PoT: bedside manner
For tongari. Although, when it comes down to it? It's more Kirihara/Yukimura than it is FujiKiri. I'm sorry.
I know this fic officially seals my eternal place in PoT Fandom Hell, as I've definitely committed some unspoken crime. You'll see. I'll give you a hint now: I understand that Hirakawachi 1-chome's "Sakura no Kakusu Wakare Michi" isn't about a funeral, but that doesn't quite deter me from writing this fic with that song playing in the background.
Kirihara remembers Fuji's voice.
The last time he heard it on the tennis courts, the only thing he could think was "fragrant". There was something odd about it, something wafting and not quite human, so he had been, of course, attracted to it completely. And it haunted him a little after that match with Fuji at the Kantou tournaments, before nationals. Even after nobody in Rikkai really talked about caring anymore about having lost that match, Kirihara thinks of Fuji's voice in context with his tennis. Fuji's voice, and the way it floated around the tennis courts, bodiless. Echoing. Something wholly removed from the person.
And so the reason Kirihara finds out about Fuji is because he hears Fuji's voice coming out from behind an almost shut door. A thin door, with the number and the nameplate, and Kirihara recognizes the family name but not the given name. So he stands outside the door for a little while, breathing lightly, until he hears Fuji's voice, and then he knows.
He learns that who Yuuta is that way too. Kirihara hears "Aniki!" from the inside the room, and a few moments later, as if taking a breath or laughing, Fuji says, "Sorry, Yuuta."
Blood only runs so deep, Kirihara thinks, because Yuuta's voice doesn't sound like Fuji's at all. Not that soft, unobtrusive, deadly voice that Fuji has. "Right," he whispers to himself nonsensically, then rushes off to Yukimura's room like he's supposed to do.
*
There is no cure for Guillain-Barrè syndrome. 90% of the people survive, and 75-90% recover completely. But there is no real way to cure it. There are relapses even some 3 years afterwards. Sometimes there's just general weakness. Sometimes people never get over it.
That's what Yagyuu told Kirihara in the Rikkai locker room a day after they first put Yukimura in intensive care. Yagyuu had spoken in hushed, whispered tones, almost scared, and had shut up completely when Sanada walked in. That's how Kirihara remembers the symptoms and the treatment for Guillain-Barrè syndrome, in Yagyuu's voice with that breathiness around it.
It's the same way Yukimura tells it to Kirihara, too. Very softly, resignedly, without a hint of bitterness, and it scares Kirihara. He'll never tell anyone that, but it's there, so he's afraid to ever talk to Yukimura about it. Doesn't even mention the name of the disease around Yukimura, although Yanagi, without blinking, tells Kirihara that technically Guillain-Barrè syndrome isn't a disease. "There's no specific agent for the syndrome," Yanagi had said, and before Kirihara could ask, "Disease-causing agent."
"I knew that already," Kirihara had replied, feeling childishly annoyed and abandoned.
The day Kirihara hears Fuji's voice coming out of another hospital room, he gets to Yukimura's room a little later than he usually does. Yukimura is sitting up in bed, looking outside, and he smiles at Kirihara when he comes in. He's always been smiling.
"Sorry," Kirihara says, closing the door behind him, and doesn't think of Fuji at all.
*
Except a few days later, when Kirihara comes again, he takes the extra time to pause outside Yuuta's room, waiting for Fuji's voice. And doesn't leave when he hears it, actually stands outside the door, straining his ears to hear what they're talking about. Which ends up being absolutely nothing, just Fuji telling Yuuta that he picked up his homework for him and how all his classmates miss him, and Yuuta saying nothing in return.
The strange thing is that Kirihara can't even picture Fuji's face anymore, just sees a voice, as if Yuuta was in that room all by himself, just there listening to a bodiless voice talk to him.
It's only when Fuji says, "Here, do you want me to peel that orange for you?" that Kirihara realizes that he's eavesdropping.
*
"You're the only one who comes to visit me regularly anymore," Yukimura says as Kirihara helps him puff up his pillow. Kirihara can see that Yukimura's hands are skinnier than they used to be. His arms look so much thinner. Kirihara wonders if he can wrap his entire hand around Yukimura's upper arm and then is so totally shocked with himself that he doesn't say anything to Yukimura's comment, just stares at Yukimura's shoulders and his elbows.
Kirihara remembers how Yukimura used to be able to hit a tennis ball so hard that it would cause Kirihara's racquet to fly right back up into his face. Remembers how Yukimura used to be able to run faster than any of them, used to be able to hit harder, used to be able to serve smoother, and play better than any of them.
"Fukubuchou doesn't come?" Kirihara asks, sitting back down.
"The nurses won't let him," Yukimura says, leaning into his pillows softly, his breath like a soft little "oof" to show that he appreciates what Kirihara had done for him. "They say he disturbs my mental state too much. Besides, he should be too busy to keep shuffling back and forth from the school to the hospital."
He's not, Kirihara thinks, but doesn't say anything. Decides not to tell Yukimura about Sanada standing all by himself at the end of practice, hitting a ball into the same spot on the wall over and over again until Yanagi came up to tell him he'll ruin the wall if he hits it that hard. Sanada had looked murderous then, enough to make Kirihara automatically back up a few steps.
"Do you always call him fukubuchou, Kirihara?" Yukimura asks. He puts his hand gently over Kirihara's, and Kirihara blinks rapidly so that he isn't even tempted to cry about it.
"Maybe," he says, almost croaking.
Yukimura pats Kirihara's hand gently and says, "Don't make any trouble for him while I'm gone, all right?" and Kirihara remembers that, yes, Yukimura never shouted at them like Sanada has to do. Yukimura just had to say their names, smile softly, and they would have been willing to do anything for him.
*
On the weekend Kirihara goes up to Yukimura's room only to find the "No Visitors" sign on the door. He can hear a low rumbling voice inside, though, and it doesn't take him long to realize that it's Sanada inside. It sounds like Sanada's reading a story or something, because for the long period of time, five minutes or something, that Kirihara waits outside the door, he doesn't hear Yukimura's voice. Not even once.
So he does the only other thing he can think of doing besides going home. He sits against the wall beside Yuuta's room and listens through the wall to Fuji telling Yuuta that their sister made him some cake to eat. After a while he curls up his knees and falls asleep.
He wakes up when Fuji opens the door. Kirihara tries to affect some kind of embarrassment, but can't think of anything but shock at seeing Fuji's face again. Automatically Kirihara thinks back to Fuji's voice, the slight nuances of texture and scent that had made it angry on the tennis courts and soft in the hospital room next to Yuuta. He wonders if he should give Fuji an explanation for why he's out there, then wonders if Fuji would want to know how long he's been sleeping there. Afterwards he just says, "How's Yuuta doing?" He'll answer Fuji's questions if he asks.
"He's fine," Fuji says carefully, closing the door behind him. "He's recovering."
"From what?"
"An accident," Fuji says, setting his teeth against the words. Kirihara gets up and brushes off his pants. The way Fuji enunciates his words is familiar. The way he blends his vowels is too. Kirihara decides he won't tell Fuji anything after all, that he won't ask anything more either, but in the end his self control doesn't hold out.
"When are you going to Nationals?"
"This week."
Kirihara cocks his head. He can't hear anything from inside the room and figures that Yuuta's asleep. "Planning on winning?"
"Of course," Fuji says, turning around. "I promised Yuuta I would." And Fuji disappears down the hallway.
Kirihara doesn't go back to Yukimura's room. He stands outside Yuuta's room for a little while before going home. The bus ride home he falls asleep and misses his stop, the first time in weeks since he's started visiting Yukimura. At home he considers calling Yukimura to apologize for not coming, but instead just folds the cell phone over his stomach and stares up at the ceiling.
*
A week later, coming back from Yukimura's room, Kirihara passes Yuuta's room and pauses. There's the sound of a TV turned on in the room. Kirihara realizes that it's the day of the nationals. He doesn't consider it, just turns the doorknob and walks into the room as if he were Fuji, as if he knew Yuuta, as if Yuuta was expecting him.
Yuuta, propped up on the bed, turns in surprise towards Kirihara. After a few moments of awkward silence, he furrows his brow and asks, "Who are you?" The remote is tight in one hand, the bed sheets tight in another. Kirihara smells oranges. Suddenly, Yuuta straightens up and says, "Wait, you're that-"
The TV announcer makes some vaguely celebratory sound for Fuji's return ace as Kirihara walks right back out. The next morning Kirihara buys the newspaper on the way to school but for some reason doesn't open it to the sports page. He reads all of it, every single word of it, except for the sports section. When he gets to school he throws the whole thing away in the first trash can he comes across.
*
After that Kirihara doesn't stop by Yuuta's room anymore. He takes the long way to Yukimura's room and takes the long way back so he doesn't pass by the room at all. The day the entire Rikkai team goes to the hospital because of Yukimura's relapse, though, Kirihara follows them all as they take the shorter route. The nameplate on Yuuta's door's been removed, and the door is wide open, the inside of the room looking empty, antiseptic, and completely white. The TV set is off and forbiddingly black. There's nothing left of Yuuta or Fuji.
Kirihara thinks stupidly, You've won, Fuji, then forgets all about it when standing in front of Yukimura's room, he sees them wheeling Yukimura out.
It hits Kirihara then: Fuji's voice reminds him of Yukimura's.
A/N: I have a suspicion that even if Rikkai loses, they'll still go on to Nationals, or something. But oh well. Suspending reality for this one fic will not kill anyone. Death threats, flames, "OMG WTF" are welcome. *laughs* Heaven knows I deserve it.
I know this fic officially seals my eternal place in PoT Fandom Hell, as I've definitely committed some unspoken crime. You'll see. I'll give you a hint now: I understand that Hirakawachi 1-chome's "Sakura no Kakusu Wakare Michi" isn't about a funeral, but that doesn't quite deter me from writing this fic with that song playing in the background.
Kirihara remembers Fuji's voice.
The last time he heard it on the tennis courts, the only thing he could think was "fragrant". There was something odd about it, something wafting and not quite human, so he had been, of course, attracted to it completely. And it haunted him a little after that match with Fuji at the Kantou tournaments, before nationals. Even after nobody in Rikkai really talked about caring anymore about having lost that match, Kirihara thinks of Fuji's voice in context with his tennis. Fuji's voice, and the way it floated around the tennis courts, bodiless. Echoing. Something wholly removed from the person.
And so the reason Kirihara finds out about Fuji is because he hears Fuji's voice coming out from behind an almost shut door. A thin door, with the number and the nameplate, and Kirihara recognizes the family name but not the given name. So he stands outside the door for a little while, breathing lightly, until he hears Fuji's voice, and then he knows.
He learns that who Yuuta is that way too. Kirihara hears "Aniki!" from the inside the room, and a few moments later, as if taking a breath or laughing, Fuji says, "Sorry, Yuuta."
Blood only runs so deep, Kirihara thinks, because Yuuta's voice doesn't sound like Fuji's at all. Not that soft, unobtrusive, deadly voice that Fuji has. "Right," he whispers to himself nonsensically, then rushes off to Yukimura's room like he's supposed to do.
*
There is no cure for Guillain-Barrè syndrome. 90% of the people survive, and 75-90% recover completely. But there is no real way to cure it. There are relapses even some 3 years afterwards. Sometimes there's just general weakness. Sometimes people never get over it.
That's what Yagyuu told Kirihara in the Rikkai locker room a day after they first put Yukimura in intensive care. Yagyuu had spoken in hushed, whispered tones, almost scared, and had shut up completely when Sanada walked in. That's how Kirihara remembers the symptoms and the treatment for Guillain-Barrè syndrome, in Yagyuu's voice with that breathiness around it.
It's the same way Yukimura tells it to Kirihara, too. Very softly, resignedly, without a hint of bitterness, and it scares Kirihara. He'll never tell anyone that, but it's there, so he's afraid to ever talk to Yukimura about it. Doesn't even mention the name of the disease around Yukimura, although Yanagi, without blinking, tells Kirihara that technically Guillain-Barrè syndrome isn't a disease. "There's no specific agent for the syndrome," Yanagi had said, and before Kirihara could ask, "Disease-causing agent."
"I knew that already," Kirihara had replied, feeling childishly annoyed and abandoned.
The day Kirihara hears Fuji's voice coming out of another hospital room, he gets to Yukimura's room a little later than he usually does. Yukimura is sitting up in bed, looking outside, and he smiles at Kirihara when he comes in. He's always been smiling.
"Sorry," Kirihara says, closing the door behind him, and doesn't think of Fuji at all.
*
Except a few days later, when Kirihara comes again, he takes the extra time to pause outside Yuuta's room, waiting for Fuji's voice. And doesn't leave when he hears it, actually stands outside the door, straining his ears to hear what they're talking about. Which ends up being absolutely nothing, just Fuji telling Yuuta that he picked up his homework for him and how all his classmates miss him, and Yuuta saying nothing in return.
The strange thing is that Kirihara can't even picture Fuji's face anymore, just sees a voice, as if Yuuta was in that room all by himself, just there listening to a bodiless voice talk to him.
It's only when Fuji says, "Here, do you want me to peel that orange for you?" that Kirihara realizes that he's eavesdropping.
*
"You're the only one who comes to visit me regularly anymore," Yukimura says as Kirihara helps him puff up his pillow. Kirihara can see that Yukimura's hands are skinnier than they used to be. His arms look so much thinner. Kirihara wonders if he can wrap his entire hand around Yukimura's upper arm and then is so totally shocked with himself that he doesn't say anything to Yukimura's comment, just stares at Yukimura's shoulders and his elbows.
Kirihara remembers how Yukimura used to be able to hit a tennis ball so hard that it would cause Kirihara's racquet to fly right back up into his face. Remembers how Yukimura used to be able to run faster than any of them, used to be able to hit harder, used to be able to serve smoother, and play better than any of them.
"Fukubuchou doesn't come?" Kirihara asks, sitting back down.
"The nurses won't let him," Yukimura says, leaning into his pillows softly, his breath like a soft little "oof" to show that he appreciates what Kirihara had done for him. "They say he disturbs my mental state too much. Besides, he should be too busy to keep shuffling back and forth from the school to the hospital."
He's not, Kirihara thinks, but doesn't say anything. Decides not to tell Yukimura about Sanada standing all by himself at the end of practice, hitting a ball into the same spot on the wall over and over again until Yanagi came up to tell him he'll ruin the wall if he hits it that hard. Sanada had looked murderous then, enough to make Kirihara automatically back up a few steps.
"Do you always call him fukubuchou, Kirihara?" Yukimura asks. He puts his hand gently over Kirihara's, and Kirihara blinks rapidly so that he isn't even tempted to cry about it.
"Maybe," he says, almost croaking.
Yukimura pats Kirihara's hand gently and says, "Don't make any trouble for him while I'm gone, all right?" and Kirihara remembers that, yes, Yukimura never shouted at them like Sanada has to do. Yukimura just had to say their names, smile softly, and they would have been willing to do anything for him.
*
On the weekend Kirihara goes up to Yukimura's room only to find the "No Visitors" sign on the door. He can hear a low rumbling voice inside, though, and it doesn't take him long to realize that it's Sanada inside. It sounds like Sanada's reading a story or something, because for the long period of time, five minutes or something, that Kirihara waits outside the door, he doesn't hear Yukimura's voice. Not even once.
So he does the only other thing he can think of doing besides going home. He sits against the wall beside Yuuta's room and listens through the wall to Fuji telling Yuuta that their sister made him some cake to eat. After a while he curls up his knees and falls asleep.
He wakes up when Fuji opens the door. Kirihara tries to affect some kind of embarrassment, but can't think of anything but shock at seeing Fuji's face again. Automatically Kirihara thinks back to Fuji's voice, the slight nuances of texture and scent that had made it angry on the tennis courts and soft in the hospital room next to Yuuta. He wonders if he should give Fuji an explanation for why he's out there, then wonders if Fuji would want to know how long he's been sleeping there. Afterwards he just says, "How's Yuuta doing?" He'll answer Fuji's questions if he asks.
"He's fine," Fuji says carefully, closing the door behind him. "He's recovering."
"From what?"
"An accident," Fuji says, setting his teeth against the words. Kirihara gets up and brushes off his pants. The way Fuji enunciates his words is familiar. The way he blends his vowels is too. Kirihara decides he won't tell Fuji anything after all, that he won't ask anything more either, but in the end his self control doesn't hold out.
"When are you going to Nationals?"
"This week."
Kirihara cocks his head. He can't hear anything from inside the room and figures that Yuuta's asleep. "Planning on winning?"
"Of course," Fuji says, turning around. "I promised Yuuta I would." And Fuji disappears down the hallway.
Kirihara doesn't go back to Yukimura's room. He stands outside Yuuta's room for a little while before going home. The bus ride home he falls asleep and misses his stop, the first time in weeks since he's started visiting Yukimura. At home he considers calling Yukimura to apologize for not coming, but instead just folds the cell phone over his stomach and stares up at the ceiling.
*
A week later, coming back from Yukimura's room, Kirihara passes Yuuta's room and pauses. There's the sound of a TV turned on in the room. Kirihara realizes that it's the day of the nationals. He doesn't consider it, just turns the doorknob and walks into the room as if he were Fuji, as if he knew Yuuta, as if Yuuta was expecting him.
Yuuta, propped up on the bed, turns in surprise towards Kirihara. After a few moments of awkward silence, he furrows his brow and asks, "Who are you?" The remote is tight in one hand, the bed sheets tight in another. Kirihara smells oranges. Suddenly, Yuuta straightens up and says, "Wait, you're that-"
The TV announcer makes some vaguely celebratory sound for Fuji's return ace as Kirihara walks right back out. The next morning Kirihara buys the newspaper on the way to school but for some reason doesn't open it to the sports page. He reads all of it, every single word of it, except for the sports section. When he gets to school he throws the whole thing away in the first trash can he comes across.
*
After that Kirihara doesn't stop by Yuuta's room anymore. He takes the long way to Yukimura's room and takes the long way back so he doesn't pass by the room at all. The day the entire Rikkai team goes to the hospital because of Yukimura's relapse, though, Kirihara follows them all as they take the shorter route. The nameplate on Yuuta's door's been removed, and the door is wide open, the inside of the room looking empty, antiseptic, and completely white. The TV set is off and forbiddingly black. There's nothing left of Yuuta or Fuji.
Kirihara thinks stupidly, You've won, Fuji, then forgets all about it when standing in front of Yukimura's room, he sees them wheeling Yukimura out.
It hits Kirihara then: Fuji's voice reminds him of Yukimura's.
A/N: I have a suspicion that even if Rikkai loses, they'll still go on to Nationals, or something. But oh well. Suspending reality for this one fic will not kill anyone. Death threats, flames, "OMG WTF" are welcome. *laughs* Heaven knows I deserve it.