No good deed goes unpunished.

Jan 24, 2011 13:02

I went to Highlander last night for Nick's farewell trivia. We lost, and Nick will be leaving town in shame, but that's another story. At one point Nick wandered off, then returned with a girl named Urmy. She said she was a sociology PhD at Emory, and had a mildly terrified look in her eyes as she watched us.


After shamefully losing, we left Highlander and went back to a friends place. Urmy managed to get very drunk, then very high, then drunk some more. She asked me to take her home, and since I was ready to head home myself, I gave her a ride.

So I'm driving this drunk, high girl home. My first clue that she might be less than coherent is when I open the back left door to drop my camera bag in the back seat. She proceeds to climb in behind it and sits down. So now I'm driving drunk girl chauffer style.

She says she lives "in highlands" so I head towards the Highlands. She's grunting drunken directions like "turn lef," "go wan" and so on. After a few minutes, I realize she's just barking out random directions as we drive around.

Me: Urmy, which way do we go?
Her: Go straight
Me: That's a tree.
Her: Yeah, jus go straight

At one point I parked at a bank at N Highland and Virginia and tried to get her to give me her address. She kept making up numbers.

Me: What's your address?
Her: 303
Me: 30 what?
Her: 303 Highlands!
Me: North Highlands?
Her: South Highlands!
Me: How do I get there?
Her: Turn left!
Me: There is no left!
Her: Turn right?
Me: WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Her: Highlands!

She then got annoyed with my interrogation and tried to play sleeping in my back seat. So I turned off the heat, rolled down all the windows, opened the door and stood there in the cold poking her in the side until she gave up.

Me: Poke poke poke. Wakeup wakeup wakeup. Where do you live? Poke poke poke. Wakeup wakeup wakeup.

I finally took her purse from her to look at her ID and see her address. Chicago, Illinois. I was VERY tempted to let her pass out in my back seat, put the address in my GPS and start driving north. I figure she would have woken up some time around dawn in Kentucky, but that's a looooong drive for a joke.

I was getting ready to dump her back in the Highlander parking lot. Back at the bar she had said she had walked to the Highlander, so she had to live close. I figured eventually she would wander home.

Parked in front of Trader Joes, she's still telling me to "jus go straight" when I notice she has a keychain with a door remote on it. I grabbed her keys and then drove around pushing the lock button until I found a car in the parking lot of the neighboring apartments that kept beeping. I dumped her off and got the hell out of there.

As she wandered off into the complex, I realized she stole my Special Olympics hoodie! Next time, no more Mr Nice Guy. I'm stealing kidneys!
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