don't you ever change the color of your heart
checkmate
yunho&jaejoong, ot5
pg, ot5luff (of fluff, love & laugh)
based on: numerous interviews & yunjae's recent date
starring Uknow who don't know
for iluvminocchio who means so much ♥
Checkmate
Do Uknow What Hope Means to Me;
Hey got your attention?
Baby, Stronger
(Baby make you stronger)
(Baby make you strong)
So listen to this, I got the chase
This is special right now
Think of you all day long
Hey guy, verse one:
‘Yo Yunho,’ Jaejoong breathes, husky voice traveling through his cell phone, a flight away from the other man. He hefts Yoochun’s luggage onto the trolley while his partner flips at his passport, noting that the pages are fast running out.
‘Yah Jaejoongie,’ Yunho whispers into the speaker, the crash of staff and film crew distorting the yearning in his intonation.
‘I’ll be in Korea before you can say heading to the ground,’ Jaejoong says, nudging Yoochun, who for once doesn’t blink back at him wearily. ‘How’s filming?’
Yunho makes a hopeful sound. ‘It’s -
Been so long.
‘It’s great, Jaejoongah. We’re doing the scene where I escape from the mental hospital. I’m wearing flower-dotted pajamas in front of our fans. Ah, I’m going crazy!’
‘Oh really?’ Jaejoong teases. ‘Yah Yunhoyah, then you won’t have to be doing any acting for today. You’re already naturally insane.’
Yunho chuckles shyly, like honey stars and frosted cereal. Jaejoong relishes it for the plane ride.
‘Using such strong words to make fun of me again, huh Jaejoongie? What’s Yoochun doing? Sleeping with his mouth wide open?’
‘Aren’t you talking about yourself?’ Jaejoong kids. He’s all for taunting Yunho. ‘You’ll be surprised. His sleeping patterns have changed drastically. Now he gets up even earlier than me.’
‘No more late nights playing computer games with Junsu and Changmin, I see,’ the leader says, thinking that it’d be good to be reunited. The sooner the better. ‘I’ve been missing you, Jaejoongie.’
Jaejoong’s smile wobbles. ‘You don’t know how much I miss you too. Lunch?’
‘The moment you touch down,’ Yunho replies, hanging up quietly.
There’s no need for goodbyes; not when they’re sure they’d meet again.
Take it, want it, let me know it, it could be mine
You can have everything if you want
By thoughts, by feelings, it could be fine
Tell me everything that you want
Jaejoong should have thought that filming a drama would’ve made Yunho more adventurous - make him do something wild like run into his wide open, waiting arms; his longish, brown hair flickering like those superstars in an MV.
Instead, the leader limps up to him, a stone wedged in the toe of his shoe. How romantic, Jaejoong simpers, his knight in shining humor come to be rescued by him.
Yunho beams, collecting Jaejoong’s hand in a strong shake. The leader opens his mouth to speak - he just might earn himself some brownie points if --- ‘Jaejoongah, Manager hyung’s coming with us for lunch. Changmin too.’
Jaejoong’s face does a double take. It twitches like Changmin’s eyebrows, swells like Yoochun’s lips, erupts in disbelieving laughter like Junsu’s. ‘To think being cast in a drama would’ve taught you some sense,’ he mutters. ‘Seriously.’
But;
He hadn’t fallen in love with Yunho for the romance. He’d tripped on the leader’s madness, stumbled flat on his face without anyone to stop his fall because Yunho had stones for brains.
‘We’re going to eat your favorite,’ Yunho says, still clenching the lead singer’s fingers. Yes; he’d picked Jaejoong up after all - into sturdy, willing arms.
‘You remembered?’ Jaejoong asks in surprise. Yunho had the fantastic ability to forget birthdays every two consecutive years.
‘Not really,’ Yunho fesses, scratching his head stupidly. ‘Manager hyung reminded me.’
‘Goodness,’ Jaejoong mutters again. There are some people who never change, and he’s glad for that.
‘Let’s go fetch Changmin,’ Yunho says, tugging Jaejoong so that they break into a jog. He lets go of his hand when they reach the public eye, fans streaming along the film site in swarms of anticipation.
The leader spins about, trotting in reverse towards the vehicle. ‘Changmin said to tell you that Manager hyung cooks better. He puts in less spice.’
Jaejoong slows down, bending over his knees to catch his breath before collapsing into the car, about to lose his mind amidst his harsh panting. He swears above the start of the engine, Yunho’s large grin reflected in the rearview mirror.
‘Yah! Changmin! - That monster! -- We’ll see about that.’
Lead me to the brilliant lights
And onto the captivating stage
(Tonight is crazy tonight)
Burning eyes that blaze
Like the sun make me go crazy
‘How long will you be here, Jaejoong hyung?’ Changmin inquires, gulping one serving-two servings-three hundred servings and more.
‘A few days, before I go back with - ‘
Changmin interrupts, raising his hand to the waitress and requesting for an extra bowl of rice.
‘Yah! Are you hearing me?’ Jaejoong cries, smacking Changmin across the table. His palms ring red. The magnae’s muscles were building up. Had he been working out without his hyung’s consent?
It’s an endless turmoil that boils inside the lead singer. He wants to be here for everyone, wants to be the bond between them that never separates ---
‘Jaejoongie, you’re not eating,’ Yunho points out, not that his own food had moved either. The leader looked skinnier at first glance. Did all of them?
Jaejoong studies Changmin’s blossoming features. The youngest still had an appetite. ‘Have you forgotten, Yunhoyah?’ he asks, changing the subject quickly. He’d been meaning to do this for awhile.
The leader’s spoonful of kimchi hovers in the atmosphere. ‘Forgotten?’ he wonders, elongating the word.
‘It’s our 12 000th day anniversary,’ Jaejoong informs him, swallowing curry sauce whole. Yunho chokes on his water, liquid going down the wrong pipe the exact same way Jaejoong’s sentence strikes the wrong nerves.
‘Would you like me to try CPR on you?’ Jaejoong jokes. The leader recalls the scene he’d done with his fellow actress and shakes his head. He didn’t like CPR.
‘He’ll most likely have a heart attack if you do it on him,’ Changmin states in all wisdom and smart while Manager hyung pretends he isn’t privy to the contents of their conversation.
Yunho coughs up all the pain in his throat, wheezing like a maniac. He’d done it again; gone and forgotten an important event. How Jaejoong actually keeps track of the days stumps Yunho. Could he have been -
‘Just kidding,’ Jaejoong says cheekily. He hadn’t played jokes on Yunho since he has no idea when. Except for the choking, which had been unexpected, he’d enjoyed watching Yunho panic.
The leader isn’t sure whether to smile or bawl in relief at Jaejoong’s prank. Not that he didn’t like it. The lead singer had unique humor, sparkling up Yunho’s daily experiences with his odd wit and sharp mind.
They get the bill, dispersing slowly but surely; Yunho with his filming, Jaejoong to wherever, and Changmin to secrecy.
‘You’ll be at home?’ Yunho requests; a plea.
‘To clean up your mess,’ Jaejoong agrees.
Yunho touches his fist. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’
Look at me now
Feel it, so you can see my heart
My intensely, intensely, intensely burning love
If you hear it, clue me in
Will you hold me like this, like this, like this
The door clicks. Jaejoong suspects Yoochun, home after spending time with his family. He has scores all over the room, arrangements he’d composed; music which Yunho had praised as versatile and enticing.
‘Hyung.’ It’s Junsu. However had he lived without the boy’s big laughs these weeks; Jaejoong cannot fathom. ‘I’ve figured something out,’ Junsu says, lounging on the chair, humming tunes and higher octaves as serenades to the older man.
Jaejoong stares intensely; musical intuition inclined along his fellow band mate. ‘That was wonderful,’ he praises when Junsu completes the last melody to 'Shelter'. ‘As expected of Junsu-sama.’
‘Where’s Yoochunah?’ Junsu asks, crowding around Jaejoong, clutching his neck with an arm as he busies himself snooping through the older man’s compositions.
‘He’s at his mum’s. Should I cook for us tonight?’ Jaejoong thinks aloud.
Junsu looks at him, eyes smiling. ‘Hyung, Changmin says Manager hyung -‘
‘Thanks for rubbing salt in my wound,’ Jaejoong sighs, feigning hurt. He logs off the internet, switching the monitor to standby. ‘Did you miss me, Junsuyah?’
‘Everyday,’ Junsu pipes, grinning like sunshine’s baby. Jaejoong slaps his butt with an amplified smack, peering into his face as if he were searching for -
Junsu’s laughter rocks the room with its vibrato, the same abundant quality it had whenever Jaejoong imagined Junsu’s loud voice reverberating around their quiet apartment in Japan.
Ever the mood maker; Junsu leaves behind motivation and joy, promising to be home for dinner if hyung was making it. Jaejoong follows in his wake, floating to the kitchen on gilded wings.
His food’s as good as his music;
regardless what Changmin says.
Tic toc, tic toc, look at the time that has flown
Nothing can stop, you’re an endless breath
It can’t be your time - your way or your play
I hope you forget all your painful wounds
‘Yunho is home!’ the leader bellows, his excitement contagious. Changmin sighs extravagantly. This was what he got when his hyung decided he was going to come home still in-character.
‘Hyung, please leave your Cha Bong Gun self at the film site,’ the magnae shoots, taking first spot at the dinner table.
‘Don’t wanna,’ Yunho replies in his creepy acting voice, making Changmin shudder. Jaejoong’s cracks an imperial laugh, a comforting greeting next to the magnae’s sarcasm.
The house hadn’t changed one bit since the five of them were squished under the same roof. Yunho settles next to Changmin, who squirms aside, giving him hesitant looks. Junsu bounces onto the chair opposite, next to Yoochun.
‘I drew something for everybody as a home-coming gift,’ Yunho announces, spreading a thin layer of drawing block on the table. On it are five wobbly stickmen, each holding hands with one another. There’s a crescent moon on the right hand corner. That’s about as far as the leader's creativity goes.
‘Did you draw this on your way home in the car?’ Junsu asks, some off-topic question. Yunho nods.
‘Figures,’ Yoochun remarks. The limbs were grotesquely bent at jerky angles. Jaejoong takes a peek at the image, bringing about his steaming pot of tom yam, a specialty he’d picked up in Japan.
‘I must have been Picasso in my other life,’ Yunho insists shamelessly.
‘Nope,’ Yoochun disagrees, watching the leader’s nose grow longer and sharper. ‘More like Pinocchio.’
‘If stickmen were a form of art, we’d have a kindergarten load of five-year-old Da Vinci’s,’ Changmin contributes glaringly, his right eye spasming in agitation. ‘I am not putting that up on our wall.’
Yunho stubbornly explains, describing why he’d drawn it and what it meant. ‘Yah! The five stick people represent us while the moon signifies night. This means that when it’s dark and it’s time to go to bed, we’re still united as one! See, we’re all holding hands.’
Jaejoong props an arm on Yunho’s shoulder, leaning forward to get a better view. ‘Doesn’t Changmin look too tall for his own good?’
Changmin ignores their mindless chatter, dishing out food and distributing them in bowls to all the other members, himself last.
‘I’ll hang it up in Japan,’ Jaejoong tells Yunho, rolling it up like a treasure map and putting it safely aside less Junsu’s sloppy tom yam footprints find its way onto the paper. ‘Changminah! Didn’t you say my food was too spicy? Wasn’t Manager hyung a better cook?’
The magnae glances up between gulps, finishing every last drop despite the spice.
‘I only said that because if I didn’t;
Who else is going to cook for me?’
The love that left me, no more
Fate that abandoned me, thinkin no more
Never, never, never, don’t cry
Why eh? Aim high
Jaejoong drives. He can still differentiate the roads, carefully choosing directions from Yunho, because the leader had nearly gotten them lost before on familiar streets.
They’d left Yoochun to play his computer games with the other two. He wasn’t going to have any sleep tonight making pointless challenges against Changmin and Junsu while the older members went out exploring.
‘I don’t say this often Jaejoongie,’ Yunho confesses in the privacy of their car, ‘but being without you once again made me realize how much I’ve taken everything for granted.’
The lead singer smiles, lips curvaceous. ‘Took you long to figure that out, Yunhoyah.’
Then again, Jaejoong isn’t the type to hold grudges. He did everything with pride, but he was never proud; likewise when it came to the rest of the members.
Yunho exhales, fogging the air.
‘We’re stopping here,’ Jaejoong says, stepping on the brakes in a parking lot. It’s a night market, brightly lit with lanterns and traditional Korean artifacts.
Moving next to Jaejoong, inching through the crowds without a person to put a name to their faces, Yunho comes to his own revelations.
There were days he didn’t know, and days he knew more than he should. Some days, in particular, he just did - nothing more, nothing less, nothing better than Jaejoong who’d become a part of his life as common as the sun yawning in the horizon, or the moon blotched against the inky sky.
He wasn’t with Jaejoong because he couldn’t live without him. It’s not as simple as need. It’s a depth surfaced from years of friendship, acceptance and slow but certain realizations; a love borne out of hope.
He couldn’t possibly breathe on Jaejoong’s behalf, but he’d very much like to be his breath of fresh air amidst the suffocating smog of difficulty trapping them on all sides.
Jaejoong looks at him from under his black beanie, eyes shaded and unveiled by the lights on the streets, deciphering bottomless secrets. ‘You know something, Yunhoyah?’
I think I do, Jaejoongie.
‘We should buy back deokboggi for the rest. They’ll surely be awake when we get home.’
Yunho beams. This was the Jaejoong that the leader presented to others with a certain arrogance that one gave off only when speaking of close family.
At the front of a food stall, Yunho picks out the most tasty-looking rice-balls, digging for his wallet where there is none. ‘Jaejoongah, I think I forgot -‘
‘It’s alright. I’ve got it covered,’ the lead singer laughs.
There are some things money can’t buy;
For everything else, there’s still Jaejoong.
Never miss a trick, get on your dreams
To my own world, more, more, more
Leave everything to me, we’ll be alright
Today’s the start, let’s party till night
Mornings; it’s an unusual sight to have Yoochun at breakfast so early. Jaejoong’s pancakes smell deluxe, sizzling and taking shape in his non-stick pan. Yunho must’ve slept in, awoken by the waft of well-misplaced mornings since Jaejoong had left with Yoochun for Japan.
Junsu meticulously constructs a waffle tower looking vaguely similar to the one in Paris with his food, except that Changmin can take a bite out of it.
‘Hands off!’ Junsu squeaks; not before Changmin stuffs it all in his mouth, and what’s left looks vaguely similar to the pile of debris left after a tsunami.
Jaejoong slides another piece onto Junsu’s plate, and one more on Changmin’s so the magnae won’t resort to stealing. Yunho takes out a magnifying glass; no one knows what’s going on in his head these few days.
Yoochun jibes at the leader. ‘What are you, hyung? Sherlock Ho?’
‘Yunho hyung isn’t right in the mind ever since he took up that acting role,’ Junsu adds, the only member who had no right to criticise the leader. He wasn’t right in the mind himself.
Jaejoong taps his glass of milk with a metal spoon, the clanging sound tilting all heads at the table. ‘Who’s going where today?’
The leader raises his hands.
‘Aside from Yunho.’
Junsu shrugs; nowhere maybe. Changmin says he’s got acting classes to attend, although it starts in the evening. Yoochun; he has the whole day free. It seems like they’ll be sitting in for the afternoon, catching up on details with one another.
The leader showers, changes, prepares to set off - prim and proper - as if he were a father off to win bread and butter for his loved ones.
‘See you,’ the children chorus, Junsu and Changmin on the remote control, not even glancing up. Yoochun waves; he did miss Yunho so.
The lead singer lingers by the door, watching the leader hoist his bag over his shoulder. ‘Take care of them for me,’ Yunho whispers, smidgen of mischief in his tone.
‘I will, Yunhoyah,’ Jaejoong murmurs.
‘Don’t you remember? What’s yours is also mine.’
Sometimes hot tears run down
I can’t stop it, even when it’s unseen
(Oh let me make you stronger)
Sometimes my heart subsides coldly, I can’t feel it
(Oh let me make you stronger)
Like vacations usually turn out, it ends swiftly. Japan calls for promotions and more promotions on Jaejoong and Yoochun’s part.
‘We’ll be back together soon,’ Yunho says on the last day; a pledge, an oath. Jaejoong grasps at his hand, bony knuckles scraping his soft skin.
‘Do you think it’s weird, Yunhoyah, that once the sun rises, I think I shouldn’t be asleep, because there are so many things I have to do?’
Yunho places a free arm around Jaejoong. ‘When you do something out of love, Jaejoongie. It becomes harder to give up.’
The lead singer blinks. ‘Since when were you so smart?’ he kids, because Yunho had a maturity that made him Jaejoong’s best hiding place - a shelter from the storm and the rain.
‘Just taking it in my stride,’ Yunho replies, his smile not leaving his face.
‘All the best for your drama when it debuts,’ Jaejoong well-wishes. The leader was surely nervous about his first time coming out as an actor, unsure if his inexperience would bring him a bad reputation.
‘I give you courage,’ Jaejoong says, spreading the other man’s fingers into an open shell and placing an object into the leader’s hands with a harder smile to beat.
Yunho peers down, wondering what Jaejoong had given him -
There’s nothing.
‘Hmm,’ he mumbles, shaking his hands back and forth, testing the weight of Jaejoong’s gift. It rattles inaudibly, chiming like courage, faith, hope & love.
‘Uknow you got it~’ Yunho raps in conclusion, closing his palm tightly around the present for keepsakes.
Jaejoong squeezes his fist in reassurance.
‘Yeah Yunhoyah; You know you do.’
FOREVER & ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH
a/n: what you don’t see isn’t always what doesn’t exist
changed the lyrics of strong girl to stronger because i think it’d be more relevant. took most of these info from recent jaejoong & yoochun interviews & the recent yunjae lunch outing. stay happy forever, everybody! &onesmile;
yunho&jaejoong, ot5
pg, ot5luff (of fluff, love & laugh)
based on: numerous interviews & yunjae's recent date
starring Uknow who don't know
for iluvminocchio who means so much ♥
Checkmate
Do Uknow What Hope Means to Me;
Hey got your attention?
Baby, Stronger
(Baby make you stronger)
(Baby make you strong)
So listen to this, I got the chase
This is special right now
Think of you all day long
Hey guy, verse one:
‘Yo Yunho,’ Jaejoong breathes, husky voice traveling through his cell phone, a flight away from the other man. He hefts Yoochun’s luggage onto the trolley while his partner flips at his passport, noting that the pages are fast running out.
‘Yah Jaejoongie,’ Yunho whispers into the speaker, the crash of staff and film crew distorting the yearning in his intonation.
‘I’ll be in Korea before you can say heading to the ground,’ Jaejoong says, nudging Yoochun, who for once doesn’t blink back at him wearily. ‘How’s filming?’
Yunho makes a hopeful sound. ‘It’s -
Been so long.
‘It’s great, Jaejoongah. We’re doing the scene where I escape from the mental hospital. I’m wearing flower-dotted pajamas in front of our fans. Ah, I’m going crazy!’
‘Oh really?’ Jaejoong teases. ‘Yah Yunhoyah, then you won’t have to be doing any acting for today. You’re already naturally insane.’
Yunho chuckles shyly, like honey stars and frosted cereal. Jaejoong relishes it for the plane ride.
‘Using such strong words to make fun of me again, huh Jaejoongie? What’s Yoochun doing? Sleeping with his mouth wide open?’
‘Aren’t you talking about yourself?’ Jaejoong kids. He’s all for taunting Yunho. ‘You’ll be surprised. His sleeping patterns have changed drastically. Now he gets up even earlier than me.’
‘No more late nights playing computer games with Junsu and Changmin, I see,’ the leader says, thinking that it’d be good to be reunited. The sooner the better. ‘I’ve been missing you, Jaejoongie.’
Jaejoong’s smile wobbles. ‘You don’t know how much I miss you too. Lunch?’
‘The moment you touch down,’ Yunho replies, hanging up quietly.
There’s no need for goodbyes; not when they’re sure they’d meet again.
Take it, want it, let me know it, it could be mine
You can have everything if you want
By thoughts, by feelings, it could be fine
Tell me everything that you want
Jaejoong should have thought that filming a drama would’ve made Yunho more adventurous - make him do something wild like run into his wide open, waiting arms; his longish, brown hair flickering like those superstars in an MV.
Instead, the leader limps up to him, a stone wedged in the toe of his shoe. How romantic, Jaejoong simpers, his knight in shining humor come to be rescued by him.
Yunho beams, collecting Jaejoong’s hand in a strong shake. The leader opens his mouth to speak - he just might earn himself some brownie points if --- ‘Jaejoongah, Manager hyung’s coming with us for lunch. Changmin too.’
Jaejoong’s face does a double take. It twitches like Changmin’s eyebrows, swells like Yoochun’s lips, erupts in disbelieving laughter like Junsu’s. ‘To think being cast in a drama would’ve taught you some sense,’ he mutters. ‘Seriously.’
But;
He hadn’t fallen in love with Yunho for the romance. He’d tripped on the leader’s madness, stumbled flat on his face without anyone to stop his fall because Yunho had stones for brains.
‘We’re going to eat your favorite,’ Yunho says, still clenching the lead singer’s fingers. Yes; he’d picked Jaejoong up after all - into sturdy, willing arms.
‘You remembered?’ Jaejoong asks in surprise. Yunho had the fantastic ability to forget birthdays every two consecutive years.
‘Not really,’ Yunho fesses, scratching his head stupidly. ‘Manager hyung reminded me.’
‘Goodness,’ Jaejoong mutters again. There are some people who never change, and he’s glad for that.
‘Let’s go fetch Changmin,’ Yunho says, tugging Jaejoong so that they break into a jog. He lets go of his hand when they reach the public eye, fans streaming along the film site in swarms of anticipation.
The leader spins about, trotting in reverse towards the vehicle. ‘Changmin said to tell you that Manager hyung cooks better. He puts in less spice.’
Jaejoong slows down, bending over his knees to catch his breath before collapsing into the car, about to lose his mind amidst his harsh panting. He swears above the start of the engine, Yunho’s large grin reflected in the rearview mirror.
‘Yah! Changmin! - That monster! -- We’ll see about that.’
Lead me to the brilliant lights
And onto the captivating stage
(Tonight is crazy tonight)
Burning eyes that blaze
Like the sun make me go crazy
‘How long will you be here, Jaejoong hyung?’ Changmin inquires, gulping one serving-two servings-three hundred servings and more.
‘A few days, before I go back with - ‘
Changmin interrupts, raising his hand to the waitress and requesting for an extra bowl of rice.
‘Yah! Are you hearing me?’ Jaejoong cries, smacking Changmin across the table. His palms ring red. The magnae’s muscles were building up. Had he been working out without his hyung’s consent?
It’s an endless turmoil that boils inside the lead singer. He wants to be here for everyone, wants to be the bond between them that never separates ---
‘Jaejoongie, you’re not eating,’ Yunho points out, not that his own food had moved either. The leader looked skinnier at first glance. Did all of them?
Jaejoong studies Changmin’s blossoming features. The youngest still had an appetite. ‘Have you forgotten, Yunhoyah?’ he asks, changing the subject quickly. He’d been meaning to do this for awhile.
The leader’s spoonful of kimchi hovers in the atmosphere. ‘Forgotten?’ he wonders, elongating the word.
‘It’s our 12 000th day anniversary,’ Jaejoong informs him, swallowing curry sauce whole. Yunho chokes on his water, liquid going down the wrong pipe the exact same way Jaejoong’s sentence strikes the wrong nerves.
‘Would you like me to try CPR on you?’ Jaejoong jokes. The leader recalls the scene he’d done with his fellow actress and shakes his head. He didn’t like CPR.
‘He’ll most likely have a heart attack if you do it on him,’ Changmin states in all wisdom and smart while Manager hyung pretends he isn’t privy to the contents of their conversation.
Yunho coughs up all the pain in his throat, wheezing like a maniac. He’d done it again; gone and forgotten an important event. How Jaejoong actually keeps track of the days stumps Yunho. Could he have been -
‘Just kidding,’ Jaejoong says cheekily. He hadn’t played jokes on Yunho since he has no idea when. Except for the choking, which had been unexpected, he’d enjoyed watching Yunho panic.
The leader isn’t sure whether to smile or bawl in relief at Jaejoong’s prank. Not that he didn’t like it. The lead singer had unique humor, sparkling up Yunho’s daily experiences with his odd wit and sharp mind.
They get the bill, dispersing slowly but surely; Yunho with his filming, Jaejoong to wherever, and Changmin to secrecy.
‘You’ll be at home?’ Yunho requests; a plea.
‘To clean up your mess,’ Jaejoong agrees.
Yunho touches his fist. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’
Look at me now
Feel it, so you can see my heart
My intensely, intensely, intensely burning love
If you hear it, clue me in
Will you hold me like this, like this, like this
The door clicks. Jaejoong suspects Yoochun, home after spending time with his family. He has scores all over the room, arrangements he’d composed; music which Yunho had praised as versatile and enticing.
‘Hyung.’ It’s Junsu. However had he lived without the boy’s big laughs these weeks; Jaejoong cannot fathom. ‘I’ve figured something out,’ Junsu says, lounging on the chair, humming tunes and higher octaves as serenades to the older man.
Jaejoong stares intensely; musical intuition inclined along his fellow band mate. ‘That was wonderful,’ he praises when Junsu completes the last melody to 'Shelter'. ‘As expected of Junsu-sama.’
‘Where’s Yoochunah?’ Junsu asks, crowding around Jaejoong, clutching his neck with an arm as he busies himself snooping through the older man’s compositions.
‘He’s at his mum’s. Should I cook for us tonight?’ Jaejoong thinks aloud.
Junsu looks at him, eyes smiling. ‘Hyung, Changmin says Manager hyung -‘
‘Thanks for rubbing salt in my wound,’ Jaejoong sighs, feigning hurt. He logs off the internet, switching the monitor to standby. ‘Did you miss me, Junsuyah?’
‘Everyday,’ Junsu pipes, grinning like sunshine’s baby. Jaejoong slaps his butt with an amplified smack, peering into his face as if he were searching for -
Junsu’s laughter rocks the room with its vibrato, the same abundant quality it had whenever Jaejoong imagined Junsu’s loud voice reverberating around their quiet apartment in Japan.
Ever the mood maker; Junsu leaves behind motivation and joy, promising to be home for dinner if hyung was making it. Jaejoong follows in his wake, floating to the kitchen on gilded wings.
His food’s as good as his music;
regardless what Changmin says.
Tic toc, tic toc, look at the time that has flown
Nothing can stop, you’re an endless breath
It can’t be your time - your way or your play
I hope you forget all your painful wounds
‘Yunho is home!’ the leader bellows, his excitement contagious. Changmin sighs extravagantly. This was what he got when his hyung decided he was going to come home still in-character.
‘Hyung, please leave your Cha Bong Gun self at the film site,’ the magnae shoots, taking first spot at the dinner table.
‘Don’t wanna,’ Yunho replies in his creepy acting voice, making Changmin shudder. Jaejoong’s cracks an imperial laugh, a comforting greeting next to the magnae’s sarcasm.
The house hadn’t changed one bit since the five of them were squished under the same roof. Yunho settles next to Changmin, who squirms aside, giving him hesitant looks. Junsu bounces onto the chair opposite, next to Yoochun.
‘I drew something for everybody as a home-coming gift,’ Yunho announces, spreading a thin layer of drawing block on the table. On it are five wobbly stickmen, each holding hands with one another. There’s a crescent moon on the right hand corner. That’s about as far as the leader's creativity goes.
‘Did you draw this on your way home in the car?’ Junsu asks, some off-topic question. Yunho nods.
‘Figures,’ Yoochun remarks. The limbs were grotesquely bent at jerky angles. Jaejoong takes a peek at the image, bringing about his steaming pot of tom yam, a specialty he’d picked up in Japan.
‘I must have been Picasso in my other life,’ Yunho insists shamelessly.
‘Nope,’ Yoochun disagrees, watching the leader’s nose grow longer and sharper. ‘More like Pinocchio.’
‘If stickmen were a form of art, we’d have a kindergarten load of five-year-old Da Vinci’s,’ Changmin contributes glaringly, his right eye spasming in agitation. ‘I am not putting that up on our wall.’
Yunho stubbornly explains, describing why he’d drawn it and what it meant. ‘Yah! The five stick people represent us while the moon signifies night. This means that when it’s dark and it’s time to go to bed, we’re still united as one! See, we’re all holding hands.’
Jaejoong props an arm on Yunho’s shoulder, leaning forward to get a better view. ‘Doesn’t Changmin look too tall for his own good?’
Changmin ignores their mindless chatter, dishing out food and distributing them in bowls to all the other members, himself last.
‘I’ll hang it up in Japan,’ Jaejoong tells Yunho, rolling it up like a treasure map and putting it safely aside less Junsu’s sloppy tom yam footprints find its way onto the paper. ‘Changminah! Didn’t you say my food was too spicy? Wasn’t Manager hyung a better cook?’
The magnae glances up between gulps, finishing every last drop despite the spice.
‘I only said that because if I didn’t;
Who else is going to cook for me?’
The love that left me, no more
Fate that abandoned me, thinkin no more
Never, never, never, don’t cry
Why eh? Aim high
Jaejoong drives. He can still differentiate the roads, carefully choosing directions from Yunho, because the leader had nearly gotten them lost before on familiar streets.
They’d left Yoochun to play his computer games with the other two. He wasn’t going to have any sleep tonight making pointless challenges against Changmin and Junsu while the older members went out exploring.
‘I don’t say this often Jaejoongie,’ Yunho confesses in the privacy of their car, ‘but being without you once again made me realize how much I’ve taken everything for granted.’
The lead singer smiles, lips curvaceous. ‘Took you long to figure that out, Yunhoyah.’
Then again, Jaejoong isn’t the type to hold grudges. He did everything with pride, but he was never proud; likewise when it came to the rest of the members.
Yunho exhales, fogging the air.
‘We’re stopping here,’ Jaejoong says, stepping on the brakes in a parking lot. It’s a night market, brightly lit with lanterns and traditional Korean artifacts.
Moving next to Jaejoong, inching through the crowds without a person to put a name to their faces, Yunho comes to his own revelations.
There were days he didn’t know, and days he knew more than he should. Some days, in particular, he just did - nothing more, nothing less, nothing better than Jaejoong who’d become a part of his life as common as the sun yawning in the horizon, or the moon blotched against the inky sky.
He wasn’t with Jaejoong because he couldn’t live without him. It’s not as simple as need. It’s a depth surfaced from years of friendship, acceptance and slow but certain realizations; a love borne out of hope.
He couldn’t possibly breathe on Jaejoong’s behalf, but he’d very much like to be his breath of fresh air amidst the suffocating smog of difficulty trapping them on all sides.
Jaejoong looks at him from under his black beanie, eyes shaded and unveiled by the lights on the streets, deciphering bottomless secrets. ‘You know something, Yunhoyah?’
I think I do, Jaejoongie.
‘We should buy back deokboggi for the rest. They’ll surely be awake when we get home.’
Yunho beams. This was the Jaejoong that the leader presented to others with a certain arrogance that one gave off only when speaking of close family.
At the front of a food stall, Yunho picks out the most tasty-looking rice-balls, digging for his wallet where there is none. ‘Jaejoongah, I think I forgot -‘
‘It’s alright. I’ve got it covered,’ the lead singer laughs.
There are some things money can’t buy;
For everything else, there’s still Jaejoong.
Never miss a trick, get on your dreams
To my own world, more, more, more
Leave everything to me, we’ll be alright
Today’s the start, let’s party till night
Mornings; it’s an unusual sight to have Yoochun at breakfast so early. Jaejoong’s pancakes smell deluxe, sizzling and taking shape in his non-stick pan. Yunho must’ve slept in, awoken by the waft of well-misplaced mornings since Jaejoong had left with Yoochun for Japan.
Junsu meticulously constructs a waffle tower looking vaguely similar to the one in Paris with his food, except that Changmin can take a bite out of it.
‘Hands off!’ Junsu squeaks; not before Changmin stuffs it all in his mouth, and what’s left looks vaguely similar to the pile of debris left after a tsunami.
Jaejoong slides another piece onto Junsu’s plate, and one more on Changmin’s so the magnae won’t resort to stealing. Yunho takes out a magnifying glass; no one knows what’s going on in his head these few days.
Yoochun jibes at the leader. ‘What are you, hyung? Sherlock Ho?’
‘Yunho hyung isn’t right in the mind ever since he took up that acting role,’ Junsu adds, the only member who had no right to criticise the leader. He wasn’t right in the mind himself.
Jaejoong taps his glass of milk with a metal spoon, the clanging sound tilting all heads at the table. ‘Who’s going where today?’
The leader raises his hands.
‘Aside from Yunho.’
Junsu shrugs; nowhere maybe. Changmin says he’s got acting classes to attend, although it starts in the evening. Yoochun; he has the whole day free. It seems like they’ll be sitting in for the afternoon, catching up on details with one another.
The leader showers, changes, prepares to set off - prim and proper - as if he were a father off to win bread and butter for his loved ones.
‘See you,’ the children chorus, Junsu and Changmin on the remote control, not even glancing up. Yoochun waves; he did miss Yunho so.
The lead singer lingers by the door, watching the leader hoist his bag over his shoulder. ‘Take care of them for me,’ Yunho whispers, smidgen of mischief in his tone.
‘I will, Yunhoyah,’ Jaejoong murmurs.
‘Don’t you remember? What’s yours is also mine.’
Sometimes hot tears run down
I can’t stop it, even when it’s unseen
(Oh let me make you stronger)
Sometimes my heart subsides coldly, I can’t feel it
(Oh let me make you stronger)
Like vacations usually turn out, it ends swiftly. Japan calls for promotions and more promotions on Jaejoong and Yoochun’s part.
‘We’ll be back together soon,’ Yunho says on the last day; a pledge, an oath. Jaejoong grasps at his hand, bony knuckles scraping his soft skin.
‘Do you think it’s weird, Yunhoyah, that once the sun rises, I think I shouldn’t be asleep, because there are so many things I have to do?’
Yunho places a free arm around Jaejoong. ‘When you do something out of love, Jaejoongie. It becomes harder to give up.’
The lead singer blinks. ‘Since when were you so smart?’ he kids, because Yunho had a maturity that made him Jaejoong’s best hiding place - a shelter from the storm and the rain.
‘Just taking it in my stride,’ Yunho replies, his smile not leaving his face.
‘All the best for your drama when it debuts,’ Jaejoong well-wishes. The leader was surely nervous about his first time coming out as an actor, unsure if his inexperience would bring him a bad reputation.
‘I give you courage,’ Jaejoong says, spreading the other man’s fingers into an open shell and placing an object into the leader’s hands with a harder smile to beat.
Yunho peers down, wondering what Jaejoong had given him -
There’s nothing.
‘Hmm,’ he mumbles, shaking his hands back and forth, testing the weight of Jaejoong’s gift. It rattles inaudibly, chiming like courage, faith, hope & love.
‘Uknow you got it~’ Yunho raps in conclusion, closing his palm tightly around the present for keepsakes.
Jaejoong squeezes his fist in reassurance.
‘Yeah Yunhoyah; You know you do.’
FOREVER & ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH
a/n: what you don’t see isn’t always what doesn’t exist
changed the lyrics of strong girl to stronger because i think it’d be more relevant. took most of these info from recent jaejoong & yoochun interviews & the recent yunjae lunch outing. stay happy forever, everybody! &onesmile;