Another poem..

[undertoe]

I might edit this one some more... but for now...

breath by sir nicholas schram

Comments

[1_unfixable_sin]

this poem is absolutely amazing. so very interesting. I love it tons :)

[eeexish]

hahahaha....inhale. hahaha. okay.

Comments from Steph ^^

[anonymous]

this reminds me of another one of your poems, Nicky... it's because of the capital letters that spell out a final message. i like this, but im having serious problems commenting on it right now. it makes me think of someone.. someone i care about very much, but cant be with for now. too much emotion clouding my analytical poetry mind (if that makes any sense ^^ ) if nothing else, nicky, know that it has the power to bring about strong feelings. i like the use of "Vivacious." tomorrow when im thinking clearly ill write something abit more .. "useful." ok? sorry nicky... :/

laters,
steph

Re: Comments from Steph ^^

[undertoe]

Thanks Steph! I like hidden messages... they're fun... It's hard to come up with new ideas though, though this one is SLIGHTLY different from the other one. I hope your relationship issues clear up to brighter skies soon!

[1_unfixable_sin]

omg... i think i just found a secret message in that... whoa! wow how creative!!! yay for me! oh and you too :) clever

[jennitaliaz]

i read that a few times, that poem made me sigh, and also feel a little sad, but thats just me. i liked it, it's kind of different but yeah, i really liked it

[undertoe]

I set up somewhat parallel structures between the "your eyes!" stanza and the following stanza to show that they are parallel in the scheme of the poem, and the sort of crescendoing lines in that stanza was meant to put emphasis on certain lines. That first stanza intentionally has less symmetry than the second, too. Perhaps that should shine some light on it. If not, then maybe I'll go back and edit it.