A Discussion with Dr. X
The talk went... GOOD! A hell of a lot better than I thought it would and actually very very helpful. I haven't cried once about it! I don't know if it was just the timing of it / I've had some time to digest everything that I was in more of a listening / accommodating mood rather than just yelling at him for what he did, but it was a good convo.
I had told him beforehand what things I wanted to discuss, so that he wouldn't have a response like "i don't know" (which was ALL he said when he broke up with me and it wasn't fair). He told me the explanation as to why it was so out-of-the-blue... because it was. He had told his gf about our weekend to Niagara Falls, she FLIPPED (rightfully so, apparently started screaming and throwing things) and then I came at him with all these things about how I felt and what I wanted and he just felt so torn and upset all the time that he hit a wall and just had to not deal with either of us. So he broke up with me, and went on a "break" with her (but he says in her mind, they were broken up then).
He is now officially broken up with her. Since January when he got back. HOW MUCH LESS STRESS WOULD I HAVE HAD IF I HAD KNOWN THAT! ugh! They HAVE to live together because he can't afford to live on his own right now and even though I've told him that is so fucked up and NOT good for either of them, he agrees and looked so upset / sad because he's said he couldn't afford his own place.
He was very apologetic for everything and told me how he hasn't been dealing with it very well. While I have had panic attacks and wasn't eating, he was drinking / smoking heavily. Enough for his friends to ave an intervention with him the past month.
And here's the kicker. He confessed that he lied when he said he didn't love me when we broke up. He said it because he thought it would push me away from him and it'd be easier for me to deal with the break up. But he did love me and still has intense feelings for me. He has been more broken up about him/me than him/anne (because he was in love with me and wasn't in love with her by the end). I still care for him obviously too. But we're smarter than just jumping into something again.
We talked about the "what now"s too. We decided that a). we can't be "just friends" because it wouldn't work, b). we're not going to get back together right now regardless of how we feel for each other. He needs to be single and sort out his head and I need to start feeling better about myself / life. c). We'll still communicate like we have the past month... not a lot, but not just stopping. Like if we need to talk, we will be there. d). We also agreed that we could both see ourselves together in the future... so like 6 months, a year, who knows, just not right now.
So the talk was good and I realized I am NOT over him though. When he dropped me off, he asked for a hug and then right at the end, we kissed. Not a peck, not a make out, just like a five second really really good kiss. Bad idea right? The ENTIRE time I wanted to hug him and kiss him. I got the crazy butterflies. I've made out with some boys since the breakup and haven't felt any of the butterflies I feel when I kiss him for just 5 seconds.
Pros: I got an explanation for why he broke up with me. He has felt just as bad / worse than I have (kind of a little guilty pleasure, glad he went through hell too). He isn't over me. He's broken up with her but still living with her. We know where we stand. We're on the same page.
Cons: I am clearly NOT over him. I am thinking of him more again now.
All in all though, all the horrible things I thought would happen didn't. I got a bit of closure... but I'm still into him. Time will tell, I guess?
I had told him beforehand what things I wanted to discuss, so that he wouldn't have a response like "i don't know" (which was ALL he said when he broke up with me and it wasn't fair). He told me the explanation as to why it was so out-of-the-blue... because it was. He had told his gf about our weekend to Niagara Falls, she FLIPPED (rightfully so, apparently started screaming and throwing things) and then I came at him with all these things about how I felt and what I wanted and he just felt so torn and upset all the time that he hit a wall and just had to not deal with either of us. So he broke up with me, and went on a "break" with her (but he says in her mind, they were broken up then).
He is now officially broken up with her. Since January when he got back. HOW MUCH LESS STRESS WOULD I HAVE HAD IF I HAD KNOWN THAT! ugh! They HAVE to live together because he can't afford to live on his own right now and even though I've told him that is so fucked up and NOT good for either of them, he agrees and looked so upset / sad because he's said he couldn't afford his own place.
He was very apologetic for everything and told me how he hasn't been dealing with it very well. While I have had panic attacks and wasn't eating, he was drinking / smoking heavily. Enough for his friends to ave an intervention with him the past month.
And here's the kicker. He confessed that he lied when he said he didn't love me when we broke up. He said it because he thought it would push me away from him and it'd be easier for me to deal with the break up. But he did love me and still has intense feelings for me. He has been more broken up about him/me than him/anne (because he was in love with me and wasn't in love with her by the end). I still care for him obviously too. But we're smarter than just jumping into something again.
We talked about the "what now"s too. We decided that a). we can't be "just friends" because it wouldn't work, b). we're not going to get back together right now regardless of how we feel for each other. He needs to be single and sort out his head and I need to start feeling better about myself / life. c). We'll still communicate like we have the past month... not a lot, but not just stopping. Like if we need to talk, we will be there. d). We also agreed that we could both see ourselves together in the future... so like 6 months, a year, who knows, just not right now.
So the talk was good and I realized I am NOT over him though. When he dropped me off, he asked for a hug and then right at the end, we kissed. Not a peck, not a make out, just like a five second really really good kiss. Bad idea right? The ENTIRE time I wanted to hug him and kiss him. I got the crazy butterflies. I've made out with some boys since the breakup and haven't felt any of the butterflies I feel when I kiss him for just 5 seconds.
Pros: I got an explanation for why he broke up with me. He has felt just as bad / worse than I have (kind of a little guilty pleasure, glad he went through hell too). He isn't over me. He's broken up with her but still living with her. We know where we stand. We're on the same page.
Cons: I am clearly NOT over him. I am thinking of him more again now.
All in all though, all the horrible things I thought would happen didn't. I got a bit of closure... but I'm still into him. Time will tell, I guess?