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The last couple of months have taught Kieran absolutely nothing, apparently. So little, in fact, that I begin to despair of him more than a little bit. Didn't I tell him on the night we met that if he wanted to be happy, he really ought to avoid falling in love? I thought it was rather unnecessary to add that he shouldn't fall in love with me at
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Ethan is, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's shown me so much about the world, about what real class is, about the finer things in life. I never knew there was a man in the world like him, if I had you can garuntee I wouldn't have wasted my time on the losers in my past.
Things have gone blissfully well, mostly. Of course we always get the disgusted looks and the occasional person who mistakes us for father and son, but I don't pay them any mind. Let them think what they'd like. I don't care as long as I get to go home with the beautiful man beside me.
All that changed the other night. I don't know what made me put away his picture. Maybe I was just tired of looking at it. When we're together it always feels as if he's with us. His shadow always blocking me from Ethan's sight. Sometimes I wonder if Ethan really sees me, or if he's imagining it's someone else touching him the way I touch him, wanting him the way I want him ( ... )
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Still, I did have to admit there was something terribly exciting about the irony of it. My expression, and my voice, softened considerably. 'I'm not going to tell you to leave. That's up to you, entirely... so, Kieran, since it is up to you, what's supposed to happen, now?'
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I let out a shaky breath. "He doesn't deserve you," I say. "You've loved him for twenty five years and he doesn't give a damn. Ethan, don't waste anymore of your time on someone that could care less. I'm here, right now. I love you, you could love me if you wanted to."
I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know it's not going to happen overnight, it takes time. All you have to do is want to love me."
'I'm not going to tell you to leave. That's up to you, entirely... so, Kieran, since it is up to you, what's supposed to happen, now?'
"Now his when you tell me you want to let him go. Tell me you want to be happy. Ethan, I could make you happy, if you'd let me."
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If someone else's feelings could make a person change their own, I would have spared you all of this, I thought. I could no more stop loving Rupert than I could stop breathing... well, I suppose I could, but the result would be much the same... I would have to be dead for either to happen.
"I'm here, right now. I love you, you could love me if you wanted to."
'I wish it were that easy. If it was, I would,' I told him. 'But it isn't. Nothing ever is.'
"I know it's not going to happen overnight, it takes time. All you have to do is want to love me."
'If wanting was all it took, I would already,' I said, reaching across, and putting my hand on top of his. My other arm reached out, under his, and around his waist, drawing him closer to me. I did want him, very much... perhaps not quite in the same way he meant, but still...
"Now his when you tell me you want to let ( ... )
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