Holy its already week 9 out of 12 Day 54 (sun feb 28) I already…: uannasor

uannasor

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Mar 06, 2010 21:34

Holy its already week 9 out of 12
Day 54 (sun feb 28)
I already posted last Saturday’s post but the weather was whack man…. It rained and poured hard, the sun came out and then heavy hail…? What……? So I stayed in and made my crappy web for my thesis project…

Anyways, today the plan was to do some shopping. I’m not really materialistic in many ways (although I do like my toys) but I think the only thing that is on my list to get is a new handbag. I need to replace the canvas green esprit bag I have that has palm trees on it but people mistake them for pot leaves… I went to DSW today which has awesome deals on shoes and bags and I was torn between two bags… one I really liked but realistically it would not be a functional everyday use bag and the other seemed more appropriate to my use but I just didn’t like it that much.

I began my day by finally doing what my parents wanted me to do; goto mass. DSW is up on Colorado in the Paseo Colorado which is an outdoors mall but don’t open until 11am so for me, a person who wakes up early here I decided the trek would be worth it so I biked for a good 20-25minutes and went to St. Andrew’s. I’m not sure why but once I got in there and sat down I was overwhelmed with emotions… i was tearing up… For some reason, Since I have been here for almost 2 months I haven’t really felt like yeah im really out here, away from my normal life but today going to mass made me actually feel like yeah I am away from home and away from my family. During the mass we were saying the apostles creed and it was different from what I am use to… they did the complete thing while I am use to I guess the shorter version. I thought I was just really out of it but it was just that they did things differently here… the didn’t have a choir, they had a young lady singing and I can say that her voice reminded me of glee. Besides that, it felt good to goto mass enough said. I don’t think I am highly religious but taking for granted the fact that back home I would go to mass with my family every weekend, the emotions that hit me hard when I was in church today makes me believe otherwise.

Besides church, I decided to visit a few stores to look at bags and shoes I had marked off the previous night to take a look at. DSW, Target, Quiksilver were my main targets. I ended up not purchasing a handbag =/ tempted to but the one I really wanted just wasn’t practical to my needs although very cute. I find it difficult to purchase jeans because of my body type as well… but I love me some basic v-neck coloured t-shirts. I need to exercise more though! Arm flubber is horrible!

My plan was a little de-railed because of my lag in choosing a bag. I wanted to watch the mens finals for hockey but at least I caught one goal by Canada. I ended up biking down south to Fosselmans. Fosselman’s is the best hand/homemade ice cream in LA and so I got myself a black raspberry milkshake and it was AMAZING!

Day 55
I am not sure why but today just felt really out of it. I woke up and did the normal routine.

I guess I am starting to get use to going to christa’s and working. However, March is looking like a slow month in terms of shooting for Christa and to add to that, she is sick. I can work well on my own but sometimes it just isn’t fun because well… I am alone for most of the day secluded into a room. Trust me… since I’ve been here I have been alone from the very start.

Anyways, today there was a little tension circling through the bunch. Wendy ended up coming over around 2PM so it was great to see her face haha. I started working with her in the studio once I got here but since things are dying down I think she may be finished coming into the studio and working with me. I really appreciate my time and talks with her when we are in the studio. I feel like she is like my older sister at points because I can talk with her more than I think I can talk to Christa or Deb. Plus, we made a pack… sucks that I am here by myself now haha. It’s not the same in the studio without Wendy.

So I only have two more weekends left and I know this month is going to go by really quickly which is bumming me out. I am trying to plan out a few more excursions with Wendy and Christa but I doubt Grand canyon is in the mix anymore. Dim sum, Huntington gardens are what we have been talking about for weeks and going over to wendy’s to shoot is something I really want to do. I think I accomplished a lot in the studio today but as I sat there by myself I felt a hit of reality; is this what I would be doing and feeling if I did come back to work here… being in an office by myself for majority of the time? Don’t get me wrong, I love this experience I am having over here but in the long run what would I be doing? I think I still want to be a photographer but I haven’t really shot anything and well my portfolio is in transition right now and still building on it… I know I am good at being in a studio/office doing business stuff but I think I am also good with my hands… I don’t think though that I would be one her assistants if I came back because well… she already has a 1st and 2nd who are her leading guys and have been with her for a long time and well I don’t think I could replace them. I guess what I can really say about today’s post is the whole feeling of reality hitting me; and all these ideas about the future and uncertainty… I am sure that if I do come back I will be a strong individual and be successful but it just feels as if today is the turning point where I feel, is this it?

I just feel really weak/vulnerable with mixed emotions today. I didn’t even want to play with Louie today…

Day 56
Since I was feeling out of it yesterday, I decided to sleep early. I woke up feeling good so hopefully that moment from yesterday has disappeared. Christa gave me the day off because she isn’t feeling too well and doesn’t want me to get sick so I’m not sure of what to do. I think I might try to help out in Deb’s office and if anything go somewhere…? I would try to hang out with Wendy today but its very difficult to get in touch with her as her phone and internet are offline at the moment…

I was actually useful in Deb’s office today.. well parts of it. I seem to be the digital person there and was trying to get images ready but what put me out of motion was photographers not sending me high res images… other than that I showed Deb my new mockup of my portfolio and got good feedback from her. I ended up organizing other photographers books as they have recently gone through with Deb a new order for their portfolios. It is interesting to see how other people would organize shots and me and Deb seem to have a different eye for it but once again, she is the pro here… I understand where she is coming from. The only thing that makes it difficult is that I don’t have a strong perspective of what I consider my photography style to be. I know what I like but in terms of career path, I am uncertain. I wanted to do lifetsyle photography yet all the work I have shown is not.

Bummer to hear my friends aren’t coming for a visit next week =( its ok though.. will spend time with them later.. maybe possibly trip with them later on…?

I officially have 2 weekends left, still have to get myself to IN-N-OUT, Huntington gardens, dim sum, hang with Brian, shoot Wendy’s home and fam, and hopefully I can take everyone out for dinner my treat.

Day 57
Happy Birthday Dad! Hope you and mom are having fun and taking loads of photos on your cruise.

I had a fantastic sleep. I went into work and well it was really quiet. Christa had a doc apt and still isn’t feeling to well… so pretty much I didn’t really have anything to do for the first 3 hours so I cleaned… then when she finally got back, she got me started on scanning her tears. It is incredibly quiet and slow these days… the only calls to the office today were all these telemarketers.

Deb is off to Portland today and will be back on Saturday, she was telling us yesterday that there has been a sighting of coyotes in the neighbourhood and she said she found a cat head on her lawn. I came home today and I saw and played with one of the cats that we thought had gone missing but nevertheless she is alive. I find today very strange though. Very disconnected. I came home to have the door to the guesthouse wide open as if someone had broken in but I guess someone just forgot to close it because here I am and everything is still here… Louie for some reason started playing with my shoes.. he took my left shell to another part of the backyard and today I find the insole of my flats outside… right now I am curious to know if louie is actually in the house or if he is staying with someone because usually he keeps me company during this time of day.

My bag came in today. Yay! Crys, its actually darker than I thought it would be but otherwise I think I like it. Zappos… if only it served Canada too… the bag came in 2 days. And nobody seems to responding to my emails =/

Day 58
So Louie came to me in the morning and was all happy. He’s been rubbing up on my legs like he was a cat though…

Biked to work, its been really quiet… the only calls into the studio today were telemarketers and christa calling from inside the house. She is pretty much bed ridden because she is sick and also because she is pregnant… she is working from her bed at least. So what I am doing in the studio is pretty much scanning her tears to get them ready to be added to her website. After that, I am determined to get those images ready for archive. Its strange to not see wendy in the studio with me but I guess this is just how things are… we had a pact haha.

I think Christa might have one more shoot job before I leave so I will take the most out of it. The best I can do right now is try my best to help her out because she’s pregnant and might risk having to stay in bed for the rest of her pregnancy and also she is sick. I hope she really appreciates this and asks me to come back and actually work for her…

I love farmers markets… I got a medium size bag of kettle corn which was inhaled, fresh strawberries and fried rice with fish. Also, there was gourmet Korean food so I bought myself some tempha. That ends my night. Tomorrow just working in the studio and then the weekend seems promising. Bummer my friends aren’t coming up next week but I will be back soon enough to spend some quality time with all! Err after thesis stuff is done, final portfolio… so I will be available after first week of April.

Day 59
I got to work today and got an email from my professor. He had commented on my thesis paper and well he gave me my final grade if I am to keep it the way it is now. I will fix it and boost that mark. It was kindof a bummer because I thought I had improved on it a lot since the proposal was a trainwreck. I will keep my head up though and work on it some more. Anyways, So as I am getting into the groove of scanning and whatnot in the office, Christa calls me from the house phone to tell me that Wendy was actually taking me to Huntington gardens today. So, I went to Huntington gardens and had a good time. I went with Ginger and Wendy and well, its kindof like toronto’s Edward gardens. I loved the bamboo garden and of course the Chinese garden. I love the old architecture of the Chinese gardens. Also, the floor was made of such a beautiful pattern using little pebbles hand placed to make the design. And of course for wendy, I loved the cactus barrels.

So, I got talking with Christa and Wendy and things seem to be turning around for them. Their friend Dominic actually just finished a job with Adidas and there is a chance that they might do some rebranding. Their friend is moving in the neighbourhood soon, christa just got a new car, wendy’s husband might be landing like 4 films, and there have been talks about other things which I am super excited for because it still needs to be discussed more formally. I am happy and grateful to be with such wonderful people.

Other than that, I can’t believe its Friday already… Meeting Brian tomorrow in Hollywood. I have to work on this thesis paper yet again and besides that, just taking in the days as they come. I truly feel like I have done a lot here and will be sad to leave but at the same time will be happy to return home.

Day 60 (sat mar 6)
I woke up my normal 630am and did the usual routine. Since I got my paper back from my prof yesterday I wanted to work on it a bit before I left for the day. I went to meet up with Brian in Hollywood. We met at this cool book store called soup book on sunset and la cienga blvd. I could have stayed in the design section all day; brian would have kept me there to teach me a photography history lesson because school doesn’t teach us about photographers except for the usual suspects like Leibovitz and Garsh etc. Anyways, he basically played tour guide for me today as we walked down sunset blvd. He showed me all the famous clubbing landmarks and hotels like the viper room, the exclusive hotels that all the stars stay at etc. I did not know there was a standard hotel down there but one day I will stay in one… they are so nice.

We stopped by Carnies which is a old railroad cart that makes decent burgers, dogs, fries etc. Brian is such a cool down to earth guy. His photography is cool and he is very down to earth kind of guy but for practically a one man show his work is intriguing and very different. After walking sunset for a bit, we headed back to his place which is basically his home and studio in one. His dog Mercy is crazy adorable… she is 11 years old but is awesome at catching a Frisbee but man her tail hurts when it hits you. Anyways, I got to look at his toy collection and he also showed me his book which is in the process of being published. He also showed me the original raw images he starts off with and the steps he takes to get to the end result and man… I tried on my own to do a toy series and I found it very time consuming and elaborate thinking to get to the end and since im a amateur in this field, seeing his steps and all the labour he puts into his work I can really appreciate his work even more. Brian said that once he gets some jobs running that I can work with him on them.. that is if it happens before I leave…

I bus-ed out there today no problem but the wait for the bus home was incredibly long… I mean, I am use to busing in Toronto but LA is different. I don’t think I will be heading out to Hollywood on a normal basis though… Im a suburbs girl through and through haha. Pasadena is my Toronto suburbs here in California.

I guess it is a good thing I had the opportunity to work with Christa and chose to pursue working with her over Brian because the past few months for him have been kindof slow and more talking than actually doing. Even he said that it was good that I decided to go with her because I wouldn’t have been working a lot with him. He is finally finishing up with contracts and talks and will soon begin shooting. He has a few projects coming up this year and I wish him the best.

I think I am in a really good spot in my life and ive gotten use to people teasing me about how young I am. But nevertheless, this trip to LA has been such a blessing experience for me. I have met lifelong friends, the nicest people and crews to work with. I think and believe that this trip has helped me discover more about myself.

As for LA over Toronto, I am still mixed emotions about it. I mean, I have lived my whole life in Toronto and everything is situated there however, I know that since I have made connections out here in LA, my chance for success is more likely out here. LA is nice because of the people and at times, the weather is amazing. Im just not sure if I am truly suited for LA life. I think that I am willing to test the waters some more but I guess I will have a revelation at some point where a final decision will be made.