recline, sweet child
kibum/kevin (kiseop/kibum/kevin) ; pg ; 4,082 ; shape-shifter!au ; for romantikyu in kissmesanta
( kevin has known himself to be nothing but a monster for a long, long time now. )
notes: the story slips in and out of flashbacks. the past is in italics.
Recline, Sweet Child;
“You’re going to end up killing everyone that you love.”
Kevin crumbles to the floor, hands clasped on his ears as misery rips him apart inside out. He mumbles, “No,” but the voice above him only gets louder and echoes against Kevin’s resolve.
“Everyone, you hear? It’s paradox, you see. You’ll try not to love anyone, and you’ll be miserable. But, then you’ll eventually fall in love, and when they die in your hands, you’ll be even more miserable.”
“No, no, no, please, God, no-”
“So, you can’t ever win, understand?”
“Please, no, no, no.”
The voice is suddenly next to his ear, whispering dangerously low, “Kevin… do you like the taste of blood?”
He twitches away, too terrified to open his eyes, and the voice becomes terrifyingly louder.
“No,” he mumbles, “no, please-“
“No,” Kevin says, massaging his temples with frown.
Kibum sighs and Kiseop puts a hand on his shoulder, eyes silently reassuring.
“Kevin,” Kiseop says softly, “I know you think no one could ever do anything wrong, but this is ridiculous.”
“We’re not going to hurt them,” Kevin says and there is such finality in his words that even Eli gives up arguing. The pack leaves quietly, making sure to not step in the path of Kevin or Kibum as they exit, but Kiseop stays.
Kevin looks up into Kiseop’s eyes and immediately glances away.
“Kevin,” Kiseop begins, his fingers hovering above Kevin’s skin, “Why can’t you do this?”
He shudders as he finds Kiseop’s lips closer than necessary, and he stutters when he says, “You know why.”
Kiseop smiles gently and yanks Kevin into his chest, holding him there tightly and running a complacent hand through lusterless hair. Why is it always like this, Kevin wonders as his body slacks against Kiseop’s.
“It’s okay. I understand,” Kiseop whispers and Kevin closes his eyes, nuzzling his nose into Kiseop’s shirt. Kiseop pulls away, holding Kevin’s head in his hands like something precious, and rubs his thumbs along Kevin’s cheekbones. “Come on.”
Kevin is tugged upright and led inside the forest. The sun is peeking through the leaves in jagged lines and Kiseop has to squint when he looks back to smile at Kevin.
“Want to?” Kiseop asks holding out a hand.
“Of course,” Kevin says without hesitation, taking Kiseop’s hand and letting himself be led deeper into the forest. Soon, the trees begin to disappear, and they’re in an open field. Kiseop changes first, arms stretched out and slowly becoming wings. Kevin smiles at the sight, kicking his legs against the ground as his spine curves.
He has never loved this sensation of morphing into something else entirely. He has always despised the way his fingers curl and the way his skin feels like it’s going to rip. After a painful crack of a bone, he kicks off the ground.
Kiseop’s wings flutter against Kevin’s fur, and they move in harmony across the field.
Something about the way Kiseop is flying seems to say-
“Catch me if you can,” he thinks with giggles escaping his mouth. He presses his hand over said mouth and crouches under the table. He crawls back until the heels of his feet as pressed against the wall.
“Kevin?” a voice says teasingly and Kevin’s fingernails dig into his skin as he tries to keep from laughing. He moves slightly to the left, leaning his body so his weight isn’t fully on his elbows.
“Where are you?”
He cranes his neck enough to see a pair of well polished shoes.
“Oh, Kevviinnn.”
He backs away quickly and ends up banging his head on the table. “Shit,” he grumbles, rubbing the sore spot and not realizing that those shoes are attached to legs that are kneeling down in front of him.
He gasps as a hand reaches out for him, and then relaxes instantly when Kibum smiles at him.
“Come out now, Kevin,” he says, pulling at Kevin’s arm, “Come on.”
Kevin leans forwards until he’s on his knees and hands and crawls out from under the table. Kibum laughs and rubs Kevin’s hair, softly saying, “Does it hurt?”
Kevin smiles, tears in his eyes, and says, “No-”
“It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“It’s not supposed to hurt,” Kibum says, impatience evident in his voice, and Kevin tries hard to get it, he really does, but his entire life he’s been taught that needles are supposed to hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and Kibum sighs.
“What are you sorry for?”
Kevin looks down at the needle and makes believe that it’s seeping into his skin at an alarming pace, and says, “I’m just … sorry.”
Kibum glances at Kevin, and it looks like he wants to say something, but he ends up sighing again. Kiseop watches from behind the trees, eyes so understanding and sad. His hand twitches as though wanting to stroke away Kevin’s frown, but Kibum is already leaning forward.
Kiseop smiles, relief in his eyes, and turns away as Kevin tilts into Kibum’s touch.
“Kevin,” Kibum starts, “I. I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Kevin mumbles against Kibum’s shirt.
“I’m just-”
“Sorry,” Kiseop stutters, flushing and stumbling over rocks. Kevin laughs and sticks out his hand.
“Don’t worry,” he says, a little more breathlessly than intended, and Kiseop smiles in blind trust. He stretches his fingers, bones popping into place as his feathers disappear. Kevin’s already back to human form, hooves now bare feet.
“That felt wonderful,” Kiseop says.
Kevin is, for a second, thrown off by the genuine excitement in those eyes, something uncommon in shape shifters, and he finds himself mirroring that smile.
Later, the pack welcomes Kiseop warmly, Soohyun practically leaping on the boy, and Kevin smiles once more. He thinks it’s been a long time since they were so... happy. It has been-
“Too long,” Kevin grumbles, “This is taking too fucking long.”
Kiseop leans on Kibum’s back, chin resting on tense shoulders, and smiles crookedly at Kevin.
“Since when did you become so impatient?”
Kevin frowns, his words cutting when he says, “Since when did you care?”
Kibum glares at Kevin, silently telling the man to apologize quickly before-
“Sorry.”
Kiseop lets his hands slip down Kibum’s back and stands up straight, and his silhouette is as dim as his smile when he walks away. Kevin stares back into the village, the pine tree’s needles irritating his hands as he crouches forward.
He tries not to look, but suddenly, Kibum is sitting very close and there’s no where he could possibly look. So, he glances at Kibum, and he thinks there must be regret so visibly etched across his face for Kibum’s eyes soften.
“I wish you didn’t take out your stress on Kiseop.”
Kevin knows he’s selfish, he has always been like this, but it still feels nauseating when he thinks, what about me?
“I’m sorry.”
Kibum cracks a smile, but it looks unnatural as though he’s out of practice, and Kevin wonders why it doesn’t seem like it when Kibum’s smiling at Kiseop.
“It’s okay.”
“No-“
“It’s not.”
Kiseop stares at the cut and mutters again, “It’s not.”
Kevin hisses as Kiseop’s cold fingers outline the already healing tissue. “I know it’s not infected, Kiseop. Now, fix it.”
“I’d rather leave this to Soohyun. He’s more practiced in detailed work. I’m new, and I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
Fuck, Kevin thinks, fuck, fuck, fuck, but the words spill out his mouth anyway.
“I’d rather it be you.”
It sounds like a fucking confession, and Kevin is just about ready to gladly dig up his own grave when Kiseop grins. It’s so bright that it blinds Kevin’s fears.
“I can’t guarantee no scars if I do it. Soohyun would be a better choice if you don’t want a permanent reminder of a human-inflicted wound.”
Kevin thinks really hard, formulates a perfect sentence in his mind, but all that comes out is, “No. I want you to do it.”
Kiseop sighs, grin still intact, and reaches for Kevin’s arm. Kiseop’s skin, Kevin thinks, feels especially soft today. He wonders if it’s the weather, or maybe the fact that’s he’s lost so much blood. Either way, he finds himself leaning into the touch, needing more than Kiseop could ever give.
“This is going to sting.”
Kevin clutches Kiseop’s sleeve.
“Close your eyes,” Kiseop whispers, and Kevin feels like he’s-
‘Drifting’ would the right word to describe Kevin’s thoughts. Kibum watches with an amused smile, ready to snap his fingers and make Kevin jump in surprise, but someone beats him to it.
Xander giggles and hides behind Kevin, pressing a finger to his lips as he chuckles at Kibum. Soon, Dongho arrives in the clearing, irritation in his eyes, and glares at Kibum and Kevin.
“Where is he?”
Kibum shrugs and Kevin silently points a finger at his own stomach. Kibum narrows his eyes as though to call Kevin out on the betrayal, but Dongho is already behind Kevin and grabbing at Xander’s collar.
Xander screeches, swearing profusely at Kevin as he’s dragged away, and Kibum can’t help but smile.
They’re planning to attack the village tomorrow, and for a moment, Kibum has forgotten all about it. But, then, Kevin clears his throat, voice smooth as ever when he says, “So, has the plan been finalized?”
“Yes,” Kibum says as nonchalantly as possible.
“Well…”
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.”
Kevin plays with the loose threads of his oversized sweater, eyes lowered and hands stiff. Kibum pretends not to notice, clearing his throat and signaling his exit with a little wave that Kevin doesn’t see. Kevin watches Kibum’s feet out of the corner of his eye, watches them retract into a tent, and a sigh escapes his lips.
What he really wants to say is-
“Don’t go.”
Kibum pretends he didn’t hear it, pretends he doesn’t feel the hands clutching the cuffs of his pants.
You’ve got to go, he tells himself, don’t let this stop you. Don’t be a fucking weakling.
“Kibum, Kibum, don’t-“
“I’m sorry,” he says, the words escaping his mouth like a desperate whisper.
“Kibum, please.”
He kicks his legs, jerking away from Kevin’s persistent touch, and he walks to the door. Kevin’s sobs sound so, so broken that Kibum almost turns right back and says that no, he’s not leaving the pack, he’s not leaving Kevin, how could he ever, but-
“I’ve really got to-”
“Go,” Kevin mumbles, tracing the veins on Kiseop’s arms, “I’ll be okay.”
Kiseop sighs, eyes so bright that he doesn’t even seem sad, but his words come out all jagged and numb. “I think, no. I’m pretty sure. I.”
“What is it?” Kevin says, lazily turning around so his head rests on Kiseop’s stomach and he gazes up at the stars.
“I’m certain Kibum loves you.”
Kevin closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling like the whole world is weighing down on his chest. He feels Kiseop’s fingers in his hair, and decides to concentrate on solely that until Kiseop’s voice cuts through his barricade like always.
“I just want to know if you love him back.”
“Kiseop, you know-”
“No. Stop. Stop using that stupid ‘prophecy’ as an excuse to shun away your happiness.”
“I’m not shunning away anything, okay. I just…”
Kiseop sighs, takes Kevin’s hand in his own. “Don’t you love me?”
“Of course, I do. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Kevin responds immediately, but the words feel so, so wrong on his tongue.
“See? Now, I haven’t died or dealt with some sort of a misfortune, right?”
“Right,” Kevin admits with a frown.
“Then, don’t be so scared of loving Kibum, Kev.”
“I. I can’t.”
Kiseop closes his eyes and Kevin wants to touch his face. Just once, he promises himself, just-
“Once upon a time,” Kibum starts, casually distancing himself from Kevin’s blinking eyes, “There was a prince that had everything he could ever want. He had money, friends, a castle, loving parents, and so much more. But, this prince, he was sad. He was-”
“Kibum,” Kevin interrupts, “Who wrote this story?”
Kibum flinches as Kevin leans his head onto Kiseop’s shoulder. “I don’t know. I just heard it when I was little.”
“Before you were a shape shifter?”
“Yes.”
“Thought so,” Kevin says bitterly, “Those humans are so pathetic.”
Kiseop’s hand closes over Kevin’s knee instinctively and Kibum wonders how the new kid is already higher up on Kevin’s list than the other five members of the pack. It seems, to him, terribly unfair.
“Kevin, you used to be human once too.”
And, that is a line Kibum would never cross except Kiseop’s drawing circles on Kevin’s thigh and Kibum is really, really tired.
“Wait,” Kiseop says, squeezes where his fingers were just now tracing, “The prince, did he rule his land or were his parents still doing that?”
And, just like that, an uncomfortable situation is avoided and Kibum finds himself more grateful than he’d ever admit.
“He was terribly-”
Lonely, his mind mocks him, you’re such a lonely bastard.
He watches Kevin like an obsession, every movement, every word, every fucking smile. He wishes he could stop, but it’s goddamn sunny and Kevin has always looked beautiful when it’s bright out. Always.
Kibum is startled out of his trance when he hears his name being called by the devil himself.
“Come here,” Kevin yells, looking down at a map and not at Kibum so he’s surprised when he finds the latter suddenly very close.
“Um. I was thinking,” he begins and Kibum already knows this is going to be bad news, “Maybe we don’t have to attack the village. Maybe we can just sneak through this trail right here. They would never notice and we wouldn’t be in danger or anything.”
Kibum sighs.
“I remember a time when you would have done anything to get your hands on a human. Why…”
Why have you changed?
“Kiseop says that we’d be acting just like the monsters they believe us to be if we attacked them and these past few weeks that we’ve been hunting them, I came to realize that it’s true. Kiseop’s right. I don’t want to be a monster.”
His voice is barely above a whisper and Kibum thinks, yes, there it is, the uncertainty that has always been such a huge part of who Kevin is.
Kibum doesn’t even feel bad when he hooks onto that hesitation and uses it to control Kevin like he used to back when they were in a different pack.
“Kevin,” he begins softly, “You’re not a monster.”
And, just like that, Kevin is spilling over. No more pretty smiles, just bare bones and, “Kibum.”
Kibum knows how it goes, of course, having done this so many times before, but his heart still stutters when Kevin lunges forward to envelope him in a desperate embrace. Kibum breathes out, tangles his hands in Kevin’s hair, and pulls the boy forward. They’re sitting as close as they possibly can on a bench, and Kibum swears it’s Kevin’s heart that’s beating faster.
“You’re not a monster,” Kibum repeats, and Kevin’s nails dig into his back, yanking his shirt down until he almost chokes. He presses a soothing kiss behind Kevin’s ear, and feels the boy relax in his arms.
“You’re not a-”
Monster, he thinks as he looks in the mirror.
A doe stares back at him, eyes pleading like he wants so terribly to be liked. Kevin looks away, because that’s not him, it’s not, it’s not.
A bird sits at the edge of his bed, perched perfect and his feathers are the prettiest shades of blue. Kevin is momentarily jealous, because if he had to be an animal, why couldn’t he be one that flies?
The bird flutters up and comes to him, wings soft and reassuring as they tickle his ears. Kevin succumbs to the touch and follows the bird outside.
He’s almost used to it by now, being an animal without choice, although he wonders how his father managed to shift without him ever noticing.
The bird chirps as it flies out into the sky and Kevin wonders why Kiseop gets to be beautiful in both of his forms. It just seems so-
“Unfair,” Dongho grumbles and Xander swats him on the shoulder.
“Just do it. We have to search the woods and set up the perfect locations by midnight, Dongho. We can hardly afford to be bratty and incompetent at a time like this.”
Dongho glares at Xander as his stretches, quickly morphing into a dog and slipping into the forest.
Xander watches him go with a sad smile.
Soohyun nudges him, “He’ll be fine.”
“I know,” Xander sighs, “But, I just remembered when he used to be so small. Like a cute little puppy that would never leave me alone. When did he grow up so much?”
Soohyun pulls Xander into his chest, voice rumbling soothingly as he says, “When you weren’t looking, of course. Don’t worry, he really will be fine.”
Kevin reenters his cabin, back to the wall as he sinks to the floor, because this is so fucking messed up. Out there are six people he loves with all of his heart and he’s leading them straight into a war.
“Kevin?”
He looks up to see Eli kneeling in front of him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kevin mumbles, looking away and getting up. Eli reaches out to fix his hair, but Kevin’s already leaving the cabin.
Outside, he meets Kibum, who’s informing him that they’ve got all the posts set up and all they have to do now is wait for midnight. The detached way Kibum presents this information makes Kevin feel sick in the stomach, because, no, Kibum didn’t used to be like this.
He used to be so-
“Perfect,” he chimes, having arranged the twigs to create a crown on top of Kibum’s head, “Now, you’re a prince.”
Kibum laughs, twisting around to tackle Kevin to the ground with magically ticklish fingers.
“At least I’m your prince,” Kibum says softly, hands on Kevin’s resisting wrists and hips straddling Kevin’s waist.
Kevin blinks up at him, and his voice is laced with sarcasm when he says, “Oh, you’re charming.”
Kibum laughs again, thinking that he would do anything for time to just stop here, for time to take mercy for once. So, he slows the moment by tracing the veins on Kevin’s wrist until he has the blood’s rhythm memorized.
“You’re-”
“Beautiful,” Kibum claps, eyes squinting into the village, and his lips are curling unpleasantly as he looks back at the pack. “Kevin will lead the attack and I will follow. Everyone know the order after that?”
They nod, Dongho more eager than the rest, and Kibum nods too.
“Okay, now, Kevin.”
Kevin takes a second to look, really look, into Kibum’s eyes and he’s heartbreakingly disappointed when he doesn’t see what he wants to see.
“Alright,” he sighs and runs into the village, body curving forward quickly as he transforms.
Behind him, he hears a Kibum soft order, “Go.”
And, before he knows it, he’s in the middle of a battle and all around him people are dying, screaming, begging, crying. Kevin doesn’t stop to think, knowing the action will only weaken him, and attacks every human that comes his way.
He can sense the fright in them, but he can also sense the unguarded disgust. Like they’ve never seen something so horrendous even though the pack looks like a bunch of normal animals.
Somewhere between being called a freak and having a mother cover her son’s eyes, Kevin breaks. And, as his skin part, the scars open and that anger from long ago burns anew. He kicks his legs, getting a man right in the shin, and his minds screeches with fervor, I’m not a monster.
Something chirps in his ear and he looks up to see Kiseop hovering over him. His vision is blurring but he swears there are tears in Kiseop’s beady eyes. This makes Kevin feel very, very dirty, the blood on his coat suddenly too evident. He wants to change back and with his human hands, stroke away Kiseop’s sadness, but they’re in the middle of a war and this isn’t the time to be so weak.
He kicks off the ground and spots Kibum, who is as graceful as ever even while pawing a man’s face. He growls, and Kevin thinks it’s so ironic that Kibum morphs into a bear, because unlike the animal, Kibum is kind, sweet, and breathtakingly handsome.
But, right now, Kibum looks like what Kevin has always feared most; a monster.
Later, when the sun comes up, they shift back into human form and study the damages.
Eli confirms that all the villagers have run off or been killed as he comes back from his flight, and Kibum sighs with relief. Kevin, on the other hand, feels disgusting and slips away to the river.
He rubs his skin even after the blood has been washed away, and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Kiseop’s voice drifts over to him.
“Stop beating yourself up over this.”
“It’s my fault,” Kevin mutters, “I made them like this. I made him like this.”
“No, you didn’t. Kibum’s doing this to fight his own demons, Kevin, not yours.”
“Kiseop, you don’t understand,” he says, hauling himself out of the water, “He wasn’t like this. He didn’t- he doesn’t have any demons. It’s always been me, and he. He just. He’s always protected me and I never returned the favor-”
“Shut up for a second,” Kiseop says as Kevin wraps a towel around his waist, “Do you really know about his childhood at all?”
Kevin feels like he’s been slapped and his entire body stings.
“What about it?”
“He’s not as perfect as you imagine him to be, Kevin. He’s just as fucked up as the rest of us, except unlike you, whose parents were somewhat accepted, he was shunned. He was a bastard child to begin with and his mother was a normal human, so she didn’t understand when her son inexplicably turned into an animal around puberty. Can you imagine not knowing why you are the way you are and then being thrown out into the streets because of the way you are?”
Kevin is silent, biting his lips until they bleed, and Kiseop sighs.
“You couldn’t have known. He told me when he was drunk and worrying his little head over you.”
“He. I can’t believe he never told me.”
“Maybe you never let him,” Kiseop says gently and leaves Kevin alone by the river.
Kevin thinks back to he first met Kibum and how he had looked so blatantly-
Afraid was how Kevin had initially thought of Kibum as, but now, as Kibum laughs across from him, Kevin doesn’t think there is much fear left in those warm eyes.
Kibum catches him looking and Kevin ducks his head as he flushes form embarrassment.
No, Kevin thinks, fear is what I feel.
He sighs into his soup, the pack’s uproar not enough to lift his mood because he’s just realized that’s tragically in-
“Love,” Kibum says, “What the hell are you doing out here?”
Kevin nearly jumps out of his bones and he doesn’t even have time to blush from the unexpected endearment because Kibum is already moving on to more important things.
“The village is clear, so we need to start working on expanding the pack. We’ll need more members in case they come back to reclaim the land.”
His voice is hard and rough, but his eyes are betraying him.
“Kibum,” Kevin says, exhaling loudly, “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Kibum asks, frowning slightly.
And, Kevin thinks that maybe there’s a better time to be doing this, so he shrugs. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later.”
“Whatever,” Kibum says, already heading back, but Kevin shuffles forward, hand tugging at Kibum’s wrist. Kibum turns around with a questioning glance, but Kevin merely shrugs again.
Kibum rolls his eyes, but doesn’t pull away when Kevin intertwines their fingers. They head back into the village and Kevin doesn’t miss Kiseop’s smile as he spots their hands.
Kevin, for a moment, forgets about the bloodbath, forgets about the way his spine will always, always curve on a full moon, forgets about that stupid prophecy, forgets about everyone and everything except Kibum. And, he thinks they’ll be just fine for now.
Because, like this, Kibum is finally, finally perfect again.
♣
+ I've never had this much fun writing Kiseop. ;___________; Or, an AU for that matter. :)
( kevin has known himself to be nothing but a monster for a long, long time now. )
notes: the story slips in and out of flashbacks. the past is in italics.
Recline, Sweet Child;
“You’re going to end up killing everyone that you love.”
Kevin crumbles to the floor, hands clasped on his ears as misery rips him apart inside out. He mumbles, “No,” but the voice above him only gets louder and echoes against Kevin’s resolve.
“Everyone, you hear? It’s paradox, you see. You’ll try not to love anyone, and you’ll be miserable. But, then you’ll eventually fall in love, and when they die in your hands, you’ll be even more miserable.”
“No, no, no, please, God, no-”
“So, you can’t ever win, understand?”
“Please, no, no, no.”
The voice is suddenly next to his ear, whispering dangerously low, “Kevin… do you like the taste of blood?”
He twitches away, too terrified to open his eyes, and the voice becomes terrifyingly louder.
“No,” he mumbles, “no, please-“
“No,” Kevin says, massaging his temples with frown.
Kibum sighs and Kiseop puts a hand on his shoulder, eyes silently reassuring.
“Kevin,” Kiseop says softly, “I know you think no one could ever do anything wrong, but this is ridiculous.”
“We’re not going to hurt them,” Kevin says and there is such finality in his words that even Eli gives up arguing. The pack leaves quietly, making sure to not step in the path of Kevin or Kibum as they exit, but Kiseop stays.
Kevin looks up into Kiseop’s eyes and immediately glances away.
“Kevin,” Kiseop begins, his fingers hovering above Kevin’s skin, “Why can’t you do this?”
He shudders as he finds Kiseop’s lips closer than necessary, and he stutters when he says, “You know why.”
Kiseop smiles gently and yanks Kevin into his chest, holding him there tightly and running a complacent hand through lusterless hair. Why is it always like this, Kevin wonders as his body slacks against Kiseop’s.
“It’s okay. I understand,” Kiseop whispers and Kevin closes his eyes, nuzzling his nose into Kiseop’s shirt. Kiseop pulls away, holding Kevin’s head in his hands like something precious, and rubs his thumbs along Kevin’s cheekbones. “Come on.”
Kevin is tugged upright and led inside the forest. The sun is peeking through the leaves in jagged lines and Kiseop has to squint when he looks back to smile at Kevin.
“Want to?” Kiseop asks holding out a hand.
“Of course,” Kevin says without hesitation, taking Kiseop’s hand and letting himself be led deeper into the forest. Soon, the trees begin to disappear, and they’re in an open field. Kiseop changes first, arms stretched out and slowly becoming wings. Kevin smiles at the sight, kicking his legs against the ground as his spine curves.
He has never loved this sensation of morphing into something else entirely. He has always despised the way his fingers curl and the way his skin feels like it’s going to rip. After a painful crack of a bone, he kicks off the ground.
Kiseop’s wings flutter against Kevin’s fur, and they move in harmony across the field.
Something about the way Kiseop is flying seems to say-
“Catch me if you can,” he thinks with giggles escaping his mouth. He presses his hand over said mouth and crouches under the table. He crawls back until the heels of his feet as pressed against the wall.
“Kevin?” a voice says teasingly and Kevin’s fingernails dig into his skin as he tries to keep from laughing. He moves slightly to the left, leaning his body so his weight isn’t fully on his elbows.
“Where are you?”
He cranes his neck enough to see a pair of well polished shoes.
“Oh, Kevviinnn.”
He backs away quickly and ends up banging his head on the table. “Shit,” he grumbles, rubbing the sore spot and not realizing that those shoes are attached to legs that are kneeling down in front of him.
He gasps as a hand reaches out for him, and then relaxes instantly when Kibum smiles at him.
“Come out now, Kevin,” he says, pulling at Kevin’s arm, “Come on.”
Kevin leans forwards until he’s on his knees and hands and crawls out from under the table. Kibum laughs and rubs Kevin’s hair, softly saying, “Does it hurt?”
Kevin smiles, tears in his eyes, and says, “No-”
“It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“It’s not supposed to hurt,” Kibum says, impatience evident in his voice, and Kevin tries hard to get it, he really does, but his entire life he’s been taught that needles are supposed to hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and Kibum sighs.
“What are you sorry for?”
Kevin looks down at the needle and makes believe that it’s seeping into his skin at an alarming pace, and says, “I’m just … sorry.”
Kibum glances at Kevin, and it looks like he wants to say something, but he ends up sighing again. Kiseop watches from behind the trees, eyes so understanding and sad. His hand twitches as though wanting to stroke away Kevin’s frown, but Kibum is already leaning forward.
Kiseop smiles, relief in his eyes, and turns away as Kevin tilts into Kibum’s touch.
“Kevin,” Kibum starts, “I. I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Kevin mumbles against Kibum’s shirt.
“I’m just-”
“Sorry,” Kiseop stutters, flushing and stumbling over rocks. Kevin laughs and sticks out his hand.
“Don’t worry,” he says, a little more breathlessly than intended, and Kiseop smiles in blind trust. He stretches his fingers, bones popping into place as his feathers disappear. Kevin’s already back to human form, hooves now bare feet.
“That felt wonderful,” Kiseop says.
Kevin is, for a second, thrown off by the genuine excitement in those eyes, something uncommon in shape shifters, and he finds himself mirroring that smile.
Later, the pack welcomes Kiseop warmly, Soohyun practically leaping on the boy, and Kevin smiles once more. He thinks it’s been a long time since they were so... happy. It has been-
“Too long,” Kevin grumbles, “This is taking too fucking long.”
Kiseop leans on Kibum’s back, chin resting on tense shoulders, and smiles crookedly at Kevin.
“Since when did you become so impatient?”
Kevin frowns, his words cutting when he says, “Since when did you care?”
Kibum glares at Kevin, silently telling the man to apologize quickly before-
“Sorry.”
Kiseop lets his hands slip down Kibum’s back and stands up straight, and his silhouette is as dim as his smile when he walks away. Kevin stares back into the village, the pine tree’s needles irritating his hands as he crouches forward.
He tries not to look, but suddenly, Kibum is sitting very close and there’s no where he could possibly look. So, he glances at Kibum, and he thinks there must be regret so visibly etched across his face for Kibum’s eyes soften.
“I wish you didn’t take out your stress on Kiseop.”
Kevin knows he’s selfish, he has always been like this, but it still feels nauseating when he thinks, what about me?
“I’m sorry.”
Kibum cracks a smile, but it looks unnatural as though he’s out of practice, and Kevin wonders why it doesn’t seem like it when Kibum’s smiling at Kiseop.
“It’s okay.”
“No-“
“It’s not.”
Kiseop stares at the cut and mutters again, “It’s not.”
Kevin hisses as Kiseop’s cold fingers outline the already healing tissue. “I know it’s not infected, Kiseop. Now, fix it.”
“I’d rather leave this to Soohyun. He’s more practiced in detailed work. I’m new, and I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
Fuck, Kevin thinks, fuck, fuck, fuck, but the words spill out his mouth anyway.
“I’d rather it be you.”
It sounds like a fucking confession, and Kevin is just about ready to gladly dig up his own grave when Kiseop grins. It’s so bright that it blinds Kevin’s fears.
“I can’t guarantee no scars if I do it. Soohyun would be a better choice if you don’t want a permanent reminder of a human-inflicted wound.”
Kevin thinks really hard, formulates a perfect sentence in his mind, but all that comes out is, “No. I want you to do it.”
Kiseop sighs, grin still intact, and reaches for Kevin’s arm. Kiseop’s skin, Kevin thinks, feels especially soft today. He wonders if it’s the weather, or maybe the fact that’s he’s lost so much blood. Either way, he finds himself leaning into the touch, needing more than Kiseop could ever give.
“This is going to sting.”
Kevin clutches Kiseop’s sleeve.
“Close your eyes,” Kiseop whispers, and Kevin feels like he’s-
‘Drifting’ would the right word to describe Kevin’s thoughts. Kibum watches with an amused smile, ready to snap his fingers and make Kevin jump in surprise, but someone beats him to it.
Xander giggles and hides behind Kevin, pressing a finger to his lips as he chuckles at Kibum. Soon, Dongho arrives in the clearing, irritation in his eyes, and glares at Kibum and Kevin.
“Where is he?”
Kibum shrugs and Kevin silently points a finger at his own stomach. Kibum narrows his eyes as though to call Kevin out on the betrayal, but Dongho is already behind Kevin and grabbing at Xander’s collar.
Xander screeches, swearing profusely at Kevin as he’s dragged away, and Kibum can’t help but smile.
They’re planning to attack the village tomorrow, and for a moment, Kibum has forgotten all about it. But, then, Kevin clears his throat, voice smooth as ever when he says, “So, has the plan been finalized?”
“Yes,” Kibum says as nonchalantly as possible.
“Well…”
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.”
Kevin plays with the loose threads of his oversized sweater, eyes lowered and hands stiff. Kibum pretends not to notice, clearing his throat and signaling his exit with a little wave that Kevin doesn’t see. Kevin watches Kibum’s feet out of the corner of his eye, watches them retract into a tent, and a sigh escapes his lips.
What he really wants to say is-
“Don’t go.”
Kibum pretends he didn’t hear it, pretends he doesn’t feel the hands clutching the cuffs of his pants.
You’ve got to go, he tells himself, don’t let this stop you. Don’t be a fucking weakling.
“Kibum, Kibum, don’t-“
“I’m sorry,” he says, the words escaping his mouth like a desperate whisper.
“Kibum, please.”
He kicks his legs, jerking away from Kevin’s persistent touch, and he walks to the door. Kevin’s sobs sound so, so broken that Kibum almost turns right back and says that no, he’s not leaving the pack, he’s not leaving Kevin, how could he ever, but-
“I’ve really got to-”
“Go,” Kevin mumbles, tracing the veins on Kiseop’s arms, “I’ll be okay.”
Kiseop sighs, eyes so bright that he doesn’t even seem sad, but his words come out all jagged and numb. “I think, no. I’m pretty sure. I.”
“What is it?” Kevin says, lazily turning around so his head rests on Kiseop’s stomach and he gazes up at the stars.
“I’m certain Kibum loves you.”
Kevin closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling like the whole world is weighing down on his chest. He feels Kiseop’s fingers in his hair, and decides to concentrate on solely that until Kiseop’s voice cuts through his barricade like always.
“I just want to know if you love him back.”
“Kiseop, you know-”
“No. Stop. Stop using that stupid ‘prophecy’ as an excuse to shun away your happiness.”
“I’m not shunning away anything, okay. I just…”
Kiseop sighs, takes Kevin’s hand in his own. “Don’t you love me?”
“Of course, I do. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Kevin responds immediately, but the words feel so, so wrong on his tongue.
“See? Now, I haven’t died or dealt with some sort of a misfortune, right?”
“Right,” Kevin admits with a frown.
“Then, don’t be so scared of loving Kibum, Kev.”
“I. I can’t.”
Kiseop closes his eyes and Kevin wants to touch his face. Just once, he promises himself, just-
“Once upon a time,” Kibum starts, casually distancing himself from Kevin’s blinking eyes, “There was a prince that had everything he could ever want. He had money, friends, a castle, loving parents, and so much more. But, this prince, he was sad. He was-”
“Kibum,” Kevin interrupts, “Who wrote this story?”
Kibum flinches as Kevin leans his head onto Kiseop’s shoulder. “I don’t know. I just heard it when I was little.”
“Before you were a shape shifter?”
“Yes.”
“Thought so,” Kevin says bitterly, “Those humans are so pathetic.”
Kiseop’s hand closes over Kevin’s knee instinctively and Kibum wonders how the new kid is already higher up on Kevin’s list than the other five members of the pack. It seems, to him, terribly unfair.
“Kevin, you used to be human once too.”
And, that is a line Kibum would never cross except Kiseop’s drawing circles on Kevin’s thigh and Kibum is really, really tired.
“Wait,” Kiseop says, squeezes where his fingers were just now tracing, “The prince, did he rule his land or were his parents still doing that?”
And, just like that, an uncomfortable situation is avoided and Kibum finds himself more grateful than he’d ever admit.
“He was terribly-”
Lonely, his mind mocks him, you’re such a lonely bastard.
He watches Kevin like an obsession, every movement, every word, every fucking smile. He wishes he could stop, but it’s goddamn sunny and Kevin has always looked beautiful when it’s bright out. Always.
Kibum is startled out of his trance when he hears his name being called by the devil himself.
“Come here,” Kevin yells, looking down at a map and not at Kibum so he’s surprised when he finds the latter suddenly very close.
“Um. I was thinking,” he begins and Kibum already knows this is going to be bad news, “Maybe we don’t have to attack the village. Maybe we can just sneak through this trail right here. They would never notice and we wouldn’t be in danger or anything.”
Kibum sighs.
“I remember a time when you would have done anything to get your hands on a human. Why…”
Why have you changed?
“Kiseop says that we’d be acting just like the monsters they believe us to be if we attacked them and these past few weeks that we’ve been hunting them, I came to realize that it’s true. Kiseop’s right. I don’t want to be a monster.”
His voice is barely above a whisper and Kibum thinks, yes, there it is, the uncertainty that has always been such a huge part of who Kevin is.
Kibum doesn’t even feel bad when he hooks onto that hesitation and uses it to control Kevin like he used to back when they were in a different pack.
“Kevin,” he begins softly, “You’re not a monster.”
And, just like that, Kevin is spilling over. No more pretty smiles, just bare bones and, “Kibum.”
Kibum knows how it goes, of course, having done this so many times before, but his heart still stutters when Kevin lunges forward to envelope him in a desperate embrace. Kibum breathes out, tangles his hands in Kevin’s hair, and pulls the boy forward. They’re sitting as close as they possibly can on a bench, and Kibum swears it’s Kevin’s heart that’s beating faster.
“You’re not a monster,” Kibum repeats, and Kevin’s nails dig into his back, yanking his shirt down until he almost chokes. He presses a soothing kiss behind Kevin’s ear, and feels the boy relax in his arms.
“You’re not a-”
Monster, he thinks as he looks in the mirror.
A doe stares back at him, eyes pleading like he wants so terribly to be liked. Kevin looks away, because that’s not him, it’s not, it’s not.
A bird sits at the edge of his bed, perched perfect and his feathers are the prettiest shades of blue. Kevin is momentarily jealous, because if he had to be an animal, why couldn’t he be one that flies?
The bird flutters up and comes to him, wings soft and reassuring as they tickle his ears. Kevin succumbs to the touch and follows the bird outside.
He’s almost used to it by now, being an animal without choice, although he wonders how his father managed to shift without him ever noticing.
The bird chirps as it flies out into the sky and Kevin wonders why Kiseop gets to be beautiful in both of his forms. It just seems so-
“Unfair,” Dongho grumbles and Xander swats him on the shoulder.
“Just do it. We have to search the woods and set up the perfect locations by midnight, Dongho. We can hardly afford to be bratty and incompetent at a time like this.”
Dongho glares at Xander as his stretches, quickly morphing into a dog and slipping into the forest.
Xander watches him go with a sad smile.
Soohyun nudges him, “He’ll be fine.”
“I know,” Xander sighs, “But, I just remembered when he used to be so small. Like a cute little puppy that would never leave me alone. When did he grow up so much?”
Soohyun pulls Xander into his chest, voice rumbling soothingly as he says, “When you weren’t looking, of course. Don’t worry, he really will be fine.”
Kevin reenters his cabin, back to the wall as he sinks to the floor, because this is so fucking messed up. Out there are six people he loves with all of his heart and he’s leading them straight into a war.
“Kevin?”
He looks up to see Eli kneeling in front of him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kevin mumbles, looking away and getting up. Eli reaches out to fix his hair, but Kevin’s already leaving the cabin.
Outside, he meets Kibum, who’s informing him that they’ve got all the posts set up and all they have to do now is wait for midnight. The detached way Kibum presents this information makes Kevin feel sick in the stomach, because, no, Kibum didn’t used to be like this.
He used to be so-
“Perfect,” he chimes, having arranged the twigs to create a crown on top of Kibum’s head, “Now, you’re a prince.”
Kibum laughs, twisting around to tackle Kevin to the ground with magically ticklish fingers.
“At least I’m your prince,” Kibum says softly, hands on Kevin’s resisting wrists and hips straddling Kevin’s waist.
Kevin blinks up at him, and his voice is laced with sarcasm when he says, “Oh, you’re charming.”
Kibum laughs again, thinking that he would do anything for time to just stop here, for time to take mercy for once. So, he slows the moment by tracing the veins on Kevin’s wrist until he has the blood’s rhythm memorized.
“You’re-”
“Beautiful,” Kibum claps, eyes squinting into the village, and his lips are curling unpleasantly as he looks back at the pack. “Kevin will lead the attack and I will follow. Everyone know the order after that?”
They nod, Dongho more eager than the rest, and Kibum nods too.
“Okay, now, Kevin.”
Kevin takes a second to look, really look, into Kibum’s eyes and he’s heartbreakingly disappointed when he doesn’t see what he wants to see.
“Alright,” he sighs and runs into the village, body curving forward quickly as he transforms.
Behind him, he hears a Kibum soft order, “Go.”
And, before he knows it, he’s in the middle of a battle and all around him people are dying, screaming, begging, crying. Kevin doesn’t stop to think, knowing the action will only weaken him, and attacks every human that comes his way.
He can sense the fright in them, but he can also sense the unguarded disgust. Like they’ve never seen something so horrendous even though the pack looks like a bunch of normal animals.
Somewhere between being called a freak and having a mother cover her son’s eyes, Kevin breaks. And, as his skin part, the scars open and that anger from long ago burns anew. He kicks his legs, getting a man right in the shin, and his minds screeches with fervor, I’m not a monster.
Something chirps in his ear and he looks up to see Kiseop hovering over him. His vision is blurring but he swears there are tears in Kiseop’s beady eyes. This makes Kevin feel very, very dirty, the blood on his coat suddenly too evident. He wants to change back and with his human hands, stroke away Kiseop’s sadness, but they’re in the middle of a war and this isn’t the time to be so weak.
He kicks off the ground and spots Kibum, who is as graceful as ever even while pawing a man’s face. He growls, and Kevin thinks it’s so ironic that Kibum morphs into a bear, because unlike the animal, Kibum is kind, sweet, and breathtakingly handsome.
But, right now, Kibum looks like what Kevin has always feared most; a monster.
Later, when the sun comes up, they shift back into human form and study the damages.
Eli confirms that all the villagers have run off or been killed as he comes back from his flight, and Kibum sighs with relief. Kevin, on the other hand, feels disgusting and slips away to the river.
He rubs his skin even after the blood has been washed away, and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Kiseop’s voice drifts over to him.
“Stop beating yourself up over this.”
“It’s my fault,” Kevin mutters, “I made them like this. I made him like this.”
“No, you didn’t. Kibum’s doing this to fight his own demons, Kevin, not yours.”
“Kiseop, you don’t understand,” he says, hauling himself out of the water, “He wasn’t like this. He didn’t- he doesn’t have any demons. It’s always been me, and he. He just. He’s always protected me and I never returned the favor-”
“Shut up for a second,” Kiseop says as Kevin wraps a towel around his waist, “Do you really know about his childhood at all?”
Kevin feels like he’s been slapped and his entire body stings.
“What about it?”
“He’s not as perfect as you imagine him to be, Kevin. He’s just as fucked up as the rest of us, except unlike you, whose parents were somewhat accepted, he was shunned. He was a bastard child to begin with and his mother was a normal human, so she didn’t understand when her son inexplicably turned into an animal around puberty. Can you imagine not knowing why you are the way you are and then being thrown out into the streets because of the way you are?”
Kevin is silent, biting his lips until they bleed, and Kiseop sighs.
“You couldn’t have known. He told me when he was drunk and worrying his little head over you.”
“He. I can’t believe he never told me.”
“Maybe you never let him,” Kiseop says gently and leaves Kevin alone by the river.
Kevin thinks back to he first met Kibum and how he had looked so blatantly-
Afraid was how Kevin had initially thought of Kibum as, but now, as Kibum laughs across from him, Kevin doesn’t think there is much fear left in those warm eyes.
Kibum catches him looking and Kevin ducks his head as he flushes form embarrassment.
No, Kevin thinks, fear is what I feel.
He sighs into his soup, the pack’s uproar not enough to lift his mood because he’s just realized that’s tragically in-
“Love,” Kibum says, “What the hell are you doing out here?”
Kevin nearly jumps out of his bones and he doesn’t even have time to blush from the unexpected endearment because Kibum is already moving on to more important things.
“The village is clear, so we need to start working on expanding the pack. We’ll need more members in case they come back to reclaim the land.”
His voice is hard and rough, but his eyes are betraying him.
“Kibum,” Kevin says, exhaling loudly, “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Kibum asks, frowning slightly.
And, Kevin thinks that maybe there’s a better time to be doing this, so he shrugs. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later.”
“Whatever,” Kibum says, already heading back, but Kevin shuffles forward, hand tugging at Kibum’s wrist. Kibum turns around with a questioning glance, but Kevin merely shrugs again.
Kibum rolls his eyes, but doesn’t pull away when Kevin intertwines their fingers. They head back into the village and Kevin doesn’t miss Kiseop’s smile as he spots their hands.
Kevin, for a moment, forgets about the bloodbath, forgets about the way his spine will always, always curve on a full moon, forgets about that stupid prophecy, forgets about everyone and everything except Kibum. And, he thinks they’ll be just fine for now.
Because, like this, Kibum is finally, finally perfect again.
♣
+ I've never had this much fun writing Kiseop. ;___________; Or, an AU for that matter. :)