I'll have my neurosis on the side please...
So pretty much I think I am officially going crazy. Oddly enough I have been having a good time for the most part.
I hate the intensity to which my pseudo-obsessive compulsive behavior has escalated.
I find this really annoying and quite persistent urge to stay on line past midnight, otherwise something very bad is going to happen. As I sit there waiting for the damn time to go by, the feel to wait just another minute gets more intense. Then another minute, and another, and another...
I should be doing math homework, or looking over notes for a quiz tomorrow, or sleeping so I can get better, but no. That would be too easy.
It's gotten to the point where it's embarrassing. I was cleaning other people's fridges, emptying their trash cans, wanting to do the dishes, it's so ridiculous! I mean what are you supposed to say to these people, especially when they barely know you and your hypochondriac OCD has never been this bad before? I played it off as a Mexican thing of course...
Along with it comes this need to stalk something, someone, anything! I walk around the house barefoot, scaring family members when they realize I'm in the room, even the damn parrot has fallen off his stick when he finally sees I'm watching it in its cage. I follow people after class, silently waiting to see how long it will take before they notice I'm following them. That is just too creepy but I can't help it! Or looking people up on Facebook, what the fuck? It's like I am possessed by a very controlling being.
I could probably blame the time of year, as all my Virgo qualities, both good and bad, are supposed to be reinforced as the Sun passes through the sixth house. Hopefully that's it and I can rest when it moves to Libra, or not and be done with it now.
Another thing that's ticking me off is my dad's inconsistent behavior. Never before had I been allowed to leave my house more than once per week, and he had to make it difficult too. Now it's been two nights in a row and he didn't even care. Can you say mental instability? Not that it's a bad thing at all, on the contrary, I haven't had such a good week before. What worries me is that his behavior could become the opposite with no warning, and I would be completely screwed. And I wonder why I am so messed up at times...
I could be channeling a caveman. I grilled large amounts of food this weekend because I really wanted to cook with real fire. This is odd as I absolutely hate to handle dead cow, yet I was so calm and content as I grilled pounds and pounds of steak Saturday. Then the chicken on Sunday, and the veggies on Monday.
Then there was the weird moment with drums. Before, during and after the Lion King, I couldn't help but think about percussion. I kept picturing cavemen and their very first attempt at music, probably banging things together. Then the Lion King and it's African rhythms. Then noticing how random things around me make noise and I barely notice them.
Maybe I am finally showing signs of mental decay.
Odd, but I feel like Jimmy Baca when he said that writing kept him sane, and I think I know exactly what he's talking about.
On a happier note, I can't believe that I have found people who so willingly open their homes to me and take me in as one of their own. I felt so comfortable around them almost instantly that it makes me rethink how I have socialized with others in the past. As always, change is good.
“I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place...” - Crazy, Gnarles Barkley
I hate the intensity to which my pseudo-obsessive compulsive behavior has escalated.
I find this really annoying and quite persistent urge to stay on line past midnight, otherwise something very bad is going to happen. As I sit there waiting for the damn time to go by, the feel to wait just another minute gets more intense. Then another minute, and another, and another...
I should be doing math homework, or looking over notes for a quiz tomorrow, or sleeping so I can get better, but no. That would be too easy.
It's gotten to the point where it's embarrassing. I was cleaning other people's fridges, emptying their trash cans, wanting to do the dishes, it's so ridiculous! I mean what are you supposed to say to these people, especially when they barely know you and your hypochondriac OCD has never been this bad before? I played it off as a Mexican thing of course...
Along with it comes this need to stalk something, someone, anything! I walk around the house barefoot, scaring family members when they realize I'm in the room, even the damn parrot has fallen off his stick when he finally sees I'm watching it in its cage. I follow people after class, silently waiting to see how long it will take before they notice I'm following them. That is just too creepy but I can't help it! Or looking people up on Facebook, what the fuck? It's like I am possessed by a very controlling being.
I could probably blame the time of year, as all my Virgo qualities, both good and bad, are supposed to be reinforced as the Sun passes through the sixth house. Hopefully that's it and I can rest when it moves to Libra, or not and be done with it now.
Another thing that's ticking me off is my dad's inconsistent behavior. Never before had I been allowed to leave my house more than once per week, and he had to make it difficult too. Now it's been two nights in a row and he didn't even care. Can you say mental instability? Not that it's a bad thing at all, on the contrary, I haven't had such a good week before. What worries me is that his behavior could become the opposite with no warning, and I would be completely screwed. And I wonder why I am so messed up at times...
I could be channeling a caveman. I grilled large amounts of food this weekend because I really wanted to cook with real fire. This is odd as I absolutely hate to handle dead cow, yet I was so calm and content as I grilled pounds and pounds of steak Saturday. Then the chicken on Sunday, and the veggies on Monday.
Then there was the weird moment with drums. Before, during and after the Lion King, I couldn't help but think about percussion. I kept picturing cavemen and their very first attempt at music, probably banging things together. Then the Lion King and it's African rhythms. Then noticing how random things around me make noise and I barely notice them.
Maybe I am finally showing signs of mental decay.
Odd, but I feel like Jimmy Baca when he said that writing kept him sane, and I think I know exactly what he's talking about.
On a happier note, I can't believe that I have found people who so willingly open their homes to me and take me in as one of their own. I felt so comfortable around them almost instantly that it makes me rethink how I have socialized with others in the past. As always, change is good.
“I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place...” - Crazy, Gnarles Barkley