Happiness welled up within him for the thousandth time in the last few weeks. Opening his eyes, he stared back at the man he loved and knew it was...time.
He slowly slid his hand down Shun's arm, taking in every curve until he threaded their fingers together. "Come on," he said, turning down the hall.
The hallway was dark and Shun had only been here once before to pick Sho up for a date, but he had a pretty good idea where they were going, and he was guessing it wasn't the bathroom or laundry room. Sho stopped at a door and looked up at Shun.
"Is this okay?" he whispered.
Insecurity clouded Sho's eyes for the moment the question hung in the air. Shun nodded slowly and reached down to open the door, lingering on his way up to lightly graze Sho's cheek with his lips. Sho led him in to the darkened room, moonlight cascading in the windows almost bright enough to read by. Shun nudged the door closed behind him as Sho hurried here and there in a vain effort to clean up the mess that was his room. Sho's head snapped up at the click of the handle, but Shun just shrugged innocently.
Sho tossed the things he was holding on to the already messy floor and closed the gap between them slowly, painfully, and deliberately. They stood there, inches apart, not touching. Just looking at each other. Being in the other's presence. Shun brought one of Sho's hands to his lips, pressing slow sweet kisses into the palm. Their eyes never left each other. Sho moved forward slightly and ran his free hand through Shun's short bristly hair, stopping at the nape of his neck. He pulled Shun down just enough for their lips to touch briefly.
They made slow work of removing each other's clothing. Sho carefully lifted Shun's t-shirt, fingers trailing along his ribs and arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Shun was sure his skin was the only thing keeping him from going in a billion different directions. Sho's hands were on his belt buckle, the slight clicking sound drawing Shun's attention downward. Sho slid his palms around the back of Shun's pants and squeezed slightly. Shun tried to suppress a nervous giggle and failed horribly. Sho laughed, that laugh he saved just for Shun. He pushed Shun's pants down to pool at his ankles. He stood back for a moment and marveled at Shun's body. It was just as perfect as the rest of him. He'd seen bits and pieces of it, but all of it, here, naked and only for him...it filled him with animal desire.
Shun wanted to look away, embarrassed by his nudity, but this was his Sho. He'd do just about anything for his Sho. Sho took a step back as if to say, "your turn." His eyes darkened with pleasure as Shun moved forward to toy with the hem of his shirt. "This...is a pesky shirt," he said, pulling it slowly off. He licked his lips at the sight of Sho's bare chest. He'd seen it plenty of times before, but it never got old. Sho was just hot. Shun leaned down slightly to join their mouths yet again, hands at Sho's belt buckle and then suddenly not. He pulled Sho close as he heard the soft thump of his jeans hitting the floor. Sho's hip met his steadily growing erection and Shun gasped. Sho chuckled and kissed his boyfriend fiercely before leading him to the bed.
They lay side by side, just looking at each other for what felt like hours. The moonlight shone through Sho's window. It made everything softer, more ethereal. Shun ran a hand down his lover's side, marveling at the velvety texture that matched the appearance. He couldn't believe he'd even considered breaking up with Sho tonight. Sho shivered and stared into Shun's eyes with something akin to apprehension.
"Have you ever done this before?" he whispered. Shun stopped his tour of Sho's side to look at him with that goofy smile that made Sho's stomach drop.
"No," Shun whispered back. "Not with a guy, at least." Placing his hand on Sho's cheek, he kissed him gently. "And you have," he said frankly. Even though the topic came up earlier, he was still a bit shocked at the dusting of pink on Sho's cheeks and the way he ducked his head in embarrassment. "Yeah," Sho nodded slightly. "But it's...been a while."
"Oh." Shun said, pulling back slightly. He couldn't help but wonder who had been the one to give Sho that blush. He wanted to ask, but refrained. Sho had visibly cringed and Shun felt awful. Now was not the time. Now was their time. They could always discuss or completely ignore the question later. Shun lifted Sho's chin with one finger, staring deep into his eyes. He knew that for this moment Sho was his and only his. Sho ran a hand through Shun's hair before resting it on the back of his neck. Their mouths met again, this time with more heat and force. Sho nipped along the line of Shun's lower lip before submitting completely. The moment their tongues met and it was like they could taste the electricity - every time. Neither of them had ever had anything quite like this.
Shun was no stranger to sex, but this wasn't just...sex. The moment Sho touched and pulled and twisted ever so slightly on his cock, Shun knew it was something more than just fucking. His head fell back against the pillows while Sho continued his work. Sho dropped light kisses all over Shun's face as he writhed beneath his touch. "Hold on," he whispered teasingly, releasing Shun's member and leaning over him to dig through a side drawer. He laid back on his side, a triumphant look on his face and supplies in his hand.
"I know you haven't...so I'll just..." Sho blushed again in embarrassment. This was always the worst part - the preparation. Not because of the pain, the pain passed, but the voyeurism of it all. Sho kept Shun's eye contact as he slowly pushed a finger in, wincing slightly at the burning pain. Shun leaned forward to capture Sho's lower lip with his teeth, whispering apologies against his mouth. Reaching down, he lightly stroked Sho's cock, trying to take his boyfriend's mind off the pain. Sho groaned low and deep in appreciation, nearly growling with pleasure. Finally, FINALLY convinced he was ready, he pulled back from Shun and wiped his fingers on the sheets. "Sit up against the headboard," he instructed, tearing open the condom package with his teeth. Shun quickly complied, eager to finally have Sho naked and demanding.
Sho slowly slid the condom down over Shun, making the latter moan loudly at the touch. "Ready?" He asked, positioning himself over Shun's erection. Not waiting for an answer, he carefully lowered himself, hissing slightly at the pain of entry. Shun gasped loudly, then cried out. This was completely different from the sex he'd had in the past. Sho settled, wrapping his legs around Shun's waist, arms around his neck. He kissed Shun without moving. He wanted them both to get used to this for a second.
Shun practically trembled in anticipation. So far, this was the best sex he'd ever had and they'd only just started. His arms wrapped around Sho's waist, holding him steady; protecting him. Sho moved and Shun's world imploded.
Their love making was slow and sweet and beautiful. Whispered "I love you's" and guttural groans punctuated the air as they moved against each other carefully. Sho's head fell back in ecstasy, giving Shun full access to his neck. Shun licked a slow line up and across it, pausing just for a second to suckle at his Adam's apple before continuing his lavishing. Sho's breath came in little gasps as their hips matched rhythm. Shun was proving a better pupil than he could have ever asked for.
"Oh god," Shun breathed, eyes closed tight, fingers digging into Sho's hips. "Not yet," Sho said, not ready to end this beautiful moment. Shun opened his eyes and concentrated on Sho's face. "Okay," he whispered, slowing his hip movements and begging his body not to end this too quickly.
Sho leaned forward to catch Shun's mouth in another hot kiss. He felt one of Shun's hands leave his hips and start pumping his erection. Sho gasped into the kiss, making Shun chuckle just slightly. "Like that?" he asked mischievously. Sho nodded, unable to verbalize anything with all the delicious sensations assaulting him. Their rhythm picked back up for a few moments before Sho cried out in pleasure, orgasming all over their stomachs and Shun's hand.
Shun returned his hand to Sho's hip and moved quickly for a few seconds before crying out his own pleasure. They slumped together, breathing hard.
"I love you," Shun whispered. "And not just for the sex."
Sho chuckled and looked up to kiss the smirk right off Shun's face. "But the sex helps?" he asked coyly.
"It certainly doesn't hurt," Shun replied, eyes dancing.
They disengaged themselves, falling in a pile on the bed. Sho grabbed a few tissues from his bedside and cleaned them both off. Legs a bit wobbly, he walked to the trash can to discard the tissues and condom before coming back to lie beside his love. Shun took Sho's hand in his and kissed each knuckle.
"I really do love you. Sex or not," Shun said seriously.
Sho smiled and snuggled into Shun's arms. "I love you, too," he said. "Forever and for always."
Shun fell asleep with Sho in his arms yet again, a mirror of their first night together. He'd known since the first day that he loved Sho. Now he was certain, without a doubt, Sho loved him, too. They might not last forever, but in this moment they had each other. And that was enough for now.