Self Medicating
So - I upped the dosage of my meds today. Only 50 mg. but any change has it's "getting-used-to" phase. Fret not, I have Dr.'s permission to add up to an additional 100 mg., I just haven't needed to.
Disclaimer: This is just a post about me. No hidden agenda's or meanings - just honesty, pure and simple.
Hubby has noticed I'm not coping well lately. It seems even minor changes are setting me on edge - causing me to snap at friends & family (especially family). My anger is very close to the surface, so are tears - and often frustration seems to bring both out in full force. He asked me today why this was happening. I seemed to be doing so well (going to group, starting a new job, etc...) I know that I need to tell him, but somehow it all just seems so trivial. How do I explain that after visiting with Counselor several weeks ago, I was given an assignment to work on that is just leaving me....raw. It's bringing to the surface things I shoved aside to deal with "later". Well, later never came - I didn't let it. Grief, anger, resentment, abandonment and an overwhelming sense of loss sometimes consume me - because I didn't cope with it then.
Issues have come up lately that throw me back to a different place & time - and I want to be so careful not to hurt those I care about. I'm trying to stay in the here and now, not the there and then. I know it sounds convoluted - it's pretty twisted inside as well. I want to say that all I need is a good beating, and I'll be right-as-rain. Not so this time - the reaction would not be good.
All of that being said - I really am thankful I have a Dr. who understands & trusts me enough to let me gauge my own needs. g'night.
Disclaimer: This is just a post about me. No hidden agenda's or meanings - just honesty, pure and simple.
Hubby has noticed I'm not coping well lately. It seems even minor changes are setting me on edge - causing me to snap at friends & family (especially family). My anger is very close to the surface, so are tears - and often frustration seems to bring both out in full force. He asked me today why this was happening. I seemed to be doing so well (going to group, starting a new job, etc...) I know that I need to tell him, but somehow it all just seems so trivial. How do I explain that after visiting with Counselor several weeks ago, I was given an assignment to work on that is just leaving me....raw. It's bringing to the surface things I shoved aside to deal with "later". Well, later never came - I didn't let it. Grief, anger, resentment, abandonment and an overwhelming sense of loss sometimes consume me - because I didn't cope with it then.
Issues have come up lately that throw me back to a different place & time - and I want to be so careful not to hurt those I care about. I'm trying to stay in the here and now, not the there and then. I know it sounds convoluted - it's pretty twisted inside as well. I want to say that all I need is a good beating, and I'll be right-as-rain. Not so this time - the reaction would not be good.
All of that being said - I really am thankful I have a Dr. who understands & trusts me enough to let me gauge my own needs. g'night.