They call me quiet, but I'm a riot!
Well, they don't really call me that unless I have zero to contribute to the conversation or I am feeling ill or they are in an unofficial competition to see who can get the most words in.
"They" meaning people in general.
Okieday.
So apparently I'm supposed to tell an 11-year-old that he has autism. Yippee. I'm like a frickin' positive role model; I get to frickin' do stuff like that. Eh, what drives me more bonkers is that Novie's biological brother doesn't know it about himself. He is 15. No one has told him because too many people have decided he would use it as an excuse to not do anything. He is 15.
Anyway, a couple wants me to talk to their son who turned 11 the other day. Yep, he's in that class I'll be teaching next term. He should have been told sooner, too, in my humble opinion. He surely knows he is different. There is too much evidence for him not to figure that much out, and I don't doubt he has overheard the a-word.
Someone said they just use the word "shy" to explain it to their much younger son. That doesn't sit well with me, either, and the reason for that is that I ain't shy and Jube ain't shy and there are others who ain't shy, and anyway, there is a lot more to explain than "shy". I think that kid will grow up really confused with that "all zots are zats and all zats are zots" fallacy.
Bleep bloop. Oh yeah, and the 11-year-old will be here in any minute now and I didn't write anything... down. Aaaah. Ah well, I know the basic specifics about this boy and I know the basic gist of what I want to say. I think the parents should be the ones telling him, but apparently they don't want him to be upset with them. (Gee, thanks. Nothing like having a soon-to-be-student upset with me before the term even starts. Don't worry, though. I doubt he will be upset because I know I'm going to present the information in a positive and neutral way ala "it is what it is ☺".)
I dread how the 15-year-old will react when he finds out, on the other hand. That day will probably come in three years, at which point he will likely be quite pissed that people knew for over a decade before telling him! There is no need for implying that he is hopeless, which is what people are afraid of doing. Ugh. And no, though he is Novie's biological brother, he does not live around us.
My personal opinion is that children should be told as soon as possible, though I know there are many who disagree and I respect this. The reason for my opinion is quite simply that knowledge is power. If your kid had diabetes, you would explain diabetes to him right away. Also, you wouldn't explain diabetes by saying, "Your body is bad!!! It is messed up, dude! You can't handle sugar like other people!" An exaggeration, but you see my point.
I think of my nephew (cousin's son) who was told at the age of seven and was extremely depressed because he translated what he heard as "What this means is that I am a terrible awful person and the worst person ever to be in school, which is why I was kicked out of four schools". That is nothing short of heartbreaking. I cannot fathom why my cousin was so negative to her obviously sensitive boy. She never tried to persuade him otherwise and just let him think of himself as awful!
Novie and Benita are not on the spectrum, but both know that I am. Again, the diabetes parallel. Not informing them would, given the circumstances, be as foolish as not telling them that I have seizures.
~~~
All right, I ditched this entry and returned to it. I've spoken to the 11-year-old who as it turns out already knew without knowing the meaning of the word. He does not appear to be upset so much as a mixture of worried and curious. Also, something is going on with my stomach, because I could not eat the dinner James prepared. Maybe I was nervous.
Let's seeeee, I forgot what I was going to say here before leaving, so I shall finish these disorganized thoughts by saying that I will explain autism in terms of specific symptoms and general symptoms in clear words to my younger children when they are preschool aged. They're all going to be homeschooled, and I really doubt Jubilee and Eulalia will think of themselves as bad or defective with me as their mother. Jubilee, Eulalia, Little James, and even Benita are at stages where they think adults can do anything...
I really forget what else I wanted to say and now we have more guests. (Who invited these #(%&#(&?!! Okay, they're not terrible guests. Sort of. Sis-in-law's brother and people.)
tl;dr
Just present information in a helpful and kind manner, not in a way that will harm confidence. Inform during casual conversation, not directly following a traumatic event or after your child has overheard something. Society is what causes us to think of disability as a shameful thing. There is no point to such thinking and it only causes hurt.
My son has a visible physical disability. I do not want him to be ashamed of that. ("Gosh darn these leg braces. I must be such a worthless individual." Come on! He is most certainly not being raised to think anything like that!) Why should invisible disabilities be regarded any differently?
'nother edit
What I just said applies to every disorder or disability. Depression is not shameful, people. I know that is a bit ironic because one of the things obviously felt when depressed is shame. But it in itself is not shameful and I wish life could be as simple as everyone choosing to lift their heads up high. I worry about y'all. I promise you that my arms and heart are wide open.
"They" meaning people in general.
Okieday.
So apparently I'm supposed to tell an 11-year-old that he has autism. Yippee. I'm like a frickin' positive role model; I get to frickin' do stuff like that. Eh, what drives me more bonkers is that Novie's biological brother doesn't know it about himself. He is 15. No one has told him because too many people have decided he would use it as an excuse to not do anything. He is 15.
Anyway, a couple wants me to talk to their son who turned 11 the other day. Yep, he's in that class I'll be teaching next term. He should have been told sooner, too, in my humble opinion. He surely knows he is different. There is too much evidence for him not to figure that much out, and I don't doubt he has overheard the a-word.
Someone said they just use the word "shy" to explain it to their much younger son. That doesn't sit well with me, either, and the reason for that is that I ain't shy and Jube ain't shy and there are others who ain't shy, and anyway, there is a lot more to explain than "shy". I think that kid will grow up really confused with that "all zots are zats and all zats are zots" fallacy.
Bleep bloop. Oh yeah, and the 11-year-old will be here in any minute now and I didn't write anything... down. Aaaah. Ah well, I know the basic specifics about this boy and I know the basic gist of what I want to say. I think the parents should be the ones telling him, but apparently they don't want him to be upset with them. (Gee, thanks. Nothing like having a soon-to-be-student upset with me before the term even starts. Don't worry, though. I doubt he will be upset because I know I'm going to present the information in a positive and neutral way ala "it is what it is ☺".)
I dread how the 15-year-old will react when he finds out, on the other hand. That day will probably come in three years, at which point he will likely be quite pissed that people knew for over a decade before telling him! There is no need for implying that he is hopeless, which is what people are afraid of doing. Ugh. And no, though he is Novie's biological brother, he does not live around us.
My personal opinion is that children should be told as soon as possible, though I know there are many who disagree and I respect this. The reason for my opinion is quite simply that knowledge is power. If your kid had diabetes, you would explain diabetes to him right away. Also, you wouldn't explain diabetes by saying, "Your body is bad!!! It is messed up, dude! You can't handle sugar like other people!" An exaggeration, but you see my point.
I think of my nephew (cousin's son) who was told at the age of seven and was extremely depressed because he translated what he heard as "What this means is that I am a terrible awful person and the worst person ever to be in school, which is why I was kicked out of four schools". That is nothing short of heartbreaking. I cannot fathom why my cousin was so negative to her obviously sensitive boy. She never tried to persuade him otherwise and just let him think of himself as awful!
Novie and Benita are not on the spectrum, but both know that I am. Again, the diabetes parallel. Not informing them would, given the circumstances, be as foolish as not telling them that I have seizures.
~~~
All right, I ditched this entry and returned to it. I've spoken to the 11-year-old who as it turns out already knew without knowing the meaning of the word. He does not appear to be upset so much as a mixture of worried and curious. Also, something is going on with my stomach, because I could not eat the dinner James prepared. Maybe I was nervous.
Let's seeeee, I forgot what I was going to say here before leaving, so I shall finish these disorganized thoughts by saying that I will explain autism in terms of specific symptoms and general symptoms in clear words to my younger children when they are preschool aged. They're all going to be homeschooled, and I really doubt Jubilee and Eulalia will think of themselves as bad or defective with me as their mother. Jubilee, Eulalia, Little James, and even Benita are at stages where they think adults can do anything...
I really forget what else I wanted to say and now we have more guests. (Who invited these #(%&#(&?!! Okay, they're not terrible guests. Sort of. Sis-in-law's brother and people.)
tl;dr
Just present information in a helpful and kind manner, not in a way that will harm confidence. Inform during casual conversation, not directly following a traumatic event or after your child has overheard something. Society is what causes us to think of disability as a shameful thing. There is no point to such thinking and it only causes hurt.
My son has a visible physical disability. I do not want him to be ashamed of that. ("Gosh darn these leg braces. I must be such a worthless individual." Come on! He is most certainly not being raised to think anything like that!) Why should invisible disabilities be regarded any differently?
'nother edit
What I just said applies to every disorder or disability. Depression is not shameful, people. I know that is a bit ironic because one of the things obviously felt when depressed is shame. But it in itself is not shameful and I wish life could be as simple as everyone choosing to lift their heads up high. I worry about y'all. I promise you that my arms and heart are wide open.