[029] Everything Starts Today
Title: Everything Starts Today
Pairing/Genre: Ikuta Toma/Horikita Maki; slight angst, fluff
Rating/Warnings: PG-13; adult situations (drinking, talking about sex)
Word Count: 4100
Summary: Toma suddenly felt 19 years old again - young and stupid and completely unsure of what the hell he was doing. Memories flooded back through his alcohol-addled brain - the first time Maki had asked him for help in the computer lab, the moment he realized he was kind of in love with her, the day she’d stopped returning his calls.
Notes: College AU for je_whiteday. Author has taken great liberties with setting (we’re going with something along the lines of an American university). Apologies for any inconsistencies herein. Many thanks to my betas, Anie & Jennifer, for being amazing and awesome and exceptional. ♥
•••••
The apartment was too hot, the music too loud and the beer too cheap for Toma's taste as he pressed through the crowd toward the balcony. None of these things had kept him from imbibing somewhat more than his fair share of the booze, however. The annual "thank god midterms are over let's drink and act stupid" party of Akanishi and Yamashita's was a rousing success yet again. Toma wondered why he continued to hang out with those two when all they seemed to do was get him in trouble, but their parties were usually enough of a reason to maintain that friendship. (And he had to admit they were pretty entertaining to boot.)
Toma just wasn't feeling this specific party. His midterms had been particularly brutal - night after night of staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning followed by an endless series of naps and shots of espresso had been the only things keeping him going for the last two weeks. Unfortunately for him, the crush of people and the thumping rap music (that Jin was so terribly fond of) were not agreeing with Toma's constitution.
"Toma!" came a boisterous shout from near the keg. One hand on the sliding glass door, Toma was inches from freedom, but being the ubiquitous "nice guy," he turned to face the crowd and smiled. Becky waved at him wildly, beckoning him over to her position near the "turn tables" Jin had set up - an iPod plugged into the expensive speaker set.
"Hey you," she said, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling Toma in for a tight hug.
"Hey," Toma gasped, completely unsurprised by the strength in Becky’s tiny arms and not at all taken aback by her enthusiasm. The two months they’d dated freshman year had not only cemented their friendship (and the idea that they should never ever date), but also reinforced Toma’s belief that Becky deserved someone just as outgoing as she was. He was far too shy, reserved almost, for her.
Becky had just pulled back from the hug, still beaming wildly, when a tall man showed up with a drink in each hand.
"Junno," Toma said, nodding politely as Becky took one of the plastic cups.
Junno smiled broadly (though Toma wondered if there truly was any other way for him to smile) and clapped his free hand on Toma’s shoulder. "Toma! How are you, man? Still plugging away at computer science?"
Becky rolled her eyes as Toma chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink. "Yup, very nearly finished. I graduate in May."
"Oh hey, me too," Junno exclaimed, raising his glass in solidarity. "Becks is trying to convince me to stay here for grad school, but the University of Michigan’s law program is awfully attractive."
"I’m just concerned you won’t find anyone to put up with you, is all," Becky sniffed. "And I asked you to stop calling me ‘Becks.’ Makes me sound like that soccer guy."
Junno slid an arm around Becky’s waist and leaned down to drop a kiss on her forehead, still grinning. "Aww," he murmured. "No one could put up with me quite as well as my Becky. Maybe a construction worker or something."
"That one was reaching," Becky replied, lifting her face to meet Junno’s. Something inside Toma’s chest clenched as he realized they really did adore each other. And how much it would wreck Becky for Junno to go several states away for grad school.
Toma forced a smile and started back toward the balcony door. "I’ll see you guys later, yeah?" he said, squeezing Becky’s hand once before waving and turning away. Toma had walked fewer than five steps before strong, slim fingers grasped his wrist, halting his movement. Sighing, Toma turned to address his assailant and stopped cold.
"I didn’t do it," he said, almost on reflex.
Meisa’s laugh was throaty and warm - warmer than Toma had expected out of her. "I hadn’t accused you of anything. Yet," she purred, pulling him closer. Meisa was one of Toma’s fellow TAs in the department and quite honestly, she scared the shit out of him. Intelligent and quick with eyes that flashed when she was irritated, Toma suspected Kuroki Meisa was not someone you wanted to cross.
"I just didn’t expect to see you here," she said, releasing Toma’s wrist and leaning back into a slightly familiar guy Toma assumed was her boyfriend. "Koki, Toma. Toma, Koki."
Toma nodded in their direction and looked around anxiously. "So…." he started. "Having fun?" Toma winced internally at his own awkwardness. Apparently midterms not only drained him of pride and self-worth, but any social capabilities he may have had as well.
Koki smiled up at him and wrapped one arm tighter around Meisa’s waist, earning himself a glare and the fabled flashing eyes. "We’re just fine, man. Have you had one of these yet?" Koki gestured to the bottle sitting on the table in front of him - something in German - and a couple cans of Red Bull. God, the last thing Toma needed was a freaking Jaegerbomb. Not finding any real reason to refuse, though, Toma settled in next to him and took a shot with a smile.
Ten minutes and nearly as many Jaegers later, Toma finally, thankfully, forced his way to the balcony. Sliding the door closed behind him, Toma leaned against the railing and breathed in the cool spring night air. He let his exhaustion wash over him, listening to the thumping music behind him, the distant sound of cars from below and somewhere out there, the frogs and crickets talking to each other. It was a few moments before he realized he wasn’t entirely alone on the tiny overhang.
"Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll just-"
"Toma?" The voice was soft and sweet, one he hadn’t heard in quite some time. Almost two years, some evil little part of himself reminded him. He shook his head and turned to face her.
"Hey Maki. Didn’t know you were out here." Toma offered a little half-smile in apology. He fidgeted with his cup for a few moments, praying for a quick death - the balcony to collapse or an asteroid to hit or a crazed gunman to decide to practice his sharpshooting right then and there.
Unfortunately for him, death was not in the cards that night. Maki took a few steps closer and, setting one hand on his arm, smiled up at him broadly. It was as if their….whatever they’d had hadn’t happened. Toma suddenly felt 19 years old again - young and stupid and completely unsure of what the hell he was doing. Memories flooded back through his alcohol-addled brain - the first time Maki had asked him for help in the computer lab, the moment he realized he was kind of in love with her, the day she’d stopped returning his calls.
"I’ll just go in-" Toma stammered, moving back toward the door.
"No, don’t," Maki said. Her hand gripped his wrist tighter, holding him there. "Please stay. I came out here to get some air and I don’t know that I can bring myself to go back in right now." Her voice and eyes were far too sad, far too old for someone as young and lovely as she. Toma pitied her and hated whoever made her feel that way.
"Yeah, no. Um," Toma started, not sure what to say. "I, uh. I can stay out here. I guess."
Maki smiled up at him again and moved to sit on one of the creaky lounge chairs shoved in the corner of the small balcony. "Sit?"
Still feeling completely wrong and more than a little drunk, Toma shook his head a bit too violently. He stared into his cup for a few moments, praying the cheap beer would give him some answers. Moving was an adventure, his brain sloshing around every time he moved, so Toma endeavored to stay as still as possible.
"I’ve missed you."
And there went Toma’s brain again, swishing around in an odd combination of Jaeger, Red Bull, cheap beer and brain juice, as he swung his head rather violently to look at her. "I’m sorry?"
"I’ve missed you," Maki repeated, looking out over the apartment building next door to the city beyond. She sighed. "I didn’t think I would, but I did. And I’m sorry."
Toma’s eyes bugged a bit as he stared at her. "Sorry for what?" he asked quietly, knowing pretty well where the conversation was heading.
Maki sighed again and turned to face him, eyes wide and unsure. "I’m sorry I wasn’t completely truthful with you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had a boyfriend. I’m sorry I made you think….something different than I intended. I’m sorry I-I didn’t call you back. And," she hesitated. "I’m sorry if I ever made you think I didn’t like you, too."
Toma was entirely too drunk to be having this conversation and he said so, grinning a bit crookedly at Maki’s response of laughter. He suddenly felt very okay with watching the way her head tilted back, the smooth line of her neck and the V of her shirt and the way it dipped so nicely down to show-
Maki was looking at him curiously again. Toma snapped his eyes northward and grinned sheepishly.
"I’m sorry, too," he started, putting his cup down on the small rickety table and taking a step closer to her. "I’m sorry I didn’t have all the facts before I just made a move and I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable and I’m really really sorry I didn’t chase after you. Because I should have. I really should have."
Toma took a deep breath and waited, praying she wouldn’t leave again, that she wouldn’t break his heart into a million little pieces again.
And then she smiled and the world righted itself. Even Toma’s still-swishy brain could figure out she wasn’t rejecting him (again) or running away (again) or having any kind of negative reaction (again). Maki stood and took a few steps toward Toma, lifting a hand to Toma’s face to palm his jaw and stroke his cheekbone lightly with delicate fingers. Toma leaned into the touch, sighing and letting his eyes slide shut. He could feel himself swaying lightly on his feet - closing his eyes only intensified the feeling. Opening his eyes, Toma realized Maki was much closer than she had been in almost 2 years.
When their lips met, Toma was sure his heart would burst in a combination of anxiety, glee and alcohol poisoning. The kiss was far too brief, but sweet and sure nonetheless. Toma desperately needed to sit down. He grasped Maki’s hand and led her to one of the chaise-style lounge chairs at the end of the balcony, leaning against it and drawing her back to his chest.
"Is this okay?" he whispered, arms wrapped around her waist lightly.
Maki grabbed one of his hands and kissed the knuckles. "More than okay," she replied, leaning back into his embrace.
Toma opened his mouth to respond and-
--
It was cold. Cold and a little damp and more than a little uncomfortable. And what the hell, who left the light on?
Toma cracked one eye and gazed out at the rising sun, completely disoriented and more than a little hungover. Looking down, he realized several things in quick succession.
1. He had no shirt on.
2. There was a very attractive woman lying on his chest (presumably also with no shirt on, but he couldn’t really tell from that angle).
3. She was asleep.
4. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Having long ago become pretty adept at moving around without waking someone else (not a skill he was particularly proud of), Toma slowly extricated himself from around Maki and settled her more comfortably on the chaise. Sometime in the night, she’d been covered with a blanket, tucked close around her neck and obscuring everything down to her ankles. Toma watched her sleep for a moment with a small smile before realizing he was, in fact, a total creeper and needed to find his shirt. Locating it under the tiny side table, Toma tugged on his shirt as he slid the balcony door open quietly.
The apartment certainly showed signs of the epic party the previous night - red party cups lay scattered across every horizontal surface, passed-out partygoers on the couch and giant beanbag chair. Toma would blame the pizza crusts on the floor on the party as well, but he knew Jin well enough to seriously wonder how long they’d been there. The sounds of breakfast being made led Toma to the kitchen where he found Jin pouring what appeared to be the last of the keg’s reserves from a cup into a bowl of…pancake batter?
"What the hell are you doing?" Toma rasped. His voice would be wrecked for days from sleeping outside.
"Beer pancakes," Jin replied merrily, stirring the concoction with a giant wooden spoon. "You want one?"
"Um, no, but thanks," Toma replied, sitting heavily on one of the kitchen stools.
"I thought you’d left hours ago," Jin said. He dumped more pancake mix into the bowl in what Toma could see was a vain effort to thicken the batter. Somehow beer didn’t seem the best liquid to go with instant pancake mix, but who was Toma to judge?
"Well," Toma hedged, not sure how to broach the subject. "I kind of passed out on the balcony."
Jin just nodded and stirred. "I’ve done that a few times. Damn comfy chairs we have out there."
"Yeah, well," Toma said. "I wasn’t alone." He looked up just in time to catch Jin’s expression go from innovative to curious to devious, all in a flash.
Jin stopped stirring and leaned across the table toward Toma, chin in his hands. "So, who’d you bang?"
Toma groaned and dropped his head to the table. This was so much worse than he’d expected. He really should have known better than to approach this topic with Jin, of all people. Pi would at least be somewhat understanding. Even Ryo would be better than this. Not that Jin wasn’t a nice guy with a big heart, but that was cleverly concealed beneath is perverted and somewhat less than dignified tendencies.
"I didn’t ‘bang’ anyone," Toma muttered into the linoleum surface of the table. "I don’t think so anyway." He lifted his head and looked Jin in the eye. "I woke up without my shirt on. With Maki."
"Hoooooo shit," Jin whistled, leaning back against the counter, eyes wide. "Did you guys finally hook up?"
"No," Toma said, a bit too fast. "I don’t know. Maybe. God, ugh." Toma slammed his head back on the table. "I need to go home. I need a shower and to brush my teeth because I honestly feel like something took a crap in there."
Jin nodded, understanding and sage-like. "Yeah, and then you need to call me and give me the deets on banging Maki."
Toma lifted his head and glared in Jin’s direction, ignoring the mock-innocent look on his face. He glanced toward the balcony door and grimaced. "When she wakes up, please don’t," Toma paused, not sure how to phrase it. "Please don’t tell her about this conversation. I just…just don’t."
Still glaring at Jin, Toma left, closing the door quietly behind him and feeling incredibly guilty about not waking Maki. What if they had gone further than he’d meant to? What if they’d gone further than she meant to? Oh god, what if he was an accidental rapist? But wait, would she have slept on him if that was the case?
Toma began the long walk home, meandering his way there and trying to sort out his problem. By the time he got back to the apartment he shared with Shun, Toma had reasoned it out. He and Maki had done something, though he wasn’t sure what, he was sure it was consensual. Pretty sure. Mostly sure. In any event, the fact that Toma couldn’t remember made him feel like dirt. He never wanted to be that guy - the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. But more than that, he didn’t want to be the type of guy who took advantage of someone while they were intoxicated. Toma was disgusted with himself. Pushing the door open to his apartment, Toma nodded at his roommate sitting on the couch.
"Heard you finally hit it last night," Shun murmured, gaze firmly set on the TV screen, fingers flying across the controls of his video game.
Toma groaned. He never should have given Jin the house phone number.
"That claim has yet to be substantiated," Toma replied, going to his room and slamming the door shut.
--
Almost a week passed before Jin brought the incident up again. Toma had pushed the whole thing to the back of his mind after the first few days when Maki made no attempt to contact him. Maybe it was just a one night thing? Maybe he was that kind of guy. And maybe she knew that.
Toma picked away at his lunch, disenchanted with the world around him. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with Maki again. He knew it and yet….
Slamming down his tray loudly, Jin shoved in next to Toma and dug in to his own meal. Pi settled in across from them silently, nodding in Toma’s direction.
"Is there some reason you have to be so loud?" Toma asked, elbowing Jin lightly.
Jin squeaked and shifted away a few inches. "So, have you talked to Maki yet?" he asked through bites of spaghetti.
Toma resisted the urge to bash his head against the table as Pi raised one eyebrow. "Maki? You’re back on speaking terms with her?"
"From what I hear, there wasn’t much speaking going on," Jin replied, lifting one hand to fistbump Toma. Toma just glared at him.
Turning to Pi, Toma sighed. "We met up at your party last weekend. And then we woke up together. Some of us somewhat more casually dressed than others."
"Toma was naked," Jin said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I was not naked!" Toma replied loudly. Several people turned to stare at him and Toma could feel his face burning in embarrassment. "I was not naked," he reiterated, much more quietly this time. "I didn’t have a shirt and that was it."
Pi stabbed at his salad, disinterested. "Toma, didn’t I tell you we’d have to start charging the next time you showed up at our apartment naked?"
"Okay, oh my god, that was one time and you know it was a dare," Toma hissed.
"Kidding, Toma, jeez," Pi replied, hands up in surrender. "So what, you woke up with her and now you’re not talking to her at all?"
Toma looked down at his hands, not sure how to say what he needed to. "I don’t want to be that guy, you know?" Seeing the confused looks, Toma pressed on. "You know, that guy who sleeps with girls and doesn’t care. The one who just hooks up and walks away. I’m not that guy and I don’t want to be that guy."
"Toma," Pi started, setting down his fork. "You are hardly that guy. I don’t think anyone on the planet thinks you’re that guy. And if they do, they don’t know you very well. Jin? Jin’s that guy."
Jin smiled through his pasta and tipped his fork in Toma’s direction. Toma burst out laughing. "You’re such a deplorable ass, Jin."
"I’m not sure what that word means, but thank you all the same," Jin replied, happily slurping down more of his lunch.
Pi shook his head and turned back to Toma. "Go talk to her. You’ll never know unless you ask."
Toma sighed and nodded. "You’re right and I know you’re right, but how do I even broach that topic. ‘Oh hey, Maki, I think we slept together last week. Is that true?’ Awkward."
"I could ask for you," Jin volunteered.
"NO," Pi and Toma replied in unison.
"Just sayin’," Jin replied, fighting a pout.
--
Toma hovered outside the design studio. He knew (through no small amount of internet stalking) that Maki had a photography class every Tuesday at four. It had been nearly 20 minutes since he’d gotten there. He’d been trying to pump himself up to go in. ‘Just go in, Toma. Go in and talk to her and get it out of the way. The sooner you do it, the sooner it’s over. Just. Go. In.’ His internal monologue was starting to irritate him - surely a sign it was time to just do it.
Finally finding his manbits, Toma reached for the door just as it swung open, cracking him in the knuckles hard. Several swears filtered through Toma’s puffed breath as he clutched his hand to his chest, inspecting it for damage.
"Oh my, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?"
Toma lifted his head and locked eyes with Maki. Everything he’d been meaning to say flew right out of his head.
"Toma," she murmured. Her gaze went steely for a moment before softening back into something like pity. Holding out one hand, Maki gestured for him to come closer. Toma felt powerless to do anything but exactly that.
"Are you okay?" Maki asked, lightly tugging his injured hand toward her.
"I’ll be fine," Toma whispered. He wasn’t sure he could speak at full volume yet - the combination of throbbing pain in his hand and the way she was holding it and the look in her eyes all collided into one big ball of incoherency.
Maki lifted his hand to her lips and lightly kissed his knuckles. "I think you’ll be fine, too," she whispered in reply.
And then it all came crashing back down on him - the kisses and the cuddling under the blanket, how he’d gotten up on wobbly legs to go retrieve it for her when the cool night air made the hairs on her arms stand on end, the way she’d fallen asleep in his arms and Toma wished for death yet again because nothing could ever be as perfect as that moment.
"I’m sorry," Toma said. "I’m so sorry I left and didn’t say goodbye."
Maki smiled (smiled and Toma’s brain almost broke again) and chuckled lightly. "I’m sorry you weren’t there to try Jin’s beer pancakes," she replied. "They were just as awful as they sound."
"What?" Toma asked intelligently.
Maki laughed and dropped his hand, twining their fingers together. "Jin and I had a nice long chat after you left and I woke up. Didn’t he tell you?"
Toma shook his head silently, eyes wide. He wondered briefly how long it would take him to murder Jin and hide the body before realizing Maki was holding his hand. Toma looked down in surprise.
"But, I, you, shirt, I don’t…" he stammered.
Maki tugged him down the hall toward the exit and chuckled. "Jin told me you couldn’t remember exactly what happened. I decided to let you wait it out. I didn’t want to be that girl that jumps all over a guy just because they shared a moment." She stopped, turning to face him. "I didn’t want to destroy the tiny foundation we’d finally built. I figured you’d come to me, eventually. Which you did." Maki smiled again and Toma felt something inside him melt and click all at once.
"You waited for me," he replied, finally getting it.
"Yup," she beamed. "Worth it, I think."
Toma pulled her close and wrapped his arms around Maki’s waist. Nuzzling her hair lightly, he grinned. "I’m definitely going to murder Akanishi."
"I’ll help," Maki said mischievously, pulling back just enough to meet his lips in a light kiss.
The next time they fell asleep together, Toma remembered the whole thing. Vividly.
Pairing/Genre: Ikuta Toma/Horikita Maki; slight angst, fluff
Rating/Warnings: PG-13; adult situations (drinking, talking about sex)
Word Count: 4100
Summary: Toma suddenly felt 19 years old again - young and stupid and completely unsure of what the hell he was doing. Memories flooded back through his alcohol-addled brain - the first time Maki had asked him for help in the computer lab, the moment he realized he was kind of in love with her, the day she’d stopped returning his calls.
Notes: College AU for je_whiteday. Author has taken great liberties with setting (we’re going with something along the lines of an American university). Apologies for any inconsistencies herein. Many thanks to my betas, Anie & Jennifer, for being amazing and awesome and exceptional. ♥
•••••
The apartment was too hot, the music too loud and the beer too cheap for Toma's taste as he pressed through the crowd toward the balcony. None of these things had kept him from imbibing somewhat more than his fair share of the booze, however. The annual "thank god midterms are over let's drink and act stupid" party of Akanishi and Yamashita's was a rousing success yet again. Toma wondered why he continued to hang out with those two when all they seemed to do was get him in trouble, but their parties were usually enough of a reason to maintain that friendship. (And he had to admit they were pretty entertaining to boot.)
Toma just wasn't feeling this specific party. His midterms had been particularly brutal - night after night of staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning followed by an endless series of naps and shots of espresso had been the only things keeping him going for the last two weeks. Unfortunately for him, the crush of people and the thumping rap music (that Jin was so terribly fond of) were not agreeing with Toma's constitution.
"Toma!" came a boisterous shout from near the keg. One hand on the sliding glass door, Toma was inches from freedom, but being the ubiquitous "nice guy," he turned to face the crowd and smiled. Becky waved at him wildly, beckoning him over to her position near the "turn tables" Jin had set up - an iPod plugged into the expensive speaker set.
"Hey you," she said, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling Toma in for a tight hug.
"Hey," Toma gasped, completely unsurprised by the strength in Becky’s tiny arms and not at all taken aback by her enthusiasm. The two months they’d dated freshman year had not only cemented their friendship (and the idea that they should never ever date), but also reinforced Toma’s belief that Becky deserved someone just as outgoing as she was. He was far too shy, reserved almost, for her.
Becky had just pulled back from the hug, still beaming wildly, when a tall man showed up with a drink in each hand.
"Junno," Toma said, nodding politely as Becky took one of the plastic cups.
Junno smiled broadly (though Toma wondered if there truly was any other way for him to smile) and clapped his free hand on Toma’s shoulder. "Toma! How are you, man? Still plugging away at computer science?"
Becky rolled her eyes as Toma chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink. "Yup, very nearly finished. I graduate in May."
"Oh hey, me too," Junno exclaimed, raising his glass in solidarity. "Becks is trying to convince me to stay here for grad school, but the University of Michigan’s law program is awfully attractive."
"I’m just concerned you won’t find anyone to put up with you, is all," Becky sniffed. "And I asked you to stop calling me ‘Becks.’ Makes me sound like that soccer guy."
Junno slid an arm around Becky’s waist and leaned down to drop a kiss on her forehead, still grinning. "Aww," he murmured. "No one could put up with me quite as well as my Becky. Maybe a construction worker or something."
"That one was reaching," Becky replied, lifting her face to meet Junno’s. Something inside Toma’s chest clenched as he realized they really did adore each other. And how much it would wreck Becky for Junno to go several states away for grad school.
Toma forced a smile and started back toward the balcony door. "I’ll see you guys later, yeah?" he said, squeezing Becky’s hand once before waving and turning away. Toma had walked fewer than five steps before strong, slim fingers grasped his wrist, halting his movement. Sighing, Toma turned to address his assailant and stopped cold.
"I didn’t do it," he said, almost on reflex.
Meisa’s laugh was throaty and warm - warmer than Toma had expected out of her. "I hadn’t accused you of anything. Yet," she purred, pulling him closer. Meisa was one of Toma’s fellow TAs in the department and quite honestly, she scared the shit out of him. Intelligent and quick with eyes that flashed when she was irritated, Toma suspected Kuroki Meisa was not someone you wanted to cross.
"I just didn’t expect to see you here," she said, releasing Toma’s wrist and leaning back into a slightly familiar guy Toma assumed was her boyfriend. "Koki, Toma. Toma, Koki."
Toma nodded in their direction and looked around anxiously. "So…." he started. "Having fun?" Toma winced internally at his own awkwardness. Apparently midterms not only drained him of pride and self-worth, but any social capabilities he may have had as well.
Koki smiled up at him and wrapped one arm tighter around Meisa’s waist, earning himself a glare and the fabled flashing eyes. "We’re just fine, man. Have you had one of these yet?" Koki gestured to the bottle sitting on the table in front of him - something in German - and a couple cans of Red Bull. God, the last thing Toma needed was a freaking Jaegerbomb. Not finding any real reason to refuse, though, Toma settled in next to him and took a shot with a smile.
Ten minutes and nearly as many Jaegers later, Toma finally, thankfully, forced his way to the balcony. Sliding the door closed behind him, Toma leaned against the railing and breathed in the cool spring night air. He let his exhaustion wash over him, listening to the thumping music behind him, the distant sound of cars from below and somewhere out there, the frogs and crickets talking to each other. It was a few moments before he realized he wasn’t entirely alone on the tiny overhang.
"Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll just-"
"Toma?" The voice was soft and sweet, one he hadn’t heard in quite some time. Almost two years, some evil little part of himself reminded him. He shook his head and turned to face her.
"Hey Maki. Didn’t know you were out here." Toma offered a little half-smile in apology. He fidgeted with his cup for a few moments, praying for a quick death - the balcony to collapse or an asteroid to hit or a crazed gunman to decide to practice his sharpshooting right then and there.
Unfortunately for him, death was not in the cards that night. Maki took a few steps closer and, setting one hand on his arm, smiled up at him broadly. It was as if their….whatever they’d had hadn’t happened. Toma suddenly felt 19 years old again - young and stupid and completely unsure of what the hell he was doing. Memories flooded back through his alcohol-addled brain - the first time Maki had asked him for help in the computer lab, the moment he realized he was kind of in love with her, the day she’d stopped returning his calls.
"I’ll just go in-" Toma stammered, moving back toward the door.
"No, don’t," Maki said. Her hand gripped his wrist tighter, holding him there. "Please stay. I came out here to get some air and I don’t know that I can bring myself to go back in right now." Her voice and eyes were far too sad, far too old for someone as young and lovely as she. Toma pitied her and hated whoever made her feel that way.
"Yeah, no. Um," Toma started, not sure what to say. "I, uh. I can stay out here. I guess."
Maki smiled up at him again and moved to sit on one of the creaky lounge chairs shoved in the corner of the small balcony. "Sit?"
Still feeling completely wrong and more than a little drunk, Toma shook his head a bit too violently. He stared into his cup for a few moments, praying the cheap beer would give him some answers. Moving was an adventure, his brain sloshing around every time he moved, so Toma endeavored to stay as still as possible.
"I’ve missed you."
And there went Toma’s brain again, swishing around in an odd combination of Jaeger, Red Bull, cheap beer and brain juice, as he swung his head rather violently to look at her. "I’m sorry?"
"I’ve missed you," Maki repeated, looking out over the apartment building next door to the city beyond. She sighed. "I didn’t think I would, but I did. And I’m sorry."
Toma’s eyes bugged a bit as he stared at her. "Sorry for what?" he asked quietly, knowing pretty well where the conversation was heading.
Maki sighed again and turned to face him, eyes wide and unsure. "I’m sorry I wasn’t completely truthful with you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had a boyfriend. I’m sorry I made you think….something different than I intended. I’m sorry I-I didn’t call you back. And," she hesitated. "I’m sorry if I ever made you think I didn’t like you, too."
Toma was entirely too drunk to be having this conversation and he said so, grinning a bit crookedly at Maki’s response of laughter. He suddenly felt very okay with watching the way her head tilted back, the smooth line of her neck and the V of her shirt and the way it dipped so nicely down to show-
Maki was looking at him curiously again. Toma snapped his eyes northward and grinned sheepishly.
"I’m sorry, too," he started, putting his cup down on the small rickety table and taking a step closer to her. "I’m sorry I didn’t have all the facts before I just made a move and I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable and I’m really really sorry I didn’t chase after you. Because I should have. I really should have."
Toma took a deep breath and waited, praying she wouldn’t leave again, that she wouldn’t break his heart into a million little pieces again.
And then she smiled and the world righted itself. Even Toma’s still-swishy brain could figure out she wasn’t rejecting him (again) or running away (again) or having any kind of negative reaction (again). Maki stood and took a few steps toward Toma, lifting a hand to Toma’s face to palm his jaw and stroke his cheekbone lightly with delicate fingers. Toma leaned into the touch, sighing and letting his eyes slide shut. He could feel himself swaying lightly on his feet - closing his eyes only intensified the feeling. Opening his eyes, Toma realized Maki was much closer than she had been in almost 2 years.
When their lips met, Toma was sure his heart would burst in a combination of anxiety, glee and alcohol poisoning. The kiss was far too brief, but sweet and sure nonetheless. Toma desperately needed to sit down. He grasped Maki’s hand and led her to one of the chaise-style lounge chairs at the end of the balcony, leaning against it and drawing her back to his chest.
"Is this okay?" he whispered, arms wrapped around her waist lightly.
Maki grabbed one of his hands and kissed the knuckles. "More than okay," she replied, leaning back into his embrace.
Toma opened his mouth to respond and-
--
It was cold. Cold and a little damp and more than a little uncomfortable. And what the hell, who left the light on?
Toma cracked one eye and gazed out at the rising sun, completely disoriented and more than a little hungover. Looking down, he realized several things in quick succession.
1. He had no shirt on.
2. There was a very attractive woman lying on his chest (presumably also with no shirt on, but he couldn’t really tell from that angle).
3. She was asleep.
4. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Having long ago become pretty adept at moving around without waking someone else (not a skill he was particularly proud of), Toma slowly extricated himself from around Maki and settled her more comfortably on the chaise. Sometime in the night, she’d been covered with a blanket, tucked close around her neck and obscuring everything down to her ankles. Toma watched her sleep for a moment with a small smile before realizing he was, in fact, a total creeper and needed to find his shirt. Locating it under the tiny side table, Toma tugged on his shirt as he slid the balcony door open quietly.
The apartment certainly showed signs of the epic party the previous night - red party cups lay scattered across every horizontal surface, passed-out partygoers on the couch and giant beanbag chair. Toma would blame the pizza crusts on the floor on the party as well, but he knew Jin well enough to seriously wonder how long they’d been there. The sounds of breakfast being made led Toma to the kitchen where he found Jin pouring what appeared to be the last of the keg’s reserves from a cup into a bowl of…pancake batter?
"What the hell are you doing?" Toma rasped. His voice would be wrecked for days from sleeping outside.
"Beer pancakes," Jin replied merrily, stirring the concoction with a giant wooden spoon. "You want one?"
"Um, no, but thanks," Toma replied, sitting heavily on one of the kitchen stools.
"I thought you’d left hours ago," Jin said. He dumped more pancake mix into the bowl in what Toma could see was a vain effort to thicken the batter. Somehow beer didn’t seem the best liquid to go with instant pancake mix, but who was Toma to judge?
"Well," Toma hedged, not sure how to broach the subject. "I kind of passed out on the balcony."
Jin just nodded and stirred. "I’ve done that a few times. Damn comfy chairs we have out there."
"Yeah, well," Toma said. "I wasn’t alone." He looked up just in time to catch Jin’s expression go from innovative to curious to devious, all in a flash.
Jin stopped stirring and leaned across the table toward Toma, chin in his hands. "So, who’d you bang?"
Toma groaned and dropped his head to the table. This was so much worse than he’d expected. He really should have known better than to approach this topic with Jin, of all people. Pi would at least be somewhat understanding. Even Ryo would be better than this. Not that Jin wasn’t a nice guy with a big heart, but that was cleverly concealed beneath is perverted and somewhat less than dignified tendencies.
"I didn’t ‘bang’ anyone," Toma muttered into the linoleum surface of the table. "I don’t think so anyway." He lifted his head and looked Jin in the eye. "I woke up without my shirt on. With Maki."
"Hoooooo shit," Jin whistled, leaning back against the counter, eyes wide. "Did you guys finally hook up?"
"No," Toma said, a bit too fast. "I don’t know. Maybe. God, ugh." Toma slammed his head back on the table. "I need to go home. I need a shower and to brush my teeth because I honestly feel like something took a crap in there."
Jin nodded, understanding and sage-like. "Yeah, and then you need to call me and give me the deets on banging Maki."
Toma lifted his head and glared in Jin’s direction, ignoring the mock-innocent look on his face. He glanced toward the balcony door and grimaced. "When she wakes up, please don’t," Toma paused, not sure how to phrase it. "Please don’t tell her about this conversation. I just…just don’t."
Still glaring at Jin, Toma left, closing the door quietly behind him and feeling incredibly guilty about not waking Maki. What if they had gone further than he’d meant to? What if they’d gone further than she meant to? Oh god, what if he was an accidental rapist? But wait, would she have slept on him if that was the case?
Toma began the long walk home, meandering his way there and trying to sort out his problem. By the time he got back to the apartment he shared with Shun, Toma had reasoned it out. He and Maki had done something, though he wasn’t sure what, he was sure it was consensual. Pretty sure. Mostly sure. In any event, the fact that Toma couldn’t remember made him feel like dirt. He never wanted to be that guy - the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. But more than that, he didn’t want to be the type of guy who took advantage of someone while they were intoxicated. Toma was disgusted with himself. Pushing the door open to his apartment, Toma nodded at his roommate sitting on the couch.
"Heard you finally hit it last night," Shun murmured, gaze firmly set on the TV screen, fingers flying across the controls of his video game.
Toma groaned. He never should have given Jin the house phone number.
"That claim has yet to be substantiated," Toma replied, going to his room and slamming the door shut.
--
Almost a week passed before Jin brought the incident up again. Toma had pushed the whole thing to the back of his mind after the first few days when Maki made no attempt to contact him. Maybe it was just a one night thing? Maybe he was that kind of guy. And maybe she knew that.
Toma picked away at his lunch, disenchanted with the world around him. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with Maki again. He knew it and yet….
Slamming down his tray loudly, Jin shoved in next to Toma and dug in to his own meal. Pi settled in across from them silently, nodding in Toma’s direction.
"Is there some reason you have to be so loud?" Toma asked, elbowing Jin lightly.
Jin squeaked and shifted away a few inches. "So, have you talked to Maki yet?" he asked through bites of spaghetti.
Toma resisted the urge to bash his head against the table as Pi raised one eyebrow. "Maki? You’re back on speaking terms with her?"
"From what I hear, there wasn’t much speaking going on," Jin replied, lifting one hand to fistbump Toma. Toma just glared at him.
Turning to Pi, Toma sighed. "We met up at your party last weekend. And then we woke up together. Some of us somewhat more casually dressed than others."
"Toma was naked," Jin said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I was not naked!" Toma replied loudly. Several people turned to stare at him and Toma could feel his face burning in embarrassment. "I was not naked," he reiterated, much more quietly this time. "I didn’t have a shirt and that was it."
Pi stabbed at his salad, disinterested. "Toma, didn’t I tell you we’d have to start charging the next time you showed up at our apartment naked?"
"Okay, oh my god, that was one time and you know it was a dare," Toma hissed.
"Kidding, Toma, jeez," Pi replied, hands up in surrender. "So what, you woke up with her and now you’re not talking to her at all?"
Toma looked down at his hands, not sure how to say what he needed to. "I don’t want to be that guy, you know?" Seeing the confused looks, Toma pressed on. "You know, that guy who sleeps with girls and doesn’t care. The one who just hooks up and walks away. I’m not that guy and I don’t want to be that guy."
"Toma," Pi started, setting down his fork. "You are hardly that guy. I don’t think anyone on the planet thinks you’re that guy. And if they do, they don’t know you very well. Jin? Jin’s that guy."
Jin smiled through his pasta and tipped his fork in Toma’s direction. Toma burst out laughing. "You’re such a deplorable ass, Jin."
"I’m not sure what that word means, but thank you all the same," Jin replied, happily slurping down more of his lunch.
Pi shook his head and turned back to Toma. "Go talk to her. You’ll never know unless you ask."
Toma sighed and nodded. "You’re right and I know you’re right, but how do I even broach that topic. ‘Oh hey, Maki, I think we slept together last week. Is that true?’ Awkward."
"I could ask for you," Jin volunteered.
"NO," Pi and Toma replied in unison.
"Just sayin’," Jin replied, fighting a pout.
--
Toma hovered outside the design studio. He knew (through no small amount of internet stalking) that Maki had a photography class every Tuesday at four. It had been nearly 20 minutes since he’d gotten there. He’d been trying to pump himself up to go in. ‘Just go in, Toma. Go in and talk to her and get it out of the way. The sooner you do it, the sooner it’s over. Just. Go. In.’ His internal monologue was starting to irritate him - surely a sign it was time to just do it.
Finally finding his manbits, Toma reached for the door just as it swung open, cracking him in the knuckles hard. Several swears filtered through Toma’s puffed breath as he clutched his hand to his chest, inspecting it for damage.
"Oh my, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?"
Toma lifted his head and locked eyes with Maki. Everything he’d been meaning to say flew right out of his head.
"Toma," she murmured. Her gaze went steely for a moment before softening back into something like pity. Holding out one hand, Maki gestured for him to come closer. Toma felt powerless to do anything but exactly that.
"Are you okay?" Maki asked, lightly tugging his injured hand toward her.
"I’ll be fine," Toma whispered. He wasn’t sure he could speak at full volume yet - the combination of throbbing pain in his hand and the way she was holding it and the look in her eyes all collided into one big ball of incoherency.
Maki lifted his hand to her lips and lightly kissed his knuckles. "I think you’ll be fine, too," she whispered in reply.
And then it all came crashing back down on him - the kisses and the cuddling under the blanket, how he’d gotten up on wobbly legs to go retrieve it for her when the cool night air made the hairs on her arms stand on end, the way she’d fallen asleep in his arms and Toma wished for death yet again because nothing could ever be as perfect as that moment.
"I’m sorry," Toma said. "I’m so sorry I left and didn’t say goodbye."
Maki smiled (smiled and Toma’s brain almost broke again) and chuckled lightly. "I’m sorry you weren’t there to try Jin’s beer pancakes," she replied. "They were just as awful as they sound."
"What?" Toma asked intelligently.
Maki laughed and dropped his hand, twining their fingers together. "Jin and I had a nice long chat after you left and I woke up. Didn’t he tell you?"
Toma shook his head silently, eyes wide. He wondered briefly how long it would take him to murder Jin and hide the body before realizing Maki was holding his hand. Toma looked down in surprise.
"But, I, you, shirt, I don’t…" he stammered.
Maki tugged him down the hall toward the exit and chuckled. "Jin told me you couldn’t remember exactly what happened. I decided to let you wait it out. I didn’t want to be that girl that jumps all over a guy just because they shared a moment." She stopped, turning to face him. "I didn’t want to destroy the tiny foundation we’d finally built. I figured you’d come to me, eventually. Which you did." Maki smiled again and Toma felt something inside him melt and click all at once.
"You waited for me," he replied, finally getting it.
"Yup," she beamed. "Worth it, I think."
Toma pulled her close and wrapped his arms around Maki’s waist. Nuzzling her hair lightly, he grinned. "I’m definitely going to murder Akanishi."
"I’ll help," Maki said mischievously, pulling back just enough to meet his lips in a light kiss.
The next time they fell asleep together, Toma remembered the whole thing. Vividly.