Letting Go | PG | Private Practice
Title: Letting Go
Prompt: A secret
Fandom: Addison, Private Practice
Requested by: lakela
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1032
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I had this idea one day while I was subbing. I was trying to decide on a fun, playful secret to take place between Addison and Callie, but somehow landed on this idea. I like to think Addison would be a little neurotic about this concept, and hopefully this is believable. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
-
Addison Montgomery sits at her desk and neglects the stack of paperwork before her. She looks instead out the window of her office and can't help but notice the young woman sitting in the waiting area.
The girl can't be more than 18 or 19. Addison should feel guilty for staring so blatantly at a woman so young, but she can't help it. The girl's dark brown hair falls over her tanned shoulders, kissing the spaghetti straps of her tank top. The yellow top is form-fitting. While it doesn't exaggerate her small bust, the curves of her breasts are accentuated just enough to entice the curious onlooker.
Addison gulps.
Her jeans are tight at the hips and flare out past her knees, and the faded wash of the denim is adorned with rips and tears, offering teasing glimpses at her toned, tanned thighs. A flip flop dangles precariously from her foot.
Addison watches, motionless, while the girl tilts her head back and applies mascara to her full lashes. She holds a compact with one hand while the other works the brush through the eyelashes. Her lips are parted and glossy, and on the side of her nose gleams a tiny piercing.
The phone rings and Addison jolts. Her arms flail outward and she knocks over the half-full cup of tea, which spills like a waterfall over the end of her mahogany desk.
She looks between the ringing phone and the dripping peppermint liquid and opts to handle the mess. Whoever it is will leave a message if it's important.
Addison finds the roll of paper towels and begins to clean the mess while her heart pounds in her chest. She can feel a sheen of perspiration coating her temples. She can feel the apprehension bubbling in her stomach.
She's so totally gay.
She's 43 and she's just realized she's gay.
Addison hangs her head and sighs, dropping to her knees while the realization sinks in. The spreading tea soaks into the fabric of her khakis.
"Dammit," Addison hisses. She undoes a handful of paper towels and layers them over the spillage, allowing it to soak up the remainder of the tea before she falls back. Her ass hits the floor, she swears again at the wet spot on her knee, and she stares at the floor.
She's a lesbian.
She doesn't even think that she may be bisexual. Well, maybe she is. She's been pretty into guys in the past -- the sex was definitely not terrible with Mark or Derek or any of her other sexual partners. But emotionally, she's only ever really connected with women. She's never felt it with a man. She's never truly been herself with men.
She likes women.
She's been coming to this realization for a while. Years, really, but she's never done anything about it. It's not like this anonymous girl in the reception area is acting as some sort of epiphany. She's not some burning beacon. She's a girl, one of many, that Addison finds attractive.
Now, the secret is sitting within her like an alien waiting to pop out of her chest at any moment. She makes a mental note to return Aliens to Blockbuster and perhaps rent Desert Hearts instead.
She wonders if it counts since she hasn't said it out loud. She looks around; the door is closed and there are no nosy co-workers prowling about. Clearing her throat and licking her lips, Addison opens her mouth and closes it twice before saying: "I'm gay."
She looks around. The room hasn't burst into flames, pigs aren't flying, and she's still alive.
Addison just doesn't get it. Middle-aged WASPs from Connecticut aren't supposed to have epiphanies about their sexuality. They're supposed to get married and have babies and not cheat on their husbands and live happily ever after.
Addison's never been very good at sticking to what's been expected of her. She's always done things her way.
And who's to say that this isn't the right way after all?
With a heavy sigh, Addison hoists herself back onto her feet and picks up the wet towels. She throws them away and slumps back into her chair, casting one more glance out the window at the young woman. She's reapplying lip gloss to her pouted lips. Addison looks away and jabs her finger at the voicemail button on her phone.
After the automated message, Addison hears, "Hey Addie, it's Cal. I'm guessing you're with a patient right now but I was hoping to get some advice. It's Arizona's birthday tomorrow and I wanted to get something super awesome but I'm totally stuck on ideas. I think I'm gonna get her one of those hats with the propeller on top cuz I thought it would be great for the 6 and under crowd…but I need a serious gift, like for adults. Not that kind of adult gift, perv. Anyway, you're good at this stuff, so call me back with some fabulous ideas. 'Kay, gotta go -- call me!"
When the phone beeps, signaling the end of the message, Addison simply stares at it.
Callie.
She feels something inside of her, something expanding, warming, tingling. She's ignored this feeling for years and now…
Addison reaches for the phone. She taps her finger over the buttons, calling the number that's been imprinted in her mind for what seems like forever. This time, she's the one who reaches the voicemail. She clears her throat before speaking. "Cal. Hey, it's Addison. Sorry I missed you….it's been sort of a weird day. So listen…give me a call later. I wanted to talk to you about something. It's important. So…yea. Call me."
Addison hangs up the phone and sits back in her chair, steepling her fingers. She doesn't know what she's going to say to Callie when they speak later. She'll tell her she's gay, skirt around the fact that she has feelings for her, and then what? Life will somehow be different? Better?
She doesn't know about that. Maybe talking to her best friend about it will finally make Addison accountable to herself. Maybe, after all these years of lying to herself, it's time to let this secret go.
---
Prompt: A secret
Fandom: Addison, Private Practice
Requested by: lakela
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1032
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I had this idea one day while I was subbing. I was trying to decide on a fun, playful secret to take place between Addison and Callie, but somehow landed on this idea. I like to think Addison would be a little neurotic about this concept, and hopefully this is believable. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
-
Addison Montgomery sits at her desk and neglects the stack of paperwork before her. She looks instead out the window of her office and can't help but notice the young woman sitting in the waiting area.
The girl can't be more than 18 or 19. Addison should feel guilty for staring so blatantly at a woman so young, but she can't help it. The girl's dark brown hair falls over her tanned shoulders, kissing the spaghetti straps of her tank top. The yellow top is form-fitting. While it doesn't exaggerate her small bust, the curves of her breasts are accentuated just enough to entice the curious onlooker.
Addison gulps.
Her jeans are tight at the hips and flare out past her knees, and the faded wash of the denim is adorned with rips and tears, offering teasing glimpses at her toned, tanned thighs. A flip flop dangles precariously from her foot.
Addison watches, motionless, while the girl tilts her head back and applies mascara to her full lashes. She holds a compact with one hand while the other works the brush through the eyelashes. Her lips are parted and glossy, and on the side of her nose gleams a tiny piercing.
The phone rings and Addison jolts. Her arms flail outward and she knocks over the half-full cup of tea, which spills like a waterfall over the end of her mahogany desk.
She looks between the ringing phone and the dripping peppermint liquid and opts to handle the mess. Whoever it is will leave a message if it's important.
Addison finds the roll of paper towels and begins to clean the mess while her heart pounds in her chest. She can feel a sheen of perspiration coating her temples. She can feel the apprehension bubbling in her stomach.
She's so totally gay.
She's 43 and she's just realized she's gay.
Addison hangs her head and sighs, dropping to her knees while the realization sinks in. The spreading tea soaks into the fabric of her khakis.
"Dammit," Addison hisses. She undoes a handful of paper towels and layers them over the spillage, allowing it to soak up the remainder of the tea before she falls back. Her ass hits the floor, she swears again at the wet spot on her knee, and she stares at the floor.
She's a lesbian.
She doesn't even think that she may be bisexual. Well, maybe she is. She's been pretty into guys in the past -- the sex was definitely not terrible with Mark or Derek or any of her other sexual partners. But emotionally, she's only ever really connected with women. She's never felt it with a man. She's never truly been herself with men.
She likes women.
She's been coming to this realization for a while. Years, really, but she's never done anything about it. It's not like this anonymous girl in the reception area is acting as some sort of epiphany. She's not some burning beacon. She's a girl, one of many, that Addison finds attractive.
Now, the secret is sitting within her like an alien waiting to pop out of her chest at any moment. She makes a mental note to return Aliens to Blockbuster and perhaps rent Desert Hearts instead.
She wonders if it counts since she hasn't said it out loud. She looks around; the door is closed and there are no nosy co-workers prowling about. Clearing her throat and licking her lips, Addison opens her mouth and closes it twice before saying: "I'm gay."
She looks around. The room hasn't burst into flames, pigs aren't flying, and she's still alive.
Addison just doesn't get it. Middle-aged WASPs from Connecticut aren't supposed to have epiphanies about their sexuality. They're supposed to get married and have babies and not cheat on their husbands and live happily ever after.
Addison's never been very good at sticking to what's been expected of her. She's always done things her way.
And who's to say that this isn't the right way after all?
With a heavy sigh, Addison hoists herself back onto her feet and picks up the wet towels. She throws them away and slumps back into her chair, casting one more glance out the window at the young woman. She's reapplying lip gloss to her pouted lips. Addison looks away and jabs her finger at the voicemail button on her phone.
After the automated message, Addison hears, "Hey Addie, it's Cal. I'm guessing you're with a patient right now but I was hoping to get some advice. It's Arizona's birthday tomorrow and I wanted to get something super awesome but I'm totally stuck on ideas. I think I'm gonna get her one of those hats with the propeller on top cuz I thought it would be great for the 6 and under crowd…but I need a serious gift, like for adults. Not that kind of adult gift, perv. Anyway, you're good at this stuff, so call me back with some fabulous ideas. 'Kay, gotta go -- call me!"
When the phone beeps, signaling the end of the message, Addison simply stares at it.
Callie.
She feels something inside of her, something expanding, warming, tingling. She's ignored this feeling for years and now…
Addison reaches for the phone. She taps her finger over the buttons, calling the number that's been imprinted in her mind for what seems like forever. This time, she's the one who reaches the voicemail. She clears her throat before speaking. "Cal. Hey, it's Addison. Sorry I missed you….it's been sort of a weird day. So listen…give me a call later. I wanted to talk to you about something. It's important. So…yea. Call me."
Addison hangs up the phone and sits back in her chair, steepling her fingers. She doesn't know what she's going to say to Callie when they speak later. She'll tell her she's gay, skirt around the fact that she has feelings for her, and then what? Life will somehow be different? Better?
She doesn't know about that. Maybe talking to her best friend about it will finally make Addison accountable to herself. Maybe, after all these years of lying to herself, it's time to let this secret go.
---