I realized so much just now. As I took down the pictures of last year that desperately tried to decorate my horribly depressing dorm room, I relieved all of the feelings I had felt when those pictures were taken. Those memories are priceless. Those two years before UCLA are not really captured at all on film. I was kind of lost and alone and there ( Read more... )

There are so many things I wish I could write in this journal everyday. I have so man billions of emotions flowing through my body every day and it’s impossible to do them justice by trying to capture them all in one entry. I feel so exhausted. The more weight I lose the more fat I see. Living with an eating disorder depletes almost all the joy out ( Read more... )

Im in a really big FUCK mood right now. Not sexual. Pissed. This group of guys was hanging out down in the Dykstra parking lot, the one i cant park in, the one in front of my dorm that i was given a ticket for parking in because i have to park in lot 11 a literally 30 min walk form here FUCK THAT, anyway they were blasting their ghetto ass nigga ( Read more... )

I feel so terrible, but I really shouldn’t. Last week I turned down a date offer, and last night I accepted having a casual dinner as friends. The person who asked is not only someone who I have no attraction to whatsoever, but he is also moving to New York in five days. So as I came back to my horribly depressing, unimaginably smelly room, I sat ( Read more... )

Usually I don’t write about one specific thing, but tonight I have to. I wonder why I feel the way I do. I really miss someone so much that I really didn’t want to miss. I can’t help the way I feel, I feel I’ve met my perfect match but I can’t let myself think that way. I’ve never loved and hated someone so intensely. I wonder what he will think of ( Read more... )

I can honestly say that this 4th of July was the best one I have ever had. It was just so nice and relaxing and beautiful. Even working wasn’t so bad because all of the old crew was there and it was like high school again, I had so much fun with those people, people I would never have even met if I hadn’t worked there. Its funny, there are so many ( Read more... )

Home and summer school...two places I thought I would feel very different about this summer, but the roles have reversed. I really hate summer school, and home seems to offer a safe haven for me to be alone in, and realize my independence once again. I really am one of those people who need to be alone to gain some kind of control over everything ( Read more... )

Wow, so many things to say and such a short time has passed...so I think I will start with the good and end with the utterly depressing ( Read more... )

As my first and thrid year of college rapidly comes to a close, I cant help but wonder where I will be at this same time next year. I really love this school. Ive never loved any one place so much as I love it here. No matter what horrible "wrongs" could be going on in my life, just one look around the campus has made me realize how truley lucky I ( Read more... )

My birthday has always fallen on such an awkward time of the year when there are so many things happening thats its hard to take them all in. Turning a year older is so strange. Its not like you wake up the next day different, and you dont feel or look like youve changed. All we have is the pictures we take to freeze the moments in time that we are ( Read more... )