Eurovision semifinal 2- or, countertenor vampires and smiley Maltese hipsters
Well, this semi was much more entertaining. It might have been because there was a larger chunk of quality songs; it might have been because Ana Matronic finally lost the few marbles she had left. It might have been the Liebfraumilch (and guys, I'm sorry, we might have actually drunk half of the 3 litre box already. WE SHALL BUY MORE.)
Couple of parish notices about the show:
- Ana Matronic was more entertaining, but only because she made very little sense most of the time. Her crazy peak came when she described someone as needing 'an open casket funeral for her legs'. WHAT
- For reasons known only to the BBC, they pruned the half-time act of Agnes and Darin, and the Lynda Woodruff sketch. This is an OUTRAGE. For those not in the know, Lynda is a Swedish singer/actress called Sarah Dawn Finer, who plays an Estuary-accented UK representative of the EBU, cocking up everything. An illustrative sketch from last year. The most sublime part, save for the fact that the UK gets rightly singled out for ridicule, is that many Europeans think she's real and not a parody.
- Fortunately, they didn't prune the intro performance, which was all kinds of musical interpretative dance awesome. People running around on BMX ramps with graffiti trails and an orchestra made up of dancers and and ALL THE THINGS. x
The ten countries advancing to the final are:
HUNGARY- Shabby, shambly hipster, who had apparently flown in a plane for the first time to get there. This may have been a bad idea; his voice was so croaky it made an already-average song much worse.
AZERBAIJAN- Nice eye candy, nice perspex box with mirror-image-bloke-mixed-with-rosepetal-lottery-machine gimmick.
GEORGIA- So-so ballad, that churlishly stole everyone else's dry ice :(
ROMANIA- Yes, the countertenor vampire got through. Yes, there was glitter and mostly-naked men painted red. Yes, glasses all over Europe shattered. At least it's an *interesting* entry...
NORWAY- Always a shoo-in, and Margaret Berger is still pretty with her Matrix soundtrack-y song.
ICELAND- Thor lookalike with a simple yet lovely ballad. I reckon this will make the top ten for sure.
ARMENIA- Ooeerrr, controversial qualifying here. A lot of booing in the audience when this got through; why becomes clear when you see Azerbaijan are in too. And now is the perfect time to wheel out my favourite bit of Eurotrivia and longest hashtag ever, DISPUTED TERRITORY OF NAGORNO KARABAKH. Awwww yeaaahh.
FINLAND- Rounding off the Scandinavian finalists is scary Bridezilla who, not content with having velvet lounge suited dancers who tear off their clothes to reveal bridesmaid dresses, ends her performance with a Madonna/Britney-style lesbian kiss. Apparently, it's the first gay kiss on Eurovision :o
MALTA- Aww, one of my favourites is through. Look at his little face! Look at him smiling all the time! D'awww! *continues cooing for hours*
GREECE- So popular was this with a friend's boyfriend, he went and bought their album. This going through guarantees at least 100 austerity jokes on your timeline tomorrow :D (Note that alcohol is not free, unless you own a vineyard or something.)
The seven countries going home are:
SAN MARINO- A shame they remain unqualified yet again, but the performance was a bit shaky in places.
FYR MACEDONIA- I feel sorry for the Romani lady who got wheeled on to randomly sing bits at this mishmash of a song. Why on earth did they think this would do well?
SWITZERLAND- The Salvation Army, looking every inch the bunch of estate agents and confused 95 year old granddad. Maybe they should have just had him on doing a bass solo for 3 minutes.
ISRAEL- Not even her epic cleavage could save her from a bland song. Poor Tesco Value Nana Mouskouri.
BULGARIA- Looks like the drum gimmick didn't wash with the voters second year running, eh? And her nasal voice really grated after a full qualifying show listening to her going through all the possible songs for Eurovision. They were ALL LIKE THIS.
ALBANIA- Bah, my sweepstake is out! Even though they had a sparks coming out of guitar gimmick! You missed a trick, people of Europe >_<
LATVIA- Aww, no keytars and bad rapping for you! This was a catchy one, but maybe they did too much jumping about and not enough song.
And that's that for the semis! Just making the final preparations for tomorrow's shenanigans, which consists mostly of not drinking the rest of the terrible wine, colouring in flags I missed for the sweepstake (sorry, Armenia! D:) and buying some fine quality poundshop tat. Join me as I ruin social media with my dribblings and lament the favourite not winning with Graham Norton from 8pm!
Also available at cryptogirl.dreamwidth.org :D