(no subject)
and then it begins
yunho/jaejoong; r; character death;
i see him
i wipe off the beads of sweat on my forehead
suck in a lungful of air
and pretend that smile was for me
i smile back
how are you, i ask
good, he says
my penis is in my hand
and i cant think
all i see is him and that smile
sorry, he says
his voice sounded like the whisper of flowers
and i just stare at him
dead in the eyes
he gives me this look,
the look everybody always gives me
freak.
i want to lick his ear
he turns his head and shifts over a little
pretending to ignore me
it's okay
it's all okay
i am here
he gets off the train
and i want to die
i watch him sleep
he looks like god
i sit down quietly on the edge of his bed and
stare
he is honey and my eyes are bees
i feel funny
so i throw up
he wakes up
and kicks around,
i hope the rope does not come loose
i felt bad because i ruined his bedsheets
in the dark i see his eyes
they are wide like the next door old lady's nose
you, he says
and i am happy
he remembers me
what are you doing, he whispers and again,
flowers, he sounds like flowers
i don't say anything because i just ate and my breath stinks
i don't want him to think i smell
that would be bad
i don't know why
he does this
all i want is him
my head hurts from his screaming
he wont shut up
he cries and tries to rip the rope off of him
so i hit him with my hammer
i think his bone cracking sounds like thunder
he looks weird
like a flopping fish out of water
i remember
daddy taking me to the supermarket to get fish
and i saw the butcher smack the fish many times with a hammer
and after the fish lays still
i do the same to him
his blood mixes with my vomit
like we are one
even though his face is crushed
i think he is so beautiful
tears spring loose from my eyes and i
am so happy
i feel bad
i think he's mad at me because
he says nothing
i want to hear flowers
but it's okay,
i have him forever
and i want to make him happy
as he makes me
i lie down beside him
and lick his ear
it tastes like rot
i am hard
i take his hand and put it over my penis
i see stars
big ones, little ones
i come all over his hands
he starts to smell really bad
almost like my breath
i guess it's okay to talk now
but what do i say
my armpits are sweaty because i am nervous
it's not as bad as before though
his eyes are mush so it is easier to speak
i tell him i love him
he says nothing
i tell him i've watched him for so long
and i dreamt about licking his ear
still nothing
if he doesn't say something then i wont either
so we both stay silent
forever