Even | R | The L Word
Title: Even
Prompt: On a visit to NYC to visit newly relocated Bette and Tina, Shane runs into her jilted bride, Carmen (who relocated after their relationship fell apart and is now a full-time DJ in the city).
Fandom: Shane/Carmen, The L Word
Requested by: iampecola
Rating: R
Word Count: 1239
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: I don't know why it intimidates me so much to write The L Word fanfic when I think a third grader could exhibit better screenwriting then the season 6 writers did….however, I'm super nervous about posting this one. I was especially anxious about this pairing, especially considering where things went with the two of them. I would have loved to see Carmen stand up for herself after the wedding fiasco, so I suppose this is my way of playing that out in my mind. I hope you enjoy it!
-
Shane stood at the back of the room, watching as Carmen bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet, playing a powerful beat to which the crowd eagerly danced. The throng of bodies pulsated like a wave beneath where she stood, as if on a pedestal, where she wove her melodious magic with her fingertips.
Shane was surprised by the ease with which she could picture the DJ's toned thighs fluidly rocking her in time with the music. It would do little good to think of her thighs now.
A pale girl with wide black eyes sidled up beside her, whispering something that Shane couldn't hear over the throb of the beat. Shane simply shook her head, never breaking her gaze from her former lover. The girl scowled and stalked away, disappearing amongst the crowd of bodies.
She glanced again at her watch. The club was nearing its closing time, having made its final call twenty minutes earlier. The crowd showed no signs of dissipating. She couldn't blame them; Carmen had always had a hypnotic hold over the people who danced to the music she mixed.
It was obvious that Carmen's move to New York had only strengthened the success of her career.
Shane could tell that this track would be the last one. Carmen always ended her time on the turntables with the specific song. Her mixing sounded different every time but underneath, it was still her favorite jam.
She stared for a moment, watching as Carmen's curtain of black hair hung over her tan shoulders, and then headed back out into the crisp November air.
-
Shane regretted her decision to wait outside for Carmen. As she inhaled a long drag of her cigarette, she scowled at the fucked up sense of stubborn commitment to which she clung. She could decide that standing outside in 30 degree weather was not worth bending her pride over, but she couldn't marry the person she had vowed to commit herself to?
She was a walking fucking conundrum.
Nearly an hour passed before the staff of the club appeared through its front doors. She watched, her fingers gripping tightly to the cigarette, as Carmen emerged, her arm tucked around the large arm of the man that Shane identified as the bouncer. She found herself frozen in her slump against the brick wall. She wanted to open her mouth, wanted to call out after her, but she wondered if just letting her leave were the better option.
What business did Shane really have bombarding a jilted ex?
Before she could stamp out her cigarette and turn in the opposite direction, the pair stopped walking. "Shane?"
Shane drew her head up, looking past her disheveled bangs, and stared into Carmen's face. "Hey."
Carmen said something to the bouncer, who squared his shoulders and watched warily as Carmen slowly closed the distance between them. She stopped several feet in front of her and stared back.
Shane shuddered. She felt exposed. As she opened her mouth to speak, Carmen beat her to the punch.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she spat, her dark eyes glittering with anger.
"It's nice to see you too, Carmen." Shane didn't know why the words fell from her lips with such ease. So much for the humble approach she'd been planning.
Carmen rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"
"I was in town, visiting Bette and Tina. I heard you'd relocated. I wanted to see you….without your brothers around to kick my ass." She gave a wry, lopsided smile.
"You're lucky they're not here."
"Still? After all this time?"
Carmen looked disgusted. "You're a piece of shit, you know that? You think love's just some silly game and that emotions have a time span of a few minutes. Yea, Shane, after all this time, I'm still hurt and they're still pissed."
"I didn't mean it like that."
Carmen held up her hand. "Save it for someone who cares." She spun in her knee-length leather boot and began walking in the direction she had come from.
"Carmen, wait." Shane jogged to catch up, her breath cloudy in front of her face. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I never did…not with anything."
Carmen did not stop, pressing forward through the cold. "Yea, well, you did. Leaving someone at the altar was a pretty shitty thing to do. Decent people don't do that."
"I'm sorry. I should never have done that to you."
"Done what exactly?" Carmen asked, stopping now. She crossed her arms in front of her puffy black jacket. "Told me you loved me? Cheat on me? Propose to me? Leave me?"
Shane was quiet.
"Fuck you, Shane." Carmen kept walking.
"You're right. I'm an asshole. I know I am. I should never have promised you things I could never follow through on. I'm a crappy girlfriend and I'd have made a terrible spouse."
"The thing is, Shane? You weren't a crappy girlfriend. You were pretty good at it when you weren't fucking other women."
Shane's stomach twisted painfully. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. Had she really thought Carmen would kiss her on the cheek and forgive her?
"I really am sorry, Carmen. When T said you lived in the city yesterday, I had to take a chance that you'd see me so I could apologize to your face."
"Wait. Yesterday?"
Shane simply stared.
"I sent Jenny that fucking tribute video months ago. You never saw the postmark?"
"Jenny didn't exactly share a lot of that stuff with me."
Carmen continued walking in silence for several minutes before abruptly stopping. "Wait a fucking minute. Is that what this is about?" She stared at Shane expectantly.
Shane never understood why women always expected her to read their minds. "What?"
"Is this some kind of fucked up atonement thing? One girlfriend kills herself and you're running around making amends with all the exes?" Carmen stopped, chewed on her lip, and looked away. "That wasn't fair. Jenny was fucked up long before she ever hooked up with you."
"Come on, Carmen. Let's leave Jenny out of this, okay? This has nothing to do with her."
Carmen turned into a large parking garage and ducked into a stairwell. She took the stairs two at a time and Shane kept up her pace one step behind. Carmen didn't stop until she reached her shiny blue Jetta.
"What's this about, Shane?" Carmen asked, her defenses stilted. She looked every bit the sad, hurt woman that Shane had created time and time again. It felt like a stab in the gut to face once again.
Shane ran a hand through her unkempt hair. "I dunno. It's about me trying to right a wrong."
"You can't fix this, Shane. I don't forgive you for what you did. All I want to do is get on with my life."
Shane nodded and scratched her head, watching as Carmen got into the car.
She started the engine and rolled down her window. "You walked away from me once, Shane. Now it's my turn."
"Guess that makes us even then?"
Carmen let out an indignant sigh, her jaw cocking slightly as she bit her lip. "Right, Shane." The hurt in her eyes was raw. "Even."
Shane lifted both arms and cupped the crown of her head as she watched Carmen drive away. She didn't expect it to hurt this much.
She deserved it.
---