(no subject)
I was cramming writing my entry for snarry_ldws when my fingers went crazy & started typing something else:
(ok, this includes nudity, not descriptive but someone is naked here)
"3 a.m. & I am still out & about."
The last time I had used out & about, the person I was texting had asked what that meant. My first reaction was: How can you not know what it means? My second was: Thank God I was raised in a highschool where English was emphasized. My third was to ridicule him but at that time, I hadn't been with anyone who could share a cruel laugh with me.
Yes, it was cruel of me to want to mock him. My companion seems to think so as well when I share him this anecdote.
We share a couple of toasts (to beer & chicken spare parts & Filipino ingenuity) before we call it a night.
("Morning," I correct him. "We call it morning at this time." He laughs.
"No, we call it the devil's hour!")
Don't tell anyone this, but I am naked.
It's 3.30 a.m. & the most I can do is be naked. Don't worry, I'm all alone. He tried to invite himself in but I told him I was going to mass in five hours & should therefore, not be kept up all night.
("It's morning," he tells me.
"No, it's the devil's hour," I correct him. "& since I do not support the devil, I try not to be productive during his hours.")
I must have shown my disinterest in my face, in my voice because he gets that I do not want to have sex. Something in his expression changes & as he says his good night, I know that it actually means good bye. Whatever. I did my part by slamming the door while he was still talking.
But the point is:
I am naked.
Because I'm not really going to mass in five hours, I'm not really going to have sex & my neighbors are asleep. I open the sliding door leading to the balcony & sit on one of the garden chairs I'd bought. It came in a set, did I tell you? Four chairs & a round table, with an ashtray. How thoughtful except I don't smoke. Not anymore.
Not when I'm naked. I don't want to burn myself.
The wind is cool to the skin, more so that there's no clothing to get in the way. It gets strong though & my hair gets in the way of my face. I tuck it behind my ears. Sometimes, being naked isn't enough. Sometimes, I want to shave my hair too because then, it would be cool all over.
I'm not crazy, just practical.
I want to fall asleep here but even I know that people just don't dig waking up to find their neighbor sans clothes (Their kids would point & ask, "Saan clothes niya?"). I move inside, making sure I close & lock the door.
Now what?
Now I ask a god to care for me/as I lay me down to sleep, yadda. That came from a poem right? Or a prayer, something. I haven't thought about religion in years, if you want my honesty. Unless you count the mass excuse I gave.
I don't want to sleep on my bed; the bedsheets aren't cool like the wind. I walk around the apartment, half blined by sleep, treading slowly because my eyes are closed at this point & I don't want to stub my toes.
I could just...
...stand here. Sleep.
Hmm..
It's noon. Probably. I'm lying down on the tiled floor, staring at the sunlight that filter through the open blinds. I woke up to find myself here, with nothing on. At first I had panicked: Why am I naked? I had cupped my breasts, expecting the imprints of some demon's hands. My heart's pace quickened, I had wanted to vomit.
But no, no, I had reassured myself. I'm all alone, I'm all alone.
Alone. Thirsty, based on my dry lips & parched throat. Hungry based on the low rumblings coming from my stomach. I couldn't even groan my discomfort. Nor could I find the strength to get up & pour myself a glass of water. Pour a glass of water on myself I mean. I reek of Red Horse & sweat.
I had drifted into sleep, only to be woken up by someone knocking on my door. The doorbell had been rung a couple of times followed by silence. I had almost gone back to sleep when the phone rang, causing my heart to nearly jump to my throat.
One ring. Second ring. Third ring. Ring, ring, rriiiiingg, RRRRIII---
Silence.
Since then, I've been watching the sunlight filter in my apartment. My stomach rumbles. Oh, yes. I've also contemplated if dying by starvation was an option. It probably was but I didn't want to be found naked.
Besides, I need a bath. I'm going out for drinks tonight & I don't want to smell/look like I've just been drinking the night before.
(ok, this includes nudity, not descriptive but someone is naked here)
"3 a.m. & I am still out & about."
The last time I had used out & about, the person I was texting had asked what that meant. My first reaction was: How can you not know what it means? My second was: Thank God I was raised in a highschool where English was emphasized. My third was to ridicule him but at that time, I hadn't been with anyone who could share a cruel laugh with me.
Yes, it was cruel of me to want to mock him. My companion seems to think so as well when I share him this anecdote.
We share a couple of toasts (to beer & chicken spare parts & Filipino ingenuity) before we call it a night.
("Morning," I correct him. "We call it morning at this time." He laughs.
"No, we call it the devil's hour!")
Don't tell anyone this, but I am naked.
It's 3.30 a.m. & the most I can do is be naked. Don't worry, I'm all alone. He tried to invite himself in but I told him I was going to mass in five hours & should therefore, not be kept up all night.
("It's morning," he tells me.
"No, it's the devil's hour," I correct him. "& since I do not support the devil, I try not to be productive during his hours.")
I must have shown my disinterest in my face, in my voice because he gets that I do not want to have sex. Something in his expression changes & as he says his good night, I know that it actually means good bye. Whatever. I did my part by slamming the door while he was still talking.
But the point is:
I am naked.
Because I'm not really going to mass in five hours, I'm not really going to have sex & my neighbors are asleep. I open the sliding door leading to the balcony & sit on one of the garden chairs I'd bought. It came in a set, did I tell you? Four chairs & a round table, with an ashtray. How thoughtful except I don't smoke. Not anymore.
Not when I'm naked. I don't want to burn myself.
The wind is cool to the skin, more so that there's no clothing to get in the way. It gets strong though & my hair gets in the way of my face. I tuck it behind my ears. Sometimes, being naked isn't enough. Sometimes, I want to shave my hair too because then, it would be cool all over.
I'm not crazy, just practical.
I want to fall asleep here but even I know that people just don't dig waking up to find their neighbor sans clothes (Their kids would point & ask, "Saan clothes niya?"). I move inside, making sure I close & lock the door.
Now what?
Now I ask a god to care for me/as I lay me down to sleep, yadda. That came from a poem right? Or a prayer, something. I haven't thought about religion in years, if you want my honesty. Unless you count the mass excuse I gave.
I don't want to sleep on my bed; the bedsheets aren't cool like the wind. I walk around the apartment, half blined by sleep, treading slowly because my eyes are closed at this point & I don't want to stub my toes.
I could just...
...stand here. Sleep.
Hmm..
It's noon. Probably. I'm lying down on the tiled floor, staring at the sunlight that filter through the open blinds. I woke up to find myself here, with nothing on. At first I had panicked: Why am I naked? I had cupped my breasts, expecting the imprints of some demon's hands. My heart's pace quickened, I had wanted to vomit.
But no, no, I had reassured myself. I'm all alone, I'm all alone.
Alone. Thirsty, based on my dry lips & parched throat. Hungry based on the low rumblings coming from my stomach. I couldn't even groan my discomfort. Nor could I find the strength to get up & pour myself a glass of water. Pour a glass of water on myself I mean. I reek of Red Horse & sweat.
I had drifted into sleep, only to be woken up by someone knocking on my door. The doorbell had been rung a couple of times followed by silence. I had almost gone back to sleep when the phone rang, causing my heart to nearly jump to my throat.
One ring. Second ring. Third ring. Ring, ring, rriiiiingg, RRRRIII---
Silence.
Since then, I've been watching the sunlight filter in my apartment. My stomach rumbles. Oh, yes. I've also contemplated if dying by starvation was an option. It probably was but I didn't want to be found naked.
Besides, I need a bath. I'm going out for drinks tonight & I don't want to smell/look like I've just been drinking the night before.