sleep
Jen's upstairs sleeping peacefully right now, and I'm downstairs in front of my computers. I can't sleep with someone else in my bed, apparently.
I suppose it was naively optimistic to think I could. I know I need a strictly controlled environment to get restful sleep. I always have to sleep on my stomach, with my arms a certain way to keep from aggravating my carpal tunnel/repetitive stress injuried-up wrists. I prop up half of myself with a pillow or balled-up blanket under me to ease strain on my neck since I can't breathe face-down in the bed. And typically I have to move around a few times before I finally fall asleep. With someone else in my twin-sized bed, there just isn't room.
I've slept on the same mattress for longer than 15 years, every night. But with someone else exerting their weight on the bed, the mattress was bulging at weird places, and it felt like I was going to roll or slide off it. Obviously, I'm mental.
And then I also need to sleep with my door completely closed. The times that I neglected to do this, well-meaning pets enter the room and eventually jump on the bed, immediately waking me up of course. Movements from my beloved would probably duplicate this. I'm only guessing - I never actually fell asleep tonight.
Additionally, I need to sleep with earplugs. If there's a noise in the house, it will wake me up. If there's an ant crawling across my ceiling, not only will it's ruckus wake me up, but I'll jump five feet in the air.
Finally, the room needs to be cool. If the room's too warm, I'll lay there sweating my ass off and hating life. I need to be under a blanket to sleep. That's just how it is.
And there's the whole new thing of me being considerate for my sleeping partner. All my nonsensical twitching and tossing and turning is sure to annoy. So I'm there laying still but needing to move like a mongoloid. Too much pressure.
Am I doomed to sleep by myself forever? Irrefutable evidence points to yes, yes I am.
I'm sure she'll blame herself for my misery; I hope she doesn't, though, and just recongizes that I have a weird problem.