At a party long ago

[ubermaus]

In lieu of a real post, here are some things a certain Richard Plumus wrote down at a party on April 24th:
Things you can say when I announce that I'm going to the bathroom:

• I went to the loo at 2:00 and I haven't particularly needed to go since, but you go ahead
• I don't like going in public because of the recent pandemic, but you go ahead
• Fine,

Comments

[anonymous]

Dear Ubermaus,

Thank you for posting my remarks. I can only hope that what has been set down here--conceived of by the social meta-unconscious and conveyed through me, humble avatar that I am--will reform many a wayward soul and be a mighty shot fired in the war against that dreaded triumvirate: rhubarb/Rod Stewart/banter. Rattle your spears, ye men of action.

R. Plumus

[ubermaus]

Some have suggested that humans, instead of thinking up original things to say, merely parrot back a stock phrase from a relatively short dictionary of such. The famous A.I. project, the ALICE chatbot, has several thousand phrases to choose from in response to your quips, and is much more interesting than chatting to the average stranger over the gas pump (or wherever one is forced into these situations). For example, in response to the statement "I have to go to the bathroom," Alice asks "Do you want me to wait for you?" instead of "Well now that was too much information!!"

Clearly, humans must be programmed with more interesting and intelligent stock responses, or maybe programmed to spout of an indeterminate number of random words at irregular intervals:

"I have to go the bathroom"
... "Penultimate cosmopolitan suppository! Flaming cheese!!"