Eurovision 2013 song roundup, part 2
Yes yes, OK, I have been harried by certain coworkers to write the other bit of this. Since I'm in a cheesy mood since Top of the Pops '78 was on, here it is!
Disclaimer- both participants here are, as last time, stone cold sober. Believe it or not.
Latvia: PeR, Here We Go Keytar, check. Glittery military suits, check. Cheesy rap, check. Mandatory dubstep wobwob, check. I bloody love this one. The essence of Eurovision, in one song.
'Bouncy but not very interesting. Ooh, there's a person playing iPads!'
San Marino: Valentina Monetta, Crisalide (Vola) Entertainingly, rather than a selection contest streamed like the other countries, San Marino plumped for the most entertainingly Pseud's Corner hour of song presentation, in which they did everything from Skype the song producer in Florida to gush about it, discuss her choice of dress in the music video, and talk about the significance of her breathing in at the start of the song. THEY REALLY DID. The song, meanwhile, starts as a sumptuous ballad then suddenly it hits you with Eurodance right in the face. A strong contender.
'It's a Benetton ad. LOOK, REALLY, IT IS. And then it turns into I Will Survive.'
FYR Macedonia: Esma & Lozano, Pred Da Se Razdeni Really not sure what to make of this one, especially since they're left the Autotune turned onto default. Seriously, has the music business learned nothing since Billy Joel at the Superbowl? A Russian granny-style enthusiastic folk singer gets wheeled out and brightens things up, but the song is a confusing mish-mash of keyboard facerolling, epic balladry and wannabe Eurodance. STILL CONFUSED.
'They need to pick a style and stick to it. This is not so much 'fusion' as 'chimera'. It has all the different styles that make a Eurovision song, but combined it's about as successful as broccoli ice cream.'
Azerbaijan: Farid Mammadov, Hold Me Last year's winners have plumped for a ballad, because there isn't a billion of those this year. As ballads go, it's pretty good. I still prefer Emin from last year, with his track penned by wee Scottish scamp David Sneddon off of Fame Academy, who does songwriting these days for everyone from Hurts to inflatable faux-Sinatra sexdoll Lana Del Rey. Oh, and I've listened to all of Emin's album, because I follow through. DAMN RIGHT I'M A MUSIC ANORAK.*
'He's sad because the rest of his boyband haven't turned up. Also, he needs a boyband stool.'
Finland: Krista Siegfrids, Marry Me Oh gods, where to start with this one? Barbie spliced with Katie Price meets the leather man from Village People, who is apparently living in a trailer and unreasonably angry her partner hasn't proposed. Hey, chillax little lady, it took mine 6 years and I didn't smash the door of my house open bleating about skipping dinner to be thinner or being in a dodgy S/M relationship. Wait, is that how this marriage thing works? OOPS. I think the best part of the video is undoubtedly the groom's reaction to her coming in.
The eyes. THE EYES.
'The song is very Katy Perry, the video is very Lady Gaga. She's going off into the forest to find a bunny to boil!'
Malta: Gianluca, Tomorrow I used to love ukuleles, until the Match.com advert with the Girl on the Platform that should have pushed that eejit under the train. Anyway. This has the best opening line of any song ever. Look, move over Morrissey, but 'punctured bicycle on a hillside desolate' ain't a patch on 'His name is Jeremy, Working in IT'. It's terribly catchy, though, even if they are hipsters freshly harvested from Malta's equivalent of Shoreditch.
'It's Mumford and Sons! It's the cheeriest thing in the world though. We shall allow the happy hipsters their cheeriness.'
Bulgaria: Elitsa Todorova and Stoyan Yankulov, Samo Shampioni (Only Champions) Bagpipey things! Dubstep segment! The same drumming gimmick from last year! You know who does drumming gimmicks better? GIORGIOS ALKAIOS. Opa!
'This is what I expect from Eurovision, a style I'm not used to, not something that slots into UK radio.'
Iceland: Eythor Ingi, Ég Á Líf I like the quirky animated bits in this video, while the guy from Nickleback guts a fish in a brooding manner. It's got a kind of Celtic melodic tinge to it, and a large slice of mandatory Scandigloom. Strong contender for the final.
'I like this style of ballad. Also, that's Billy Connolly. LOOK.'
Greece: Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis, Alcohol Is Free Scene: the Greek songwriting meeting. 'Guys, we're fresh out of ideas since Giorgio Alkaios did the best song in the history of Greek entries. What do we have left?' 'Nana Mouskouri? Vangelis?' 'THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX GODDAMMIT.' *presses giant red button on table* *men in kilts burst out of the walls, chain-bouzouki-ing the shit out of turbofolk and singing about fishing under the influence* 'Gentlemen, we have a winner.'
'It's a bit Madness. WHAT. Also, victim of alcohol minimum pricing.'
Israel: Moran Mazor, Rak Bishvilo More than a passing resemblance to Nana Mouskouri here, in fact. Good belting voice in a sea of samey ballads, but not sure the song stands out enough. Bring back Dana International!
'Nana Mouskouri in an inappropriate outfit.'
Armenia: Dorians, Lonely Planet The qualifier show was a weird one like Spain's where the band was pre-selected, but the audience picked the song. This wasn't my favourite of a series of cookie-cutter indie tunes, but it's a Radio 2 playlist-fancier. And if we vote for it, it keeps the Eurovision beard quota healthy. Also, this was written by none other than Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath. Yes, really.
'Lonely Planet? It's the ultimate in non-specific environmentalism. Also, can't escape two of them looking like builders.'
Hungary: ByeAlex, Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix) I don't think I ingested enough drugs to enjoy the video. In fact, it will probably give me nightmares, solely based on the scarily-long Hungarian words not to mention the creepy drawings. It's, er, quirky? Yeah. Sounds like the theme to a cartoon perhaps. On the fence on this one.
'What is a kedvesem? SORRY HAVE TO GO LOOK THIS UP' *wanders off to smartphone* 'It doesn't say on Wikipedia! I AM NONE THE WISER.'
Norway: Margaret Berger, I Feed You My Love This I like. Very James Bond-esque, the singer is good (and pretty!), it's got the requisite amount of drama for Eurovision and it would fit on the radio. Lovely.
'This is a bit like Evanescence. Singer and song would fit right in with the Matrix.'
Oh. Breaking news: Kedvesem is Hungarian for 'sweetheart'. AS YOU WERE.
Albania: Adrian Lulgjuraj and Bledar Sejko, Identitet IN THE NAAAAAME OF LOOOOVEE, WHAT MOOORE IN THE NAAAME OF LOOOOVEE. Oh sorry. I don't know where I got that from at all. The Edge has let himself go a bit on guitar, hasn't he? And Larry Clayton's been at the pies. Eh? It's Albania's entry? Oh. Some guys are hazardous on a building site and channel a band I can't quite put a name to. Yeah.
'The lead singer looks like Aragorn! No, is it Aragorn or Boromir who does the "one does not simply walk into" thing? Oh wait, he doesn't look like him because he has NHS glasses. Still, one of the good rock ones I suppose.'
Georgia: Nodi Tatishvili and Sophie Gelovani, Waterfall It's a ballad. It exists. Yeah.
'Meh. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BALLADING.'
Switzerland: Takasa, You And Me My husband summed this one up so succinctly I shall simply let him do the talking:
'Wasn't there a Top Gear sketch with a brass band in a car or something? Also, a Saturday Night Live sketch with Jim Carrey and mobile phones?'
Romania: Cezar, It's My Life In a world threatened by nutty North Korean dictators, we can rest easy knowing that Romania is well prepared with the secret weapon that is Cezar's voice, which someone turned up to eye-poppingly falsetto then forgot to turn down again. Camper than a row of pink sparkly tents, therefore will probably qualify.
'THEATRE. ENERGY. FALSETTO. What's not to like? Also, he has David Tennant's eyes. Don't know why. He just does. I quite like it, but it's utterly bonkers. The sort of thing we watch Eurovision for.'
* STILL BITTER AT THE WORK QUIZ NIGHT HAVING A TERRIBLE MUSIC ROUND.
Coming next- the big six! Stay tuned!
Also available at cryptogirl.dreamwidth.org :D
Disclaimer- both participants here are, as last time, stone cold sober. Believe it or not.
Latvia: PeR, Here We Go Keytar, check. Glittery military suits, check. Cheesy rap, check. Mandatory dubstep wobwob, check. I bloody love this one. The essence of Eurovision, in one song.
'Bouncy but not very interesting. Ooh, there's a person playing iPads!'
San Marino: Valentina Monetta, Crisalide (Vola) Entertainingly, rather than a selection contest streamed like the other countries, San Marino plumped for the most entertainingly Pseud's Corner hour of song presentation, in which they did everything from Skype the song producer in Florida to gush about it, discuss her choice of dress in the music video, and talk about the significance of her breathing in at the start of the song. THEY REALLY DID. The song, meanwhile, starts as a sumptuous ballad then suddenly it hits you with Eurodance right in the face. A strong contender.
'It's a Benetton ad. LOOK, REALLY, IT IS. And then it turns into I Will Survive.'
FYR Macedonia: Esma & Lozano, Pred Da Se Razdeni Really not sure what to make of this one, especially since they're left the Autotune turned onto default. Seriously, has the music business learned nothing since Billy Joel at the Superbowl? A Russian granny-style enthusiastic folk singer gets wheeled out and brightens things up, but the song is a confusing mish-mash of keyboard facerolling, epic balladry and wannabe Eurodance. STILL CONFUSED.
'They need to pick a style and stick to it. This is not so much 'fusion' as 'chimera'. It has all the different styles that make a Eurovision song, but combined it's about as successful as broccoli ice cream.'
Azerbaijan: Farid Mammadov, Hold Me Last year's winners have plumped for a ballad, because there isn't a billion of those this year. As ballads go, it's pretty good. I still prefer Emin from last year, with his track penned by wee Scottish scamp David Sneddon off of Fame Academy, who does songwriting these days for everyone from Hurts to inflatable faux-Sinatra sexdoll Lana Del Rey. Oh, and I've listened to all of Emin's album, because I follow through. DAMN RIGHT I'M A MUSIC ANORAK.*
'He's sad because the rest of his boyband haven't turned up. Also, he needs a boyband stool.'
Finland: Krista Siegfrids, Marry Me Oh gods, where to start with this one? Barbie spliced with Katie Price meets the leather man from Village People, who is apparently living in a trailer and unreasonably angry her partner hasn't proposed. Hey, chillax little lady, it took mine 6 years and I didn't smash the door of my house open bleating about skipping dinner to be thinner or being in a dodgy S/M relationship. Wait, is that how this marriage thing works? OOPS. I think the best part of the video is undoubtedly the groom's reaction to her coming in.
The eyes. THE EYES.
'The song is very Katy Perry, the video is very Lady Gaga. She's going off into the forest to find a bunny to boil!'
Malta: Gianluca, Tomorrow I used to love ukuleles, until the Match.com advert with the Girl on the Platform that should have pushed that eejit under the train. Anyway. This has the best opening line of any song ever. Look, move over Morrissey, but 'punctured bicycle on a hillside desolate' ain't a patch on 'His name is Jeremy, Working in IT'. It's terribly catchy, though, even if they are hipsters freshly harvested from Malta's equivalent of Shoreditch.
'It's Mumford and Sons! It's the cheeriest thing in the world though. We shall allow the happy hipsters their cheeriness.'
Bulgaria: Elitsa Todorova and Stoyan Yankulov, Samo Shampioni (Only Champions) Bagpipey things! Dubstep segment! The same drumming gimmick from last year! You know who does drumming gimmicks better? GIORGIOS ALKAIOS. Opa!
'This is what I expect from Eurovision, a style I'm not used to, not something that slots into UK radio.'
Iceland: Eythor Ingi, Ég Á Líf I like the quirky animated bits in this video, while the guy from Nickleback guts a fish in a brooding manner. It's got a kind of Celtic melodic tinge to it, and a large slice of mandatory Scandigloom. Strong contender for the final.
'I like this style of ballad. Also, that's Billy Connolly. LOOK.'
Greece: Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis, Alcohol Is Free Scene: the Greek songwriting meeting. 'Guys, we're fresh out of ideas since Giorgio Alkaios did the best song in the history of Greek entries. What do we have left?' 'Nana Mouskouri? Vangelis?' 'THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX GODDAMMIT.' *presses giant red button on table* *men in kilts burst out of the walls, chain-bouzouki-ing the shit out of turbofolk and singing about fishing under the influence* 'Gentlemen, we have a winner.'
'It's a bit Madness. WHAT. Also, victim of alcohol minimum pricing.'
Israel: Moran Mazor, Rak Bishvilo More than a passing resemblance to Nana Mouskouri here, in fact. Good belting voice in a sea of samey ballads, but not sure the song stands out enough. Bring back Dana International!
'Nana Mouskouri in an inappropriate outfit.'
Armenia: Dorians, Lonely Planet The qualifier show was a weird one like Spain's where the band was pre-selected, but the audience picked the song. This wasn't my favourite of a series of cookie-cutter indie tunes, but it's a Radio 2 playlist-fancier. And if we vote for it, it keeps the Eurovision beard quota healthy. Also, this was written by none other than Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath. Yes, really.
'Lonely Planet? It's the ultimate in non-specific environmentalism. Also, can't escape two of them looking like builders.'
Hungary: ByeAlex, Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix) I don't think I ingested enough drugs to enjoy the video. In fact, it will probably give me nightmares, solely based on the scarily-long Hungarian words not to mention the creepy drawings. It's, er, quirky? Yeah. Sounds like the theme to a cartoon perhaps. On the fence on this one.
'What is a kedvesem? SORRY HAVE TO GO LOOK THIS UP' *wanders off to smartphone* 'It doesn't say on Wikipedia! I AM NONE THE WISER.'
Norway: Margaret Berger, I Feed You My Love This I like. Very James Bond-esque, the singer is good (and pretty!), it's got the requisite amount of drama for Eurovision and it would fit on the radio. Lovely.
'This is a bit like Evanescence. Singer and song would fit right in with the Matrix.'
Oh. Breaking news: Kedvesem is Hungarian for 'sweetheart'. AS YOU WERE.
Albania: Adrian Lulgjuraj and Bledar Sejko, Identitet IN THE NAAAAAME OF LOOOOVEE, WHAT MOOORE IN THE NAAAME OF LOOOOVEE. Oh sorry. I don't know where I got that from at all. The Edge has let himself go a bit on guitar, hasn't he? And Larry Clayton's been at the pies. Eh? It's Albania's entry? Oh. Some guys are hazardous on a building site and channel a band I can't quite put a name to. Yeah.
'The lead singer looks like Aragorn! No, is it Aragorn or Boromir who does the "one does not simply walk into" thing? Oh wait, he doesn't look like him because he has NHS glasses. Still, one of the good rock ones I suppose.'
Georgia: Nodi Tatishvili and Sophie Gelovani, Waterfall It's a ballad. It exists. Yeah.
'Meh. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BALLADING.'
Switzerland: Takasa, You And Me My husband summed this one up so succinctly I shall simply let him do the talking:
'Wasn't there a Top Gear sketch with a brass band in a car or something? Also, a Saturday Night Live sketch with Jim Carrey and mobile phones?'
Romania: Cezar, It's My Life In a world threatened by nutty North Korean dictators, we can rest easy knowing that Romania is well prepared with the secret weapon that is Cezar's voice, which someone turned up to eye-poppingly falsetto then forgot to turn down again. Camper than a row of pink sparkly tents, therefore will probably qualify.
'THEATRE. ENERGY. FALSETTO. What's not to like? Also, he has David Tennant's eyes. Don't know why. He just does. I quite like it, but it's utterly bonkers. The sort of thing we watch Eurovision for.'
* STILL BITTER AT THE WORK QUIZ NIGHT HAVING A TERRIBLE MUSIC ROUND.
Coming next- the big six! Stay tuned!
Also available at cryptogirl.dreamwidth.org :D