(no subject)
I want to be done.
I feel like putting my head on the pillow and being done with it. Go off to sleep and let that be it. Drift away into somewhere better... somewhere off in space, where I can float alone...
Too many mixed signals. I want them to be direct... no more playing around. The games were a little cute and fun for a while, but now they hurt. Like walking barefoot on heated shards of glass. Like having a paper shield with metal arrows coming at me. And I've tried so hard to make it through them all, all alone. So I've broken my limbs and lost a lot of blood. Dying on the floor, and yet still pressing on. It sucks.
Everything is wrong. Things should have been done differently. Instead, the web is all tangled up to a point where I'm being strangled and hung. And lately, it hasn't seemed like a bad idea. You know, strangled and whatnot. Silly illusions crossing my mind at frightening hours of the night, waking me up with horrid shivers and an icy spine.
I don't want to be anybody's burden. I don't want to be anybody's savior. I really want nothing more than to be just that. Nothing. An invisible little shadow that passes through life unnoticed, and dies the same way.
I wonder how much longer I'll hold out. Going on in secret agony, holding out for eternal release. I wonder who would immediately contact me to scold me; to be concerned and angry at the same time. Sometimes I wonder, if I were to ever be in an obituary, who would mourn my loss. Sometimes I wonder if my stupid insanity frightens anyone to nightmares or awful feelings... I hope nobody, but sometimes I wish someone would. I want someone to care, but then I don't. Damn my twisted, twisted ways.
I wish I were nobody.
I wish I could just slip away unnoticed.
I'm so tired of the hurting. Of the confusion. Of all of it.
Drift away. That would be nice.
I feel like putting my head on the pillow and being done with it. Go off to sleep and let that be it. Drift away into somewhere better... somewhere off in space, where I can float alone...
Too many mixed signals. I want them to be direct... no more playing around. The games were a little cute and fun for a while, but now they hurt. Like walking barefoot on heated shards of glass. Like having a paper shield with metal arrows coming at me. And I've tried so hard to make it through them all, all alone. So I've broken my limbs and lost a lot of blood. Dying on the floor, and yet still pressing on. It sucks.
Everything is wrong. Things should have been done differently. Instead, the web is all tangled up to a point where I'm being strangled and hung. And lately, it hasn't seemed like a bad idea. You know, strangled and whatnot. Silly illusions crossing my mind at frightening hours of the night, waking me up with horrid shivers and an icy spine.
I don't want to be anybody's burden. I don't want to be anybody's savior. I really want nothing more than to be just that. Nothing. An invisible little shadow that passes through life unnoticed, and dies the same way.
I wonder how much longer I'll hold out. Going on in secret agony, holding out for eternal release. I wonder who would immediately contact me to scold me; to be concerned and angry at the same time. Sometimes I wonder, if I were to ever be in an obituary, who would mourn my loss. Sometimes I wonder if my stupid insanity frightens anyone to nightmares or awful feelings... I hope nobody, but sometimes I wish someone would. I want someone to care, but then I don't. Damn my twisted, twisted ways.
I wish I were nobody.
I wish I could just slip away unnoticed.
I'm so tired of the hurting. Of the confusion. Of all of it.
Drift away. That would be nice.