十七 [Video]

[godlessblossom]

[When the video feed turns on the first thing shown is the ceiling. There is movement as a pale arm can be seen, trying to adjust the camera and soon Misaki is in view. She leaves the communicator where it is and walks slowly backwards before kneeling onto the floor. Her hands smooth out her short skirt before she bows, her forehead touching the

Comments

[Video]

[zerosuitjill]

[Her smile's entirely genuine -- but the amusement factor's balanced out by that obvious guilt she sees.] Don't worry about it. That's what I get for getting back late.

[And then a pause, her smile fading some.] You don't have to apologize. You weren't in control of yourself; it's understandable.

[Video]

[godlessblossom]

None the less you have my apologies.

[Video]

[zerosuitjill]

[There's a fleeting look of wanting to argue, but she drops it.]

...Same here. I could have handled it better.

[Video]

[godlessblossom]

I would argue except my head still agrees with you.

[She manages a small smile.]

You did your best to protect yourself. I do not blame you for it.

[Video]

[zerosuitjill]

[A small, slow, and understanding nod.]

How're you feeling? Besides the bruises, anyway.

[Video]

[godlessblossom]

That thing wanted my body working so it took care of basic first aid until I could find somebody to heal me. All I have now is a headache, a lack of sleep, and my emotions. How are you?

[Video]

[zerosuitjill]

Good. At least you don't have any aftereffects on top of it all.

I'll be fine. The injuries were shallow for the most part; nothing I couldn't wrap up myself.

[Video]

[godlessblossom]

That is good to hear. Once again, I am sorry.

[Video | Filtered]

[zerosuitjill]

[Another, gentler head-shake] It's fine. That was the thing inside you fighting me, not you.

[A pause, and then she turns on the private filter -- her eyes momentarily drop as she considers how best to phrase this, but they rise again soon enough.] ...Listen. I know it's easy to blame yourself for what happened -- to think that you could have fought back better, or done something different.

But that... is the kind of guilt that'll just eat you up for as long as you let it. It's not a hole you need to fall into. [Her next smile is smaller, a little distracted and forced.] Trust me -- I know there wasn't anything you could do once it had control. It's not your fault.

[Video | Filtered]

[godlessblossom]

[Oh god Jill why? She looks down, trying to hide her face again.]

No. There was more I could have done. If I had been stronger, if I had accepted certain aspects of myself and built them up instead of running from them, I could have at least hurt you and Mitsuru less. This is not unnecessary blaming. I do not often do that. I was weak and those I care about suffered from the consequences. I will get over these feelings and move on. However I cannot act like they do not exist.

[Video | Filtered]

[zerosuitjill]

[She listens patiently, without interrupting, and again she's slow to answer, her tone thoughtful and considerate.]

...We're only human, Misaki. We don't always know about the kinds of things we'll be put through; that said, we can't always prepare for them. Sometimes we're lucky, and the things we need -- the voice we need to hear to wake us up is there for us. Sometimes it isn't.

I'm sure you'll eventually move on, like you say -- and I agree it isn't healthy to try and smother those feelings completely. But even if you couldn't stop yourself in time, don't let that overshadow the fact that you tried. If you'd given up without even fighting, that'd be another story.

[Video | Filtered]

[godlessblossom]

[She nods even though the look on her face says she will continue disliking herself a little while longer before entirely accepting Jill's words.]

I understand.

[Video | Filtered]

[zerosuitjill]

[She knows that look all too well -- she has to, considering it's a look she wears frequently herself lately when no one's looking.

Still, Jill just nods again.]

Sorry if it sounds like I'm lecturing... but I'm always here if you want to talk.

[Video | Filtered]

[godlessblossom]

[She manages a small smile.]

Thank you, Jill. I do appreciate that.

[Video | Filtered]

[zerosuitjill]

Anytime.