This is going to be looooong.
Well, first off, I've had a nervous stomach for the past couple of
days. I get the boughts of butterflies and then feel sick to my
stomach. I think it's because our move is approaching sooner and
sooner. 4 months for our 2nd cross-country move (Back to Florida from
California)....
Many ask why we want to live there. Most natives of CA, I'm finding have never lived anywhere but here. Not many understand how much different the East Coast is. It's like two different worlds to me. This may offend you if you grew up in San Diego, and I am trying not to sound stereotypical or prejudice, but it seems like a lot of people (mainly in my age group 20-30) are superficial and materialistic. Probably because many families make a lot of money and in order to keep up with the pace at which others spend money, they have to spend it too! I feels as if they live beyond their means, and have very little connection with who they are in the universe, how their actions affect themselves and others and aren't open to meeting and accepting people outside their"group" of friends. Coming from out-of-state, I couldn't believe how many people I became friends with who sounded very eager to hang out with me outside of work, and would never return my phone calls when I tried making plans. I thought it was me, maybe they didn't really like me, but I HAVE met a couple (yes, 2) people who followed through with their plan-making. I don't know how so many people can be so alienating and reluctant to change with their social circles. It's quite tribal in a way. I grew up in Upstate NY where I befriended anyone and everyone who was a good friend. Regardless of how new they were to the area, regardless of what music they listened to, regardless of where they shopped or what they looked like. Apparently, it's not a nationwide trait. I love people, I love connecting with people and I especially love people who are willing to accept me-and I'm not saying people here HAVEN'T but they are very far and few between. They are more worried about themselves, their images, their wardrobe, their looks, who is looking at them and making invites to people in which they plan NOT to follow through with. I have been told I am selfish- I AM, I have been told I can be arrogant and I AM sometimes-knowing that will help me work on it. I often feel frustrated in the fact that others don't see their faults, and don't see the world like I do. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt-when it comes to making plans with new people, maybe the first time it will fall through-hell things come up in my life, but 3, 4 5 times? And why is it so hard for people out west to SAY how they really feel? I mean, I do it, I'm pretty blunt (after many years of not standing up for myself, I'm learning to tell people when I don't like how they said something to me). If you're being inconsiderate, I'm going to tell you. If you're being unrealistic, I'll tell you. If I don't like you-well, I avoid you and you'll know. I won't hurt your feelings for self-serving purposes-I'll just avoid you. I just wish we were more evolved and I wish people could stop taking themeselves so seriously and think for themselves. With all that said, I can't wait to get back to those to so warmly accepted me into their homes, their lives and their cirlce(s) of friends without question. They knew I liked having a good time, enjoying life, making people laugh and help with any problems they stumble upon as their journey (life) unfolded in front of them. I'm a seriously dedicated friend but I am dedicated to any friend, not just the ones I grew up with-new ones, old ones and always searching for more! I know I don't need to justify my move to anyone because it's not their life and my happiness is more important because I'm the one who has to live with my decisions more directly, ya know?
So, I'm ready, but nervous and excited about starting over, but in a completely familiar environment. After 3 years out west, I'm ready to settle and remain in the East-for good. I'll be closer to my family, and still a "safe" distance from them :) On the other hand, I'm also counting down the days to move away from my mother in-law. I have two mother in-laws- my STEP mother-in-law is incredible and has taught me SO much about how the world operates and how I can improve myself and think more openly and be more receptive and appreciative of my environment. Just countless things really...However, my husbands mother, in which I live with is well, an amazingly giving person in many ways, but has a poor attitude about her health, and how she is affecting those around her with her negativity and lack of optimism. Granted, she suffered the loss of her husband two years ago, but I feel their negligence and self-destructive behaviors helped him to pass before his time. She has little to no consideration for others with whom she lives with (my husband and I). She's invited over the next 2 months, 5 or 6 different people to stay in our 1 bathroom 2 bedroom apartment with us. I like my schedule and routine-get up at 5am, work from 7-5pm and work out everyday after work. I don't like chaos, I don't like people in my space(that I don't see or really know) and I don't like comprimising my stress levels and health just to have family staying with us. It's highly inconsiderate of her to just give up our apartment to the likes of 5 or 6 more people. So, that's 8-9 people here at once! She didn't ask us how we felt about it, she just did it. Invited and made up our mind for us. My husband works at Starbucks, sometimes at 4:30am and this type of "excitement" isn't really going to help. Do I sound like an asshole, bitch unwilling to adapt to others? THANKFULLY we'll be visiting NY for 10 days in August-whew! She also adds that my husbands aunt & cousin may not even leave at all-oh, thanks for the heads up! I guess she's just thinking they can stay because we're leaving in October. Well, having 2 more people in this tiny place isn't going to help with our preparations. One visitor at a time is enough, thank you or maybe 2. Our friends from FL (3) stayed here with us for about 7 days, and we asked permission well before they planned on coming, just to warn her there would be a few people extra around. However, we were out sight-seeing and camping most of the time. I really could go on, for hours on the things that annoy me and concern me about her, but I won't. It's too much energy. This was just the most recent thing. needless to say we remind ourselves, only 4 more months-we can do it.
I feel so much better after writing all of this out. I can't really vent to anyone here-esp. about San Diegans (again, if I don't know you or have never met you, this doesn't apply to you-I don't know you personally-this was just about the people I HAVE been in contact with). My husband only vents about work, not his mom not anything else, and talking to him is like getting an instant brick wall to the face. He doesn't see what I am SOOOO bothered by things. It's not even so much than it bothers me, I just wish others could see what they were doing...I'll get over it, I ALWAYS do. But why not point it out to them now, so they don't do it again later?
*I apologize for any grammatical errors, or misspellings-I'm too lazy to read all this over!*
Many ask why we want to live there. Most natives of CA, I'm finding have never lived anywhere but here. Not many understand how much different the East Coast is. It's like two different worlds to me. This may offend you if you grew up in San Diego, and I am trying not to sound stereotypical or prejudice, but it seems like a lot of people (mainly in my age group 20-30) are superficial and materialistic. Probably because many families make a lot of money and in order to keep up with the pace at which others spend money, they have to spend it too! I feels as if they live beyond their means, and have very little connection with who they are in the universe, how their actions affect themselves and others and aren't open to meeting and accepting people outside their"group" of friends. Coming from out-of-state, I couldn't believe how many people I became friends with who sounded very eager to hang out with me outside of work, and would never return my phone calls when I tried making plans. I thought it was me, maybe they didn't really like me, but I HAVE met a couple (yes, 2) people who followed through with their plan-making. I don't know how so many people can be so alienating and reluctant to change with their social circles. It's quite tribal in a way. I grew up in Upstate NY where I befriended anyone and everyone who was a good friend. Regardless of how new they were to the area, regardless of what music they listened to, regardless of where they shopped or what they looked like. Apparently, it's not a nationwide trait. I love people, I love connecting with people and I especially love people who are willing to accept me-and I'm not saying people here HAVEN'T but they are very far and few between. They are more worried about themselves, their images, their wardrobe, their looks, who is looking at them and making invites to people in which they plan NOT to follow through with. I have been told I am selfish- I AM, I have been told I can be arrogant and I AM sometimes-knowing that will help me work on it. I often feel frustrated in the fact that others don't see their faults, and don't see the world like I do. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt-when it comes to making plans with new people, maybe the first time it will fall through-hell things come up in my life, but 3, 4 5 times? And why is it so hard for people out west to SAY how they really feel? I mean, I do it, I'm pretty blunt (after many years of not standing up for myself, I'm learning to tell people when I don't like how they said something to me). If you're being inconsiderate, I'm going to tell you. If you're being unrealistic, I'll tell you. If I don't like you-well, I avoid you and you'll know. I won't hurt your feelings for self-serving purposes-I'll just avoid you. I just wish we were more evolved and I wish people could stop taking themeselves so seriously and think for themselves. With all that said, I can't wait to get back to those to so warmly accepted me into their homes, their lives and their cirlce(s) of friends without question. They knew I liked having a good time, enjoying life, making people laugh and help with any problems they stumble upon as their journey (life) unfolded in front of them. I'm a seriously dedicated friend but I am dedicated to any friend, not just the ones I grew up with-new ones, old ones and always searching for more! I know I don't need to justify my move to anyone because it's not their life and my happiness is more important because I'm the one who has to live with my decisions more directly, ya know?
So, I'm ready, but nervous and excited about starting over, but in a completely familiar environment. After 3 years out west, I'm ready to settle and remain in the East-for good. I'll be closer to my family, and still a "safe" distance from them :) On the other hand, I'm also counting down the days to move away from my mother in-law. I have two mother in-laws- my STEP mother-in-law is incredible and has taught me SO much about how the world operates and how I can improve myself and think more openly and be more receptive and appreciative of my environment. Just countless things really...However, my husbands mother, in which I live with is well, an amazingly giving person in many ways, but has a poor attitude about her health, and how she is affecting those around her with her negativity and lack of optimism. Granted, she suffered the loss of her husband two years ago, but I feel their negligence and self-destructive behaviors helped him to pass before his time. She has little to no consideration for others with whom she lives with (my husband and I). She's invited over the next 2 months, 5 or 6 different people to stay in our 1 bathroom 2 bedroom apartment with us. I like my schedule and routine-get up at 5am, work from 7-5pm and work out everyday after work. I don't like chaos, I don't like people in my space(that I don't see or really know) and I don't like comprimising my stress levels and health just to have family staying with us. It's highly inconsiderate of her to just give up our apartment to the likes of 5 or 6 more people. So, that's 8-9 people here at once! She didn't ask us how we felt about it, she just did it. Invited and made up our mind for us. My husband works at Starbucks, sometimes at 4:30am and this type of "excitement" isn't really going to help. Do I sound like an asshole, bitch unwilling to adapt to others? THANKFULLY we'll be visiting NY for 10 days in August-whew! She also adds that my husbands aunt & cousin may not even leave at all-oh, thanks for the heads up! I guess she's just thinking they can stay because we're leaving in October. Well, having 2 more people in this tiny place isn't going to help with our preparations. One visitor at a time is enough, thank you or maybe 2. Our friends from FL (3) stayed here with us for about 7 days, and we asked permission well before they planned on coming, just to warn her there would be a few people extra around. However, we were out sight-seeing and camping most of the time. I really could go on, for hours on the things that annoy me and concern me about her, but I won't. It's too much energy. This was just the most recent thing. needless to say we remind ourselves, only 4 more months-we can do it.
I feel so much better after writing all of this out. I can't really vent to anyone here-esp. about San Diegans (again, if I don't know you or have never met you, this doesn't apply to you-I don't know you personally-this was just about the people I HAVE been in contact with). My husband only vents about work, not his mom not anything else, and talking to him is like getting an instant brick wall to the face. He doesn't see what I am SOOOO bothered by things. It's not even so much than it bothers me, I just wish others could see what they were doing...I'll get over it, I ALWAYS do. But why not point it out to them now, so they don't do it again later?
*I apologize for any grammatical errors, or misspellings-I'm too lazy to read all this over!*