ndsrv
sekai
pg-15
mentions of drug use/sexual act, unexplainable wording
a/n: just releasing one of the wasted drafts *shed a drop of tear
with your pants on the ground, looking like a fool
sehun quietly sips on his soda. he is thinking hard on how weird the drink tastes because it has been a while since he last tasted salt and lime being mixed together in the liquid; soda is just a go for anytime he doesn’t feel like having anything else in particular. baekhyun is playing with the tissue container which looks like a down-scaled chest, pretending not to notice the atmosphere falling on them because kim jongin is on the other side of sehun, stirring his cup of coffee.
“jongin here wants to get to know you.” baekhyun puts the chest down. “in fact, you little shits both want to get to know each other.”
“you have a taste in bad boys now?”
“... no? but he seems to be okay.”
baekhyun sighs. “your eyes don’t lie, sehun. you’re quite interested.” he pauses, probably considering his words. “listen. bad boys are fun, and i know you’ve had quite some of them. but speaking of bad, jongin is possibly the worst.”
“what do you mean, hyung?” sehun asks with half of his mind.
“just remember that i warned you. he’s a black hole.”
“you’re beautiful.”
“people say.”
“and i thought you would ask if i was after your appearance.” jongin chuckles, shaking his head lightly.
“appearance always comes first.”
“all the time.”
and sehun hands him packed ludes in silent agreement.
finally out on the street, sehun secretly lets out a sigh of relief before jongin catches behind him. “i can take you home.”
his mind reels again. it’s a statement, not an offer, so the speaker was giving him hints, and expressing his will to go together but not directly. it’s a bit of a low trick, but considering how sincere jongin looks right now with his unique, good-looking appearance and fingers caressing his palm in small movements and eyes won’t back down, sehun says the man clearly understands how to break hearts.
“next time.” sehun ends with a smile to make his saying not too short and lack of appreciation. as the man says goodbye, pecking him on the lips and gives him sweet looks of seeing off politely and flawlessly although he didn’t get what jongin had in mind, sehun admires the natural wonder of kim jongin before turning away, spacing out. it takes him way too many neurons to analyze and react to jongin tonight, so he needs a rest not a walk together.
what a fox.
“i can take you home.” this time the fingers are around his wrist, slightly squeezing like they are waiting for something simple just like a nod. so sehun says jongin knows exactly where the limit is and where to take an other step.
“next time.”
“you mean this time.”
sehun smiles, his breath held in his chest because jongin remembers their last time. for whatever the reason is, to show the affection that jongin cares or he actually memorized such little details. so he nods at the end, because it feels good to be noticed the way jongin does to him.
“i can take you home.”
sehun stills. he supposed the action would stop once jongin achieved what he hinted. one statement, two different tricks. this time it adds oil to the burning hope that jongin actually cared.
sehun stops explaining jongin’s action in his mind. whatever.
clever men are dangerous creatures. it has been too long since the last person who could provoke sehun’s mind, but he’s not seriously bothered.
“you can feel me drawing you in.” jongin says the moment he wipes come away from sehun’s lips and chin before pushing it in between the younger’s small teeth. the boy lazily laps at his fingers, and sehun mumbles after pulling away, “everyone says you’re a black hole.”
“am i?” jongin chuckles, like it’s nothing. and it may be just sehun’s delusion, but he thinks he saw something like expectation sparks in the eyes of the older. so he replies.
“yeah.”
and the spark is gone as he wished and not wished. they grind each other down on the mattress again as time mingles between being bright or dark.
“sehun just spare a second to take a look at your well-fucked face.” baekhyun yells from the next stall in the restroom.
“that’s rude, hyung.”
“how was it?”
“a great fuck.”
“anything else?”
“… hollowness?”
baekhyun leaves the conversation hanging there until they both got out of visibly abused stalls. “well at least it’s still a good fuck that you’ll keep.”
the root of the mess named jongin is just he wants to find something different. something unpredictable, since he has seen too much to be surprised. sure comparison is nonsense, but just like people have to age, things get boring too.
it’s pathetic, sehun thinks as he drags himself into the bathroom one morning. jongin is sleeping like a dead man on his bed after finally letting sehun daze off at four in the morning. like jongin just wants some kind of entertainment, to spice up his life.
it’s a wise move to be indifferent, to expressively admit that he thinks about jongin just like everyone does.
it’s a resistance under the cover of agreement, sehun mentally admits, because somehow he fell for jongin, something so irresistible, undefinable, and infinite but still-
and sehun thinks he’s going to be alright, about to seemingly end up like others jongin has successfully abandoned before him. he just needs to get away before things escalate.
things do escalate. people whispering. friends congratulating. baekhyun smacking sehun’s arms, yelling “it’s three fucking months, boy. three fucking months, jongin and you. hongdae is going to explode.” he turns around and shouts to the crowd, “bitches’ jealousies fuels my life!”
sehun doesn’t care if hongdae is going to blow them up into the sky right now. it has been three months. he has dwelled in jongin for too long. guys never kept relationship with him before, because he was boring they said.
maybe he really is.
that night after the party, he comes into the bedroom and waits until jongin gets out of his shower. he remains silent, waiting for the other to initiates and the marijuana in their systems to wear off.
“you’re quieter today.”
sehun just looks at him. “sorry, it was weed.” jongin catches on that that, tosses the towel onto his bed while continuing. “if you’re going to ask for the reason that you stay longer than the previous, let me tell you, you’re not special. well, possibly different, but i don’t count on that. in fact you’re just like me, here with a bag of tricks and some interests we have in common. you’re the push i’m the pull. it’s perfect, right? until when the saying of there are tons of the better out there comes true.”
“oh.” sehun mumbles.
kim jongin likes challenging guys. and sehun failed, but there’s always something off in the younger, so he hasn’t quite caught it enough to achieve the one hundred percent in breaking another heart.
it was not like his heart was broken in the first place so he became cruel or anything. such plots happen in novels, not to him. it’s just he has witnessed too many heartbreaks, so he thrives for a stable heart to test, to finally get out of the miserable circle his beloveds got in, and expect to find one like that to make a pair, no matter how painful it can get.
jongin intends to ask sehun to move in with him today. not for any higher stage in their relationship, but it’s more interesting to be under the same roof when the target’s home is also his. but at the end he put that off, at least, not today, when he comes to the sindang-dong apartment catching sehun falling asleep on the couch, psp abandoned on the floor, tv on but muted.
it gets horribly quiet, making the way for realization to come and strike down anybody.
on the same ground as him lies a person, breathing evenly in peace.
jongin’s heart misses a beat.
“going to grab some Strepsils. anything you want?” sehun asks, trying to drape clothes back on as fast as he can because the heater automatically shut down as scheduled while they were over-sleeping through the afternoon.
“nothing,” jongin clears his dry throat, acknowledging that his voice has changed a bit, “but what about a kiss?”
sehun hesitates, but he still approaches to give jongin a peck on the forehead before the older catches up from under the thick quilt for one on the lips.
“that was… unnecessary.” sehun trails off, leaving like an invisible breeze but still comes back later with an extra pack of Strepsils. jongin marks it as pointless, but he can’t help devouring the little orange candy-like lozenge thinking about sehun.
Strepsils weren’t unnecessary at all. rather tasty and soothing.
don’t do unnecessary thing, sehun thinks. but he lets jongin have his way, because of god knows what.
it’s acknowledged that he likes distorted things. black holes kind of distort materials by straining them into long straws like the pasta they put into their mouths. a form of distortion isn’t it?
love is full of bearing to sehun. in the earlier days of life, he expected to meet someone who worths sacrificing and through time, less and less was given out as well as being received. he was afraid he couldn’t make it to actually put himself out there for something, but there’s jongin right here.
and he hesitates. to think if it was okay after all to give in this time.
sehun sighs, reading zitao’s last words before he returned to China over and over again. right or wrong, bullshit, it’s vague. do anything, that when you’re home on your bed preparing for a sleep you don’t think and heart doesn’t have to rush to keep you sane on the verge. he stares blankly at the phone screen for a while, pulls himself together, and goes home.
jongin’s. home he tells himself to spill nothing and raise no hope.
just when jongin realizes that somehow sehun really moved in with him, for more than half a week the younger stays at his place, does he notice two things.
he kind of moved in, but there’s nothing much. toothbrush. shower kit. razor. towel. some clothes mostly loose stuffs and nothing else. devices are either placed neatly or brought along once he leaves the place.
and it’s just when sehun is away for a work trip, does the realize the first thing.
jongin shrugs. he has been distracted a lot lately, but he has the first gig of october tonight, can’t let those wild sheeps down.
he squints his eyes, trying to make out a figure among the hurting lights in the club and stuffed crowds going insane down there.
it’s the middle of october.
he tries not to think about how scattering sehun’s remained stuffs around the place doesn’t make it more sehun.
jongin is a black hole. everything is full of him, since he swallows them.
another night. it’s now kai squinting his eyes, trying to make out a figure of oh sehun among the chaos of people and noise.
or he did so, in a stall of the restroom at the back of tonight’s club.
“not that i’m complaining, or i actually was about to call up chanyeol’s gang and let them beat the shit out of you for the sake of our cute sehun, but you just can’t find anything with legs to get off in different stalls and backrooms every night.”
jongin stops trying, after earning a brutal slap from baekhyun in the most pathetic situation ever, with jeans hanging below the knees and a full moon of Molly still on his tongue. he recalls that weird song an old funny man sang at an American Idol audition.
with your pants on the ground, looking like a fool.
sehun knows this song too. it was a good laugh when they found out.
jongin decides not to spend his time thinking on how fast and unexpectably he has changed through half a year for a surprise named oh sehun.
he’s not a mingling miserable thing.
he thinks he saw Mandy and Molly laughs at him. for letting sehun in, for needing him to need him. Mandy reminded jongin of how others craved him, while Molly singsong-ed about how sehun actually can stand alone.
putting the spare key into the lock and turns, jongin takes a deep breath before going inside and closes the door of sehun’s place.
everything is sehun’s in a way, but somehow it’s even less sehun than just a few stuffs at his own place.
jongin ponders for a moment if this is the same place in sindang-dong he has gone to way too many times. it sure is, but just for sure, jongin lies down on the couch just like sehun did the other day.
from this view, ‘horribly quiet’ doesn’t make it up to what it should feel. sehun was here everyday and took most of the share of the loneliness which is seeping through jongin unstoppably right now. turning on the tv, he finds out it’s still muted and on the same channel.
he just stares at it.
sehun has been living almost unremarkably. he noticed sehun when sehun noticed him back, but it was no one other than jongin who told him the attention didn’t make him any special.
just imagine how it actually hurt.
“jongin?”
“what?”
“do you think it’s simplicity,” sehun asks on the morning after they had went through a crazy night of his return, “that screws with the mess named complex in anyone?” he still feels sore while jongin tries to adapt with the remained stickiness after hours.
“why are you asking that out of nowhere?” jongin kisses his ear before getting off the bed.
“for an opinion? look, you’re a walking complex.”
“a hot one.” he notes, clucking his tongue in consideration before answering. “maybe. they’re kind of opposite.”
“so, don’t you think it will work going out and looking for someone simple?”
jongin hasn’t been quite himself lately, especially the moment he throws sehun against the headboard and plunges at him and peels off anything that is not sehun.
“you just told me to find someone else? i don’t need anything like that.” he grunts against the white skin, his gaze trying to pierce through sehun.
“come on.” the other kisses him as a condolence, body sure reacting to jongin’s aggressiveness. “i’m a mess just like you, maybe quieter. can’t double the complex.”
“you think you know everything. well you do, but don’t fucking run from this, that i love you.”
“it’s always that thick, suffocating atmosphere around you which makes it pointless to think straight. and it was so breezy in bangkok, and i thought i was ready to, you know, get you moved on.” sehun mumbles in sleepiness, feeling jongin’s hold around his naked waist tightens.
“you unbearable shit. you compare me to bangkok.”
“it would be a great lover in person.”
“no.” jongin affirms, sounding like a child declaring what is what. “it’s better this way. you and me. two messes.”
sehun doesn’t reply, but lets sleep steal him away.
pg-15
mentions of drug use/sexual act, unexplainable wording
a/n: just releasing one of the wasted drafts *shed a drop of tear
with your pants on the ground, looking like a fool
sehun quietly sips on his soda. he is thinking hard on how weird the drink tastes because it has been a while since he last tasted salt and lime being mixed together in the liquid; soda is just a go for anytime he doesn’t feel like having anything else in particular. baekhyun is playing with the tissue container which looks like a down-scaled chest, pretending not to notice the atmosphere falling on them because kim jongin is on the other side of sehun, stirring his cup of coffee.
“jongin here wants to get to know you.” baekhyun puts the chest down. “in fact, you little shits both want to get to know each other.”
“you have a taste in bad boys now?”
“... no? but he seems to be okay.”
baekhyun sighs. “your eyes don’t lie, sehun. you’re quite interested.” he pauses, probably considering his words. “listen. bad boys are fun, and i know you’ve had quite some of them. but speaking of bad, jongin is possibly the worst.”
“what do you mean, hyung?” sehun asks with half of his mind.
“just remember that i warned you. he’s a black hole.”
“you’re beautiful.”
“people say.”
“and i thought you would ask if i was after your appearance.” jongin chuckles, shaking his head lightly.
“appearance always comes first.”
“all the time.”
and sehun hands him packed ludes in silent agreement.
finally out on the street, sehun secretly lets out a sigh of relief before jongin catches behind him. “i can take you home.”
his mind reels again. it’s a statement, not an offer, so the speaker was giving him hints, and expressing his will to go together but not directly. it’s a bit of a low trick, but considering how sincere jongin looks right now with his unique, good-looking appearance and fingers caressing his palm in small movements and eyes won’t back down, sehun says the man clearly understands how to break hearts.
“next time.” sehun ends with a smile to make his saying not too short and lack of appreciation. as the man says goodbye, pecking him on the lips and gives him sweet looks of seeing off politely and flawlessly although he didn’t get what jongin had in mind, sehun admires the natural wonder of kim jongin before turning away, spacing out. it takes him way too many neurons to analyze and react to jongin tonight, so he needs a rest not a walk together.
what a fox.
“i can take you home.” this time the fingers are around his wrist, slightly squeezing like they are waiting for something simple just like a nod. so sehun says jongin knows exactly where the limit is and where to take an other step.
“next time.”
“you mean this time.”
sehun smiles, his breath held in his chest because jongin remembers their last time. for whatever the reason is, to show the affection that jongin cares or he actually memorized such little details. so he nods at the end, because it feels good to be noticed the way jongin does to him.
“i can take you home.”
sehun stills. he supposed the action would stop once jongin achieved what he hinted. one statement, two different tricks. this time it adds oil to the burning hope that jongin actually cared.
sehun stops explaining jongin’s action in his mind. whatever.
clever men are dangerous creatures. it has been too long since the last person who could provoke sehun’s mind, but he’s not seriously bothered.
“you can feel me drawing you in.” jongin says the moment he wipes come away from sehun’s lips and chin before pushing it in between the younger’s small teeth. the boy lazily laps at his fingers, and sehun mumbles after pulling away, “everyone says you’re a black hole.”
“am i?” jongin chuckles, like it’s nothing. and it may be just sehun’s delusion, but he thinks he saw something like expectation sparks in the eyes of the older. so he replies.
“yeah.”
and the spark is gone as he wished and not wished. they grind each other down on the mattress again as time mingles between being bright or dark.
“sehun just spare a second to take a look at your well-fucked face.” baekhyun yells from the next stall in the restroom.
“that’s rude, hyung.”
“how was it?”
“a great fuck.”
“anything else?”
“… hollowness?”
baekhyun leaves the conversation hanging there until they both got out of visibly abused stalls. “well at least it’s still a good fuck that you’ll keep.”
the root of the mess named jongin is just he wants to find something different. something unpredictable, since he has seen too much to be surprised. sure comparison is nonsense, but just like people have to age, things get boring too.
it’s pathetic, sehun thinks as he drags himself into the bathroom one morning. jongin is sleeping like a dead man on his bed after finally letting sehun daze off at four in the morning. like jongin just wants some kind of entertainment, to spice up his life.
it’s a wise move to be indifferent, to expressively admit that he thinks about jongin just like everyone does.
it’s a resistance under the cover of agreement, sehun mentally admits, because somehow he fell for jongin, something so irresistible, undefinable, and infinite but still-
and sehun thinks he’s going to be alright, about to seemingly end up like others jongin has successfully abandoned before him. he just needs to get away before things escalate.
things do escalate. people whispering. friends congratulating. baekhyun smacking sehun’s arms, yelling “it’s three fucking months, boy. three fucking months, jongin and you. hongdae is going to explode.” he turns around and shouts to the crowd, “bitches’ jealousies fuels my life!”
sehun doesn’t care if hongdae is going to blow them up into the sky right now. it has been three months. he has dwelled in jongin for too long. guys never kept relationship with him before, because he was boring they said.
maybe he really is.
that night after the party, he comes into the bedroom and waits until jongin gets out of his shower. he remains silent, waiting for the other to initiates and the marijuana in their systems to wear off.
“you’re quieter today.”
sehun just looks at him. “sorry, it was weed.” jongin catches on that that, tosses the towel onto his bed while continuing. “if you’re going to ask for the reason that you stay longer than the previous, let me tell you, you’re not special. well, possibly different, but i don’t count on that. in fact you’re just like me, here with a bag of tricks and some interests we have in common. you’re the push i’m the pull. it’s perfect, right? until when the saying of there are tons of the better out there comes true.”
“oh.” sehun mumbles.
kim jongin likes challenging guys. and sehun failed, but there’s always something off in the younger, so he hasn’t quite caught it enough to achieve the one hundred percent in breaking another heart.
it was not like his heart was broken in the first place so he became cruel or anything. such plots happen in novels, not to him. it’s just he has witnessed too many heartbreaks, so he thrives for a stable heart to test, to finally get out of the miserable circle his beloveds got in, and expect to find one like that to make a pair, no matter how painful it can get.
jongin intends to ask sehun to move in with him today. not for any higher stage in their relationship, but it’s more interesting to be under the same roof when the target’s home is also his. but at the end he put that off, at least, not today, when he comes to the sindang-dong apartment catching sehun falling asleep on the couch, psp abandoned on the floor, tv on but muted.
it gets horribly quiet, making the way for realization to come and strike down anybody.
on the same ground as him lies a person, breathing evenly in peace.
jongin’s heart misses a beat.
“going to grab some Strepsils. anything you want?” sehun asks, trying to drape clothes back on as fast as he can because the heater automatically shut down as scheduled while they were over-sleeping through the afternoon.
“nothing,” jongin clears his dry throat, acknowledging that his voice has changed a bit, “but what about a kiss?”
sehun hesitates, but he still approaches to give jongin a peck on the forehead before the older catches up from under the thick quilt for one on the lips.
“that was… unnecessary.” sehun trails off, leaving like an invisible breeze but still comes back later with an extra pack of Strepsils. jongin marks it as pointless, but he can’t help devouring the little orange candy-like lozenge thinking about sehun.
Strepsils weren’t unnecessary at all. rather tasty and soothing.
don’t do unnecessary thing, sehun thinks. but he lets jongin have his way, because of god knows what.
it’s acknowledged that he likes distorted things. black holes kind of distort materials by straining them into long straws like the pasta they put into their mouths. a form of distortion isn’t it?
love is full of bearing to sehun. in the earlier days of life, he expected to meet someone who worths sacrificing and through time, less and less was given out as well as being received. he was afraid he couldn’t make it to actually put himself out there for something, but there’s jongin right here.
and he hesitates. to think if it was okay after all to give in this time.
sehun sighs, reading zitao’s last words before he returned to China over and over again. right or wrong, bullshit, it’s vague. do anything, that when you’re home on your bed preparing for a sleep you don’t think and heart doesn’t have to rush to keep you sane on the verge. he stares blankly at the phone screen for a while, pulls himself together, and goes home.
jongin’s. home he tells himself to spill nothing and raise no hope.
just when jongin realizes that somehow sehun really moved in with him, for more than half a week the younger stays at his place, does he notice two things.
he kind of moved in, but there’s nothing much. toothbrush. shower kit. razor. towel. some clothes mostly loose stuffs and nothing else. devices are either placed neatly or brought along once he leaves the place.
and it’s just when sehun is away for a work trip, does the realize the first thing.
jongin shrugs. he has been distracted a lot lately, but he has the first gig of october tonight, can’t let those wild sheeps down.
he squints his eyes, trying to make out a figure among the hurting lights in the club and stuffed crowds going insane down there.
it’s the middle of october.
he tries not to think about how scattering sehun’s remained stuffs around the place doesn’t make it more sehun.
jongin is a black hole. everything is full of him, since he swallows them.
another night. it’s now kai squinting his eyes, trying to make out a figure of oh sehun among the chaos of people and noise.
or he did so, in a stall of the restroom at the back of tonight’s club.
“not that i’m complaining, or i actually was about to call up chanyeol’s gang and let them beat the shit out of you for the sake of our cute sehun, but you just can’t find anything with legs to get off in different stalls and backrooms every night.”
jongin stops trying, after earning a brutal slap from baekhyun in the most pathetic situation ever, with jeans hanging below the knees and a full moon of Molly still on his tongue. he recalls that weird song an old funny man sang at an American Idol audition.
with your pants on the ground, looking like a fool.
sehun knows this song too. it was a good laugh when they found out.
jongin decides not to spend his time thinking on how fast and unexpectably he has changed through half a year for a surprise named oh sehun.
he’s not a mingling miserable thing.
he thinks he saw Mandy and Molly laughs at him. for letting sehun in, for needing him to need him. Mandy reminded jongin of how others craved him, while Molly singsong-ed about how sehun actually can stand alone.
putting the spare key into the lock and turns, jongin takes a deep breath before going inside and closes the door of sehun’s place.
everything is sehun’s in a way, but somehow it’s even less sehun than just a few stuffs at his own place.
jongin ponders for a moment if this is the same place in sindang-dong he has gone to way too many times. it sure is, but just for sure, jongin lies down on the couch just like sehun did the other day.
from this view, ‘horribly quiet’ doesn’t make it up to what it should feel. sehun was here everyday and took most of the share of the loneliness which is seeping through jongin unstoppably right now. turning on the tv, he finds out it’s still muted and on the same channel.
he just stares at it.
sehun has been living almost unremarkably. he noticed sehun when sehun noticed him back, but it was no one other than jongin who told him the attention didn’t make him any special.
just imagine how it actually hurt.
“jongin?”
“what?”
“do you think it’s simplicity,” sehun asks on the morning after they had went through a crazy night of his return, “that screws with the mess named complex in anyone?” he still feels sore while jongin tries to adapt with the remained stickiness after hours.
“why are you asking that out of nowhere?” jongin kisses his ear before getting off the bed.
“for an opinion? look, you’re a walking complex.”
“a hot one.” he notes, clucking his tongue in consideration before answering. “maybe. they’re kind of opposite.”
“so, don’t you think it will work going out and looking for someone simple?”
jongin hasn’t been quite himself lately, especially the moment he throws sehun against the headboard and plunges at him and peels off anything that is not sehun.
“you just told me to find someone else? i don’t need anything like that.” he grunts against the white skin, his gaze trying to pierce through sehun.
“come on.” the other kisses him as a condolence, body sure reacting to jongin’s aggressiveness. “i’m a mess just like you, maybe quieter. can’t double the complex.”
“you think you know everything. well you do, but don’t fucking run from this, that i love you.”
“it’s always that thick, suffocating atmosphere around you which makes it pointless to think straight. and it was so breezy in bangkok, and i thought i was ready to, you know, get you moved on.” sehun mumbles in sleepiness, feeling jongin’s hold around his naked waist tightens.
“you unbearable shit. you compare me to bangkok.”
“it would be a great lover in person.”
“no.” jongin affirms, sounding like a child declaring what is what. “it’s better this way. you and me. two messes.”
sehun doesn’t reply, but lets sleep steal him away.