Gilded Cage
Title: Gilded Cage
Author: undying_desire
Pairing: GTOP Seunghyun/Jiyong
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Genre: one shot, fluff, angst
Summary: Seunghyun comes to realize that we can ever truly know a person.
Disclaimer: I don't own the members of Big Bang (as much as I wish I did.)
Seunghyun had begun to notice many things about Leader Kwon since his trainee days with YG Entertainment. The leader had a smile that would bring rays of sunlight into the room on even the gloomiest of days. Everyone of Big Bang's other five trainees would feed off the energy which radiated from their personal sun.
Seunghyun noticed Jiyong was passionate about music. The younger boy would spend hours at a time decorating pages upon pages of his notebook with lyrics. The pages were truly a beautiful disaster. Drawings to help Jiyong think filled the margins. Words were crossed, scribbled, and x-ed out on nearly every line. Arrows pointed from one line to the next as he rearranged his thoughts. Passion for music filled him. Constantly, Jiyong would stay up until the early morning hours or fall asleep with a chewed pencil in hand and head, covered with silky strands of brown, resting upon the scribbled words.
Seunghyun noticed the beautiful siren song that accompanied Jiyong's voice. He didn't even need to be singing to gain the attention of everyone in the room. As soon as a single syllable left the leader's lips, whether chapped or glistening with water which he had just drunk, there would not be another sound until Jiyong had finished speaking. The song of a siren, deadly to those who listen to its call. Seunghyun was frightened by the jagged shore this siren was drawing him towards. After listening to the sweet voice in the recording studio singing a love song, which had been slaved over through sleepless nights, Seunghyun knew that he would not be able to turn back.
Seunghyun noticed that Jiyong could dance. Perhaps he wasn't the beast dancer of Big Bang, but the way he seductively swayed his all too feminine hips, tilted his head to reveal his neck, tossed his bangs from his mesmerizing eyes, all that made Jiyong the most beautiful dancer to Seunghyun. Sure he might not have had the perfect moves, but when he danced anyone could see the music coursing through his veins. He would dance to hone his skills; dance until he could hardly stand.
Seunghyun noticed that when Jiyong returned from the studio he would nearly collapse onto his bed, occasionally on Seunghyun's bed if the leader was too tired to make the trip to his own room. When the rapper found the singer in his room, Seunghyun would gaze at the way the dim light from the moon shone onto Ji's face, accentuating his features and creating a halo of light for the angel. He wondered just why this boy was so interesting to him. Maybe it was the passion with which Ji did everything that intrigued Seunghyun so much. Somehow, though, Seunghyun knew the real reason that kept his eyes glued to the multi-talented leader, that made his heart race when the boy met his eyes, was deeper than a simple idolization.
One night, on a night Ji was particularly late at returning home, Seunghyun opened the singer's sacred journal of lyrics. He flipped to the last page which was written on, same as he did with books just to spoil the ending.
The first entry was not in the form of a prose. Seunghyun read over the words slowly, suddenly feeling like he was invading a much too personal space. In scrawled handwriting, Ji expressed his pent up emotions. Ji mentioned the constant media headlines, always searching for a new G-Dragon scandal. He noted the anti-fans. The mood slowly darkened. He spoke of his passion for music. The passion he felt was slowly dying. Darkening still. Ji talked about when he was a boy and singing, dancing, and rapping were all just done for fun, when he was Jiyong to the few people that knew him, not G-Dragon tot he world. Then, Ji spoke of when he loved music. When he loved writing. When he could be himself. Love himself. When he could love. When he felt no fear. When love wasn't accompanied by fear.
Second entry. Slowly written in clearly legible writing. A song without notes. A poem.
Gilded Cage
Kwon Jiyong
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect her him her this way.
These feelings never to be expressed
Else the world become a judge
Putting everything we have she has worked for to the test.
I know that this is for the best
Even though it pains me I can only tell her certain things
Leaving out the rest
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect her this way.
One thing of which I am aware
To keep the key forever lost I must leave
Before I find someone who cares
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect him this way.
I will protect the true poet this way.
I will project my love the world's rapper this way
With emotion, passion, love locked in the gilded cage.
A teardrop splattered on the page.
* * *
The heaven's weren't crying like Seunghyun had seen happen so often in movies. The sun was shinning more brightly than ever in the cloudless pure blue sky. He could imagine Jiyong's smile fueling the sun.
It had been four days since he had entered the recording studio. Forever With You was playing on a loop. Jiyong's voice had echoed in his ears saying "don't cry." Thinking back, Seunghyun couldn't believe he heard the lyrics over how loudly he was screaming. Ji was in the back of the studio, slumped against the wall. Seunghyun thought Ji must have been an angel because only an angel could look so peaceful and beautiful and lifeless at the same time. A small pocket knife lay beside the singer in the growing puddle of red. Seunghyun shook him, hugged him, repeated his love for him in hopes to somehow pull Jiyong's soul back to its body.
Seunghyun shook the painful images from his head and stepped towards the coffin. Tears brimmed his eyes.
Seunghyun had noticed his feelings for Ji and Ji had left without noticing a thing.
As he tossed the sunflowers and Forget-me-nots down to the coffin, finally, Seunghyun noticed that sometimes we just don't notice enough, or maybe we just noticed a bit too late. After all it is hard to notice something which is so tightly locked away in the heart's gilded cage.
Author: undying_desire
Pairing: GTOP Seunghyun/Jiyong
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Genre: one shot, fluff, angst
Summary: Seunghyun comes to realize that we can ever truly know a person.
Disclaimer: I don't own the members of Big Bang (as much as I wish I did.)
Seunghyun had begun to notice many things about Leader Kwon since his trainee days with YG Entertainment. The leader had a smile that would bring rays of sunlight into the room on even the gloomiest of days. Everyone of Big Bang's other five trainees would feed off the energy which radiated from their personal sun.
Seunghyun noticed Jiyong was passionate about music. The younger boy would spend hours at a time decorating pages upon pages of his notebook with lyrics. The pages were truly a beautiful disaster. Drawings to help Jiyong think filled the margins. Words were crossed, scribbled, and x-ed out on nearly every line. Arrows pointed from one line to the next as he rearranged his thoughts. Passion for music filled him. Constantly, Jiyong would stay up until the early morning hours or fall asleep with a chewed pencil in hand and head, covered with silky strands of brown, resting upon the scribbled words.
Seunghyun noticed the beautiful siren song that accompanied Jiyong's voice. He didn't even need to be singing to gain the attention of everyone in the room. As soon as a single syllable left the leader's lips, whether chapped or glistening with water which he had just drunk, there would not be another sound until Jiyong had finished speaking. The song of a siren, deadly to those who listen to its call. Seunghyun was frightened by the jagged shore this siren was drawing him towards. After listening to the sweet voice in the recording studio singing a love song, which had been slaved over through sleepless nights, Seunghyun knew that he would not be able to turn back.
Seunghyun noticed that Jiyong could dance. Perhaps he wasn't the beast dancer of Big Bang, but the way he seductively swayed his all too feminine hips, tilted his head to reveal his neck, tossed his bangs from his mesmerizing eyes, all that made Jiyong the most beautiful dancer to Seunghyun. Sure he might not have had the perfect moves, but when he danced anyone could see the music coursing through his veins. He would dance to hone his skills; dance until he could hardly stand.
Seunghyun noticed that when Jiyong returned from the studio he would nearly collapse onto his bed, occasionally on Seunghyun's bed if the leader was too tired to make the trip to his own room. When the rapper found the singer in his room, Seunghyun would gaze at the way the dim light from the moon shone onto Ji's face, accentuating his features and creating a halo of light for the angel. He wondered just why this boy was so interesting to him. Maybe it was the passion with which Ji did everything that intrigued Seunghyun so much. Somehow, though, Seunghyun knew the real reason that kept his eyes glued to the multi-talented leader, that made his heart race when the boy met his eyes, was deeper than a simple idolization.
One night, on a night Ji was particularly late at returning home, Seunghyun opened the singer's sacred journal of lyrics. He flipped to the last page which was written on, same as he did with books just to spoil the ending.
The first entry was not in the form of a prose. Seunghyun read over the words slowly, suddenly feeling like he was invading a much too personal space. In scrawled handwriting, Ji expressed his pent up emotions. Ji mentioned the constant media headlines, always searching for a new G-Dragon scandal. He noted the anti-fans. The mood slowly darkened. He spoke of his passion for music. The passion he felt was slowly dying. Darkening still. Ji talked about when he was a boy and singing, dancing, and rapping were all just done for fun, when he was Jiyong to the few people that knew him, not G-Dragon tot he world. Then, Ji spoke of when he loved music. When he loved writing. When he could be himself. Love himself. When he could love. When he felt no fear. When love wasn't accompanied by fear.
Second entry. Slowly written in clearly legible writing. A song without notes. A poem.
Gilded Cage
Kwon Jiyong
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect her him her this way.
These feelings never to be expressed
Else the world become a judge
Putting everything we have she has worked for to the test.
I know that this is for the best
Even though it pains me I can only tell her certain things
Leaving out the rest
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect her this way.
One thing of which I am aware
To keep the key forever lost I must leave
Before I find someone who cares
Feelings forever filed away,
Stored inside my heart's cage
I will protect him this way.
I will protect the true poet this way.
I will project my love the world's rapper this way
With emotion, passion, love locked in the gilded cage.
A teardrop splattered on the page.
* * *
The heaven's weren't crying like Seunghyun had seen happen so often in movies. The sun was shinning more brightly than ever in the cloudless pure blue sky. He could imagine Jiyong's smile fueling the sun.
It had been four days since he had entered the recording studio. Forever With You was playing on a loop. Jiyong's voice had echoed in his ears saying "don't cry." Thinking back, Seunghyun couldn't believe he heard the lyrics over how loudly he was screaming. Ji was in the back of the studio, slumped against the wall. Seunghyun thought Ji must have been an angel because only an angel could look so peaceful and beautiful and lifeless at the same time. A small pocket knife lay beside the singer in the growing puddle of red. Seunghyun shook him, hugged him, repeated his love for him in hopes to somehow pull Jiyong's soul back to its body.
Seunghyun shook the painful images from his head and stepped towards the coffin. Tears brimmed his eyes.
Seunghyun had noticed his feelings for Ji and Ji had left without noticing a thing.
As he tossed the sunflowers and Forget-me-nots down to the coffin, finally, Seunghyun noticed that sometimes we just don't notice enough, or maybe we just noticed a bit too late. After all it is hard to notice something which is so tightly locked away in the heart's gilded cage.