Liquid;
Liquid;
Soohyun sometimes likes to spend the whole day not looking at the mirror, avoiding anything that reflects, and for a moment, not having to judge himself. But, then sometimes he has to look because the hairstylist is too busy to fix his bangs at the moment. And, he tilts his head to the side and makes funny faces. But, every angel presents something else he doesn’t like and in the end, the stylist scolds at him you for being difficult.
Kiseop looks at him weird, and Soohyun thinks, of course, you could never understand anyway. And, he wants to be angry, but Kiseop has such gentle eyes that he finds himself holding the boy a little too close.
He doesn’t really remember when exactly he began to think this way but nowadays, Kiseop reminds him of rainstorms. He has never enjoyed getting wet, but he likes the way Kiseop moves, all slippery and quiet. He tries, tries so hard, to follow Kiseop’s hips when he dances, but his lips are distracting, so Soohyun simply concentrate on how he comes apart.
Maybe he’s a little insane but he thinks he wouldn’t mind the rain if Kiseop was out there with him.
“Hyung,” Kiseop says, settling in right into Soohyun’s personal space, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
He sighs and Soohyun want to rub into his skin to make the sadness go away.
“You can tell me anything, hyung. I hope you know that.”
He pats Soohyun’s hand and Soohyun wonders when Kiseop learned to read him so well.
Kiseop’s breathing into his neck and he almost gasps every time Kiseop exhales. Soohyun has always been a little ticklish, but he can’t seem to move as Kiseop’s fingers engrave memories all over his stomach. He traces Soohyun’s abs and makes a catty remark about having a hot body and knowing what to do with it. Soohyun uses laughter as an excuse to push him off.
Kiseop’s grin barely falters.
“Hyung, want to know a secret?”
Soohyun wants to shake his head and say no, no I don’t, but Kiseop’s smiling all winsome and pretty. So, he says, “Sure,” because he would rather not break spells.
Kiseop leans in and presses his lips against Soohyun’s forehead.
“I’m about to do something I might regret.”
Soohyun forgets to breathe and a hand yanking his hair down causes him to inhale sharply. He doesn’t remember why Kiseop’s straddling him.
“Want to know another secret?” he whispers against Soohyun’s chin.
“I might have lied about regretting it.”
Kiseop kisses him like nightmares and dreams mingled together to create alternate realities and he almost don’t get it. Soohyun opens his mouth willingly and Kiseop slips a tongue in. He tastes like cigarettes for some reason and Soohyun kisses harder just to make sure.
Kiseop pulls back to smile against his lips and says, “I have another secret.”
Soohyun run bare fingers through his hair, “What?”
Kiseop grins, “I might do it again.”
It becomes a habit and he’s already hitting the ground before he can even realize he’s falling. Kiseop sleeps in Soohyung’s bed more than his own and the other boys begin to whisper. He notices when he walks into the kitchen one day and all conversation is suddenly halted. The way Kevin is blinking seems incredibly suspicious. Kibum is clearing his throat every five seconds and Alexander is trying to make jokes.
“What’s going on?” he asks and they collectively deny anything happening.
He shrugs and pretends he isn’t thrown off-center. He climbs into bed, making sure his body is pressed as close to Kiseop as possible. He almost gives voice to his fears, but Kiseop has always been too beautiful to taint.
Kiseop watches Soohyun some days, simply sits down and watches. He watches as Soohyun makes wild gestures to get one point across and he watches as people naturally unwind because of his mere presence. He watches as Soohyun falls. He watches Soohyun get back up. He watches so quietly that Soohyun doesn’t notice when Kiseop stops.
“Hyung, I love your voice.”
Soohyun smoothes out the wrinkles on Kiseop’s forehead and holds the boy’s face in his hands.
“Thank you,” he says with such an endearing smile that Kiseop’s heart hushes for a second.
“I wish I could sing like you,” he says, trying to keep a fine line between admiration and love. But, he can barely contain it and he almost spills over into Soohyun’s arm.
Soohyun shrugs. “We all have something special we can do.”
Kiseop’s vision blurs and he quickly sticks his head into Soohyun’s chest, grabbing onto his jacket’s fabric.
“Hold me,” he whispers and Soohyun gathers him up until he fits right into the crook of Soohyun’s neck.
Kiseop doesn’t need saving, so he doesn’t get why Soohyun is fluttering around him and looking at him with such sad smiles. And, then he wonders why he thinks that even equates to Soohyun trying save him.
“Kiseop, want to go outside?”
He doesn’t whine about how it’s dark, wet, and cold outside and follows Soohyun out.
They sit at the porch and spread out their limbs all nice and proper as if daring mosquitoes to take a sip.
“You’ve grown quiet.”
Distant, Kiseop wants to correct him, I’ve grown distant.
“There’s not much to say.”
“I like you best when you’re smiling.”
He grins innocently as if they’re not lovers and it’s not wrong. And, Kiseop wants to hurt him.
“What would you say we are?” he asks, completely ignoring Soohyun’s comment and sneering instead.
Soohyun’s grin droops from the very center before thinning into a weak smile.
“What do you mean?”
“Us, hyung. What are we?”
“We’re team members. We’re brothers.”
Kiseop almost laughs.
“Brothers don’t fall in love with each other.”
And, Soohyun scrambles to his feet, mumbling incoherent excuses to go inside. Kiseop stays at the porch for a long time afterwards and no matter how hard he stares at the moon, he can only see Soohyun’s face.
They’re sort of stuck in between five sweaty bodies and really, there’s nowhere else they can go. Kiseop’s elbow digs into Soohyun’s thigh and Kevin screams about germs and how Kibum should stop licking him. Soohyun laughs and it’s infectious, so Kiseop laughs too. And, now, Kiseop’s hands on Soohyun’s back and Soohyun’s legs are wrapped around Kiseop’s waist. Dongho whines and everyone has to move a little closer. The photographer keeps finding things he doesn’t like and Kiseop is slowly being undone.
“Kiseop rest your hand on Soohyun’s chest.”
He looks around, eyes wide, but none of the other members look scandalized. So, he smiles weakly before settling his head awkwardly on top of Soohyun’s shoulder. The photographer clicks his tongue in frustration and Soohyun suddenly pulls Kiseop up until they fit perfectly, bodies molding together.
“Perfect.”
Kiseop tries not to breathe too much because Soohyun smells so nice and it’s starting to become an addiction.
Kevin smiles innocently as he says, “You and Soohyun, huh? Soohyung and you, huh?”
Kiseop pretends he doesn’t understand.
“Oh, come on. I don’t really mind.”
“Hyung,” Kiseop begins, but Kevin giggles into his hands as Kibum hugs him from behind. Kiseop watches as Kibum whispers something into Kevin’s ear. He watches the look in Kevin’s eyes and he knows.
Kiseop finds Soohyun all bent and sweaty in practice room one day. He knows the floor is spacious and he knows that he shouldn’t be sitting so close to Soohyun. But, he likes the way Soohyun looks up close, vulnerable and insecure. He latches onto those uncertainties and makes Soohyun love him for maybe all the wrong reasons.
“Hyung, if we were just normal boys in some normal city, would you let me love you?”
Soohyun smiles and it’s so sad and broken that Kiseop wants to press his hands against his ears, beg Soohyun to please not say it. But, he remains still and it’s almost like he wants to hurt.
“No, because if we were normal boys, you wouldn’t love me.”
The sadness of his smile grows into something deeper that Kiseop has a hard time deciphering.
“That’s unfair.”
Soohyun laughs, “That’s life.”
Kiseop thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to live then.
His mother tells him to stop crying so much and be a man. He starts working out longer, pushing himself until the pain eases into a dull ache. And, he realizes that it feel wondrous. So, he begins to do the same with his thoughts. He thinks of Soohyun’s face, imagines his voice, and repeats his name until he feels like he’s going insane. Then, everything hushes and he can’t think anymore. All he can hear is his heart pumping fiercely against his ribs.
Soon, his everything dissolves into just that; a dull ache.
**
*so I absolutely adore this pairing and have been scared to write it. :( For some reason, I don't understand Soohyun that well and have trouble writing him. ;_;
*also, I love this pairing because of the insecurities involved. It's like Soohyun has the right to envy Kiseop's face and Kiseop has the right to envy Soohyun's voice. And, insecure relationships are the most beautiful in my mind.
Soohyun sometimes likes to spend the whole day not looking at the mirror, avoiding anything that reflects, and for a moment, not having to judge himself. But, then sometimes he has to look because the hairstylist is too busy to fix his bangs at the moment. And, he tilts his head to the side and makes funny faces. But, every angel presents something else he doesn’t like and in the end, the stylist scolds at him you for being difficult.
Kiseop looks at him weird, and Soohyun thinks, of course, you could never understand anyway. And, he wants to be angry, but Kiseop has such gentle eyes that he finds himself holding the boy a little too close.
He doesn’t really remember when exactly he began to think this way but nowadays, Kiseop reminds him of rainstorms. He has never enjoyed getting wet, but he likes the way Kiseop moves, all slippery and quiet. He tries, tries so hard, to follow Kiseop’s hips when he dances, but his lips are distracting, so Soohyun simply concentrate on how he comes apart.
Maybe he’s a little insane but he thinks he wouldn’t mind the rain if Kiseop was out there with him.
“Hyung,” Kiseop says, settling in right into Soohyun’s personal space, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
He sighs and Soohyun want to rub into his skin to make the sadness go away.
“You can tell me anything, hyung. I hope you know that.”
He pats Soohyun’s hand and Soohyun wonders when Kiseop learned to read him so well.
Kiseop’s breathing into his neck and he almost gasps every time Kiseop exhales. Soohyun has always been a little ticklish, but he can’t seem to move as Kiseop’s fingers engrave memories all over his stomach. He traces Soohyun’s abs and makes a catty remark about having a hot body and knowing what to do with it. Soohyun uses laughter as an excuse to push him off.
Kiseop’s grin barely falters.
“Hyung, want to know a secret?”
Soohyun wants to shake his head and say no, no I don’t, but Kiseop’s smiling all winsome and pretty. So, he says, “Sure,” because he would rather not break spells.
Kiseop leans in and presses his lips against Soohyun’s forehead.
“I’m about to do something I might regret.”
Soohyun forgets to breathe and a hand yanking his hair down causes him to inhale sharply. He doesn’t remember why Kiseop’s straddling him.
“Want to know another secret?” he whispers against Soohyun’s chin.
“I might have lied about regretting it.”
Kiseop kisses him like nightmares and dreams mingled together to create alternate realities and he almost don’t get it. Soohyun opens his mouth willingly and Kiseop slips a tongue in. He tastes like cigarettes for some reason and Soohyun kisses harder just to make sure.
Kiseop pulls back to smile against his lips and says, “I have another secret.”
Soohyun run bare fingers through his hair, “What?”
Kiseop grins, “I might do it again.”
It becomes a habit and he’s already hitting the ground before he can even realize he’s falling. Kiseop sleeps in Soohyung’s bed more than his own and the other boys begin to whisper. He notices when he walks into the kitchen one day and all conversation is suddenly halted. The way Kevin is blinking seems incredibly suspicious. Kibum is clearing his throat every five seconds and Alexander is trying to make jokes.
“What’s going on?” he asks and they collectively deny anything happening.
He shrugs and pretends he isn’t thrown off-center. He climbs into bed, making sure his body is pressed as close to Kiseop as possible. He almost gives voice to his fears, but Kiseop has always been too beautiful to taint.
Kiseop watches Soohyun some days, simply sits down and watches. He watches as Soohyun makes wild gestures to get one point across and he watches as people naturally unwind because of his mere presence. He watches as Soohyun falls. He watches Soohyun get back up. He watches so quietly that Soohyun doesn’t notice when Kiseop stops.
“Hyung, I love your voice.”
Soohyun smoothes out the wrinkles on Kiseop’s forehead and holds the boy’s face in his hands.
“Thank you,” he says with such an endearing smile that Kiseop’s heart hushes for a second.
“I wish I could sing like you,” he says, trying to keep a fine line between admiration and love. But, he can barely contain it and he almost spills over into Soohyun’s arm.
Soohyun shrugs. “We all have something special we can do.”
Kiseop’s vision blurs and he quickly sticks his head into Soohyun’s chest, grabbing onto his jacket’s fabric.
“Hold me,” he whispers and Soohyun gathers him up until he fits right into the crook of Soohyun’s neck.
Kiseop doesn’t need saving, so he doesn’t get why Soohyun is fluttering around him and looking at him with such sad smiles. And, then he wonders why he thinks that even equates to Soohyun trying save him.
“Kiseop, want to go outside?”
He doesn’t whine about how it’s dark, wet, and cold outside and follows Soohyun out.
They sit at the porch and spread out their limbs all nice and proper as if daring mosquitoes to take a sip.
“You’ve grown quiet.”
Distant, Kiseop wants to correct him, I’ve grown distant.
“There’s not much to say.”
“I like you best when you’re smiling.”
He grins innocently as if they’re not lovers and it’s not wrong. And, Kiseop wants to hurt him.
“What would you say we are?” he asks, completely ignoring Soohyun’s comment and sneering instead.
Soohyun’s grin droops from the very center before thinning into a weak smile.
“What do you mean?”
“Us, hyung. What are we?”
“We’re team members. We’re brothers.”
Kiseop almost laughs.
“Brothers don’t fall in love with each other.”
And, Soohyun scrambles to his feet, mumbling incoherent excuses to go inside. Kiseop stays at the porch for a long time afterwards and no matter how hard he stares at the moon, he can only see Soohyun’s face.
They’re sort of stuck in between five sweaty bodies and really, there’s nowhere else they can go. Kiseop’s elbow digs into Soohyun’s thigh and Kevin screams about germs and how Kibum should stop licking him. Soohyun laughs and it’s infectious, so Kiseop laughs too. And, now, Kiseop’s hands on Soohyun’s back and Soohyun’s legs are wrapped around Kiseop’s waist. Dongho whines and everyone has to move a little closer. The photographer keeps finding things he doesn’t like and Kiseop is slowly being undone.
“Kiseop rest your hand on Soohyun’s chest.”
He looks around, eyes wide, but none of the other members look scandalized. So, he smiles weakly before settling his head awkwardly on top of Soohyun’s shoulder. The photographer clicks his tongue in frustration and Soohyun suddenly pulls Kiseop up until they fit perfectly, bodies molding together.
“Perfect.”
Kiseop tries not to breathe too much because Soohyun smells so nice and it’s starting to become an addiction.
Kevin smiles innocently as he says, “You and Soohyun, huh? Soohyung and you, huh?”
Kiseop pretends he doesn’t understand.
“Oh, come on. I don’t really mind.”
“Hyung,” Kiseop begins, but Kevin giggles into his hands as Kibum hugs him from behind. Kiseop watches as Kibum whispers something into Kevin’s ear. He watches the look in Kevin’s eyes and he knows.
Kiseop finds Soohyun all bent and sweaty in practice room one day. He knows the floor is spacious and he knows that he shouldn’t be sitting so close to Soohyun. But, he likes the way Soohyun looks up close, vulnerable and insecure. He latches onto those uncertainties and makes Soohyun love him for maybe all the wrong reasons.
“Hyung, if we were just normal boys in some normal city, would you let me love you?”
Soohyun smiles and it’s so sad and broken that Kiseop wants to press his hands against his ears, beg Soohyun to please not say it. But, he remains still and it’s almost like he wants to hurt.
“No, because if we were normal boys, you wouldn’t love me.”
The sadness of his smile grows into something deeper that Kiseop has a hard time deciphering.
“That’s unfair.”
Soohyun laughs, “That’s life.”
Kiseop thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to live then.
His mother tells him to stop crying so much and be a man. He starts working out longer, pushing himself until the pain eases into a dull ache. And, he realizes that it feel wondrous. So, he begins to do the same with his thoughts. He thinks of Soohyun’s face, imagines his voice, and repeats his name until he feels like he’s going insane. Then, everything hushes and he can’t think anymore. All he can hear is his heart pumping fiercely against his ribs.
Soon, his everything dissolves into just that; a dull ache.
**
*so I absolutely adore this pairing and have been scared to write it. :( For some reason, I don't understand Soohyun that well and have trouble writing him. ;_;
*also, I love this pairing because of the insecurities involved. It's like Soohyun has the right to envy Kiseop's face and Kiseop has the right to envy Soohyun's voice. And, insecure relationships are the most beautiful in my mind.