A Fangirl looks back...
So, I recently discovered something about my heroes.
Growing up, and even now, I was and am a Power Rangers addict. Old school, thanks. I had such a crush on Billy. I wanted to be the Yellow Ranger. And a few days ago, I stumbled upon a recent interview with David Yost, aka, the Blue Ranger.
Now, I was at Katsucon when Johnny Yong Bosch was there. So, I knew at least one of the old guard was heinously bitter about the gig. I can't blame him. Apparently, Saban treated their actors like shit. But, I had no idea how badly until I watched the interview with David Yost.
He spoke fondly of the job and said he loved it. He spoke fondly of the late Thuy Trang (I apologize for borking my pronunciation of her name for all these years) and of Audrey Dubois, the lady who played Trini in the first pilot. He seemed sincere and I was so glad to see that somebody was still okay with it. Even if a co-star did make him eat a bug in his sandwich. I'd heard about Jason David Frank being a rampant prankster, but that was a punk move! Still, he sounded like they'd been pals. Then I found out why he left the show.
My gaydar never pinged on him, so I had no idea he was. But, whatever. He's still my big damn hero. I don't even know why the hell it mattered then. But, I was raised by hippies and drag queens, so what do I know? It wasn't as if the kids knew and I doubt they do know. How many people my age still pay attention to their old fandoms? And I doubt the parents would have known. But, apparently, the producers threw a fit and there was rampant homophobia and finally, he walked and I applaud him for it, because nobody should have to take that kind of bullshit.
Then he talked about the fallout from that. I cried. He'd tried "Pray the Gay Away" for two years, and hearing that just about broke my heart. He had a breakdown (I'm not surprised) and then moved to Mexico to try and recover. He thought about killing himself.
Side-step for a sec: This morning, I saw a PSA by Tim Gunn called "It Gets Better". He's another hero of mine (though he can take away my Quaintrelle and Lolita when he pries them from my cold, dead, fingers). He had the same issues, a breakdown, a suicide attempt, all because he wasn't interested in women. I was shocked. This confident, intelligent, good-hearted man almost hadn't stuck around. I would never have known about him. I might never have uttered, only half in jest, "MAKE IT WORK, PEOPLE".
The same goes for David Yost. Tennant had "His" Doctor. I have "My" Blue Ranger. I lost my Yellow Ranger. It's why, even before "Click It or Ticket", I was neurotic about people wearing seat belts. She was the woman I wanted to be, and now, I will never get to tell her so. And now, I know I almost lost David. I almost lost the opportunity to finally, someday, walk up to him and say, "Sir, I want to thank you. You were the reason I stuck through High School." I was that kid. I had friends, but I was on the outskirts. I was shy, smarter than expected, I used vocabulary that most of my class only saw on an SAT list, and I was overly sensitive. I'm going to make a confession, right here and now. Billy was my first muse. I would hold conversations with "him" in my mind, when I was feeling lost, scared, cornered, depressed. When there were no sympathetic ears or shoulders, I could always find him.
I doubt he will ever read this. But, sir, if you ever do come across this, I want you to know, I'm so glad you got better. I'm so glad you didn't end it. Because, someday, when you're at a con, an overly-large, frizzy-haired woman, drowning in ruffles or maybe just in denim and a t-shirt that says something cranky and sarcastic in Latin, will approach you, probably with wide eyes and clutching a wornout computer bag. She might not make eye contact at first, out of fear of making a cake of herself. But, she will say to you, "Thank you for being my hero." She may flee after that. She's shy and nervous and was probably told by bolder and well-meaning people that she'd better go say it to you. If it's been a good day for her, otherwise, she may ask to shake your hand or smile at you. But, you'll probably be busy. Just know she meant every last word. You are STILL her big damn hero.
Chances are, that woman will be me.
Growing up, and even now, I was and am a Power Rangers addict. Old school, thanks. I had such a crush on Billy. I wanted to be the Yellow Ranger. And a few days ago, I stumbled upon a recent interview with David Yost, aka, the Blue Ranger.
Now, I was at Katsucon when Johnny Yong Bosch was there. So, I knew at least one of the old guard was heinously bitter about the gig. I can't blame him. Apparently, Saban treated their actors like shit. But, I had no idea how badly until I watched the interview with David Yost.
He spoke fondly of the job and said he loved it. He spoke fondly of the late Thuy Trang (I apologize for borking my pronunciation of her name for all these years) and of Audrey Dubois, the lady who played Trini in the first pilot. He seemed sincere and I was so glad to see that somebody was still okay with it. Even if a co-star did make him eat a bug in his sandwich. I'd heard about Jason David Frank being a rampant prankster, but that was a punk move! Still, he sounded like they'd been pals. Then I found out why he left the show.
My gaydar never pinged on him, so I had no idea he was. But, whatever. He's still my big damn hero. I don't even know why the hell it mattered then. But, I was raised by hippies and drag queens, so what do I know? It wasn't as if the kids knew and I doubt they do know. How many people my age still pay attention to their old fandoms? And I doubt the parents would have known. But, apparently, the producers threw a fit and there was rampant homophobia and finally, he walked and I applaud him for it, because nobody should have to take that kind of bullshit.
Then he talked about the fallout from that. I cried. He'd tried "Pray the Gay Away" for two years, and hearing that just about broke my heart. He had a breakdown (I'm not surprised) and then moved to Mexico to try and recover. He thought about killing himself.
Side-step for a sec: This morning, I saw a PSA by Tim Gunn called "It Gets Better". He's another hero of mine (though he can take away my Quaintrelle and Lolita when he pries them from my cold, dead, fingers). He had the same issues, a breakdown, a suicide attempt, all because he wasn't interested in women. I was shocked. This confident, intelligent, good-hearted man almost hadn't stuck around. I would never have known about him. I might never have uttered, only half in jest, "MAKE IT WORK, PEOPLE".
The same goes for David Yost. Tennant had "His" Doctor. I have "My" Blue Ranger. I lost my Yellow Ranger. It's why, even before "Click It or Ticket", I was neurotic about people wearing seat belts. She was the woman I wanted to be, and now, I will never get to tell her so. And now, I know I almost lost David. I almost lost the opportunity to finally, someday, walk up to him and say, "Sir, I want to thank you. You were the reason I stuck through High School." I was that kid. I had friends, but I was on the outskirts. I was shy, smarter than expected, I used vocabulary that most of my class only saw on an SAT list, and I was overly sensitive. I'm going to make a confession, right here and now. Billy was my first muse. I would hold conversations with "him" in my mind, when I was feeling lost, scared, cornered, depressed. When there were no sympathetic ears or shoulders, I could always find him.
I doubt he will ever read this. But, sir, if you ever do come across this, I want you to know, I'm so glad you got better. I'm so glad you didn't end it. Because, someday, when you're at a con, an overly-large, frizzy-haired woman, drowning in ruffles or maybe just in denim and a t-shirt that says something cranky and sarcastic in Latin, will approach you, probably with wide eyes and clutching a wornout computer bag. She might not make eye contact at first, out of fear of making a cake of herself. But, she will say to you, "Thank you for being my hero." She may flee after that. She's shy and nervous and was probably told by bolder and well-meaning people that she'd better go say it to you. If it's been a good day for her, otherwise, she may ask to shake your hand or smile at you. But, you'll probably be busy. Just know she meant every last word. You are STILL her big damn hero.
Chances are, that woman will be me.