FF: The Long Way Home
He pulled his horse to a stop at the edge of town. Five years was a long time to be gone. Five years of killing and war changed a person and he wondered how this would affect the ones he loved. He tapped his horse and the animal moved forward. It was then he noticed many things had not changed, though many had.
The Pony Express station was now a boarding house and the stable part of the livery. As he rode passed, he could almost see his friends on the porch of what had been the bunkhouse but now held a laundry. They had spent many a night there talking. The corral of the livery held horses but not the kind that would have been part of the string the Express had used. No these were much finer Eastern bred stock, no Indian ponies in that bunch. Passed that was the restaurant and then the hotel. Then came Tompkins’ store.
It hadn’t changed a bit. The front still looked much the way it had five years before, only a bit less full. Brooms in a barrel by the door while other barrels held vegetables and fruit just like they always had. A sawhorse held a saddle off to one side. He recalled another saddle, the one he had almost bought but that brought back other memories that he didn’t care to recall just now.
Further he rode into town and finally pulling his horse to a stop outside of the marshal’s office. He slid out of the saddle and patted his horse on the neck saying, “We’re home girl…if they’ll have us.” Throwing the reins over the hitching post he climbed the steps to the board sidewalk, his stomach growing uneasy with each step he took. Finally he stood at the door of the building.
It stood open letting in the warm spring air and letting out some of the mustiness of the winter.
“I said take those mattresses out back, Henry and empty them then go down to the livery and get some fresh hay to stuff them with,” he heard the voice of his mentor say to his deputy.
“I’m goin’…I’m goin’,” he heard another man say.
He smiled recalling the time he and his friends had done the same job. It wasn’t easy getting all that hay out of the mattresses and sometimes it was pretty bad smelling of stale whiskey or bodily functions he didn’t care to think about. It always made refilling the mattress seem right pleasant since fresh hay smelled much better.
He entered the office as he heard someone going out the back. “And don’t take all day getting it done,” the gruff voice called as the back door slammed.
He was looking at the wanted posters on the wall behind the desk when he heard someone clear their throat and ask, “Somethin’ I can do for ya, mister?”
He smiled. Teaspoon never changed. Turning around he said, “Only if you know where a man might get a good meal in this town and a warm bed.”
His old mentor stood staring at him like he was a ghost. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a bad omen. “Teaspoon, you ok?” he asked concerned for the man.
“Kid?” Teaspoon murmured his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe the boy…man was standing before him big as day and in one piece.
“Yeah,” Kid replied with a slight grin. “Thought I best stop by here first and see if I’m still welcome.”
That got the once station master now marshal moving. “Of course you are, son,” he said with a catch in his voice as he embraced one of the men that had become a son to him. “Rachel and Polly will be right glad to have you home.” Teaspoon knew it was coming and tried to keep the question at bay for the time being. “Let’s get you on down to Rachel’s. She should have let school out a bit ago and will have dinner about ready by the time we get there. Of course Polly will want you to have…”
Kid listened as Teaspoon rattled on and escorted him out of the jail and on down the street back the way he had come. “Um…Teaspoon, my horse,” he said as he started to turn to go back after it.
“It’ll be fine and I’ll send Tommy Adams back to get it for you and take it to the livery. He’ll make sure the critter is fed and put up for the night,” Teaspoon said as the hurried along.
Kid didn’t know what Teaspoon was up to but it seemed as if something had happened he didn’t want to talk about. That was when it dawned on him that Teaspoon had only mentioned Polly and Rachel earlier and no one else. “Teaspoon, what’s going on?” he asked as they reached the yard of the boarding house.
“There’s been some changes since you left, Kid,” Teaspoon said rather quietly, a deep sadness in his eyes. “The others have all gone.”
He swallowed hard, his heart sinking into his stomach as he realized his worst nightmares were coming true. “Gone?”
“Come inside and sit down and I’ll do my best to explain,” Teaspoon replied.
***********************
After they were settled and he had been fussed over and at by Rachel for not writing since a few months after he left, Teaspoon answered his question. “You know Cody lit out a few months after Noah died, and you and Lou married. Then you left, and after that Jimmy left in the middle of the night leaving us only a note saying that he best fight for the north since the south had you and the Yankees wouldn’t stand a chance.”
Kid laughed uneasily as he wondered if he had ever met his friend in battle and not known it.
After taking a drink of his coffee Teaspoon continued, “Buck lasted a while longer then he left to find his brother. He was hoping to help Red Bear out by negotiating the treaty that would move the Kiowa to a reservation.” Teaspoon knew he’d left out the one person Kid really wanted to know about but didn’t know how to break the news to Kid.
Rachel had watched the changes in Kid as he listened to how each of his friends had left. She knew the hard time it had been for Teaspoon when Lou left. He’d been heartbroken saying he’d lost his daughter and had searched for weeks but never found a trace of her in any of the towns he had looked in. “She’s gone Kid. She tried real hard to stick it out and wait for you but when the letters stopped she thought you were…you were de…dead. No one’s heard a word from her in four years.”
Kid stared down at the cup of coffee in front of him. “I wrote. I swear I did. I guess they didn’t get through.” He looked up at the man that had been more of a father than his own and asked as the tears rolled down his cheeks, “You couldn’t find her.”
“Neither Buck or I could find her. We searched near to Montana territory and back for her but she just seemed to disappear. Buck searched a couple of months more in some of the Indian villages thinking she might have been captured but there was never any sign of her. He went as Red Bear’s brother which would have gotten him just about anything.” Teaspoon hung his head as he said, “I’m sorry, Kid.”
“She must have hated me.”
Rachel shook her head. “No, she loved you that much.” She stood up and walked over to the dry sink and took down a box from the top. She opened the box and pulled out a stack of letters. “These are the letters from them-Cody, Jimmy, Buck, and Lou. This is the last one she sent me about a year after she left.” She handed him the letter. “She didn’t want us to look for her. She covered her trail real good. We looked, all of us, every time we took a trip anywhere; we search the towns for her but there’s never been any sign.”
Kid read the letter silently. Lou said she couldn’t go on living there with his memory everywhere she turned. That everything about Rock Creek and the old station reminded her of the future they had planned. That he had broken his promise to her when he rode on without her. She asked them not to look for her, not to try and find her that she would come home one day when she thought she could face the memories of the family they had been before the war had torn them apart. It was the last few lines of the letter that showed him just how much she had suffered after he left that hurt the most…..
I can’t do this anymore. Since the orphanage burned and Jeremiah and Teresa were killed I’ve
felt so lost and alone. Without Kid something in me is missing. I have to find a place to start
fresh. Somewhere where I can forget all I’ve lost and begin trying to live again. I’ve saved plenty and
will be alright, just remember me in your prayers as I will remember you.
Love,
Louise
“Where did you look?” Kid said staring out the window of the kitchen.
“All the way to Denver and up to Belle Fourche.” Teaspoon couldn’t think of any way to show Kid how hard they had looked for Lou but Rachel solved the problem for him.
“They even searched the saloons and sportin’ houses, Kid.”
When Kid’s face turned red and his expression turned angry, Teaspoon said, “Now don’t go gettin’ mad, we were desperate to try and find her. Guess we knew that she’d never be in those places but we had searched every respectable business there was.”
“I thought of takin’ to the trail myself a time or two to find her, but I knew that if Teaspoon and Buck couldn’t find her, I never would,” Rachel said quietly and Kid heard a tone of self-recrimination in there.
“Belle Fourche the last place you looked?” Kid asked a serious look on his face.
“That far north. Then west to Denver, south to Austin, and east to St. Jo. We didn’t believe she’d get much further than those places but she disappeared shortly after Blue Creek. Sam even offered to put a poster out on her but Emma wouldn’t allow it. Said we’d only make her run farther away with it. Kid, we really tri…” Teaspoon said his voice husky.
“I know. But I’ve got to go look myself, Teaspoon. You understand?” Kid replied. He had no doubt that they had searched high and low for Lou but he had to try. Had to know for sure that she was never coming home to him and their family. “Does Jimmy know?”
“He came through about a year ago with a woman and a little boy, looked just like Jimmy he did. She’s a circus performer or something. Bold as brass and twice as pretty. He said he’d not seen Lou since he left. He looked for her for a while but came up as empty-handed as we did.”
Kid sighed. “Then guess it’s best I set out in the morning.”
“Kid, you just got home,” Rachel said even though she knew that there was no way to stop him from looking for Louise.
“I got to go after her Rachel. Explain things,” he said his face full of the guilt and sorrow he felt. “I promised her never to ride on without her and I did just that.”
“That horse of yours has seen some hard times. Got a friend of yours out back if you want to take her along,” Teaspoon said a hint of mischief in his tired sad eyes. Kid knew that besides Jimmy, Lou’s leaving would have hurt Teaspoon the most. She, even more than Amanda, was like a daughter to him. His girl and she was as tough as any that would have been his blood.
“Katy’s still here?” Teaspoon nodded and Kid smiled through the tears. “Thank you,” he said as he reached across the table and took Rachel’s and Teaspoon’s hands. “I promise you both I’ll find her and bring her home.”
“Just promise to return yourself if you don’t find her,” Rachel said a hint of doubt he’d find her showing in her voice. “Louise was the best of you riders. I don’t think Buck could’ve hidden any better than she has.”
“I’ll find her,” Kid said as he stood, and headed toward the stairs and the room Rachel had shown him to earlier. His voice said he had no doubt he would find Lou and bring her home but his mind warred with his heart. It was possible that he wouldn’t find her. She was gone and along with her, his heart.
***********************
Six months later
Canyon Bluff, Wyoming Territory
Kid rode down the street of the small town taking in the businesses and offices. It was a small frontier town with more saloons and sporting houses than respectable businesses. Teaspoon had deputized him before he left Rock Creek saying that it would be easier for him if the sheriff or marshal thought he was on official business.
Rachel had shown him his old trunk that still held a couple pairs of pants and a few shirts. They had been a little big on him considering he’d not been eating much the last few years but he had managed to put on a bit of the weight since returning west. His clothes now fit, thanks to kind marshal’s and sheriff’s wives and their good cooking. Not to mention the occasional bounty that he’d managed to collect along the way.
He pulled his horse to a stop in front of the marshal’s office. And as in a hundred other small towns along the way he dismounted and threw Katy’s reins over the hitching post and headed up the steps to the office. He wasn’t paying much attention and a bit of a girl ran into his legs causing her to fall on to her backside. She sat staring up at him with a sour expression that said ‘why did you go and knock me down.’ Kid smiled at her and she scrambled to her feet. “You ok, little one?” he asked.
“Be better iffin you hadn’t been in my way,” she sassed him.
“Charlie, your ma’s down at the store lookin’ for you. You best get on down there before she leaves you with me,” the sheriff said as he walked up.
“Nice to meet you, Charlie,” Kid said as he smiled at the little girl. He wondered if Lou had looked like that when she was small except for the blue-green eyes. Charlie blushed and ran off down the board sidewalk he guessed to find her ma. “Cute kid,” he said to the sheriff.
The sheriff nodded and introduced himself. “That she is. Cute as her ma is pretty,” the sheriff said as he turned and looked Kid over. “You must be that deputy from down Rock Creek way. Heard about you. You find that woman you been searchin’ for.”
“No, sir,” Kid replied trying not to sound defeated. “She seems to have dropped off the face of the planet after Denver.”
“Well, come on in and sit a spell. You can stay over tonight with me an Alice, my wife. She’ll fuss over you something awful since you’re about the age of our Roy. He was killed last winter in a blizzard. Charlie’s ma, Mary found him and brought him home to us. She runs the trading post up along the Firehole River. Pretty place they have there but lonesome.”
“She doesn’t worry about Indians?” Kid asked as they walked into the office.
“Nope, settled up there with old Henry after she arrived a while back. Had the baby with her and he was the only Christian soul that would give the girl an honest job. Poor child lost her husband to a fever the winter before only to get here and discover her family had never made it this far. Henry felt sorry for the girl and took her under his wing,” the sheriff blushed realizing he’d run on a bit. “Sorry, about that we don’t get many visitors around here and several of the young folks have returned east. I get a bit long winded sometimes.”
Kid smiled at the sheriff. “Don’t tell him I said so but Marshal Hunter has a tendency to do that himself.”
The sheriff chuckled. “Haven’t had the chance to make his acquaintance as yet. And I won’t mention it if and when I do.” He was quiet for a moment then he asked, “You think Miss Mary is this woman you’re lookin’ for?”
Kid could tell the sheriff was a bit protective of the woman. He shook his head as he stared out the window of the office toward the store the little girl was approaching. A woman in a bonnet and a worn dress picked her up and put her in the wagon. He watched the storekeeper come out and hand her a small package. The way he remembered Lou the woman was the right size but a bit fuller in places that Lou had been small in. And a dress, his Lou would have run this errand in pants. “If that’s her, no. She didn’t have a child, at least not when she left.”
“She could have passed Miss Mary’s place, you could look there,” the sheriff offered trying to help.
Kid shook his head again, and the sheriff laid a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I don’t presume to know this woman you’re lookin’ for, you sure she’s still out there to be found?”
Kid turned and looked at the man. He reminded Kid of Teaspoon. “Not anymore. I’ve been looking for six months and there’s no sign of her since Denver,” he said turning back to the window as the wagon with Charlie in it rolled past. The little girl waved and he waved back.
“She could already be back home waitin’ on you.”
Kid nodded. “Guess I’ll rest up for the night and head back home tomorrow. I should have known Teaspoon and the rest would have found her if they could. Thank you, Sheriff.” Kid held out his hand to the sheriff who shook it and then his head down and shoulders slumped a bit more he left the sheriff’s office. He thought on the way to the hotel about heading into one of the saloons but changed his mind. If he started drinking he doubted he’d stop. What he’d told the sheriff was true, if Teaspoon and Buck hadn’t been able to find her and she’d not joined up with Jimmy-which to be honest he was most afraid was what she had done-then they were never going to find her.
He got a room at the hotel and the next morning sat out for home. Teaspoon had said he could use another deputy whenever he tired of looking for Lou, so he figured he’d head back and take the job. For a moment, he considered riding out to the trading post the sheriff had told him about but changed his mind. He’d looked for Lou long enough, she was gone and not coming back. It was almost his worst nightmare come true, the worst would have been that she had left with Jimmy or joined him. He sighed as he stretched out on the small bed in the room he had for the night. The future didn’t look too bright to him right now, actually it looked pretty bleak without Lou, but he had to go on living and there were others that needed him-he needed at home.
Home. The word once meant Virginia and all that he had left behind. Then with the war, he’d come to realize that home was where your family was. And his was in Rock Creek waiting on him to come home. It was short a few people, especially one, but he would go back. He would learn to live without her. Maybe the sheriff and Rachel were right and she’d come home to him one day.
“Lord,” he prayed out loud for the first time in years, “please forgive me for the lives I’ve taken in battle and the sins I have committed. And if you could see your way to doing it, please bring Lou home to me…to us, her family. Amen.” He turned down the light after that and closed his eyes still praying silently that she would be there waiting on him when he returned to Rock Creek.