On his bed
PG-15
They're sitting on Jongin's bed, smoking, surrounded by the opaque flow of things that Sehun only finds in his bedroom.
They are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, smoking and looking out of his bedroom window, share some small words, like Sehun asks him where to discard the burnt ash, or Jongin asks the other boy to talk because he is so fucking close to being stoned. Two joints are more than enough to knock Jongin over the edge and he just spent the beginning of the afternoon to take them all.
Outside the window, half of the scenery is blocked by another house, but sober Sehun doesn't give much shit since he still can see the bright sky of this weirdly sunny day in winter. He dazed out - he had never before and 'before' means a day of one year ago on which Sehun spent his first night in Jongin’s room on his bed under his quilt. They slept separately like typical middle-aged couples, talked, joked, promised they wouldn’t touch each other for the shittiest reason Jongin and Sehun could think of, that they both were virgins. What the fuck, Sehun has been thinking, is that shit to love someone and tell a slumber friend ‘Hey we’re sleeping together on my bed but not going to fuck because we’re virgins’ while Sehun couldn’t care less about doing that with his best friend who was holding on a love that lacked of mutuality and acceptance.
At the end they got to sleep along with the flow of Jongin’s first demo mixtape that features Phaelehs and such stuffs to portray Jongin’s soon to be broken love for Luhan then, so Sehun being his best friend had to be the first one to stay back and listen after some brotherly boozes with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Joonmyeon, Yixing and Yifan. There was nothing blocking the window’s view as the opposite house didn’t build up then, but the curtains did its job and Sehun couldn’t care less again about the night sky of last year’s winter.
The first night on the same bed with the one you love. It could happen in many ways. It could happen in Sehun's way, of small talks and falling asleep when they couldn't go against the exhaustion.
Now they are also listening to Jongin’s music; back then it was his mixtape being played on the old PC and now he has got his own laptop for ages and Serato. Sehun guesses things really change.
“Want a tattoo?”
Sehun of one year ago would drop his cigarette. But this Sehun just slightly shakes his head, “Already have some. Most of them were inked by you, remember?” and takes a long puff out of his smoke while Jongin stares at him.
“You only do that when you’re tensing up.”
“Do what?”
“Taking a long, and deep puff.”
“Are you trying to be a sensitive guy?”
“No. A tattoo?”
“Fine. I have been wanting one any way.”
Sometimes Sehun wonders if he just really wants something Jongin offers, like tattoos and weed and boozes, or he just gives in to Jongin’s offers.
“Okay, what do you want?” Jongin grins, doesn’t even hide his satisfaction to succeed at making his best friend his canvas again. “And where?”
“A water drop. Behind my left ear.” Sehun lazily raises his cigarette to his mouth, lazily sucks on it.
Jongin pulls out some of his felt tip pens. Ones that children use to draw in their pre-school classes. He sits down beside Sehun on the bed, opens the cap of the purple one then draws a small water drop on Sehun’s right arm while gripping the other boy’s arm tightly.
“What the…?” This time Sehun drops his cigarette for real.
“Can I draw on your arm?”
“You already did!” Sehun fumbles to catch his rolling cigarette. “Can’t you just get your lazy ass around your room for a little longer to get some kind of paper?” He wants to shout at Jongin’s face, but that would be ridiculous, so Sehun lowers his voice down to an almost grunt.
“This is just the preview, you can always wash it away later. Is this okay?”
“No. Making it a little fatter in the bottom won’t hurt, Jongin.”
Jongin draws an other. “How about this?”
“Still no. I want the tip to curve in a bit. And it must be symmetrical.”
“One side must be a little more curvy than the other in order to look natural!” Jongin protests while drawing another on Sehun’s skin.
“Has inking on people’s skin ever looked completely natural?” Sehun growls, but he doesn’t go against Jongin’s idea this time.
“Is it okay now?” Jongin closes the cap, giving Sehun a smile he only uses on customers when they’re too picky on their decision, but the boy just takes the purple pen from Jongin and draw a bigger one on his left arm, “I want it like this.”
Jongin wants to chop off his best friend’s head. “It’s too big, such a waste of the surface.” He rubs his temple. “You know how great your skin is.”
“You just don’t want to waste your ink.” Sehun glares. “What about half of this length?”
“Okay fine.”
Sehun is lying on his stomach on Jongin’s double bed, sharing one cancer stick with him, listening to his joke about how Chanyeol died the previous night right on his current spot when they made home tattoos for each other. They act like dumb boys when Jongin arranges Sehun’s lying position, for himself to sit on the bed properly and do the inking thing, giggling and jokingly arguing over how the reflection on the water drop should look like. They use green felt tip pen to fill out the color of the preview this time.
“I’m strongly against this homemade tattoo shit, Jongin.” Sehun growls when Jongin uses that goddamned purple pen again to draw on his scalp, saving a lot of redrawing and pressing and waiting. “You have proper printings in your shop and this is what you do for your best friend?”
“That’s one of the reason why it’s homemade. Specialized for you, Sehun-ah.”
“You sound like customers pay you more to get homemade ones. Comparing to my situation I really doubt that.”
“They do.”
“What?”
“Higher chance to get laid with me when I do their tattoos at home.”
“... I’m glad you had never told me that until now.” Sehun groans.
“Thank you. Now flip over.”
Jongin is there, sitting right beside Sehun, his hip touched the other boy’s waist. He tells Sehun to put the cigarette down, lie on his bed, rest his head on his folded pillow and makes sure that he won’t blow smoke into it. When Sehun is settled, Jongin hands him his cigarette, but takes it from Sehun way more than once to smoke, talks about shits Sehun doesn’t bother to memorize, returns the cancer stick to the other boy, takes it again and lets Sehun finish it.
One year ago it was quite hard for Sehun to sleep on that strange bed of Jongin’s, with him on his side, sharing a quilt in one of the last days of Seoul’s winter because they weren’t that close. Now Sehun’s amazed that he wasn’t amazed to acknowledge that he’s sharing a cigarette with Jongin. Both of them know what it means, to put one's mouth where the other just left and stare at the other when he does so, but no one bothers to explain since they’re best friends. May be things change like that.
Sehun has his hair clipped, looks out of the window to the sky while feeling the slight movement of Jongin when he takes this and that around him, gathers them on a foldable table together with the ashtray so Sehun can smoke while he works on his best friend’s scalp. It takes Jongin a while to take out the needle and its cap, join and fit his tattoo gun to the perfect level, wear the medical gloves on, pour the ink in tiny plastic cap so Sehun only lets out a long held breath when he sees Jongin reaches out for the little Vaseline mountain in his metal tray, eases himself when he feels a gloved finger rubbing and smearing the softening gel on the skin behind his ear.
His eyes flutter shut when he hears the vibrating sound of the gun drowns the construction noises from outside Jongin’s room.
Jongin goes on the water drop with black ink in one smooth line. “Oh no.”
“What the…?” Sehun is about to pop up from the mattress if Jongin hesitates to answer for just one more second. What happened to his endearing tattoo?
“Nothing big. Just didn’t make it perfectly as I expected.”
“What happened? Fix it.” Sehun grunts in his throat.
“How can I?”
“You’re one of the best in this town. You figure it out.”
“Don’t worry. The line is still great. Just upset me a bit, you know I have high expectation. Gonna fix a little bit.”
“One wrong move and you go stuff your own head into your asshole, are you clear Jongin?” He threatens.
“I am.” Jongin smiles, taking a dry tissue from the pile on Sehun’s back to wipe away the excessive ink.
“Go on.”
Scalp, or any place near it, is not really a good place for tattoos. Sehun sure can put up with the pain, but it is much more painful in comparison to other areas. It feels like his scalp is torn there, while they talk about shits Sehun doesn’t remember. Things flow in an opaque melody in Jongin’s bedroom when all Sehun can hear is the sound of the gun vibrating so near to his ear, even drowns the D'nB track from Jongin’s speakers.
Jongin is right beside him, putting pressures on Sehun’s neck with his gloved hands, on Sehun’s back with his arms, on Sehun’s waist with his own so that Sehun won't move or convulse since it hurts so bad but feels not so good. Later his elbow pokes in right beneath his scapula, and Sehun is so grateful that Jongin has always pressed his upper body down in the process because if he didn't Sehun would fucking jerk. Instead of that his breaths gets a little shaky.
Jongin is done with the lining right then and takes notice of Sehun’s change.
“What’s wrong?
“Nothing big." Sehun turns to the other side, his face hidden from Jongin's sight. "Just my scapula.”
“What’s with your scapula?”
“I don't like having anything that... touches the area underneath it.”
"It hurts?" Jongin caresses the said area before poking lightly, amused to see Sehun trying to lean away. "Or what?"
"Just a fucking turn-on."
"Oh." Jongin chuckles, looms down over the table a bit to clean out the black ink from his gun to prepare for the blue ink. “You could have said that before.”
“Thought you doesn’t need to know.”
“There’s nothing about you that I don’t need to know.”
“What do you mean?” Sehun immediately questions, but Jongin just signals him to keep silent when he sets the gun aside, pops open the blue bottle’s cap and pour the fair amount into an other clean plastic cap.
“Shhh, shh, I don’t want to lose an other pair of jeans due to tattoo ink. The last time was also blue.” He rubs some more Vaseline on Sehun’s skin.
“Heh, this is really what people call young and wild.”
“What’s the bullshit again?”
“Why are you so grumpy today? Two guys, give each other tattoos at one’s home, giggling and shit. This is a day to remember because it was as light as nothing, but also vivid. I think.”
“Oh yeah, young and wild. But we’ll deal with that later, I don’t feel like it now with you pressing your upper body onto mine as if I’m a struggling fish out of water.” Sehun dryly replies.
“Come on. Isn’t this fun?” Jongin grins. Really, this guy won’t be turned off by Sehun’s cold words.
“May be. Just like how our friends pierced each other’s earlobes with a slightly burnt needle.”
“See? I didn’t expect Joonmyeon to be brave enough to pierce Yifan’s ear as he told him to.” Jongin laughs, shutting Sehun up with the buzz of his ink gun again.
Sehun slightly frowns as he meets the pain again. Fuck you Jongin I know this place will hurt so bad but you don’t need to make it fucking hurt fuck you fuck you. As if he can listen to what Sehun thinks, Jongin voices up, “Calm down. I’m trying my best to make it feel better. Cursing will help.”
Sehun sighs when Jongin lets go of him to wipe the ink and add Vaseline. “No wonder why Chanyeol hates coloring and Baekhyun just loves it. One goes nearly faint and one has the right to be in control.”
“Well I like to be in control too. Like right now I’m with you.” Jongin says, his voice turns a little whiny and dreamy when his needle comes near to the newly inked rear of black. "Doesn't it feels good?"
“No, but I think it may work with your home customers when you're thrusting into them. Total control.”
“There will be blood, Sehun.”
“You fuck them until bleeding? Ugh.”
“Seriously, this joke is no fun.”
“But you don’t seem to mind.” Sehun smiles when he hears his friend laughing.
“Yeah. I don’t seem to mind having total control on you.” Jongin absorbs the oozing liquid and ink this time. Sehun stills, tries to process the sentence in his head, be completely silent when Jongin says again. “We’re taking a little too long for this. Gotta finish before it swells as always. Do you think you can handle one hit to the end?”
Sehun has no time to question Jongin’s ‘total control on you’ as he feels the Vaseline again. “It will be hardcore for me. How much left?”
“About half of what you wanted.”
He groans. “Split up. And don’t make me faint.”
“Okay.” Jongin says with firm pokes of his elbows right beneath Sehun’s scapula again.
“What the…” Sehun quietly mumbles, his voice weakened because of the pain but mostly the weak, sensitive spot behind. “Fuck you Jongin.”
“Feel free to.”
Sehun wants to faint. He kind of regrets to do this, but it’s his fault any way. The pain on his scalp - Jongin shifs the gun in rounds and rounds to implant ink underneath his skin and that fucking hurts that Sehun doesn’t even think of whining out, combines with the goddamned feelings from his back that Jongin is the cause.
Fuck Jongin.
“I’m coming for you right after this.”
The situation shouldn’t be this tempting. Sehun sighs, his eyes flutter shut again. Weird things happen every day any way. He tries to ease himself when the needle takes a short break, shifting his shoulder a little upward to rest them on the pillow but results in Jongin pressing his elbows down much harder. Cursing words are stuck down Sehun’s throat, breathy little moans come out from between his lips instead. He can hear Jongin chuckling above him, too satisfied with what he has done to the other.
Jongin stops pressing on the pedal for some seconds to appreciate Sehun’s reaction before he looms over the other boy again, resumes his work, elbows still pressing on Sehun’s special place on his back.
“Almost there.”
After seconds the needle leaves Sehun’s skin for sure, Jongin’s quick wipes come next. Sehun doesn’t give a flying fuck any more. He feels like a dead fish and gathers all his strength to raise from the mattress since his whole body magically turned all limp, when Jongin leaves the gun on the table and tears off the gloves from his hands to grab Sehun’s upper arms and flip him over, also takes the chance to peel the other’s t-shirt off him.
Sehun is shocked. Jongin used his hand to support the left side of his head so the tattoo won’t be smashed onto the bed. And blindness to every surrounding since he shuts his eyes, feeling the dry lips of Jongin’s on his own.
“Told you I’d come for you.” Jongin grins childishly before going back to nipping on Sehun’s lower lip, slowly takes his tongue inside his mouth, his other hand creeps on the pillow to take off the hair clip.
“What and why?” Sehun spells out word by word, because Jongin is heavy on him and his mind too busy to progress what just happened. The tattoo has swelled up by now, and he doesn’t want to screw it just yet.
“Because we’re not virgins any more?”
“Bullshit.” Sehun rises from the sunk mattress using his elbows, only making it easier for Jongin to approach his collarbones and he just bites on them. “This is no fun, Jongin.”
“This wasn't supposed to be fun.”
“What?”
“Did I sound like joking when I said there’s nothing I don’t need to know about you?”
“You always seem like joking.”
“Then I didn’t. Now I don’t.” He gets closer to lick and suck on Sehun’s shoulders again, trailing his light bites along them in a hurried pace to his arm and then his hand before taking Sehun’s ring finger into his mouth and wrap the tongue around. Oh God is all Sehun can think before he frowns, his eyes tightly shut.
“Disgusted?” He can feel Jongin’s smirk around his finger. No, just overwhelmed Sehun wants to scream out. We’re best friends…
Fuck, friends.
“Why should?” Sehun asks as Jongin trails his lips from his chest up to the curve of his throat. He leans back against the headboard and away from Jongin.
“When someone does this to you, can’t you just get it already?”
“I only get that you’re releasing your sexual desire on me.” The younger sounds like ice.
“You’ve only seen what you want to see, not what I want you to see.” Jongin furrows his brows, but he’s more aroused than irritated by Sehun’s action.
“What do you want me to see, Jongin?” Sehun sits up again, doesn’t even bother when his chest lightly bumps Jongin’s head. He pushes the other guy away from him, lips twitching in something that clearly represents his confusion and rage. He reaches for the table and lits up a cigarette.
Jongin shushes him. "Beside me you are terribly confused. You’ve always been."
"Don't I have the right to? We stay friend, you decided, I compromised. Now you found a chance to mess with me. What are you trying to prove? The ability to get into anyone's pants? Or it's your unique way to express something I never knew it could come from you like love?" Sehun voice breaks at the word, he sucks in as if his temper depends on the cigarette. “Crap. I love you and tried to settle and everything was just fine… Crap.”
Jongin is about to touch his face and Sehun turns away.
“Let me get this clear. I love you. I told you before but didn’t require you to love me back. Then it faded and came back and faded and came back, back and forth back and forth like ocean waves. Until I decided to let go and be a friend of yours. Do you remember telling me you thought I had been joking when I had confessed to you?"
“I do.” Jongin quietly replies.
“Tell me you understand my rambling.” Sehun furiously blows out.
“I do. I really do.” His words vibrate through Sehun’s body.
Sehun buries his face in his palms, rubs his cheeks and forehead and glides his hands across tired eyelids as if he can scratch off his skin and shrug off all of this. “I can't even cry over the mess.” Smoke gets in his eyes. The words surround him with that opaque melody that always exists in Jongin’s bedroom.
“Come here.” Jongin stretches out his arms.
It’s just Sehun doesn’t come to him. "You were just bullshitting me and I get it. I understand, Jongin." He put the shirt back on when the other lunges after him to pull Sehun back into his arms, but the younger violently snatches himself out of his hold. Jongin struggles to keep Sehun still in his arms so the other doesn’t make it to escape, but it takes him many and many whispers and calming words to sit Sehun back on his bed, no longer rejects him. So Jongin dares to kiss him on the lips, his hand tears the cigarette away from Sehun’s.
“Sehun-ah.” He drops it in the ashtray. "Quit struggling against me."
His words are inviting as they have always been to Sehun. No more bother, let go, give in, go with the flow, don’t notice, the shattered train of thoughts runs through Sehun’s mind. His eyes flutter shut for the last time in the day.
One minute ago they were friends. Seconds later it turns out the delicate balance is broken.
Jongin has always known.
He has never been someone who believes in love at first sight, and so do Sehun. But the boy went straight to confess when he knew what he had in mind. It was too quick for Jongin while he was still recovering from the latest break-up with Luhan, so no time to fool around and find out if Sehun was worth.
It was all nonsense and in the middle Jongin found himself leaning closer and closer, bit by bit towards Sehun. Maybe it was the natural thing to happen when someone who was not a disappointment opened their arms for Jongin, and he just needed to went with the flow take him there.
They painfully stayed friends, because Jongin was not ready and Sehun had never been before something. The younger just went, and went along, and that was risky.
The worst tie is that Jongin never told Sehun that he has come to love him. It’s not that he wasn't sure, it’s not that he didn’t dare to. Just because he knows to well that Sehun is the type of guy who chases after love but runs for his life when it chases him back. He reacted aggressively even if it was just the smallest show of affection, the lowest kind - what would he do if it was the heart of Jongin being shown to him? Out of his ability, Jongin doesn’t know what will happen, so the best is to keep it like this. For Sehun to be strained as ever so he will eventually fall into Jongin's hold instead.
It’s a crime to commit, while Jongin doesn’t know any other way. Sehun was right; he has been too strained for this. Jongin is, too.
How hopeless, Jongin grins to himself, raises himself to peck a kiss on the younger's temple before reaching out to turn off the light and snuggling deeper into the clothed warmth with Sehun.
After days he recalls the first night they slept together.
They are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, smoking and talking randomly. About people they know, about their relationships, about the joke of Sehun’s life of having fallen for a friend. Mostly about Sehun, Jongin asks, comments, makes fun of, comforts while he replies, retorts, protests, agrees as usual, since Jongin doesn’t have his problem being solved by any one else but himself. None of them recall that incident, the day Sehun confessed to Jongin in a sunny afternoon of one of those last days of winter, on the busy sidewalk in front of group's spot; and it was ridiculous because Sehun is sad and relieved at the same time because they didn’t, because Jongin didn’t, because he didn’t, once again they passed the chance to make it clear because they think it’s broken beyond repair. Maybe.
Sometimes they fall into short silence and those are when Sehun dazes out, not even bother to raise the cigarette, letting the ash drop on the wooden floor; he's not bored, he just dazes as he always does. Jongin told him to keep his hair a safe distance to the inked wound so it will heal better. Dazes. Jongin leans to him for a kiss on the temple. Dazes. They were waiting for something Sehun doesn’t bother to memorize and they burn many cigarettes for that. He doesn’t give much shit to the scenery outside of Jongin’s window now, or how Jongin blocks his view when he calls someone about a music sampling project, because basically he doesn’t give more than a flying fuck about what happens around him when they are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, but things that had happened one year ago. Somehow things never change.
x-posted on tumblr
x-posted on sonyeoncheonji @ livejournal
They're sitting on Jongin's bed, smoking, surrounded by the opaque flow of things that Sehun only finds in his bedroom.
They are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, smoking and looking out of his bedroom window, share some small words, like Sehun asks him where to discard the burnt ash, or Jongin asks the other boy to talk because he is so fucking close to being stoned. Two joints are more than enough to knock Jongin over the edge and he just spent the beginning of the afternoon to take them all.
Outside the window, half of the scenery is blocked by another house, but sober Sehun doesn't give much shit since he still can see the bright sky of this weirdly sunny day in winter. He dazed out - he had never before and 'before' means a day of one year ago on which Sehun spent his first night in Jongin’s room on his bed under his quilt. They slept separately like typical middle-aged couples, talked, joked, promised they wouldn’t touch each other for the shittiest reason Jongin and Sehun could think of, that they both were virgins. What the fuck, Sehun has been thinking, is that shit to love someone and tell a slumber friend ‘Hey we’re sleeping together on my bed but not going to fuck because we’re virgins’ while Sehun couldn’t care less about doing that with his best friend who was holding on a love that lacked of mutuality and acceptance.
At the end they got to sleep along with the flow of Jongin’s first demo mixtape that features Phaelehs and such stuffs to portray Jongin’s soon to be broken love for Luhan then, so Sehun being his best friend had to be the first one to stay back and listen after some brotherly boozes with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Joonmyeon, Yixing and Yifan. There was nothing blocking the window’s view as the opposite house didn’t build up then, but the curtains did its job and Sehun couldn’t care less again about the night sky of last year’s winter.
The first night on the same bed with the one you love. It could happen in many ways. It could happen in Sehun's way, of small talks and falling asleep when they couldn't go against the exhaustion.
Now they are also listening to Jongin’s music; back then it was his mixtape being played on the old PC and now he has got his own laptop for ages and Serato. Sehun guesses things really change.
“Want a tattoo?”
Sehun of one year ago would drop his cigarette. But this Sehun just slightly shakes his head, “Already have some. Most of them were inked by you, remember?” and takes a long puff out of his smoke while Jongin stares at him.
“You only do that when you’re tensing up.”
“Do what?”
“Taking a long, and deep puff.”
“Are you trying to be a sensitive guy?”
“No. A tattoo?”
“Fine. I have been wanting one any way.”
Sometimes Sehun wonders if he just really wants something Jongin offers, like tattoos and weed and boozes, or he just gives in to Jongin’s offers.
“Okay, what do you want?” Jongin grins, doesn’t even hide his satisfaction to succeed at making his best friend his canvas again. “And where?”
“A water drop. Behind my left ear.” Sehun lazily raises his cigarette to his mouth, lazily sucks on it.
Jongin pulls out some of his felt tip pens. Ones that children use to draw in their pre-school classes. He sits down beside Sehun on the bed, opens the cap of the purple one then draws a small water drop on Sehun’s right arm while gripping the other boy’s arm tightly.
“What the…?” This time Sehun drops his cigarette for real.
“Can I draw on your arm?”
“You already did!” Sehun fumbles to catch his rolling cigarette. “Can’t you just get your lazy ass around your room for a little longer to get some kind of paper?” He wants to shout at Jongin’s face, but that would be ridiculous, so Sehun lowers his voice down to an almost grunt.
“This is just the preview, you can always wash it away later. Is this okay?”
“No. Making it a little fatter in the bottom won’t hurt, Jongin.”
Jongin draws an other. “How about this?”
“Still no. I want the tip to curve in a bit. And it must be symmetrical.”
“One side must be a little more curvy than the other in order to look natural!” Jongin protests while drawing another on Sehun’s skin.
“Has inking on people’s skin ever looked completely natural?” Sehun growls, but he doesn’t go against Jongin’s idea this time.
“Is it okay now?” Jongin closes the cap, giving Sehun a smile he only uses on customers when they’re too picky on their decision, but the boy just takes the purple pen from Jongin and draw a bigger one on his left arm, “I want it like this.”
Jongin wants to chop off his best friend’s head. “It’s too big, such a waste of the surface.” He rubs his temple. “You know how great your skin is.”
“You just don’t want to waste your ink.” Sehun glares. “What about half of this length?”
“Okay fine.”
Sehun is lying on his stomach on Jongin’s double bed, sharing one cancer stick with him, listening to his joke about how Chanyeol died the previous night right on his current spot when they made home tattoos for each other. They act like dumb boys when Jongin arranges Sehun’s lying position, for himself to sit on the bed properly and do the inking thing, giggling and jokingly arguing over how the reflection on the water drop should look like. They use green felt tip pen to fill out the color of the preview this time.
“I’m strongly against this homemade tattoo shit, Jongin.” Sehun growls when Jongin uses that goddamned purple pen again to draw on his scalp, saving a lot of redrawing and pressing and waiting. “You have proper printings in your shop and this is what you do for your best friend?”
“That’s one of the reason why it’s homemade. Specialized for you, Sehun-ah.”
“You sound like customers pay you more to get homemade ones. Comparing to my situation I really doubt that.”
“They do.”
“What?”
“Higher chance to get laid with me when I do their tattoos at home.”
“... I’m glad you had never told me that until now.” Sehun groans.
“Thank you. Now flip over.”
Jongin is there, sitting right beside Sehun, his hip touched the other boy’s waist. He tells Sehun to put the cigarette down, lie on his bed, rest his head on his folded pillow and makes sure that he won’t blow smoke into it. When Sehun is settled, Jongin hands him his cigarette, but takes it from Sehun way more than once to smoke, talks about shits Sehun doesn’t bother to memorize, returns the cancer stick to the other boy, takes it again and lets Sehun finish it.
One year ago it was quite hard for Sehun to sleep on that strange bed of Jongin’s, with him on his side, sharing a quilt in one of the last days of Seoul’s winter because they weren’t that close. Now Sehun’s amazed that he wasn’t amazed to acknowledge that he’s sharing a cigarette with Jongin. Both of them know what it means, to put one's mouth where the other just left and stare at the other when he does so, but no one bothers to explain since they’re best friends. May be things change like that.
Sehun has his hair clipped, looks out of the window to the sky while feeling the slight movement of Jongin when he takes this and that around him, gathers them on a foldable table together with the ashtray so Sehun can smoke while he works on his best friend’s scalp. It takes Jongin a while to take out the needle and its cap, join and fit his tattoo gun to the perfect level, wear the medical gloves on, pour the ink in tiny plastic cap so Sehun only lets out a long held breath when he sees Jongin reaches out for the little Vaseline mountain in his metal tray, eases himself when he feels a gloved finger rubbing and smearing the softening gel on the skin behind his ear.
His eyes flutter shut when he hears the vibrating sound of the gun drowns the construction noises from outside Jongin’s room.
Jongin goes on the water drop with black ink in one smooth line. “Oh no.”
“What the…?” Sehun is about to pop up from the mattress if Jongin hesitates to answer for just one more second. What happened to his endearing tattoo?
“Nothing big. Just didn’t make it perfectly as I expected.”
“What happened? Fix it.” Sehun grunts in his throat.
“How can I?”
“You’re one of the best in this town. You figure it out.”
“Don’t worry. The line is still great. Just upset me a bit, you know I have high expectation. Gonna fix a little bit.”
“One wrong move and you go stuff your own head into your asshole, are you clear Jongin?” He threatens.
“I am.” Jongin smiles, taking a dry tissue from the pile on Sehun’s back to wipe away the excessive ink.
“Go on.”
Scalp, or any place near it, is not really a good place for tattoos. Sehun sure can put up with the pain, but it is much more painful in comparison to other areas. It feels like his scalp is torn there, while they talk about shits Sehun doesn’t remember. Things flow in an opaque melody in Jongin’s bedroom when all Sehun can hear is the sound of the gun vibrating so near to his ear, even drowns the D'nB track from Jongin’s speakers.
Jongin is right beside him, putting pressures on Sehun’s neck with his gloved hands, on Sehun’s back with his arms, on Sehun’s waist with his own so that Sehun won't move or convulse since it hurts so bad but feels not so good. Later his elbow pokes in right beneath his scapula, and Sehun is so grateful that Jongin has always pressed his upper body down in the process because if he didn't Sehun would fucking jerk. Instead of that his breaths gets a little shaky.
Jongin is done with the lining right then and takes notice of Sehun’s change.
“What’s wrong?
“Nothing big." Sehun turns to the other side, his face hidden from Jongin's sight. "Just my scapula.”
“What’s with your scapula?”
“I don't like having anything that... touches the area underneath it.”
"It hurts?" Jongin caresses the said area before poking lightly, amused to see Sehun trying to lean away. "Or what?"
"Just a fucking turn-on."
"Oh." Jongin chuckles, looms down over the table a bit to clean out the black ink from his gun to prepare for the blue ink. “You could have said that before.”
“Thought you doesn’t need to know.”
“There’s nothing about you that I don’t need to know.”
“What do you mean?” Sehun immediately questions, but Jongin just signals him to keep silent when he sets the gun aside, pops open the blue bottle’s cap and pour the fair amount into an other clean plastic cap.
“Shhh, shh, I don’t want to lose an other pair of jeans due to tattoo ink. The last time was also blue.” He rubs some more Vaseline on Sehun’s skin.
“Heh, this is really what people call young and wild.”
“What’s the bullshit again?”
“Why are you so grumpy today? Two guys, give each other tattoos at one’s home, giggling and shit. This is a day to remember because it was as light as nothing, but also vivid. I think.”
“Oh yeah, young and wild. But we’ll deal with that later, I don’t feel like it now with you pressing your upper body onto mine as if I’m a struggling fish out of water.” Sehun dryly replies.
“Come on. Isn’t this fun?” Jongin grins. Really, this guy won’t be turned off by Sehun’s cold words.
“May be. Just like how our friends pierced each other’s earlobes with a slightly burnt needle.”
“See? I didn’t expect Joonmyeon to be brave enough to pierce Yifan’s ear as he told him to.” Jongin laughs, shutting Sehun up with the buzz of his ink gun again.
Sehun slightly frowns as he meets the pain again. Fuck you Jongin I know this place will hurt so bad but you don’t need to make it fucking hurt fuck you fuck you. As if he can listen to what Sehun thinks, Jongin voices up, “Calm down. I’m trying my best to make it feel better. Cursing will help.”
Sehun sighs when Jongin lets go of him to wipe the ink and add Vaseline. “No wonder why Chanyeol hates coloring and Baekhyun just loves it. One goes nearly faint and one has the right to be in control.”
“Well I like to be in control too. Like right now I’m with you.” Jongin says, his voice turns a little whiny and dreamy when his needle comes near to the newly inked rear of black. "Doesn't it feels good?"
“No, but I think it may work with your home customers when you're thrusting into them. Total control.”
“There will be blood, Sehun.”
“You fuck them until bleeding? Ugh.”
“Seriously, this joke is no fun.”
“But you don’t seem to mind.” Sehun smiles when he hears his friend laughing.
“Yeah. I don’t seem to mind having total control on you.” Jongin absorbs the oozing liquid and ink this time. Sehun stills, tries to process the sentence in his head, be completely silent when Jongin says again. “We’re taking a little too long for this. Gotta finish before it swells as always. Do you think you can handle one hit to the end?”
Sehun has no time to question Jongin’s ‘total control on you’ as he feels the Vaseline again. “It will be hardcore for me. How much left?”
“About half of what you wanted.”
He groans. “Split up. And don’t make me faint.”
“Okay.” Jongin says with firm pokes of his elbows right beneath Sehun’s scapula again.
“What the…” Sehun quietly mumbles, his voice weakened because of the pain but mostly the weak, sensitive spot behind. “Fuck you Jongin.”
“Feel free to.”
Sehun wants to faint. He kind of regrets to do this, but it’s his fault any way. The pain on his scalp - Jongin shifs the gun in rounds and rounds to implant ink underneath his skin and that fucking hurts that Sehun doesn’t even think of whining out, combines with the goddamned feelings from his back that Jongin is the cause.
Fuck Jongin.
“I’m coming for you right after this.”
The situation shouldn’t be this tempting. Sehun sighs, his eyes flutter shut again. Weird things happen every day any way. He tries to ease himself when the needle takes a short break, shifting his shoulder a little upward to rest them on the pillow but results in Jongin pressing his elbows down much harder. Cursing words are stuck down Sehun’s throat, breathy little moans come out from between his lips instead. He can hear Jongin chuckling above him, too satisfied with what he has done to the other.
Jongin stops pressing on the pedal for some seconds to appreciate Sehun’s reaction before he looms over the other boy again, resumes his work, elbows still pressing on Sehun’s special place on his back.
“Almost there.”
After seconds the needle leaves Sehun’s skin for sure, Jongin’s quick wipes come next. Sehun doesn’t give a flying fuck any more. He feels like a dead fish and gathers all his strength to raise from the mattress since his whole body magically turned all limp, when Jongin leaves the gun on the table and tears off the gloves from his hands to grab Sehun’s upper arms and flip him over, also takes the chance to peel the other’s t-shirt off him.
Sehun is shocked. Jongin used his hand to support the left side of his head so the tattoo won’t be smashed onto the bed. And blindness to every surrounding since he shuts his eyes, feeling the dry lips of Jongin’s on his own.
“Told you I’d come for you.” Jongin grins childishly before going back to nipping on Sehun’s lower lip, slowly takes his tongue inside his mouth, his other hand creeps on the pillow to take off the hair clip.
“What and why?” Sehun spells out word by word, because Jongin is heavy on him and his mind too busy to progress what just happened. The tattoo has swelled up by now, and he doesn’t want to screw it just yet.
“Because we’re not virgins any more?”
“Bullshit.” Sehun rises from the sunk mattress using his elbows, only making it easier for Jongin to approach his collarbones and he just bites on them. “This is no fun, Jongin.”
“This wasn't supposed to be fun.”
“What?”
“Did I sound like joking when I said there’s nothing I don’t need to know about you?”
“You always seem like joking.”
“Then I didn’t. Now I don’t.” He gets closer to lick and suck on Sehun’s shoulders again, trailing his light bites along them in a hurried pace to his arm and then his hand before taking Sehun’s ring finger into his mouth and wrap the tongue around. Oh God is all Sehun can think before he frowns, his eyes tightly shut.
“Disgusted?” He can feel Jongin’s smirk around his finger. No, just overwhelmed Sehun wants to scream out. We’re best friends…
Fuck, friends.
“Why should?” Sehun asks as Jongin trails his lips from his chest up to the curve of his throat. He leans back against the headboard and away from Jongin.
“When someone does this to you, can’t you just get it already?”
“I only get that you’re releasing your sexual desire on me.” The younger sounds like ice.
“You’ve only seen what you want to see, not what I want you to see.” Jongin furrows his brows, but he’s more aroused than irritated by Sehun’s action.
“What do you want me to see, Jongin?” Sehun sits up again, doesn’t even bother when his chest lightly bumps Jongin’s head. He pushes the other guy away from him, lips twitching in something that clearly represents his confusion and rage. He reaches for the table and lits up a cigarette.
Jongin shushes him. "Beside me you are terribly confused. You’ve always been."
"Don't I have the right to? We stay friend, you decided, I compromised. Now you found a chance to mess with me. What are you trying to prove? The ability to get into anyone's pants? Or it's your unique way to express something I never knew it could come from you like love?" Sehun voice breaks at the word, he sucks in as if his temper depends on the cigarette. “Crap. I love you and tried to settle and everything was just fine… Crap.”
Jongin is about to touch his face and Sehun turns away.
“Let me get this clear. I love you. I told you before but didn’t require you to love me back. Then it faded and came back and faded and came back, back and forth back and forth like ocean waves. Until I decided to let go and be a friend of yours. Do you remember telling me you thought I had been joking when I had confessed to you?"
“I do.” Jongin quietly replies.
“Tell me you understand my rambling.” Sehun furiously blows out.
“I do. I really do.” His words vibrate through Sehun’s body.
Sehun buries his face in his palms, rubs his cheeks and forehead and glides his hands across tired eyelids as if he can scratch off his skin and shrug off all of this. “I can't even cry over the mess.” Smoke gets in his eyes. The words surround him with that opaque melody that always exists in Jongin’s bedroom.
“Come here.” Jongin stretches out his arms.
It’s just Sehun doesn’t come to him. "You were just bullshitting me and I get it. I understand, Jongin." He put the shirt back on when the other lunges after him to pull Sehun back into his arms, but the younger violently snatches himself out of his hold. Jongin struggles to keep Sehun still in his arms so the other doesn’t make it to escape, but it takes him many and many whispers and calming words to sit Sehun back on his bed, no longer rejects him. So Jongin dares to kiss him on the lips, his hand tears the cigarette away from Sehun’s.
“Sehun-ah.” He drops it in the ashtray. "Quit struggling against me."
His words are inviting as they have always been to Sehun. No more bother, let go, give in, go with the flow, don’t notice, the shattered train of thoughts runs through Sehun’s mind. His eyes flutter shut for the last time in the day.
One minute ago they were friends. Seconds later it turns out the delicate balance is broken.
Jongin has always known.
He has never been someone who believes in love at first sight, and so do Sehun. But the boy went straight to confess when he knew what he had in mind. It was too quick for Jongin while he was still recovering from the latest break-up with Luhan, so no time to fool around and find out if Sehun was worth.
It was all nonsense and in the middle Jongin found himself leaning closer and closer, bit by bit towards Sehun. Maybe it was the natural thing to happen when someone who was not a disappointment opened their arms for Jongin, and he just needed to went with the flow take him there.
They painfully stayed friends, because Jongin was not ready and Sehun had never been before something. The younger just went, and went along, and that was risky.
The worst tie is that Jongin never told Sehun that he has come to love him. It’s not that he wasn't sure, it’s not that he didn’t dare to. Just because he knows to well that Sehun is the type of guy who chases after love but runs for his life when it chases him back. He reacted aggressively even if it was just the smallest show of affection, the lowest kind - what would he do if it was the heart of Jongin being shown to him? Out of his ability, Jongin doesn’t know what will happen, so the best is to keep it like this. For Sehun to be strained as ever so he will eventually fall into Jongin's hold instead.
It’s a crime to commit, while Jongin doesn’t know any other way. Sehun was right; he has been too strained for this. Jongin is, too.
How hopeless, Jongin grins to himself, raises himself to peck a kiss on the younger's temple before reaching out to turn off the light and snuggling deeper into the clothed warmth with Sehun.
After days he recalls the first night they slept together.
They are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, smoking and talking randomly. About people they know, about their relationships, about the joke of Sehun’s life of having fallen for a friend. Mostly about Sehun, Jongin asks, comments, makes fun of, comforts while he replies, retorts, protests, agrees as usual, since Jongin doesn’t have his problem being solved by any one else but himself. None of them recall that incident, the day Sehun confessed to Jongin in a sunny afternoon of one of those last days of winter, on the busy sidewalk in front of group's spot; and it was ridiculous because Sehun is sad and relieved at the same time because they didn’t, because Jongin didn’t, because he didn’t, once again they passed the chance to make it clear because they think it’s broken beyond repair. Maybe.
Sometimes they fall into short silence and those are when Sehun dazes out, not even bother to raise the cigarette, letting the ash drop on the wooden floor; he's not bored, he just dazes as he always does. Jongin told him to keep his hair a safe distance to the inked wound so it will heal better. Dazes. Jongin leans to him for a kiss on the temple. Dazes. They were waiting for something Sehun doesn’t bother to memorize and they burn many cigarettes for that. He doesn’t give much shit to the scenery outside of Jongin’s window now, or how Jongin blocks his view when he calls someone about a music sampling project, because basically he doesn’t give more than a flying fuck about what happens around him when they are there sitting on Jongin’s bed, but things that had happened one year ago. Somehow things never change.
x-posted on tumblr
x-posted on sonyeoncheonji @ livejournal