Comments | undertoe: It sucks, I know

undertoe

It sucks, I know

Jun 15, 2004 20:02

dormant hearts of the railway by sir nicholas schram ( Read more... )

Comments 7

bachthatthingup June 15 2004, 21:02:02 UTC

wow, this is one of my favorites. i like the mood you captured, with the view from the train...especially in the line "as their broken toys march aboard." you are truly gifted, nick.

eeexish June 15 2004, 22:50:11 UTC

very interesting structre...hi!

undertoe June 15 2004, 22:53:27 UTC

Hi Yi! I'm very tired right now, but thank you for the comment. e. e. cummings is a big influence on my writing, so I like to manipulate structure to add meaning.. I add you, friend. Let's play tennis. Bonk

eeexish June 15 2004, 23:33:05 UTC

haha....tennis...haha. and no. i don't get bonked by tennis balls most of the time...i have my handydandy tennis racket to protect me. lol.
btw is the beginning of ur poem suppose to be a railraod cross? cause it kinda looks like a religious cross.

undertoe June 15 2004, 23:40:09 UTC

It's multiple things, but I felt the waviness of the beginning would help eliminate any religious connotations.

jennitaliaz June 17 2004, 08:53:05 UTC

i like it

that's deep 1_unfixable_sin June 17 2004, 20:00:19 UTC

hey nick! wow that was really good. I didn't know u wrote poems but then again i don't really know too much about u but this part of you i do like. this poem is really complex and most definitely one of the best poems i've heard. e.e. cummings better watch himself :) cuz he's got competition. ( yea i know he's dead but let's just pretend)