#72
It really sucks when you get a kitten at one day old, and get extremely attatched to her through three and a half weeks of feeding her and taking care of her, and despite how healthy she seemed, and how she was the strongest one out of all the kittens, she suddenly gets really sick and looks like she isn't going to make it like you were convinced she would. And how when you used to hold her she used to meow really loud and try to play and crawl away, but then you pick her up and she barely makes a sound, won't open her eyes, and hardly even tries to move. Then it really, really sucks when even though you're crying your eyes out because only a month before you lost your favorite cat that you had for ten years, and you aren't ready to lose another one, you keep on holder her anyway, because you'd feel so guilty just putting her down and letting her die alone.
It also sucks when you always end up attracted to people who either, don't like you, don't even like your gender, or are already taken. And no matter how bad you wish you could just go on with your life without ever getting attached to anyone, or thinking anyone was amazing, or thinking anyone was beautiful, you just can't; and how one day out of nowhere someone comes along and steals your heart, but even if you can ever get it back, you know you can't have their's. Then it sucks even more when someone finds fucking humor in the fact that you always get your heart torn out. Love itself, and ever being around anyone you know you may never be able to have, sucks way more than it needs to.
And all of that stuff sucks even more when it's ontop of a day of having your head spun in so many different directions that you can barely tell where reality starts and hopeful illusion ends. Then you admit to yourself that you have certain emotions that will do nothing but start a ton of trouble, and you are on the edge of ripping your own eyes out in frustration over the fact that you can't make those emotions go away.
But in the end, nothing sucks more than the fact that are so many things in life that even though you'd willingly take seven bullets in the stomach to make go a different way, there's not a single thing you can do to change the fact that you can't have things go the only way that would keep you from crying yourself to sleep.
Aside from a half hour outside of Wawa, a walk through the backstreets of Cherry Hill, and about fifteen minutes on a bench at the baseball field....today was not a good day.
It also sucks when you always end up attracted to people who either, don't like you, don't even like your gender, or are already taken. And no matter how bad you wish you could just go on with your life without ever getting attached to anyone, or thinking anyone was amazing, or thinking anyone was beautiful, you just can't; and how one day out of nowhere someone comes along and steals your heart, but even if you can ever get it back, you know you can't have their's. Then it sucks even more when someone finds fucking humor in the fact that you always get your heart torn out. Love itself, and ever being around anyone you know you may never be able to have, sucks way more than it needs to.
And all of that stuff sucks even more when it's ontop of a day of having your head spun in so many different directions that you can barely tell where reality starts and hopeful illusion ends. Then you admit to yourself that you have certain emotions that will do nothing but start a ton of trouble, and you are on the edge of ripping your own eyes out in frustration over the fact that you can't make those emotions go away.
But in the end, nothing sucks more than the fact that are so many things in life that even though you'd willingly take seven bullets in the stomach to make go a different way, there's not a single thing you can do to change the fact that you can't have things go the only way that would keep you from crying yourself to sleep.
Aside from a half hour outside of Wawa, a walk through the backstreets of Cherry Hill, and about fifteen minutes on a bench at the baseball field....today was not a good day.