When I read this I feel bad. I wish I could share my pills with you and that they would have the same eefect on you as they do on me. I wish you could sometimes feel normal and balance, and not have that big stir in your tummy, that makes you always want to look for something that is not to be found; peace of mind. I'm sorry for you Bien, that you have to go through this all the time. The only thing I can do is give you a big hug and let you know that someone reads your stories and feels for you. Selfpity is not strange when there's no way anyone can understand how you feel and you even don't know yourself what the hell is going on. There is nothing you can do but feel helpless. knowing that you have borderline or are depressed doesn't change one thing about the fact that you don't have a clue, it doesn't change the fact that there is nothing you can do about what you feel except pretend that it's not there, while you're being torn from the inside...
i thank you for your kind words... they mean more to me then you can imagine. its like living in a house of glass. lonely, empty and noone there who truely understands, or can truely sooth the pain. im constantly running from myself. escaping from my own reality. why? because its no use to surrender to those feelings, when there's noone who understands anyway. so therefore, i can never find true peace of mind. i always deny myself. because i cant bare my own emotions. so how can i expect others to do so? when im happy, im never truely happy. its a cover up. long story. never mind :P
Comments 4
I wish I could share my pills with you and that they would have the same eefect on you as they do on me.
I wish you could sometimes feel normal and balance, and not have that big stir in your tummy, that makes you always want to look for something that is not to be found; peace of mind.
I'm sorry for you Bien, that you have to go through this all the time.
The only thing I can do is give you a big hug and let you know that someone reads your stories and feels for you.
Selfpity is not strange when there's no way anyone can understand how you feel and you even don't know yourself what the hell is going on.
There is nothing you can do but feel helpless.
knowing that you have borderline or are depressed doesn't change one thing about the fact that you don't have a clue, it doesn't change the fact that there is nothing you can do about what you feel except pretend that it's not there, while you're being torn from the inside...
Reply
they mean more to me then you can imagine.
its like living in a house of glass. lonely, empty and noone there who truely understands, or can truely sooth the pain.
im constantly running from myself. escaping from my own reality.
why? because its no use to surrender to those feelings, when there's noone who understands anyway.
so therefore, i can never find true peace of mind. i always deny myself. because i cant bare my own emotions. so how can i expect others to do so?
when im happy, im never truely happy. its a cover up.
long story. never mind :P
Reply
I used to feel exactly like that, constantly searching for that elusive peace of mind.
Lonely scard angry all at once... Bah!
Reply
I used to feel exactly like that, constantly searching for that elusive peace of mind.
Lonely scard angry all at once... Bah!
Reply
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