Vote of Confidence | PG | Doubt
Title: Vote of Confidence
Prompt: confession, classrooms, joy
Fandom: Doubt
Requested by: chainofclovers
Rating: PG
Word Count: 642
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I got a little nervous writing dialogue between these two characters. I hope I managed to capture their voices! I hope you enjoy :) Please let me know what you think.
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Out of twenty-five exams, only thirteen were adorned with passing marks. Sister James had recalculated each grade twice and, with the sun's rays swallowed in resolute darkness and her stomach rumbling with pangs of hunger, she was forced to accept that half of her class had failed their midterm.
The reality weighed heavily on her heart.
Where had she gone wrong? Had she forgotten to impart essential facts? Had she been too lenient on homework assignments? Was there something wrong with her method of lecturing? Was she, as an educator, not engaging enough?
Sister James felt like the biggest failure of all.
The students could only be as good as their teachers. She'd always believed that. She, as a student of God, tried to reflect what she'd learned in her piety, in her compassion, in her faith.
And she, as a teacher, had been unable to put forth enough knowledge to allow her students to succeed.
Tears prickled in her eyes and she was grateful for the quiet solitude of her classroom. She could cry in peace. She could sit in the darkness and allow the lack of her own success to consume her.
She propped her hands on the desk, folded them together, and began to pray as tears fell in haphazard patterns on her habit.
A bustle of movement pulled Sister James from her prayers. She turned her head and watched as Sister Aloysius hit the light switch with her elbow as she balanced a tray of food in her hands.
"Oh, you are here. You missed dinner." She paused and her eyes narrowed as she took note of the tears. "Why were you sitting in the dark?"
"I hadn't thought to turn it on, Sister."
"Bad for your eyes," Sister Aloysius said, setting the tray on the end of the desk. "What's going on here?"
"Just grading, Sister." Sister James sniffled and wiped her eyes, straightening her back.
"You were grading when I stopped in three hours ago. Do you assign such lengthy examinations?"
"No, I…I was double checking the grades."
"Did you miscalculate?"
"No. My grading was correct."
Sister Aloysius shifted from the side of the desk to stand right in front, her hands clasped in front of her. "Do you do math for fun?"
Sister James offered a weak smile. She longed to confess and yet she couldn't bear the thought of her superior's disapproval. It burned within her stomach and though she glanced longingly at the plate of food, she couldn’t bring herself to eat.
"How many passed?"
"Twelve," Sister James said quietly.
"If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: eighth grade is not meant for new teachers."
Sister James looked up in horror.
The older woman held up a placating hand. "Don't misjudge me, Sister James. At this age, it's a wonder that they learn anything at all. They're too concerned with each other, not with learning history or science."
"I wasn't like that in eighth grade," Sister James replied meekly, staring once again at the pile of papers.
Sister Aloysius took the stack of exams, straightened them on the edge of the desk, and deposited them in an empty folder. "That is because you are different."
"Is that good?"
"It is." Sister Aloysius tucked two fingers under Sister James's chin, tilting her head up. With the pad of her thumb she wiped a stray tear that streaked down her cheek. "It's not a reflection of your skills, Sister James. You must believe in the faith I have in you."
Sister James's abdomen warmed pleasantly.
"Now eat your food."
Sister James watched as the older nun quietly departed and pulled the dinner tray in front of her. There was a smaller serving of asparagus than usual and what appeared to be a larger portion of potatoes.
She smiled.
She belonged here.
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