The UberMaus, namer of alternate states

[ubermaus]

One of the last worthwhile things I did before leaving Texas was to work out a taxonomy of drunkenness with a couple of friends. I'm sure the livejournal world will be much more linguistically precise now that we've provided such a useful terminology. In order of increasing toxicity:

1. Not Drunk
2. Fake Drunk
3. Happy Drunk
4. Chatty Drunk
5. Clumsy Drunk

Comments

Current Mood: Church Drunk

[pendulous]

I hate to complicate such a beautifully simple and self-explanatory system.

But we always do the things we hate.

I would have to add Fake Drunk, as a sub-category of Not Drunk.

This, obviously, is where you have a drink in your hand and use it as an excuse to immediately begin acting like you are already in any of categories 2-8 (though, hospital drunk is hard to fake without getting people upset)

And, of course, Town Drunk (5 1/2?) which is where you have the keys to your own jail cell in Mayberry.

Re: Current Mood: Church Drunk

[ubermaus]

Oh, yes. This is an important social distinction--go immediately and read Lucky Jim, in which the presence, rather than the consumption, of alcohol provides the occasion to say unpleasant things that would be more difficult when sober. Similarly, I might include "Proximity Drunk," where, due to having too much fun, behaves badly in ways not excusable by drink.

I'm not really sure how I can fit these into my rigidly ordered hierarchy, since it's not really a physiological condition.

[haggisthesecond]

9. Undertaker drunk?

[hussyred]

Damn, I dont think I fit any of those drunks. I am misfit drunk.

go for ten

[anonymous]

I can imagine a scale of one-to-eight would be hard to comprehend due to its unfamiliarity to most partygoers in possession of at least a high school education; therefore, I recommend you expand the list to ten. I agree that Fake Drunk should be added, but one very important degree point you've left off is Courageous Drunk. In my years at the LABC, I have seen many a drunken Captain Courageous perform such feats as: trying to run with a mostly full keg on back (always ends in carnage); trying to scale trees, fences, houses, people, you name it, in flight; trying to stand up for all the minors' at the party's rights to drink (always ends in handcuffing); and many other acts of self-preservation and self-sacrifice. Of course, there are many other, perhaps bolder Captain Courageous Drunk feats performed even when the ABC isn't busting up the party. I heartily recommend Courageous Drunk or something category like that be added to your list. Happy drinking

Discipline and Punish, baby!

[ubermaus]

Hm. Good to know all that stuff I read this morning about being under constant disciplinary surveillance was all true. I guess.

The list has been appropriately ammended, although even Farnsworth, the Most Intoxicated Gentleman in Louisiana, can't be expected to call a visit to the ER a "perfect 10."

Re: Discipline and Punish, baby!

[salmacis]

The list has been appropriately ammended, although even Farnsworth, the Most Intoxicated Gentleman in Louisiana, can't be expected to call a visit to the ER a "perfect 10."

I do miss Farnsworth.....