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I remain. I am still in wonder how I am still here.

My days eke their way past my dragging thoughts.

I am drinking everyday still. I've forgotten why I started. I just keep going. It's not dissimilar to why I keep going at all. At anything ( Read more... )

I am reminded of old talks. Chats I guess. Perhaps discussions, or just rants. I am not sure.
Of the girls perspective. Centred around attraction. Interactions.

I remember talking to Clair at a wedding. We were drunk. She was trying to explain to me about close friends ( Read more... )

We wait.

We're the ones who sit, thinking about everything. Nothing. We don't cry, we don't moan. We wait. We confuse ourselves with circles, conflicts and alcohol ( Read more... )

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Yep, the ex "soulmate" is the reason for the late reply.
Also I am un-date-able.

Fun times. She asked that I don't add her to the crazy bint list.
Difficult to do, when I only judge people by their actions.

And hers being that she start to date random guys whilst still hung up on her ex, is on my list of crazy things.

Sigh.

The weird thing is that she herself said her friend started to date guys when she was still hung-up on her ex.
I might be paranoid. No, in-fact I am paranoid. But she said she wanted to meet again on Friday, but she didn't pick up her phone tonight.
I only called because she didn't respond to a text two days ago. What the fuck?

I hate dating. 

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I haven't been here to write enough. This is a shame. My thoughts are still just as sharp and concise as they've ever been.
I am not drinking as much as I did previously.
I haven't been able to write, as recently I have let self-doubt and plain boring laziness convince me that I am useless.

During the windows of lucidity and clarity I have had ( Read more... )

I never really wanted anything from anyone.

I'm going to die having never gotten what I wanted.

All these 'somethings' add up to nothing.
All these 'nothings' add up to that something I never wanted.

I am still confused and utterly obsessed with Russell's Paradox.