Fic: Change of Heart Part II
Title: Change of Heart, Part II
Rating: NC17 (this part)
Pairing: Harry/Cedric
Warnings: some more angst, sexual content
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and friends did not come from my head.
Summary: Cedric is in the Order and Harry is not. They struggle with their relationship and the return of Voldemort.
Author’s Note: Part two of three... the final section will be posted next week. Please note that some of this won't make sense if you haven't read "Force of Will." And as always, thank you everyone for the lovely feedback!
Force of Will
Part I
Change of Heart
Part II
Cedric was no idiot. He knew all about Dumbledore’s Army, and he knew his exclusion had little to do with a Head Boy badge. At this point, he just didn’t care. He had done his duty and informed Professor Dumbledore of the organization, but the Headmaster simply seemed amused at their choice of name. After that, he didn’t let it bother him. If Harry and his friends wanted to run around being rebellious without him, well, he already had enough responsibility as member of an actual resistance group.
Of course, he had to be honest with himself; he knew he was an honorary member at best. When Dumbledore went out of his way to extol Cedric’s virtues and bravery to the rest of the Order, Cedric had felt proud and eager and bloody terrified. But later that night, Dumbledore took him aside and gave him a simple mission: “Look after Harry.” He wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed. He also wasn’t sure why he was more suited to this task than the various inducted professors, or even Ron and Hermione for that matter. One thing was clear, though: he was not expected to fight.
Still, he took his mission seriously. Since Harry had decided the best punishment was to simply ignore him, Cedric had to settle on secretly watching him from a distance. It felt oddly like last year all over again. (Maybe that was why he was given the task; he certainly had the practice.) Although he was still upset over Harry’s unexpected outburst over the summer, he figured it was better this way. For one thing, his embarrassing crush had the chance to fade. For another, he didn’t have to field any more strange questions from his mates, who had finally shut up about Cedric’s protective display at the end of the tournament last year. He also needed to study for his N.E.W.T.s, and really, it was better to give Harry his space.
So he was completely surprised when Harry burst into the Head Boy’s office late one night, interrupting Cedric’s studies with two angry words:
“Dumbledore’s gone!”
“What?” At the look on Harry’s face, Cedric swiftly rose from his desk, knocking parchment to the floor. “Gone where?”
“What do you mean where? How the hell should I know! He’s gone! He left! And it’s my bloody fault!”
“Harry, sit down, tell me what happened.”
Harry did not take the offered seat, but began to frantically pace the small office. “Umbridge found… we sort of had this… this secret club…”
“Umbridge found out about the DA?”
Harry stopped his pacing to fix Cedric with an astonished look. “How did you…”
“Harry, I’ve known about it for ages. But if Umbridge found out, why aren’t you in trouble? Are you in trouble?”
Harry’s shoulders slumped. In a small voice he explained, “Dumbledore took the blame.”
“Fuck.” Cedric leaned against the desk, taking in the implications. With Dumbledore gone, it was obvious who was in charge. Cedric’s “mission” suddenly seemed more important than ever. He looked up to find Harry staring at him. “What is it?”
Harry merely sighed and lowered his eyes.
“It’s not your fault,” Cedric said without conviction. “Dumbledore probably prepared for this. Otherwise he would have stopped you right away.”
“Dumbledore knew about it, too?”
“Well, yeah. I told him. Last term.”
“You told him?” Harry was unexpectedly livid.
“Of course,” Cedric defended himself. “What else was I supposed to do? He wanted me to look after you!”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say.
In a flash Harry lunged at Cedric, pressing his wand into his ribcage. There was a brief moment when Cedric actually wondered what he was capable of.
“Look,” Harry shouted. “I don’t need you, or Dumbledore, or anyone looking after me! I can take care of myself, just like I had to in the graveyard! I don’t need your… your protection, all right? I’m not a bloody child anymore!”
Then, as though to prove his point, he grabbed the front of Cedric’s robes and yanked him against his lips.
If their first kiss was fueled by fear and their second by curiosity, this one bore no resemblance to either. Harry’s anger was palpable as he pressed up against Cedric and his tongue lashed out, and this was not the shy, overwhelmed boy of last year. In fact, it took all of Cedric’s energy just to keep his head above water. Once, twice he tried to pull away, but Harry sucked hard on his lower lip and wouldn’t let go. As Harry’s hands started traveling down Cedric’s sides, he finally moaned and relented, because there was clearly no stopping him anyway.
Harry took that as his cue to hastily cast locking and silencing charms before discarding his wand entirely. It fell to the classroom floor with a rattle as Harry returned his full attention to Cedric’s mouth. Cedric responded in equal ardor, with a year of unacknowledged pent up longing, and was so swept up he didn’t even notice that his trousers were unzipped until he felt a hand grab his erection and he let out a startled yelp.
“Harry,” he pleaded, reaching down to pry off the seeker’s strong fingers. But Harry silenced him with another kiss and responded by placing a second hand over Cedric’s, wrapping them both against his own cock. When Harry began slowly pulling at it, Cedric’s trapped limb was forced to comply. He tried to protest, but it came out as another hoarse groan. And when he tried to still his own hand, it betrayed him and assisted Harry instead, setting the perfect pace to send him shivering and thrusting into the three simultaneous grips. Even when the warm pressure of the top hand disappeared, he continued to guide Harry along his shaft until Harry led him by the wrist a moment later to his own heated cock. Cedric jolted, but he was already drowning, and it seemed somehow rude not to comply, not to stroke Harry in time with the sticky hand engulfing him, even though it was too hard and too fast. Harry gasped and closed his eyes. Cedric watched half-lidded as the emotions played out over Harry’s features: simultaneous joy and frustration battling with relief and intense concentration, and then sudden violent shock as Harry gasped again, squeezing Cedric’s cock painfully and coming over both of them, because of course Harry couldn’t last long. He was so young; had he ever even had sex before?
Harry’s grip loosened as the tremors of his climax subsided, and Cedric thrust forward in need, ashamed but driven by what he had just witnessed. Harry opened his eyes looking disorientated, but smiled upon seeing Cedric’s desperation, and Cedric felt those fingers close down on him again to continue their rhythm. He clasped his damp hands behind Harry’s neck as Harry pumped fervently, hardly blinking behind his glasses. Cedric, however, squeezed his eyes shut, pretending he was somewhere else, with someone else, anyone else, even though it was the afterglow image of Harry’s startled orgasmic face that finally finished it and brought him spilling into Harry’s eager fist.
The last shiver escaped through his toes and Cedric leaned back against the wall, drained and content and prickling all over. Then reality returned to him. “Shit, shit, shit,” he groaned, hastily tucking himself back in.
Harry sat down on the desk, looking exhausted but relieved and vaguely proud, in stark contrast to Cedric’s rising panic.
“I have to go, oh fuck, my mates are going to start wondering where I am…”
Harry smirked. “Well, you can always tell them you finally shagged Harry Potter.”
Cedric couldn’t tell whether or not he was joking, but was horrified either way, and still shaky from the adrenaline. “Why the hell would I say that?”
Harry frowned, and for some reason looked hurt. “I thought this was what you wanted?”
What he wanted? Harry was the one who had barged in on him, who had initiated the snogging for the third time, who had jumped into his trousers without permission. Whether or not Cedric had enjoyed it was moot. “I never asked you to come in here and get me off!” he snapped.
Harry stared at him in shock. “But… I thought you’re the one who fancies me! What, I wasn’t good enough for you? Maybe you’ve moved on to someone else already?” It was amazing how quickly Harry’s anger could bubble back up to the surface.
“No, that’s not it,” Cedric quickly replied, trying to avoid a repeat performance of Harry’s temper. “Just because I like you doesn’t mean we can just do… this!” He gestured vaguely, trying to point out the self-evident.
“Well, why the hell not?” Harry asked indignantly.
Cedric couldn’t even begin to answer, because Harry was straight, he was safe damn it, and this wasn’t even supposed to happen in the first place. Now that it had, the terrifying possibilities opened up before him. Snogging was one thing, but this? What did this make them? What did this make him? And, oh fuck, “What if people start talking…”
“Oh yeah, can’t imagine what that would be like.”
Now it was Cedric’s turn to get annoyed. “Well I’m glad it’s all the same to you, but maybe I’m not ready to risk everything I have going for me on some fling!”
He cringed at his own words.
“Some fling.”
“Harry, I didn’t mean that…”
“No wonder you haven't talked to me all year! All that stuff about fancying me was rubbish, wasn't it? You probably think I’m stark raving just like the rest of them! Is that why you think I came here? For attention?”
“No, of course not! For fuck’s sake, Harry, I thought you were still with Cho!”
“Do not talk to me about Cho!” Harry shouted. “I don’t need someone who’s going to… betray me, or bloody fall apart on me just because I snog them!” He paused, forcing some bitter calm back into his voice. “I thought you’d be different.”
“Why, because I’m a bloke?”
Harry searched his face with green, penetrating eyes, then shrugged. “Maybe.”
“And you think that will make things easier?”
“My life isn’t easy, in case you haven’t noticed. I doubt being a poof will make that much of a difference.”
Cedric shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Harry was wrong. He was young and stupid and wrong and didn’t realize what he was getting himself into. What he was getting both of them into. Sneaking around and lying and constant fear. Because these sorts of crushes were supposed to just fade, and it was all Harry’s fault that he could feel himself slipping head first into whatever this was, and Cedric panicked as he realized had no control over the situation whatsoever. “I can’t. I can’t do this,” he said to himself.
“You seemed willing enough a few minutes ago,” Harry remarked.
Cedric stood up straight. Would he ever stop shaking? “I have to go now. Don’t ever do that again.” He forced himself not to look back as he performed a hasty cleaning spell on his way out of the room.
Part III
Rating: NC17 (this part)
Pairing: Harry/Cedric
Warnings: some more angst, sexual content
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and friends did not come from my head.
Summary: Cedric is in the Order and Harry is not. They struggle with their relationship and the return of Voldemort.
Author’s Note: Part two of three... the final section will be posted next week. Please note that some of this won't make sense if you haven't read "Force of Will." And as always, thank you everyone for the lovely feedback!
Force of Will
Part I
Change of Heart
Part II
Cedric was no idiot. He knew all about Dumbledore’s Army, and he knew his exclusion had little to do with a Head Boy badge. At this point, he just didn’t care. He had done his duty and informed Professor Dumbledore of the organization, but the Headmaster simply seemed amused at their choice of name. After that, he didn’t let it bother him. If Harry and his friends wanted to run around being rebellious without him, well, he already had enough responsibility as member of an actual resistance group.
Of course, he had to be honest with himself; he knew he was an honorary member at best. When Dumbledore went out of his way to extol Cedric’s virtues and bravery to the rest of the Order, Cedric had felt proud and eager and bloody terrified. But later that night, Dumbledore took him aside and gave him a simple mission: “Look after Harry.” He wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed. He also wasn’t sure why he was more suited to this task than the various inducted professors, or even Ron and Hermione for that matter. One thing was clear, though: he was not expected to fight.
Still, he took his mission seriously. Since Harry had decided the best punishment was to simply ignore him, Cedric had to settle on secretly watching him from a distance. It felt oddly like last year all over again. (Maybe that was why he was given the task; he certainly had the practice.) Although he was still upset over Harry’s unexpected outburst over the summer, he figured it was better this way. For one thing, his embarrassing crush had the chance to fade. For another, he didn’t have to field any more strange questions from his mates, who had finally shut up about Cedric’s protective display at the end of the tournament last year. He also needed to study for his N.E.W.T.s, and really, it was better to give Harry his space.
So he was completely surprised when Harry burst into the Head Boy’s office late one night, interrupting Cedric’s studies with two angry words:
“Dumbledore’s gone!”
“What?” At the look on Harry’s face, Cedric swiftly rose from his desk, knocking parchment to the floor. “Gone where?”
“What do you mean where? How the hell should I know! He’s gone! He left! And it’s my bloody fault!”
“Harry, sit down, tell me what happened.”
Harry did not take the offered seat, but began to frantically pace the small office. “Umbridge found… we sort of had this… this secret club…”
“Umbridge found out about the DA?”
Harry stopped his pacing to fix Cedric with an astonished look. “How did you…”
“Harry, I’ve known about it for ages. But if Umbridge found out, why aren’t you in trouble? Are you in trouble?”
Harry’s shoulders slumped. In a small voice he explained, “Dumbledore took the blame.”
“Fuck.” Cedric leaned against the desk, taking in the implications. With Dumbledore gone, it was obvious who was in charge. Cedric’s “mission” suddenly seemed more important than ever. He looked up to find Harry staring at him. “What is it?”
Harry merely sighed and lowered his eyes.
“It’s not your fault,” Cedric said without conviction. “Dumbledore probably prepared for this. Otherwise he would have stopped you right away.”
“Dumbledore knew about it, too?”
“Well, yeah. I told him. Last term.”
“You told him?” Harry was unexpectedly livid.
“Of course,” Cedric defended himself. “What else was I supposed to do? He wanted me to look after you!”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say.
In a flash Harry lunged at Cedric, pressing his wand into his ribcage. There was a brief moment when Cedric actually wondered what he was capable of.
“Look,” Harry shouted. “I don’t need you, or Dumbledore, or anyone looking after me! I can take care of myself, just like I had to in the graveyard! I don’t need your… your protection, all right? I’m not a bloody child anymore!”
Then, as though to prove his point, he grabbed the front of Cedric’s robes and yanked him against his lips.
If their first kiss was fueled by fear and their second by curiosity, this one bore no resemblance to either. Harry’s anger was palpable as he pressed up against Cedric and his tongue lashed out, and this was not the shy, overwhelmed boy of last year. In fact, it took all of Cedric’s energy just to keep his head above water. Once, twice he tried to pull away, but Harry sucked hard on his lower lip and wouldn’t let go. As Harry’s hands started traveling down Cedric’s sides, he finally moaned and relented, because there was clearly no stopping him anyway.
Harry took that as his cue to hastily cast locking and silencing charms before discarding his wand entirely. It fell to the classroom floor with a rattle as Harry returned his full attention to Cedric’s mouth. Cedric responded in equal ardor, with a year of unacknowledged pent up longing, and was so swept up he didn’t even notice that his trousers were unzipped until he felt a hand grab his erection and he let out a startled yelp.
“Harry,” he pleaded, reaching down to pry off the seeker’s strong fingers. But Harry silenced him with another kiss and responded by placing a second hand over Cedric’s, wrapping them both against his own cock. When Harry began slowly pulling at it, Cedric’s trapped limb was forced to comply. He tried to protest, but it came out as another hoarse groan. And when he tried to still his own hand, it betrayed him and assisted Harry instead, setting the perfect pace to send him shivering and thrusting into the three simultaneous grips. Even when the warm pressure of the top hand disappeared, he continued to guide Harry along his shaft until Harry led him by the wrist a moment later to his own heated cock. Cedric jolted, but he was already drowning, and it seemed somehow rude not to comply, not to stroke Harry in time with the sticky hand engulfing him, even though it was too hard and too fast. Harry gasped and closed his eyes. Cedric watched half-lidded as the emotions played out over Harry’s features: simultaneous joy and frustration battling with relief and intense concentration, and then sudden violent shock as Harry gasped again, squeezing Cedric’s cock painfully and coming over both of them, because of course Harry couldn’t last long. He was so young; had he ever even had sex before?
Harry’s grip loosened as the tremors of his climax subsided, and Cedric thrust forward in need, ashamed but driven by what he had just witnessed. Harry opened his eyes looking disorientated, but smiled upon seeing Cedric’s desperation, and Cedric felt those fingers close down on him again to continue their rhythm. He clasped his damp hands behind Harry’s neck as Harry pumped fervently, hardly blinking behind his glasses. Cedric, however, squeezed his eyes shut, pretending he was somewhere else, with someone else, anyone else, even though it was the afterglow image of Harry’s startled orgasmic face that finally finished it and brought him spilling into Harry’s eager fist.
The last shiver escaped through his toes and Cedric leaned back against the wall, drained and content and prickling all over. Then reality returned to him. “Shit, shit, shit,” he groaned, hastily tucking himself back in.
Harry sat down on the desk, looking exhausted but relieved and vaguely proud, in stark contrast to Cedric’s rising panic.
“I have to go, oh fuck, my mates are going to start wondering where I am…”
Harry smirked. “Well, you can always tell them you finally shagged Harry Potter.”
Cedric couldn’t tell whether or not he was joking, but was horrified either way, and still shaky from the adrenaline. “Why the hell would I say that?”
Harry frowned, and for some reason looked hurt. “I thought this was what you wanted?”
What he wanted? Harry was the one who had barged in on him, who had initiated the snogging for the third time, who had jumped into his trousers without permission. Whether or not Cedric had enjoyed it was moot. “I never asked you to come in here and get me off!” he snapped.
Harry stared at him in shock. “But… I thought you’re the one who fancies me! What, I wasn’t good enough for you? Maybe you’ve moved on to someone else already?” It was amazing how quickly Harry’s anger could bubble back up to the surface.
“No, that’s not it,” Cedric quickly replied, trying to avoid a repeat performance of Harry’s temper. “Just because I like you doesn’t mean we can just do… this!” He gestured vaguely, trying to point out the self-evident.
“Well, why the hell not?” Harry asked indignantly.
Cedric couldn’t even begin to answer, because Harry was straight, he was safe damn it, and this wasn’t even supposed to happen in the first place. Now that it had, the terrifying possibilities opened up before him. Snogging was one thing, but this? What did this make them? What did this make him? And, oh fuck, “What if people start talking…”
“Oh yeah, can’t imagine what that would be like.”
Now it was Cedric’s turn to get annoyed. “Well I’m glad it’s all the same to you, but maybe I’m not ready to risk everything I have going for me on some fling!”
He cringed at his own words.
“Some fling.”
“Harry, I didn’t mean that…”
“No wonder you haven't talked to me all year! All that stuff about fancying me was rubbish, wasn't it? You probably think I’m stark raving just like the rest of them! Is that why you think I came here? For attention?”
“No, of course not! For fuck’s sake, Harry, I thought you were still with Cho!”
“Do not talk to me about Cho!” Harry shouted. “I don’t need someone who’s going to… betray me, or bloody fall apart on me just because I snog them!” He paused, forcing some bitter calm back into his voice. “I thought you’d be different.”
“Why, because I’m a bloke?”
Harry searched his face with green, penetrating eyes, then shrugged. “Maybe.”
“And you think that will make things easier?”
“My life isn’t easy, in case you haven’t noticed. I doubt being a poof will make that much of a difference.”
Cedric shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Harry was wrong. He was young and stupid and wrong and didn’t realize what he was getting himself into. What he was getting both of them into. Sneaking around and lying and constant fear. Because these sorts of crushes were supposed to just fade, and it was all Harry’s fault that he could feel himself slipping head first into whatever this was, and Cedric panicked as he realized had no control over the situation whatsoever. “I can’t. I can’t do this,” he said to himself.
“You seemed willing enough a few minutes ago,” Harry remarked.
Cedric stood up straight. Would he ever stop shaking? “I have to go now. Don’t ever do that again.” He forced himself not to look back as he performed a hasty cleaning spell on his way out of the room.
Part III