[YGO Fic] A New Chapter - Chapter Twenty
※ Pairing - Fragileshipping
※ Warnings - It's one of my older stories.
※ Disclaimer - I obviously don't own it. Yes, the stupid little poem belongs to me. Meh.
[Ryou’s Diary: Entry 315 - Date: December 23rd, 1997 (Age: 11)]
Dear Diary,
Alone I stand in the darkness
Alone I stand in the light
Alone I stand in the middle of a crowd
Alone I stand in the middle of a fight.
Alone I stand when I’m crying
Alone I stand when I’m not
Alone I stand when I’m smiling
Alone I stand when I can’t.
Alone I stand here watching
Alone I stand here and think
Alone I stand here waiting
Alone I stand here and sink.
I wrote this today when I heard Mr. Motou tell Yami to involve me with his friends. Kaiba was there and said that I wasn’t welcome in their group because I was a freak. I had been sitting in the kitchen writing in a small puzzle book and the others were in the living room. Kaiba had purposely said it loud enough so I could hear and they could all see me so they knew I had.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never have friends. I figure I probably did something in my past life so horrific that it has followed me through to this one. With my luck I was probably a tomb robber in ancient Egypt and robbed one of the pharaoh’s tombs, putting this curse on me.
While thinking today (like there was much else to do up in my little room) I thought about before moving here, and then after we had moved and all that had happened. I thought of everyone I had met and everyone that had met me. And I realized a few things.
1. No one has actually met me.
Nobody knows anything about me (Okay, except for Yami who obviously knows I know something about Egypt). I’ve been here for almost four months, and not once has anyone actually talked to me to know who I really am. Sure, there was that incident in Ms. J’s class with my essay about myself but I hadn’t gone into depth.
2. I’ve been thinking about bad things.
The other night I had a nightmare about killing myself. I was seeing it out of my own perspective and I was looking up at everyone from inside a grave. Everyone was there, Yami, Kaiba, Mr. Motou, my father and everyone else. But nobody was crying. They had actually looked quite happy, even my father. And ever since that dream I’ve been having thoughts. Every time I look at a knife I think ‘Now is that sharp enough to sting if I slice my wrists open?’
3. Yami Motou is hot.
Yes, you heard me. He’s hot. I’m gay, we both know it and I’m not going to deny it. It’s not like he’ll ever find out right? I probably wouldn’t live to see my father if he did. Which, come to think of it might not be so bad considering then I wouldn’t have to take the time to actually off myself.
…Sorry, bad thoughts again. I’ve tried my best to keep them out of here because I don’t want to totally make this depressing but it’s hard when your every thought is dark.
- Ryou
※ Warnings - It's one of my older stories.
※ Disclaimer - I obviously don't own it. Yes, the stupid little poem belongs to me. Meh.
[Ryou’s Diary: Entry 315 - Date: December 23rd, 1997 (Age: 11)]
Dear Diary,
Alone I stand in the darkness
Alone I stand in the light
Alone I stand in the middle of a crowd
Alone I stand in the middle of a fight.
Alone I stand when I’m crying
Alone I stand when I’m not
Alone I stand when I’m smiling
Alone I stand when I can’t.
Alone I stand here watching
Alone I stand here and think
Alone I stand here waiting
Alone I stand here and sink.
I wrote this today when I heard Mr. Motou tell Yami to involve me with his friends. Kaiba was there and said that I wasn’t welcome in their group because I was a freak. I had been sitting in the kitchen writing in a small puzzle book and the others were in the living room. Kaiba had purposely said it loud enough so I could hear and they could all see me so they knew I had.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never have friends. I figure I probably did something in my past life so horrific that it has followed me through to this one. With my luck I was probably a tomb robber in ancient Egypt and robbed one of the pharaoh’s tombs, putting this curse on me.
While thinking today (like there was much else to do up in my little room) I thought about before moving here, and then after we had moved and all that had happened. I thought of everyone I had met and everyone that had met me. And I realized a few things.
1. No one has actually met me.
Nobody knows anything about me (Okay, except for Yami who obviously knows I know something about Egypt). I’ve been here for almost four months, and not once has anyone actually talked to me to know who I really am. Sure, there was that incident in Ms. J’s class with my essay about myself but I hadn’t gone into depth.
2. I’ve been thinking about bad things.
The other night I had a nightmare about killing myself. I was seeing it out of my own perspective and I was looking up at everyone from inside a grave. Everyone was there, Yami, Kaiba, Mr. Motou, my father and everyone else. But nobody was crying. They had actually looked quite happy, even my father. And ever since that dream I’ve been having thoughts. Every time I look at a knife I think ‘Now is that sharp enough to sting if I slice my wrists open?’
3. Yami Motou is hot.
Yes, you heard me. He’s hot. I’m gay, we both know it and I’m not going to deny it. It’s not like he’ll ever find out right? I probably wouldn’t live to see my father if he did. Which, come to think of it might not be so bad considering then I wouldn’t have to take the time to actually off myself.
…Sorry, bad thoughts again. I’ve tried my best to keep them out of here because I don’t want to totally make this depressing but it’s hard when your every thought is dark.
- Ryou