Dramatic, again!
Continuing from this post, here's some more Dramatic Financial Battle.
TYBER WANDERS BACK INTO THE BUILDING ACCOMPANIED BY THE COUNTER FLOATING
OVER HIS HEAD
TYBER: It's time.
COUNTER: The time? Why, you've got 0 months, 19 days, 17 hours, 2 minutes
and 4 seconds. Are you nearly ready for your class change?
TYBER: Oh, I'm ready.
COUNTER: That's peachy. Because, remember, if you fail to prepare you're
*DOOMed when I reach zero.
TYBER: Yes.
COUNTER: Did you like my tidy recap?
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: Not very talkative today.
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: Well, fine. For an anthropromorpic line of text floating a
couple of feet over someone's head, there's only so much you can do
before boredom sets in.
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: And you, you great lump, you just stand there and act all deep
and defiant. Can't you crack a smile? I'm proud of your progress lately,
but you know very well that I'm just doing my job and if I'm forced to
*DOOM you, I'll feel no remorse.
TYBER: You're guilty, aren't you?
COUNTER: ...
TYBER: Aren't you?
COUNTER: Maybe a little.
TYBER: Don't worry, COUNTER. I don't intend to fail.
COUNTER: Ooooooooo, someone's trying to be all badass.
TYBER GLARES AT THE COUNTER
COUNTER: Let's just see if you have a reason to be badass.
TYBER ADOPTS AN AIR OF DETERMINATION
TYBER PERFORMS A SUMMONING GESTURE
WELLS FARGO APPEARS
WELLS FARGO USES *FEAR OF REPRISAL
TYBER IS UNAFFECTED
WELLS FARGO USES *SHEER NUMBERS
TYBER IS UNAFFECTED
WELLS FARGO: Your minimum automatic payment, scheduled for September
19th, is thirty-nine dollars. Do you wish to know your card balance?
TYBER: Oh, I know what it is. I've known it for months. I've secretly
trained in the dinosaur forest with the large experience bonuses. At first
I would bring all my friends for fear of getting knocked out, but then I
started taking fewer and fewer of them, until now I can best a T-REX on my
own for the larger EXP payout. What's more I have the ETMOR SWARD, which I
know for a fact you're weak against. Your time has come, WELLS FARGO!
WELLS FARGO: We're sorry, your response must be in the form of "yes" or
"no". Please try again.
TYBER: Ha! Your tactics are futile! I won't be stopped by a phone tree.
Take this!
TYBER USES *PRESS ZERO FOR AN OPERATOR
WELLS FARGO'S APPEARANCE CHANGES TO A GIANT UNCARING CORPORATE ENTITY.
THE WIND HOWLS UNFORGIVINGLY.
COUNTER: Oh dear, you've made it mad now!
TYBER: Not as mad as it's going to be when I do this!
TYBER EQUIPS ETMOR SWARD. THE SWARD IS AS TALL AS THE SCREEN BUT TYBER
HANDLES IT DEFTLY, DESPITE THE OBVIOUS IMPOSSIBILE PHYSICS
COUNTER: (Isn't that a typo?)
TYBER: (No, it's an intentional misspelling to avoid a copyright suit.
But leave me alone, I'm busy.)
COUNTER: Hmph.
WELLS FARGO THUNDERS AND QUAKES IN OPRESSIVE DOMINANCE
WELLS FARGO: Your misspelling can't harm us, we have you by the throat.
You squirm at our mention. Just try to get rid of us, puny mortal!
WELLS FARGO USES *DOUBT OF AEGIS
TYBER'S RESTRAINTS TIGHTEN
ETMOR SWARD SHRINKS A LITTLE
TYBER: Hey, that's cheating!
WELLS FARGO: We own you, little thing. We've been your masters since
the days of old, before we had assimilated FIRST INTERSTATE! One false
move and we'll bury you in unfounded overdrafts. Now get back in line
along with the rest of our valued customers.
TYBER: No! I refuse! Your tyranny must end!
TYBER RUNS ACROSS THE SCREEN AND PLUNGES THE ETMOR SWARD INTO WELLS
FARGO'S CORE.
TYBER LOSES 1395 GIL
THE BACKGROUND MUSIC HALTS AND THERE'S THE SOUND OF THUNDER. ENERGY SWIRLS
IN A CACAPHONY OF LIGHT. LIGHTNING COURSES THROUGH THE WEAPON WHICH STABS
INTO THE HEART OF HIS FOE, AND TYBER RUNS FOR COVER.
WELLS FARGO: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
WELLS FARGO IS DEFEATED, AND THE ENSUING PYROTECHNICS BANG ON FOR A FEW
MINUTES. TYBER PREPARES FOR HIS VICTORY THEME, BUT...
WELLS FARGO HAS SOMEHOW SURVIVED!
TYBER: What's this?
TYBER PICKS UP A LITTLE BOX WITH A LITTLE PICTURE OF A LITTLE STAGECOACH
ON IT
WELLS FARGO: Please, please, don't hurt us. We'll do anything you want.
Need a loan? Need a credit check? How about rewards with the use of your
debit card? You like that debit card, you use it almost every day!
Please... just let us live!
TYBER PONDERS
COUNTER: I dunno man, just a minute ago this guy was threatening to dump
a bunch of fees on you for no good reason. Can you really trust him?
TYBER: About as much as I can trust you.
COUNTER: Hey, now that's not fair! I'm just doing my job, remember? I'd
like to think I've become more than the sum of my parts since I started
counting down 5 months, 5 days, X hours, X minutes and X seconds ago, eh?
TYBER: Right, you're just doing your job.
COUNTER: Exactly. Sheesh, I'm glad you finally see it my way, meathead.
TYBER: -just like WELLS FARGO, here.
COUNTER: Ri- hey, what?
TYBER IS ACCOMPANIED BY "A LESSON TO LEARN" MUSIC
TYBER: We expect a lot out of our banks, and we place a lot of
responsibility into them. I'm sure they can't help getting a little
megalomaniacal now and then. If you can keep it under control, a helpful
credit card or line of credit or school loan won't kill you.
WELLS FARGO: Did you say school loan? We can do that! And now that your
credit card balance is so close to zero it'll be a lot easier to obtain
one. We can help you.
TYBER: It's tempting.
WELLS FARGO: Come on, TYBER. We've known each other since our names were
different, you and us both.
TYBER: Okay, it's a deal.
WELLS FARGO JOINS THE PARTY
TYBER: Now, about that school loan, I'm about to have a class change-
COUNTER: In 0 months, 19 days, 16 hours, 33 minutes, and 12 seconds.
TYBER: -and I'm a little bit concerned that I won't be able to afford it.
WELLS FARGO: Oh yes, this is an exciting time. (Just you wait, TYBER.
We'll see to it you're well taken care of. Muhuhahaha.)
TO BE CONTINUED...
In other news, I'm nearly there. It's exciting. It's also a little scary. :)
TYBER WANDERS BACK INTO THE BUILDING ACCOMPANIED BY THE COUNTER FLOATING
OVER HIS HEAD
TYBER: It's time.
COUNTER: The time? Why, you've got 0 months, 19 days, 17 hours, 2 minutes
and 4 seconds. Are you nearly ready for your class change?
TYBER: Oh, I'm ready.
COUNTER: That's peachy. Because, remember, if you fail to prepare you're
*DOOMed when I reach zero.
TYBER: Yes.
COUNTER: Did you like my tidy recap?
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: Not very talkative today.
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: Well, fine. For an anthropromorpic line of text floating a
couple of feet over someone's head, there's only so much you can do
before boredom sets in.
TYBER: ...
COUNTER: And you, you great lump, you just stand there and act all deep
and defiant. Can't you crack a smile? I'm proud of your progress lately,
but you know very well that I'm just doing my job and if I'm forced to
*DOOM you, I'll feel no remorse.
TYBER: You're guilty, aren't you?
COUNTER: ...
TYBER: Aren't you?
COUNTER: Maybe a little.
TYBER: Don't worry, COUNTER. I don't intend to fail.
COUNTER: Ooooooooo, someone's trying to be all badass.
TYBER GLARES AT THE COUNTER
COUNTER: Let's just see if you have a reason to be badass.
TYBER ADOPTS AN AIR OF DETERMINATION
TYBER PERFORMS A SUMMONING GESTURE
WELLS FARGO APPEARS
WELLS FARGO USES *FEAR OF REPRISAL
TYBER IS UNAFFECTED
WELLS FARGO USES *SHEER NUMBERS
TYBER IS UNAFFECTED
WELLS FARGO: Your minimum automatic payment, scheduled for September
19th, is thirty-nine dollars. Do you wish to know your card balance?
TYBER: Oh, I know what it is. I've known it for months. I've secretly
trained in the dinosaur forest with the large experience bonuses. At first
I would bring all my friends for fear of getting knocked out, but then I
started taking fewer and fewer of them, until now I can best a T-REX on my
own for the larger EXP payout. What's more I have the ETMOR SWARD, which I
know for a fact you're weak against. Your time has come, WELLS FARGO!
WELLS FARGO: We're sorry, your response must be in the form of "yes" or
"no". Please try again.
TYBER: Ha! Your tactics are futile! I won't be stopped by a phone tree.
Take this!
TYBER USES *PRESS ZERO FOR AN OPERATOR
WELLS FARGO'S APPEARANCE CHANGES TO A GIANT UNCARING CORPORATE ENTITY.
THE WIND HOWLS UNFORGIVINGLY.
COUNTER: Oh dear, you've made it mad now!
TYBER: Not as mad as it's going to be when I do this!
TYBER EQUIPS ETMOR SWARD. THE SWARD IS AS TALL AS THE SCREEN BUT TYBER
HANDLES IT DEFTLY, DESPITE THE OBVIOUS IMPOSSIBILE PHYSICS
COUNTER: (Isn't that a typo?)
TYBER: (No, it's an intentional misspelling to avoid a copyright suit.
But leave me alone, I'm busy.)
COUNTER: Hmph.
WELLS FARGO THUNDERS AND QUAKES IN OPRESSIVE DOMINANCE
WELLS FARGO: Your misspelling can't harm us, we have you by the throat.
You squirm at our mention. Just try to get rid of us, puny mortal!
WELLS FARGO USES *DOUBT OF AEGIS
TYBER'S RESTRAINTS TIGHTEN
ETMOR SWARD SHRINKS A LITTLE
TYBER: Hey, that's cheating!
WELLS FARGO: We own you, little thing. We've been your masters since
the days of old, before we had assimilated FIRST INTERSTATE! One false
move and we'll bury you in unfounded overdrafts. Now get back in line
along with the rest of our valued customers.
TYBER: No! I refuse! Your tyranny must end!
TYBER RUNS ACROSS THE SCREEN AND PLUNGES THE ETMOR SWARD INTO WELLS
FARGO'S CORE.
TYBER LOSES 1395 GIL
THE BACKGROUND MUSIC HALTS AND THERE'S THE SOUND OF THUNDER. ENERGY SWIRLS
IN A CACAPHONY OF LIGHT. LIGHTNING COURSES THROUGH THE WEAPON WHICH STABS
INTO THE HEART OF HIS FOE, AND TYBER RUNS FOR COVER.
WELLS FARGO: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
WELLS FARGO IS DEFEATED, AND THE ENSUING PYROTECHNICS BANG ON FOR A FEW
MINUTES. TYBER PREPARES FOR HIS VICTORY THEME, BUT...
WELLS FARGO HAS SOMEHOW SURVIVED!
TYBER: What's this?
TYBER PICKS UP A LITTLE BOX WITH A LITTLE PICTURE OF A LITTLE STAGECOACH
ON IT
WELLS FARGO: Please, please, don't hurt us. We'll do anything you want.
Need a loan? Need a credit check? How about rewards with the use of your
debit card? You like that debit card, you use it almost every day!
Please... just let us live!
TYBER PONDERS
COUNTER: I dunno man, just a minute ago this guy was threatening to dump
a bunch of fees on you for no good reason. Can you really trust him?
TYBER: About as much as I can trust you.
COUNTER: Hey, now that's not fair! I'm just doing my job, remember? I'd
like to think I've become more than the sum of my parts since I started
counting down 5 months, 5 days, X hours, X minutes and X seconds ago, eh?
TYBER: Right, you're just doing your job.
COUNTER: Exactly. Sheesh, I'm glad you finally see it my way, meathead.
TYBER: -just like WELLS FARGO, here.
COUNTER: Ri- hey, what?
TYBER IS ACCOMPANIED BY "A LESSON TO LEARN" MUSIC
TYBER: We expect a lot out of our banks, and we place a lot of
responsibility into them. I'm sure they can't help getting a little
megalomaniacal now and then. If you can keep it under control, a helpful
credit card or line of credit or school loan won't kill you.
WELLS FARGO: Did you say school loan? We can do that! And now that your
credit card balance is so close to zero it'll be a lot easier to obtain
one. We can help you.
TYBER: It's tempting.
WELLS FARGO: Come on, TYBER. We've known each other since our names were
different, you and us both.
TYBER: Okay, it's a deal.
WELLS FARGO JOINS THE PARTY
TYBER: Now, about that school loan, I'm about to have a class change-
COUNTER: In 0 months, 19 days, 16 hours, 33 minutes, and 12 seconds.
TYBER: -and I'm a little bit concerned that I won't be able to afford it.
WELLS FARGO: Oh yes, this is an exciting time. (Just you wait, TYBER.
We'll see to it you're well taken care of. Muhuhahaha.)
TO BE CONTINUED...
In other news, I'm nearly there. It's exciting. It's also a little scary. :)