Politics as usual: What's not to love?
Politics as usual: What’s not to love?
By C.A. KELLER
Sun-Gazette Correspondent
Mmm, the election process. Like the Olympics, it comes around every four years, presumably touting the best that our country has to offer. And, like the Olympics, the competition usually involves a fight to the metaphorical death.
You all should be super-excited I avoided making a McCain joke just now.
But it’s a treat, really. An inexhaustible treat that sports a colorful cast of characters and always brings surprises -- plus some really good “Daily Show” jokes. What’s not to love?
Eh? What?
Sarah Palin?
Why yes, I agree! Honestly, the woman makes me see red like none other. It’s quite fitting, actually. And not just me -- my friends too. My grandma. Definitely my mother. And Matt Damon.
It’s a fun club; you should join. If we get twenty people, we’ll make t-shirts.
Seriously though, have you ever seen a politician able to draw such love and rage and also general discussion about life in states that could be foreign countries?
Actually, I feel like it’s happened recently, but my brain has been addled from watching too much cable news. I can’t think! This can’t be Alzheimer’s; I’m 25. It must be the suppressed rage of eight years of ...
Ah. Yes. How do you like that?
I mean, I should be grateful for Palin. She’s inspired some really great work from some of my favorite people, like Tina Fey, and Samantha Bee. Nothing says comedy fodder like a woman who talks like Marge Gunderson -- if she lived in Stepford. And Palin maybe even thinks dinosaurs lived 4,000 years ago! That’s cute, you know?
Like, I want to sit her down, and pat her hand, and say “Sarah, it’s OK you weren’t too good at science -- you have a really cute beehive hairdo and consistently great delivery at the mic. Even Amy Winehouse can’t get that down!”
Of course, if Amy Winehouse gets destructive, she only hurts herself, but whatever, it’s not like Palin’s going to be the second most powerful person in America. A heartbeat away from the presidency, is it? Just the one?
I know: Palin seems innocuous, with her Liz Lemon glasses and her oddly cheeky Alaska “charm.” She hunts moose! The plural of which I always think should be “meese,” but nobody asked me.
Hey, I may be an East Coast chick, but I read “Little House on the Prairie.” Shove it.
Anyway, gratitude: Now that Palin’s here, the race for president feels new again. Fresh. Because the Republicans have found someone, uh, perky? No. Plucky? Give me a second.
Totally terrifying to the elitist left?
Bingo.
But this really puts me in a tight spot. I like being an elitist, guys. And I hate freaking out about things. So you’ve got to understand, this election’s killing me.
I thought we were in the clear, because “the worst we can do is John McCain.” And while the thought of McCain running our country terrorizes many a liberal, I figured, if worse comes to worst, I could deal with it, because I can rationalize. I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the past eight years.
Plus, I totally thought Obama was in. He’s dynamic, historic, inspiring! He’s got a killer wife and cute kids. And, just this spring, he beat Hillary Clinton! It doesn’t get any toughter!
Yeah, until Palin came along, I figured the race was over. The future was concrete in my head. President Obama. BHO, the JFK of Gen Y. Such a nice ring to it ... so text-able, too. I blocked off Jan. 20 in my datebook. Game over. Hooray!
Until Palin came along ...
I’ve started calling her “Sarah Pain.” It’s not mature. I know. But it’s politics! The race is on!
What’s not to love?
By C.A. KELLER
Sun-Gazette Correspondent
Mmm, the election process. Like the Olympics, it comes around every four years, presumably touting the best that our country has to offer. And, like the Olympics, the competition usually involves a fight to the metaphorical death.
You all should be super-excited I avoided making a McCain joke just now.
But it’s a treat, really. An inexhaustible treat that sports a colorful cast of characters and always brings surprises -- plus some really good “Daily Show” jokes. What’s not to love?
Eh? What?
Sarah Palin?
Why yes, I agree! Honestly, the woman makes me see red like none other. It’s quite fitting, actually. And not just me -- my friends too. My grandma. Definitely my mother. And Matt Damon.
It’s a fun club; you should join. If we get twenty people, we’ll make t-shirts.
Seriously though, have you ever seen a politician able to draw such love and rage and also general discussion about life in states that could be foreign countries?
Actually, I feel like it’s happened recently, but my brain has been addled from watching too much cable news. I can’t think! This can’t be Alzheimer’s; I’m 25. It must be the suppressed rage of eight years of ...
Ah. Yes. How do you like that?
I mean, I should be grateful for Palin. She’s inspired some really great work from some of my favorite people, like Tina Fey, and Samantha Bee. Nothing says comedy fodder like a woman who talks like Marge Gunderson -- if she lived in Stepford. And Palin maybe even thinks dinosaurs lived 4,000 years ago! That’s cute, you know?
Like, I want to sit her down, and pat her hand, and say “Sarah, it’s OK you weren’t too good at science -- you have a really cute beehive hairdo and consistently great delivery at the mic. Even Amy Winehouse can’t get that down!”
Of course, if Amy Winehouse gets destructive, she only hurts herself, but whatever, it’s not like Palin’s going to be the second most powerful person in America. A heartbeat away from the presidency, is it? Just the one?
I know: Palin seems innocuous, with her Liz Lemon glasses and her oddly cheeky Alaska “charm.” She hunts moose! The plural of which I always think should be “meese,” but nobody asked me.
Hey, I may be an East Coast chick, but I read “Little House on the Prairie.” Shove it.
Anyway, gratitude: Now that Palin’s here, the race for president feels new again. Fresh. Because the Republicans have found someone, uh, perky? No. Plucky? Give me a second.
Totally terrifying to the elitist left?
Bingo.
But this really puts me in a tight spot. I like being an elitist, guys. And I hate freaking out about things. So you’ve got to understand, this election’s killing me.
I thought we were in the clear, because “the worst we can do is John McCain.” And while the thought of McCain running our country terrorizes many a liberal, I figured, if worse comes to worst, I could deal with it, because I can rationalize. I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the past eight years.
Plus, I totally thought Obama was in. He’s dynamic, historic, inspiring! He’s got a killer wife and cute kids. And, just this spring, he beat Hillary Clinton! It doesn’t get any toughter!
Yeah, until Palin came along, I figured the race was over. The future was concrete in my head. President Obama. BHO, the JFK of Gen Y. Such a nice ring to it ... so text-able, too. I blocked off Jan. 20 in my datebook. Game over. Hooray!
Until Palin came along ...
I’ve started calling her “Sarah Pain.” It’s not mature. I know. But it’s politics! The race is on!
What’s not to love?