cinderella kisses
☇ sungjong/myungsoo ; r ; angst
☇ love is simple, everyone knows this
Sungjong falls in love with a boy when he's fifteen years old and still small enough to slip right through the monkey bars at the playground. His hands are gripping cold metal and he's looking down at the most beautiful boy he has ever seen when it happens. Like in the movies except this is real life and Sungjong isn't supposed to feel this way.
"Myungsoo," the boys says, grinning and raising his hand up like he wants to help Sungjong down.
"I didn't ask for your name," Sungjong says and he sticks up his nose, slipping around the metal bars until he can sit with his feet dangling in the air. He feels childish, but he's supposed to wait right here for his mom to pick him up.
Myungsoo laughs and it's the nicest sound in the whole wide world. Nicer even than when Woohyun sings. Sungjong wonders if Myungsoo can sing and he hums as he closes his eyes.
"You're so pretty."
Sungjong's eyes snap open in surprise. Boys are supposed to find other boys pretty. Freak, freak, freak. He starts to sweat and his hands slips from the metal. He nearly breaks his jaw against the bar but Myungsoo grips his waist and gently lowers him. Sungjong doesn't know whose heartbeat that is, thinks it must be his own because he's the freak, not this boy. Not some strong, bold boy with red lips and hair like a raven's feathers.
He pushes away and runs all the way home.
+
His mom yells at him, says she was absolutely frantic when she couldn't find him outside the library, says it's a damn shame he won't be getting his car back for the next week. She says it just like that, too, with this look in her eyes like she can't pick between backhanding him and hugging him. He makes the decision for her and throws his arms around her, whispers, sorry, against her neck.
"Oh, you silly boy," she says, running fingers through his hair. "What am going to do with you?"
He doesn't answer and holds her a little closer.
+
He's too skinny, he knows that. He's got a girly face. He's got pretty hands. He's got a cocksucking mouth. He knows all of this because the boys giggles about it when they shove him into lockers. What he doesn't know is how that's any of his fault. He didn't ask to look like this, but they shove him anyway. His skin bruises too easy and he wouldn't mind if he didn't worry about his mom seeing them. So, he tugs down the sleeves of shirt and rubs at his eye and tries to remember what class he has. And, then.
Then, Myungsoo comes down the hallway and smiles at him.
Not him, no it can't be him. Sungjong looks around, sees no one directly behind him or next to him, and his throat closes up just a little in dread. Myungsoo is beautiful and he doesn't deserve bruises. Sungjong thinks about ignoring him but Myungsoo is already stepping forward and gripping his elbow.
"Hey."
And, running away is suddenly the last thing on Sungjong's mind.
+
For some reason, the universe takes pity on Sungjong and gives him a best friend that beats up bullies for him, saves him a seat at lunch, and kisses his forehead when he cries. His mom smiles wide and beautiful when he talks about Myungsoo and how oh, isn't he wonderful, just wonderful. He's afraid of falling, always has been, but Myungsoo catches him these days just like he did on that very first day and Sungjong isn't so afraid anymore.
+
Myungsoo has his head in Sungjong's lap and he's flicking blades of grass at his face as Sungjong tries to summarize today's reading for him. They're reading Catcher in the Rye and Sungjong doesn't think he's ever loved a book more in the entirety of his high school career. Myungsoo doesn't feel the same way, makes a face every time Sungjong brings up the title, and calls it 'angsty teenaged bullshit'.
"Stop that," Sungjong says as grass lands on his hair and Myungsoo giggles like a five year old.
"Well, well, well." Sungjong looks up and three boys from their school are grinning at them. "If isn't Fag Number One and his little bitch."
No one bothers them at school much anymore since Myungsoo nearly broke some kid's hand for shoving Sungjong, but these three, they've had it in for Sungjong since the beginning and haven't let up since.
Myungsoo sits up and smiles at them, mean and intimidating.
"Slippery slope, man."
"Isn't it just?" one of the boys mocks.
Myungsoo smiles wider and Sungjong wants to scream at the boys, tell them to run, but then one of them steps forward with, "Well, if you've had enough of his lily white ass, how about you let us-"
Sungjong winces at the sick crack of fist against delicate, delicate cheekbone.
+
Life is hard, but love is easy.
Life is hard, but.
Love is easy.
No, Sungjong thinks as he scratches at his notebook.
No, love is hard, but life is easy.
He frowns.
That doesn't sound right either.
Nothing is easy, nothing, nothing, nothing. His fingers ache from writing nothing.
+
Sungjong promises himself he'll confess his feelings for Myungsoo right after graduation. Which is two years away so Sungjong feels pretty secure until Myungsoo shows up at his door with blue flowers and a stupid grin. His mom squeals with delight and shoves Sungjong out on the porch. Myungsoo catches him when he stumbles. He always does.
+
His dad left them when Sungjong was five. Love is hard. His mom screamed and cried and nearly tore her beautiful, beautiful hair right off her head as she begged. Life is easy. Sungjong remembers tugging at his dad's pants, sticking up his arms into the air, and he remembers not letting them fall even as his dad shuts the door on his way out.
People leave.
Love leaves.
What's so hard about that?
Sungjong is well and nicely used to disappointment.
Easy, easy, easy.
+
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The love of your life. The boy you didn't forget. The kid you smile about when you talk about the good ole days. Your everything. Please. Please. Please.
"A dancer."
"A practical dream, babe."
I want to dance for the rest of my life. On top of tables and stages and sidewalks. Forever.
"Uh, I guess... I've always been interested in teaching. Maybe I'll become a teacher. What about you?"
"A singer."
"Woohyun's got dibs on that one."
Don't kiss me. Please, don't.
"Don't talk about him."
Oh, jealously. Oh, can you superglue him to my heart?
"What are you laughing about?"
+
They graduate with their hands intertwined and their hearts beating with the possibilites of doing something great. Kids are our future, the principle keeps saying, you kids, you guys will do something great. Sungjong doesn't believe that's a guarantee. Kids gets killed. Kids drop out. Kids break hearts and buildings and entire worlds.
Myungsoo, though, he could do something great.
Sungjong looks at him, grins, and kisses his upturned lips. Presses hard and insistant to get his love across, but he thinks he fails because Myungsoo thumbs at his wrist and kisses him back.
+
Life falls apart because it's easy. Easy things are set up purposely for that very ending. Myungsoo goes to college four hundred and seventy two miles away from him. He calls Sungjong every friday and sends him postcards diligently. He flies up to Michigan whenever he can and his kisses Sungjong like something special whenever he does. Every time, always.
It's not Myungsoo's fault when it falls apart.
+
Sungjong lost his virginity to Myungsoo in eleventh grade in Myungsoo's basement. It was wonderful, terrifying, and painful all at once and Sungjong never regretted it, still doesn't. If he could take anything back, he would take back the day he met Myungsoo because strangers don't have the right to show you dreams and give you hope. That's unfair and people leave and.
Love is hard.
+
Myungsoo visits him on Christmas and he leaves the next day because Sungjong was kissing someone else. Right up against the christmas tree his roommate set up. He gives Sungjong several chances to explain, falls to his knees crying when Sungjong just shrugs, and he misses it when Sungjong throws up all over the presents because he's already leaving.
Sungjong didn't deserve him anyway. It's only fair.
+
"Please, just tell me why. I'll. I swear I don't bother you ever again if you just tell me-"
"I love you."
Sungjong doesn't mean to blurt it out, but it's been building up in his chest for years now, quiet and horrid. And, Myungsoo looks devastated, wrecked, even thought it's been months. And, he still sends postcards and he still calls every friday even though Sungjong doesn't pick up. Not even once.
"What?"
Myungsoo's eyes are wide and pitch black and Sungjong wants to scream.
"You've never said that before. Ever," Myungsoo whispers as if afraid he'll scare Sungjong into taking it back.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you-"
"I love you."
Myungsoo's grin breaks around a sob and suddenly Sungjong's mouth is full of an eager tongue and his hips are held firm by bruising hands. He kisses back just as fiercely because god, he loves this boy, and he'll make himself deserve him. Fuck this universe. Love is hard, but it's worth it.
He'll make it last if it's the last thing he does.
☇ love is simple, everyone knows this
Sungjong falls in love with a boy when he's fifteen years old and still small enough to slip right through the monkey bars at the playground. His hands are gripping cold metal and he's looking down at the most beautiful boy he has ever seen when it happens. Like in the movies except this is real life and Sungjong isn't supposed to feel this way.
"Myungsoo," the boys says, grinning and raising his hand up like he wants to help Sungjong down.
"I didn't ask for your name," Sungjong says and he sticks up his nose, slipping around the metal bars until he can sit with his feet dangling in the air. He feels childish, but he's supposed to wait right here for his mom to pick him up.
Myungsoo laughs and it's the nicest sound in the whole wide world. Nicer even than when Woohyun sings. Sungjong wonders if Myungsoo can sing and he hums as he closes his eyes.
"You're so pretty."
Sungjong's eyes snap open in surprise. Boys are supposed to find other boys pretty. Freak, freak, freak. He starts to sweat and his hands slips from the metal. He nearly breaks his jaw against the bar but Myungsoo grips his waist and gently lowers him. Sungjong doesn't know whose heartbeat that is, thinks it must be his own because he's the freak, not this boy. Not some strong, bold boy with red lips and hair like a raven's feathers.
He pushes away and runs all the way home.
+
His mom yells at him, says she was absolutely frantic when she couldn't find him outside the library, says it's a damn shame he won't be getting his car back for the next week. She says it just like that, too, with this look in her eyes like she can't pick between backhanding him and hugging him. He makes the decision for her and throws his arms around her, whispers, sorry, against her neck.
"Oh, you silly boy," she says, running fingers through his hair. "What am going to do with you?"
He doesn't answer and holds her a little closer.
+
He's too skinny, he knows that. He's got a girly face. He's got pretty hands. He's got a cocksucking mouth. He knows all of this because the boys giggles about it when they shove him into lockers. What he doesn't know is how that's any of his fault. He didn't ask to look like this, but they shove him anyway. His skin bruises too easy and he wouldn't mind if he didn't worry about his mom seeing them. So, he tugs down the sleeves of shirt and rubs at his eye and tries to remember what class he has. And, then.
Then, Myungsoo comes down the hallway and smiles at him.
Not him, no it can't be him. Sungjong looks around, sees no one directly behind him or next to him, and his throat closes up just a little in dread. Myungsoo is beautiful and he doesn't deserve bruises. Sungjong thinks about ignoring him but Myungsoo is already stepping forward and gripping his elbow.
"Hey."
And, running away is suddenly the last thing on Sungjong's mind.
+
For some reason, the universe takes pity on Sungjong and gives him a best friend that beats up bullies for him, saves him a seat at lunch, and kisses his forehead when he cries. His mom smiles wide and beautiful when he talks about Myungsoo and how oh, isn't he wonderful, just wonderful. He's afraid of falling, always has been, but Myungsoo catches him these days just like he did on that very first day and Sungjong isn't so afraid anymore.
+
Myungsoo has his head in Sungjong's lap and he's flicking blades of grass at his face as Sungjong tries to summarize today's reading for him. They're reading Catcher in the Rye and Sungjong doesn't think he's ever loved a book more in the entirety of his high school career. Myungsoo doesn't feel the same way, makes a face every time Sungjong brings up the title, and calls it 'angsty teenaged bullshit'.
"Stop that," Sungjong says as grass lands on his hair and Myungsoo giggles like a five year old.
"Well, well, well." Sungjong looks up and three boys from their school are grinning at them. "If isn't Fag Number One and his little bitch."
No one bothers them at school much anymore since Myungsoo nearly broke some kid's hand for shoving Sungjong, but these three, they've had it in for Sungjong since the beginning and haven't let up since.
Myungsoo sits up and smiles at them, mean and intimidating.
"Slippery slope, man."
"Isn't it just?" one of the boys mocks.
Myungsoo smiles wider and Sungjong wants to scream at the boys, tell them to run, but then one of them steps forward with, "Well, if you've had enough of his lily white ass, how about you let us-"
Sungjong winces at the sick crack of fist against delicate, delicate cheekbone.
+
Life is hard, but love is easy.
Life is hard, but.
Love is easy.
No, Sungjong thinks as he scratches at his notebook.
No, love is hard, but life is easy.
He frowns.
That doesn't sound right either.
Nothing is easy, nothing, nothing, nothing. His fingers ache from writing nothing.
+
Sungjong promises himself he'll confess his feelings for Myungsoo right after graduation. Which is two years away so Sungjong feels pretty secure until Myungsoo shows up at his door with blue flowers and a stupid grin. His mom squeals with delight and shoves Sungjong out on the porch. Myungsoo catches him when he stumbles. He always does.
+
His dad left them when Sungjong was five. Love is hard. His mom screamed and cried and nearly tore her beautiful, beautiful hair right off her head as she begged. Life is easy. Sungjong remembers tugging at his dad's pants, sticking up his arms into the air, and he remembers not letting them fall even as his dad shuts the door on his way out.
People leave.
Love leaves.
What's so hard about that?
Sungjong is well and nicely used to disappointment.
Easy, easy, easy.
+
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The love of your life. The boy you didn't forget. The kid you smile about when you talk about the good ole days. Your everything. Please. Please. Please.
"A dancer."
"A practical dream, babe."
I want to dance for the rest of my life. On top of tables and stages and sidewalks. Forever.
"Uh, I guess... I've always been interested in teaching. Maybe I'll become a teacher. What about you?"
"A singer."
"Woohyun's got dibs on that one."
Don't kiss me. Please, don't.
"Don't talk about him."
Oh, jealously. Oh, can you superglue him to my heart?
"What are you laughing about?"
+
They graduate with their hands intertwined and their hearts beating with the possibilites of doing something great. Kids are our future, the principle keeps saying, you kids, you guys will do something great. Sungjong doesn't believe that's a guarantee. Kids gets killed. Kids drop out. Kids break hearts and buildings and entire worlds.
Myungsoo, though, he could do something great.
Sungjong looks at him, grins, and kisses his upturned lips. Presses hard and insistant to get his love across, but he thinks he fails because Myungsoo thumbs at his wrist and kisses him back.
+
Life falls apart because it's easy. Easy things are set up purposely for that very ending. Myungsoo goes to college four hundred and seventy two miles away from him. He calls Sungjong every friday and sends him postcards diligently. He flies up to Michigan whenever he can and his kisses Sungjong like something special whenever he does. Every time, always.
It's not Myungsoo's fault when it falls apart.
+
Sungjong lost his virginity to Myungsoo in eleventh grade in Myungsoo's basement. It was wonderful, terrifying, and painful all at once and Sungjong never regretted it, still doesn't. If he could take anything back, he would take back the day he met Myungsoo because strangers don't have the right to show you dreams and give you hope. That's unfair and people leave and.
Love is hard.
+
Myungsoo visits him on Christmas and he leaves the next day because Sungjong was kissing someone else. Right up against the christmas tree his roommate set up. He gives Sungjong several chances to explain, falls to his knees crying when Sungjong just shrugs, and he misses it when Sungjong throws up all over the presents because he's already leaving.
Sungjong didn't deserve him anyway. It's only fair.
+
"Please, just tell me why. I'll. I swear I don't bother you ever again if you just tell me-"
"I love you."
Sungjong doesn't mean to blurt it out, but it's been building up in his chest for years now, quiet and horrid. And, Myungsoo looks devastated, wrecked, even thought it's been months. And, he still sends postcards and he still calls every friday even though Sungjong doesn't pick up. Not even once.
"What?"
Myungsoo's eyes are wide and pitch black and Sungjong wants to scream.
"You've never said that before. Ever," Myungsoo whispers as if afraid he'll scare Sungjong into taking it back.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you-"
"I love you."
Myungsoo's grin breaks around a sob and suddenly Sungjong's mouth is full of an eager tongue and his hips are held firm by bruising hands. He kisses back just as fiercely because god, he loves this boy, and he'll make himself deserve him. Fuck this universe. Love is hard, but it's worth it.
He'll make it last if it's the last thing he does.