(no subject)
So, I inherited a project from work call Art A'Faire. I've been trying to round up artists and musicians for it for weeks now. I just got all the acts lined up and filled out the noise ordinance to be able to make noise out in the park. I just never realized one thing that I'll now never forget.
They have to be in fifteen days before an event, not counting weekends.
So they wouldn't accept my form for the 7th. Which is okay because I don't have but one group who is going to perform for an hour and they're acoustic. As long as we don't mic anyone then we should be fine. And I keep telling myself that people who live in the apartments are used to events going on in the garden and that since this happens around noon time then no one is going to be pissed about some light singing.
What nearly stopped my heart what that I was one day short for the 14th. Which is a big problem since that is the one weekend that we've got an outside group coming, and they're going to make some noise. I asked the woman if there was anything I could do that wouldn't get her in trouble. She sighed, but was sweet and gave me the number to the police captain that decides on these things. I called the number from the clerk's office and got his secretary. After talking with Bonnie, the secretary, about this she said that she'd talk with the captain in the morning and for the clerk to go ahead and process the form. I almost started crying, this was such a relief, but I didn't. I just thanked the clerk and walked out.
So now my situation is this: we can have the event on Saturday but if the cops are called then we have to shut it down. I'm not anticipating a very large crowd for the first day and I only have six artists and one small acoustic group who is going to play for an hour. I've decided to set the singing group up nearer to the building and away from the apartments and to not mic them. This should keep the noise away from the apartment and the artists. I asked the clerk what the laws were and apparently the noise ordinance gains you one grace call, which I think the cops would give us anyway, and the second call that the neighborhood gives will shut you down. Now, seeing as we've had events that were miced and had music on speakers till 1:00 in the morning, and this is one small singing group at noon, then I think I'll be fine.
Now I'm calling Bonnie in the morning to make sure that she talks with the captain and that everything will be alright on the second form. The only thing I have to do now is tell my boss that I failed at getting something in. This will not be good since she's under fire for another situation in Birmingham with the tour that didn't do well. Seeing as this is my first organized event of this nature, I hope she practices a little grace and doesn't fire me. She can chew me out and yell at me all she wants, I'm not going to forget this lesson.
The only thing is that if you've lived with me then you know that I have a tendency to blow up really minor things and read a lot into things that aren't there. My imagination is much worse than reality and the worse punishment is usually leaving me alone and letting me imagine how bad things will be and beating myself up.
I keep telling myself that I'm not trying to escape the consequences of my mistake. I'm not, really, I just hope they aren't bad enough that I'm fired for them. I hope I don't end up the example to not follow. Please let my work so far be good enough to get me out of this without being fired. As you can tell, I have this insane fear of being fired and having nothing to fall back on.
But another part of me keeps reminding myself that I'll not value this lesson unless I pay for it. That I have to pay for the lessons I learn and not run from the responsibility of gaining a new experience by not being punished in some way.
Tomorrow is not going to be fun. I didn't sleep very much last night from the excitement of going back to work. Now I won't sleep from the dread.
I should have known from the dream that I did have while I dozed. Two lions stalked my sleep. One from the fear of succeeding, the other from the fear of failure.
Am I crazy? I'm obsessing, I know, and a normal person would probably have blown this off and just moved on. What I keep telling myself is that this is not acceptable in any situation. I'm not paid to make mistakes, I'm paid to do the job I'm supposed to do. I was supposed to learn in college, that's what I got the piece of paper for! I should know better than this! I did, and I still didn't get downtown in time. And it's not like it's far from where I live. I have no excuse. I dropped the ball and that's all.
I am so stupid to allow one piece of paper to put me into this position! At least they helped me with the second weekend which could have ruined any hope I had of returning unscathed to work.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm mad at myself and a little scared. Will I be alright by this time tomorrow? Oh god, we have a meeting tomorrow about Art A'Faire. I'll have to tell everyone what happened? I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Am I going to be okay?
The only thing that I'm using to comfort myself is that surely they've seen worse things happen and that I'm just freaking out because I don't have the context and that so far this is the worst thing that I've done or dealt with.
I'm going to go lie down and watch some tv for awhile and read. Maybe I'll be able to post that I still have a job tomorrow night.