being a mute

[twowheeldeath]

i did it to myself, it's what i thought i wanted. to dissapear. i cannot see life after 3o so i was trying to estimate the amount to smoke, the drugs to do, the speed at which to do them so that i would die before 3o.

i still can't picture myself after 3o. more secifically, i cannot picture myself happy after 3o. because i am not adult, i

Comments

[_madhatters]

Godspeed Harroun.

[skiptracer]

all of these steps sound very healthy. medication is a great idea, not for everyone, but i think so.

a lot of people i know give me shit for taking medication, which is incredibly unfair. with the state of everything to day, you ahve to be really diluded to not feel bummed out. it's okay to have something that helps. as it doesn't change who you are, it just changes how you receive hurt.

[0018954]

I completely agree with you on the aspect of not seeing myself after 30. I guess in the sense that I think I might die around then, but also in the sense that I have no idea what things will be like, or what'll happen leading up to that point. It's near impossible for me to even see tomorrow. Sure, I can make plans, but that's all there is to being close to knowing what to expect in tomorrow, next week, etc. I too have been trying to take steps myself. I'm constantly running around, and most of the time it's not for myself. So when I get the chance, I chill out at home, and sew, or read, or take a nap. Those kind of things. I hope all works out for you, Ryan.

[ohdarlingjane]

when are you leaving today? Not yet I hope. I wanna say goodbye first. My car is busted. Maybe you can come over and we can have a cigarette together.

club cranium!

[amazeme]

Ryan,
the one time I saw you this week was bitchin.
Its too bad that I didn't get to see you more then a 3 hour slot of time.
I hope you have a safe and fun flight. and, lets keep it real.
-Ashley