(no subject)
LoL, normally I really hate political stuff, but I found some really funny Bush/republican jokes while I was "doing my paper for government" lol... im gonna flunk outta school...i'm such a bad student! :(
On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.
So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"
Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"
So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how 'bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."
Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek.
The blond thinks: "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face"
The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him."
Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.
"I've got a problem," says W.
"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.
"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.
"A big rooster," replies W.
"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
George W. was asked what he thought about Roe v. Wade. He said he thought it was just about the most important decision George Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware.
On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.
So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"
Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"
So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how 'bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."
Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek.
The blond thinks: "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face"
The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him."
Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.
"I've got a problem," says W.
"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.
"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.
"A big rooster," replies W.
"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
George W. was asked what he thought about Roe v. Wade. He said he thought it was just about the most important decision George Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware.