(no subject)
I am not doing so good this week.
I thought id be alright.. whenever this time of year comes around Its almost like all the emotions i bottle up for a year come pouring out and I dont know what to do with myself. Its been almost 3 years since my mom passed and 2 since my grandpa. Life is so hard sometimes. I can only imagine what its like for people losing there entire family. Last night couldnt have been worse. I cant drink for awhile. im completely unstable and it took last night for me to realize that. and bret holding me was more than enough to realize i wouldnt be here right now with him if i wasnt drinking. he was trying to comfort me but where was he when i needed him the most. im hurt. and im sick of being hurt by the people that i care most about. I dont even know if its possible for me to love someone as much as i loved him again.. for a very long time.. and im mostly angry at him for taking that away from me.
my heart couldnt possibly hurt more. i need her and shes gone. the end